by Solange Lopes | Sep 8, 2014 | Career
thanks, but no thanks – Photo credit: alps411.com
Thanks, but no thanks! There are many instance when declining a colleague’s lunch or coffee offer is really what we want to do. But instead, we begrudgingly put on a brave face, head to the next ATM, and proceed to buy that lunch or coffee we really didn’t need…
After all, alienating colleagues is never a good idea. And looking like a cheapo or a solitary recluse, not so much… So how does one say “thanks but no thanks” at work:
1. Be honest! If you’re saving to buy a home or pay off your debt, be honest about it. Your co-workers will not only understand, they will be inspired too!
2. Do make time to be social at work! While you can skip some of the expensive lunches or Starbucks Coffee breaks, don’t make it a constant! Do invest some time building relationships with your boss and co-workers…even if you have to opt for the $7.99 salad instead!
3. Don’t ditch the boss! If you have to pick and choose, refrain from ditching the boss on a lunch date! Not that you have to kiss anyone’s b…, but you may miss out on invaluable opportunities to network upwards.
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 6, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Mommy, Why you didn’t tell me – Photo credit: jiyobefikarwomen.com
My mother always worked. She was always the busy, well-dressed career woman climbing down her high heels after work to rush into the kitchen and fix us a hot plate. It’s through her that I learnt the meaning of work, and all that being a career woman represents. From the struggles to get promoted, to the unsuccessful yet hurtful sexual harassment attempts from male colleagues and superiors, not to mention the passive aggressiveness of fellow women at work. I saw it all, absorbed it all, and…wished it all upon myself…Except my experience was going to be better, easier and much, much more successful…After all, doesn’t each generation make better, more informed decisions? And aren’t women progressing so much more now than before?
Yet, what I didn’t realize, as I gathered all my hopes for career and life success, is that I may have missed an important part of the picture. The internal part. That secret, inside part of every woman’s struggles, that unfortunately we tend to shield our children, and especially our daughters from. I missed the down, dirty truth about what my mother really felt about her career and life…
Until I faced my own struggles at work, gave birth to my first child and witnessed the death of my most profoundly ingrained beliefs and assumptions about life. Until I asked my mother what the heck was happening, and she finally told me about it all…All of it…
All of it, from the exhilarating feeling of achievements, to the fear to disappoint, the gut-wrenching pain at leaving our children to get back to work, the push and pull between tradition and modernism, family and work, ourselves and everyone else. When the strong facade fell, and words of wisdom, pain and ultimately victory, started rolling, I understood and started forgiving myself…
Are we telling our daughters the truth about being a woman at work and in life? Or would we rather shield them under covers of private education and women’s empowerment speeches, leaving them to fend for themselves when reality hits? And does it hit hard…
Mommy, why didn’t you tell me it was ok to choose myself? Why didn’t you say having children would be considered a career mistake? Why did you shield me from the realization that it was going to be hard but oh so rewarding? Why, why, why….
It may be time to start telling…
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 3, 2014 | Career
Photo credit: newsone.cM
Happy Wednesday!
I’m an unapologetic perfectionist. Whenever I received a bad grade in school, I would cry, pout and ultimately deflect the blame on something or someone else. Fast forward a few years, I still cry and pout at a not-so-good work review, except I don’t like to smear my mascara so instead I tend to focus more on deflecting the blame on circumstances, people or lack of chocolate. And it’s something I’m not proud of, and am learning to do away with…but chocolate and self-victimization are hard addictions to break…
In the midst of all the talks about gender parity at work, and women’s rights in general, it may seem women are labeled as victims in the workplace from the start. And considering the difficulties and pressures faced by many a woman in the workplace, it would be easy for us to play the victim card at work. After all, the professional obstacles we face are unique, considering the pressures of family, children and work both traditionally and in modern society. Folding our hands and blaming our declining performance on circumstances, a bad boss or a toxic, unsupportive environment at work wouldn’t exactly be such a stretch of the unfortunate and difficult reality….
Yet, as many of us have learned, it only offers a temporary fix to a permanent problem. Very often, whining and moaning behind people’s backs, responding with procrastination and disguised humor as a way to perpetuate this constant victim’s mentality only brings our performance and the way we’re perceived further down. Instead, there are ways to reframe our victim mentalities into a proactive, effective way to address challenges at work:
1. Learn to say no! People who perceive themselves as victims tend to also be people pleasers. As women, many of us were raised to conform to certain societal expectations, and whether directly or indirectly, please others. While we may be able to wage the toughest life battles, the simple act of saying NO may seem insurmountable. I know it seems so to me in many a situation, but it’s slowly becoming one of my favorite words…
2. Buy yourself some time and space! Understanding and dealing with a difficult situation at work in an effective manner requires time and space. To avoid the temptation to deflect blame and falling into the victim trap, step away, take the time and space to rethink the situation and come up with solutions, rather than blame…
3.Use the power of Choice! Whenever possible, get ahead of negative situations by choosing the outcome! Decide that you’ll be prepared enough, assertive enough to successfully complete a project. Choose to set your own successful terms and boundaries, at work and in life.
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 31, 2014 | Career
Weekly news update – Photo credit: nerysparry.com
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Happy Sunday! Hope everyone is enjoying this long week-end, and hopefully having a lazy Sunday morning…No lazy Sunday mornings on my side of the blogosphere (Dear Daughter and Dear Son never grasped the concept), but beyond the early morning cries for sugary drinks and candy, I’m thankful for another day, and another warm, strong cup of joe…And for our weekly news update:
- Last Tuesday was #Women’s Equality Day, and the Huffington Post reminded us of all the things we couldn’t do in 1971 that we can do today, and some we still can’t do (like getting equal pay for equal work…hummm….), while confirming that women are losing $18,000 a year due to income inequality (let’s not quantify this in shoes);
- And while we women are celebrating our wins (and acknowledging how much work there still is to do), Women’s e-news writes that men also share the fruits of Women’s Equality Day;
- Speaking of equality, the Harvard Biz Review takes an honest look at how men and women differ when applying for jobs;
- Who else than Beyonce to embody Girl Power? Well, my favorite political duo Danielle and Aisha Moodie-Mills of the weekly politics and pop culture show Politiny, use Beyonce’s songs and lyrics to talk women’s pay equity in the Grio (a must-watch!);
- It’s back to college time, and the Washington Post lists the college majors most and least likely to lead to under-employment, while the Huffington Post tips us off on 5 everyday ways college students can save;
- And speaking of college, The Guardian has an interesting perspective on whether you should study something you love or something that will get you a job;
- I’m a happy naturalista, and since I’m always looking for quick and elegant ways to do my hair, I really enjoyed this post from Curly Nikki on 6 buns to get you to class (or work) in a fast and stylish way;
- In personal news, one of my favorite anchors Tamron Hall discusses why professional women do not need to have kids to care;
- As you’re sipping on your
second third cup of joe this morning, did you know there are scientifically-backed optimal times to drink your coffee during the day?;
- Last but not least, The Corporate Sister thinks it’s OK not to know what you want (but still work at it), while questioning if it’s OK to share personal problems at work. And if it’s too much to think about, then some good work fashion can always lighten the day, as suggested here, here, and oh here too…
Happy Sunday everyone, and happy reading! As always thank you so much for the support, much love!
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 27, 2014 | Career |
Should you share your personal problems at work? – Photo credit: www.tribuneindia.com
It’s coffee break time, and also time for water cooler convos of all kinds at work…And considering how much time we spend at work, it may be difficult at times to avoid oversharing, and spilling our personal problems on professional grounds…Or sometimes we just feel like we owe our co-workers and managers some personal information to back up some work-related decisions, like temporary absences, time off or leave…
Yet is it always (or even sometimes) recommended? Does your personal life, and especially your problems, fit in with your professional life? Or should you keep the two far away from each other?
My $0.05: After blabbing about personal issues I was having to a then friendly co-worker (who didn’t turn out to be so friendly after all), I’ve unfortunately had to pick up my face off the floor when my private stuff became public talk. So I prefer to remain discreet when it comes to my personal life, only sharing mundane things.
Do you think it’s OK to share your personal problems at work?
The Corporate Sis.
