That’s the question my friend Fifi would ask me pretty much every morning on our daily commute call, as we both would be rushing to work. And trying to apply our foundation, fix our hair, while sharing yet another tip to get our lives together…
Between the both of us, we had two kids, two husbands, two demanding jobs, and not enough concealer to hide the evidence….And if there ever were a version of hell on earth, it would be laying right there between the time we fell off our beds to when we rolled in to work, aka, the “morning mess”…
Picture this…You set up your alarm for 5am, so you can get up at the crack of dawn in peace (read: without having to pee in everyone’s presence), pray, meditate, read, do something you love (read: nothing), and put on your shoes inside the house (read: not while hopping to the car as the retired neighbor watches you in disbelief)…But…
This is what really happens: Said alarm rings at 5am, you shove the phone under your pillow as you mentally promise yourself to get up in 5 minutes. Which turns into an hour, as you jump out of bed into the shower, clean up as the kids are screaming bloody hell because it’s Tuesday (or Monday, or Wednesday, doesn’t really matter), and tackle your monumental morning to-do list…
For the longest time, I thought that’s what mornings were supposed to be like. This frenzied race out of bed, into taking care of everyone else, before landing into some cubicle or office (hopefully mine), and rushing through a day as packed as my favorite chicken sandwich (the one with melted cheese dripping off the sides)…
According to scientific research, your mornings can really set the tone for the rest of your day. So is it really surprising that frenzied, rushed mornings set the tone for frenzied, rushed days? Or that productive, healthy mornings precede productive, healthy, and enjoyable days? I would say the latter…
Out of my “morning mess”, here are 7 lessons I learnt about making the most of your days, by making the most of your mornings, even if you have a gazillion things on your plate:
Get up earlier. Yes, you’ve heard it before! Nothing beats getting an early headstart on your day. Whether “early” for you means 5am or 9am, give yourself some time before officially starting the day. Some of the world’s most prominent leaders wake up at least three hours before the rest of the world (that’s us) does.For many of us, it means resisting the temptation to hit the snooze button, or throw the alarm clock across the room, for that matter.
Go to bed earlier. Speaking of getting up earlier (and this may hit you like a ton of brick), but you may also have to consider going to bed earlier. Which also means skipping the start of the “Game of Thrones” season, or the Real Housewives explosive reunion, or your late-night Facebook-checking routine. In addition to the fact that it can seriously help with those pesky fine lines too…
Nurture your personal passions. In “What Successful People Do Before Breakfast“, author Laura Vanderkam lists working on your passion, as one of the things the most powerful people do early in the morning. I write this blog when everyone else sleeps, not just because it’s one of the only openings in my busy schedule, but also because doing it first allows me to honor my purpose and gift. Whatever it is that sets your soul on fire, do it first thing in the morning. Honor what makes you happy first, and watch it blossom in your life. In addition to making you immune to bad drivers on the highway, just sayin’…
Show gratitude.Another thing successful people do to leverage their mornings is write down things they’re grateful for. This habit was taught to me by my first business coach. It took me a while to put it into practice, as I didn’t quite get the point at first. Writing down people, places and things you’re grateful for can change your outlook immensely as you get ready to tackle your day, and make you clearer and more open. If you haven’t already, give it a try…
Plan your day.Before the distractions get in and you get your third cup of coffee, plan your day strategically. One of my beloved managers in Big Corporate used to say she does all her planning in her truck on her commute to work. I start planning my day mentally in the shower (something about the hot water and hearing your thoughts for once…). Reviewing your tasks for the day not only gives you a big picture of what’s ahead, but also helps you manage your time more efficiently.
Spend quality time with loved ones. This is where you take the time to enjoy those precious moments that are too far and few in between. Breakfast is my favorite meal, and also my time to cuddle with the kids, help them make their beds or take a shower, and start my day on a loving note. Even if by the time we’re getting ready to leave, they have different shoes on and can’t find their jackets to save their lives…
How do you leverage your mornings to make the most out of your days?
This week, a music legend and one of my favorite icons of all times, left us! Prince passed away yesterday at the age of 57. Here’s a beautiful tribute by the NY Times. #RIPPrince!
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Carla said it jokingly, but it came out all wrong. She had been assigned this high-profile audit, and while she was highly capable and one of the most competent managers on the team, she painfully doubted herself. And led everyone else to doubt her too…Jokes or not, it was apparent she didn’t believe in her own ability to ace this assignment. How could others trust her to do so, and lead them effectively in the process?
Carla’s story is not uncommon in Big Corporate. Many of us, at some point or another, have had to deal with our own insecurities in the workplace. Am I good enough? Are they better than I am? Can I get the promotion? Can I deliver on this? All these questions have run across our busy minds a few times over in the course of our careers. Yet, the real question is: “Are our insecurities to blame for our lack of success at work?”
In the best case scenarios, we drag ourselves down the corporate mud, like Carla. We tend to downplay our own achievements and question ourselves, in private or even worse, publicly. In the worst case scenarios, that can lead to demeaning others who may feel threatening, belittling them, or stirring rumors and spreading gossip.
Insecurity at work will make you act out of fear, sit in the back of the room, and keep quiet when you have thousands of amazing ideas brewing in that genius brain of yours. Out of insecurity, we often give up our power to direct our own careers and lives. And as much as we think we can hide in the back, or make ourselves invisible, or joke about messing up another project, everyone can smell it…
For the longest time as a black woman at work with an African accent, I hid at the back of the room. Too afraid to raise my voice, or contribute my opinion. Making up stories in my mind about others being more successful, better suited for this Big Corporate life. Or just plain mean and ill-intentioned towards me. The whole time, I was hiding away from my own insecurities and fears. Until I realized it was never about the work, the people, or the politics, but about the fear that didn’t allow me to stand up front and reclaim my own power.
So the next time your insecurities loom near and threaten to take over your career, here are a few ways to stand up front and reclaim the power that never really left you:
Stand/sit up front! It starts with physically putting yourself in a position of power. Stop hiding in the back of the room. As scary as it may seem, sitting up front at a meeting, and making yourself visible and heard at work in general, tricks your brain into believing you are adequate. I’ll always remember one of my absolute favorite managers moving me from a cubicle in the back of the office, to one closest to the team and upper management. By doing this, she increased my visibility, and empowered me to sit where I could be seen and heard. That alone boosted my confidence level a hundred-fold, and advanced my carer more than I thought it’d be possible then. As people, we need to be seen and heard. And if it’s a challenge for you to assert your presence, simply start by physically positioning yourself in a visible place. There’s a reason why they say: “Location, location, location!”
Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone’s career and life follows a unique path. There are no two careers that are equal. Honor your path, your accomplishments, and all the things you’ve learnt along the way. No one can honor your journey if you’re not honoring it first. Comparing yourself to others’ results, accomplishments, appearance, etc, robs you of the time and energy to focus on your own. Let it go.
Repeat empowering affirmations. One thing that has tremendously helped me in changing my mindset for success, is the consistent practice of repeating empowering affirmations. Faith comes by hearing, and we tend to believe more of what we say to ourselves. Before tackling an important meeting, call, or even when I start feeling my insecurities rising, I repeat affirmations like: “I am enough.” “I lack of nothing.” “I am competent.”
Share your struggle with a trusted advisor. Insecurities are tough to face alone. Especially at work. Don’t keep your struggle to yourself. There are people around you who’ve dealt with the same issues you have, and would be happy to provide you with valuable advice. Find a trusted person, advisor or mentor, and share your insecurities. Ask them how they manage to get to the level they’re at, and how they fight their own insecurities.
Exercise! Ok, this one took me a while to get into. There’s nothing about sweating or wearing sneakers that excites me. Except the mental benefits from exercising do trickle down into your work, and change your professional mindset as well as endurance. Take care of your body as much as you do your mind, and watch yourself soar to new levels (in addition to looking amazing in that dress)!
Find empowering role models.I love to watch and study successful women. Success begets success. There’s a reason why some people reach certain levels, and others tend to stagnate. Find empowering role models to look up to and emulate. Talk to them if you can, read about them, research what they do differently, how they think, so you too can also start believing in your own unique, extraordinary potential.
Give others what you’d want them to give you. The Universe has an interesting way of giving back. It’s no until you start giving away what you want that, interestingly enough, you start getting it too. Be an encourager, a motivator, a leader. Help others with their own insecurities, and watch yours fade away. The more you give, the more you have to give.
Are your insecurities ruining your own career? Share your journey with us….
So here we go again…Monday rolls in, another week, another long list of to-do’s, from unearthing clean socks from the monumental (hopefully clean) pile of laundry, to preparing for that uber-important meeting with that high-level executive who looks like he’s going to chew you alive…
For the longest time, I dreaded Monday mornings. Something about the whole “starting fresh” thing just when you actually started relaxing on Sunday afternoon…And the pressure to start the week with a bang, when all you wanted to bang was your head on a fresh satin pillow as the birds happily chirp outside…Come on, you know you’ve been there, even you, the overachiever over there…
And as corporate sisters, having to juggle the house schedule, the kids’ appointments (and missing socks), and remember that the lipstick goes on the lips and not the teeth, it can be especially challenging.
As much as you may enjoy your career and look forward to Monday mornings (yes, some people from this planet actually do), there’s always that itty-bit (or humongous, depends on the perspective), side of you that needs a lil’ bit of extra motivation to roll off the bed. So for all those Monday mornings (or Sunday nights), when the motivational oomph isn’t quite there, and you’d happily trade off your shoe allowance for an extra hour in bed, here are 12 of my favorite motivational quotes from trailblazing, outstanding corporate sisters like yourself:
“If we can learn to deal with our discomfort and just relax into it we’ll have a better life.” Mellody Hobson, CEO of Ariel Investments
“Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently from everyone else.” — Sara Blakely, Spanx
“I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow. When there’s that moment of ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this,’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.” –– Marissa Mayer, Yahoo
“Option A is not available. So let’s kick the sh** out of option B.” – Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO
“Many women live like it’s a dress rehearsal. Ladies, the curtain is up and you’re on.” — Mikki Taylor, Essence magazine
I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day. To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody’s passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn’t mind leading.” — Amy Poehler, actress
I wake up every morning and think to myself, ‘How far can I push the company forward in the next 24 hours?’” — Leah Busque, TaskRabbit
My best successes came on the heels of failures.” — Barbara Corcoran, businesswoman
My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” — Oprah Winfrey
“The way to achieve your own success is to be willing to help somebody else get it first.” — Iyanla Vanzant, speaker
“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.” — Estée Lauder, Estée Lauder companies
We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes — understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.” – Arianna Huffington, Huffington Post Editor-in-chief
What other quotes motivate you to get going and slay your goals on Monday mornings?
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“Are you late again?”
