As we celebrate the advances we all made as women, and gear up to “make it happen” and achieve gender equality by 2030, we take a look at the news that reminded us of the importance of women’s contributions, gave us tips to do better as women, and made us feel all fuzzy around this week:
Forbes came out this week with its listing of the richest women in the world 2015, and women beat another record, with 197 out of 1,826 billionaires being women this year, up from 172 in 2014. The Root also shares with us its list of the richest black women in 2015;
Speaking of records, Fortune writes about Toyota promoting its first woman to top post;
In beautiful news this week, The Drum reveals Cannes Lions debuted a gender stereotype subversion award called the Glass Lion, which Cindy Gallop will judge;
In a sobering wake-up call, NPR alerts us to the fact younger women tend to hesitate to say they’ve having a heart attack;
In other sobering news, Futurity confirms bias adds an extra hurdle for women entrepreneurs
Fast Company introduces us to the entrepreneur who is fighting gender stereotypes in combat sports;
In a poignant Fortune article, Power to Fly co-founder Katharine Zaleski apologizes to all working mothers for treating them pearly before she had a child of her own, and oh do we appreciate her candor;
I loved this HuffPost Black Voices article headlining young girls proving just how phenomenal they are with an awesome tribute to Maya Angelou;
If you’re looking for a job this year, Forbes has a list of 10 great companies for women in 2015;
In interesting news, Elle writes about the “average Barbie’s” latest appeal to embrace our imperfections, stretch marks and all;
In other inspirational news, Levo shares with us 15 career tips from our favorite #girlbosses;
Speaking of Girl Inspiration, this Huffington Post article reiterates women have incredible power to affect change, whether we know it or not, while quoting this study showing how girls and boys are stacking up in school worldwide;
CNN takes a look at how drugs are stifling women’s emotions, and it’s not pretty;
The New York Times celebrates the 5 “Colored Girls” who dared to take a seat among the political elite.
Please enjoy this Women on Top short documentary from Hello Beautiful:
Potty Training – Photo credit: http://2.bp.blogspot.com
We’re currently in the throes of potty training our last one. If you’ve ever tried potty training a two-year old who has no idea why you’d want them to sit on an open bowl, or separate from anything coming from their own bodies, including their own feces, you know this is closer to boot camp than tea time. A great manager of mine, who at the time was also going through the fun of potty training, wisely said to me: “It’s like good management, you’ve got to learn to get the worst out of people before you can get the best.” Back then, it made me smile, this past week-end, it made me seriously question my management skills as I insistently interrogated my toddler “Baby, is this poop or chocolate?”
The average age for potty training around the world is 23 months, allegedly (not in my household, but anyhow…). Most children will be fully trained within three to six months, and 98% of kids are potty trained by age 3. Despite such statistics, the long-lasting psychological effects of potty training, mostly know through Freud’s theories, can last a lifetime, and can be especially challenging for complex or special-needs personalities. This is all to say it just doesn’t happen overnight, and requires some attention, discipline, and careful handling of individual personalities. Just like good management…
Good management requires knowing who you’re working with: Listen, not every kid is the same, and not every employee is the same. I was dealt some beautifully challenging little people, who have to know the why’s and how’s of potty training inside out. Why do I have to poop in the toilet? What’s that (must we answer)? Why YOU don’t sit on the potty? The same goes for each and everyone of us at work. Some of us want to understand the why of everything, others could care less, others want to know the most efficient (and faster) way to do things, other will ponder on details all day every day. Bottom line: we’re all different, to get the best out of people, you’ve got to know who they are and how they work best. Period.
It’s about helping others succeed: That means understanding what’s standing in their way, and helping them remove their own roadblocks. What it does NOT mean is imposing roadblocks, and ensuing punishment, on individuals who are simply trying to do their best. In psychoanalytical terms, Freud would have called this “anal retentive” behavior, in reference to a child being punished during potty training, in turn becoming stubborn and overly orderly. It’s about helping here, not hindering.
Leading by example is key: I had to sit on the toilet next to my little one for hours on end to show my support to the process. Half of it was bonding time, the other half had my bum painfully asleep. Yet it was necessary. Managers who lead from afar are ineffective and intimidating. The real winners are those who get in the trenches with their teams, get dirty and help get the job done. Period.
Good managers are ok with being vulnerable: We’ve been taught in order to make it, especially in the harsh, “beat or get beaten” corporate world, we must be tough. Especially when it comes to women at work, showing vulnerability is a big no-no. You can’t get mad at work, you definitely can’t cry at work, lest your whole career is drowned in a stream of sorry tears. In other words, keep your emotions shoved inside, plaster a big smile on your face, and get to work! Right? Wrong…Good managers, actually great managers, use their emotions as a competitive advantage for their team, and are willing to open up and be seen. In the book “Daring Greatly“, Dr. Brene Brown confirms “there can be no innovation without vulnerability”. No wonder we’re sorely lacking in better businesses…
Last but not least, sharing is caring! Part of our potty training ritual at home consists in showing we care, and sharing what we’ve learned and what we’ve really sucked at. That is, the good, the bad, the ugly, and a good lollipop to reward good effort. Good managers share information, instead of hoarding it for fear of letting go of their competitive advantage (which it never was meant to be). Passing on knowledge and best practices is the foundation of leadership.
Maybe we should all return to the basics. Now back to my interrogation session: “Baby, tell mommy, is it poop or chocolate? (oh, it better be chocolate)…
I’ve had to address many a difficult situation with co-workers. From dealing with control freaks to putting up with abuse at work literally, finding the courage, and the right tone to address challenging inter-personal situations at work can be a challenge, a big one at that…
As women at work especially, the pressure to conform and fit in can be particularly daunting. Attempts at challenging the status quo, or even simply standing for ourselves, are most often shut down and denied any value. As minority women especially, the “angry black woman” stereotype is not only damaging to our careers, but also to our psyches (and not even the Shonda Rhimes of this world are spared the insulting comparison). Yet as difficult as these situations may be, there are tips to handle conflicting, difficult situations with co-workers at work:
1. Pick the right time and place! There’s a time and place for everything. Addressing a difficult situation, especially at work, requires extensive dexterity and diplomacy. You don’t want to put yourself in an even more difficult situation. Pick a time and place where you are comfortable, preferably a private, one-on-one setting.
2.Whatever you’re going to say, write it out first! We are emotional creatures, especially as women, and there’s nothing wrong with it. I actually happen to think we can turn our emotions into competitive advantage. Yet in order to channel our emotions in a constructive way, we must learn to control them. One great way to do so is to prepare for confrontation. Write down your arguments, and read them aloud to yourself before meeting with your co-worker, colleague or boss. Ensure they sound constructive and not damaging, and that they help better the situation at hand. And of course, let it be your truth!
3. Take a deep breath! Confronting a difficult situation at work is far from being easy. It’s our jobs we’re talking about after all, our livelihood. It’s normal to feel apprehensive, even a bit fearful of confrontation at work. So take a deep breath, get hydrated, stop questioning yourself, and believe it is all going to work out for the best!
4. Avoid the blame game! As much as you may have many a reason to blame the other party, don’t feed into a back-and-forth type of conversation. Express what you feel, use specific examples, and offer solutions! A good example of a conversation starter in this case would be: ” I appreciate your feedback and leadership, and am grateful for it. However, I do feel that when you address me in an elevated tone of voice, it creates a difficult atmosphere to work in and prevents us from communicating effectively. An example would be when….” And remember to balance each negative with a positive!
5. Back yourself up! Now that you have decided to confront a difficult situation, colleague or boss, be prepared for repercussions. As much as any workplace forbids retaliation or repercussions of any kind, there are informal undercurrents of it that happen at work every day. Stay optimistic as to the outcome of the conversation, yet do not be blind to the possibility that you may now have to watch your back and defend yourself. Make sure your superior is aware of the discussion that occurred. If necessary, depending on the gravity of the situation, document it formally. You may even want to go one step further and alert Human Resources if the situation requires it. In any case, maintain evidence of what happened, in case you need to provide it later.
Have you had to confront a difficult situation at work? How did you go about it?
Happy Sunday! I hope everyone is having a wonderful week-end. Dear hubby, the kids and I came down to New York for the week-end to visit our in-laws and show the little ones all the City decorations. Seeing all the Christmas lights, ornaments, and feeling the contagious excitement of the City turned us all back into giggly, wonder-filled eyed children. New York is really magic, and as we’re getting ready to say good-bye, here’s a quick snap at the news that made this week:
The Root reports thousands of protesters walked in the “Justice for All” march in Washington DC on Saturday to protest the deaths of unarmed Black men at the hands of police, while Black Enterprise writes about congressional staffers walking out of their jobs on Thursday to show support against the injustice of the recent Grand Jury decisions around the deaths of Michael Brown and Eric Garner. Here in New York, during our visit, we witnessed thousands marching to protest police violence, as reported by the New York Times. It’s time for change, good, positive change, people;
Speaking of Human Rights, last Wednesday, december 10th, was Human Rights Day: MAKERS shares with us this inspirational video about Malika Saada Saar’s organization’s work to make women’s lives easier;
As an “emotions” expert myself, I was oh so glad to read this Business Insider article confirming people who are good at recognizing emotions make more money;
For all the creatives out there, Fast Company provides tips as to what we need to do to preserve our work (great tips);
Speaking of office holiday parties, Daily Worth is right on the money with these tips on how to get through work with a hangover (yes, it happens, people!);
Getting ready to start the New Year on an ambitious note? The Muse offers three tips to apply for the job when you don’t meet the requirements;
Dice advises you as to how to explain your technical skills to HR, while Youtern gives you 4 ways to stay motivated during the holiday job search;
This TribLive article just made me beam all the way to my heels, as it finally acknowledges according to a French study (of course it had to be French), women in high heels have power over men (silent clap);
Upworthy writes about one of my favorite successful woman giving simple advice to women in business (Don’t give a sh*t), and I couldn’t agree more;
As we’re getting ready to bid farewell to 2014, Huffington Post reminds us of the 29 best moments for women in 2014;
Want to be more productive? The Week tells you to focus on happiness (yup, be happy!).
Have you ever found yourself helplessly complaining about your manager’s unfair micro-management at work? Or the latest corporate policy? Or even your overly competitive co-workers? For years in my career, I’ve complained over and over again, if only to myself, about things I didn’t like, policies that left me baffled and attitudes I could not comprehend. Even as I stepped into new, better situations, small things would trigger old emotions I thought were buried away, dragging me back into old self-victimizing patterns.
As described in Psychology Today, “learned helplessness is an attitude of giving up when we face adversity.” Every time we complain of the world we perceive as unfair, we position ourselves as victims. And the more we feed into this “learned helplessness”, the poorer our performance and our health.
And this is also how we continuously keep giving your power at work, damaging ourselves and our careers in the process. Instead, striving to ask ourselves and others to figure out how to discover new solutions and possibilities can make us more successful, happier and healthier!
What can I do to better this situation? What are my options in the face of professional uncertainty? Should I begin looking for a new job? What are tangible ways to improve my performance? All these are questions to help us see beyond adversity, and give us the one thing that will restore our power at work and in life…It’s called hope!
How do you keep yourself from giving away your power at work?
