by Solange Lopes | Oct 1, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
It’s Saturday morning, the official start of the weekend, I’m standing in the middle of my kitchen after breakfast, and there’s mess everywhere I look…Sink filled with dishes, check! Laundry basket making faces at me with the overflowing bed sheets from last week, check! Kids turned the TV Room into a toy zone, check! And all I want to do is curl up on the couch with a good book and watch something I actually don’t have to use my neurons for…
via GIPHY
If you’re smiling as you’re reading this, you may have recognized a common feeling among working moms (sorry when it comes to chores, working moms win the war) everywhere, aka the Dread of the Weekend Shift. You know it, it’s that tightness in your chest as you think about just how much you have to do to catch up on your chores at home. And the mounting frustration as you realize it’s actually the week-end, and you’re supposed not to work…And if you add to that Junior’s soccer game, Dear Daughter’s piano recital, and “getting your hair did”, it’s a wrap…You might as well lay right there on the floor and pray for some miracle, or Haagen Dazs sea salt caramel ice cream…
There’s just that point when you hit the weekend shift wall, and you can no longer accept to work at work, work at home, and work everywhere in between. It’s time to reclaim your weekends, and achieve some sense of balance in between all the to-do’s will-never-be-done, and why-is-laundy-never-ending’s…
After much resistance and not enough ice cream to drown my weekend shift sorrows, here are some drastic changes I had to make to regain whatever shred of sanity I had left, and be able to read a page or two, or sit down somewhere for a minute or two. And I mean, if you’re into coming from work on Fridays and spending the rest of the weekend cleaning up, tidying up and cooking up, by all means, I’m your biggest fan. But for the rest of us who can actually honestly admit we hate laundry and would like to take a nap once every couple of years, there may be a few adjustments we can make to replace the weekend shift with actual weekend fun.
Spend less on stuff, and more on help.
For me, it means staying away from any shoe store, shoe expo, shoe displays, shoe anything...
via GIPHY
And actually reading the pile of unread books I have at home, prior to destroying my bank account on Amazon just because I signed up for Amazon Prime and shipping is free… In other words, I had to put myself on a tight budget so I could replace all my spur-of-the-moment, ooh-that-looks-nice-and-I-might-need-it-some-day impulse purchases with actual help.
So I saved the money and hired someone to help me with cleaning the house and doing chores. I have to say it was a BIG mindset change for me, for two reasons. One, I thought I didn’t need to pay someone for something I could do myself. Two, I could do it myself and save the money to go buy stuff I didn’t really need. Typical case of the chicken and egg…
Which brings me to my next point.
Learn to value your time.
I mean, really value it, not just in terms of what you can and cannot do. But in terms of what it costs for someone like you to do thing A instead of doing thing B. Let me explain…
If you’re making $75,000 a year net, and you take that $75K a year, and actually divide it into 52 weeks of work, you get $1,442 and change a week. Then you go a step further, and divide this by 40 hours of work, and get about $36 and change a week. So literally, that’s how much an hour of your work is worth, if you were to pay yourself…And I’m not including how much it cost for you to get that college education (hello student loans)…
via GIPHY
Now I ain’t trying to take us back to basic maths (don’t nobody wanna go back that far or deep or wide for that matter), but think about it. If you were to pay yourself $36 an hour to clean your house, how much more beneficial to you would it be to pay someone $10 or $15 an hour to do the same? Actually, they might do it better and faster, just for the sheer reason they wouldn’t be checking their Instagram every other minute and texting with the girls every so often…Just sayin’…
If you look at your time with the perspective of how much value it has, then you’re able to gain a new perspective. Not to mention forgive yourself for not doing it all…
Leverage the time and money you save.
If you had 5 hours to spend whichever way you’d like, what is the best thing you’d do for yourself? Is it read a book, enroll in a new class, go to the spa, or spend time with the people you love? Whatever your answer to this question, it brings us back to how we can best leverage our time and money. Especially our time, which as age (what’s that?) creeps up and you start realizing there’s not as much time left as before, becomes our most precious commodity…
Think of the time and money you could save by enlisting some help, even if you have to pay for it. And think about what you could actually produce with this time, in terms of precious memories, new ventures, exciting opportunities, etc…
You could write that great novel, take the kids to visit family you haven’t seen in a while, or just take a bath alone for like, a half hour, by yourself…You could build that business you’ve been talking about, or find time to meditate, or entertain that hobby that relaxes you so much you don’t feel the need to yell at the hubby so often (I know none of you do that)…Or you could just cry “Freedom”!
via GIPHY
In Conclusion
It took some time to adjust my mindset from a production-based frame to a value-based one. And to understand that what’s important to me may not be as important to someone else, but that at the end of the day, it’s my responsibility to live my life to the fullest, and enjoy every bit of time I have while I’m still breathing (and avoiding wrinkles and ashy elbows in the process)…
On this note, dear Weekend Shift, you are officially fired. Dear Weekend, welcome back into my life!
Have you reclaimed your weekends yet?
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 25, 2016 | Career, Find Your Purpose
For a few weeks after I lost my sister, I lost my voice. Literally. I couldn’t speak, or write, or even think clearly for a while. Something inside of me went numb for some time, then rose in uncontrollable anger, then later subsided in the depths of my soul, (still) looking for peace and closure of some kind. If you’ve grieved for someone you’ve lost, physically or spiritually, you may be nodding as you’re reading…
In the wake of the recent shootings, I was reminded yet again what it feels like to deal with something you don’t understand, and grieve for a pain you can’t exactly put a qualifier on. And so are most of us witnessing, from close or far, the traumatic events of the past few months…
We may not personally know the victims or all of those involved. Yet our human voice intimately recognizes them, as it alternately goes numb, rises in anger, drops in sadness, and searches around for peace, understanding and closure…And very often, we’re not sure what to do with that voice. Not sure whether we should let it roam free, expressing itself as it feels when it feels it? Or whether to restrain it, using logic, reason and other grown-up mental boxes, only letting out what is politically correct enough? Or even if we should park it somewhere for a while, until we figure out what to do with all our feelings and emotions?
Every time humanity is violated, our human voices are awakened from their torpor, warning us of a need to restore peace and order in the fabric of life. We have an opportunity to use it to grieve, channel it to regain our power and inspire others. But we also can struggle with it, not quite sure how to push aside the walls of convenience and political correctness…
After my sister passed, I didn’t know what to do with my voice. I couldn’t be angry forever, or just choose to ignore the pain. Both alternatives certainly lessened the pain, but they also left me empty, unfulfilled and endlessly reaching for carbs. I could use it instead, but how? And what for? Would it even be worth it? It wouldn’t bring her back, or change the stark reality of things. What was the point?
I believe grief is not just a healing process, it’s also a transformative one. We often grieve without even realizing it, as we watch terrible news online, witness tragedy around us, or fill our time with busy work to avoid the hard stuff. What we don’t often do, is grab that grief by its ugly, slippery black collar, shake it, and let all the real good stuff come out of it through our voice.
Real good stuff that can help us not just regain our power, but multiply the positive effects of our voices as citizens, sisters, brothers, moms, dads, uncles, aunts, human beings:
Use Your Platform
We all have a platform. All.of.us. Whether it’s within our families, our circle of friends, at work, at church, on the subway…Wherever we may find ourselves at any moment can serve as a platform. One where we can live, embody and speak our truth, while still respecting the boundaries of others’ freedom and truth…
That’s what Issa Rae, the creator of the web series The Misadventures of an Awkward Black Girl and upcoming HBO comedy Insecure, did when she set a scholarship fund for 37-year old black man fatally shot by police, Alton Sterling. It’s also what Beyonce did when challenging fans to lobby politicians to change the current gun laws.
You may not have Beyonce or Issa Rae’s platform of millions of fans and followers. Yet, wherever you may be, you have a platform in which you can use your voice for good. Whether it’s starting a fund, or spreading understanding instead of hatred, or writing a blog post, you can effect change wherever you are.
Strategically direct your voice
When we think of using our voices, we may think of protesting or organizing movements. Which is all good and well, when done respectfully and in peace. But real power, real influence, is effected when we can not just use our voices, but control HOW we use them.
Having kids has taught me that authority and power doesn’t come from forcefully using my voice and exerting my influence. Power comes from strategically directing your voice. By owning your message and choosing the most effective, peaceful, high-impact medium to channel it. Remember Diamond Reynolds, the girlfriend of Philando Castile? Her calm and politeness had more effect than any protest in exposing an excruciatingly difficult situation.
For some of us, it’s through our art. For others, it’s through our material resources. For all of us, it’s first and foremost in how we choose to live our lives and embody the freedom and love that binds us all, regardless of race, gender, nationality and creed.
Face the Conflict
Let’s be real…Many of us would rather avoid difficult conversations, especially when they revolve around race, religion or politics. We’d rather turn a blind eye and deaf ear, if only not to deal with our own grief. Yet what we may not realize is that it also robs us of our power. There’s something inside you that gets smaller every time you let go of an opportunity to use your voice for good.
In her piece entitled “The Conversation We Must Have With Our White Children”, Courtney Martin deals with difficult issues most wouldn’t dare addressing.
Facing the conflict isn’t about resorting to violence or letting anger take over. It’s about being willing to have the difficult, painful conversations so many of us avoid. It’s about taking the curtain down, and telling the truth about how we feel, without blame or condemnation. It’s saying “This hurts, and it has to change”.
How will you be using your voice to regain your power and effect change in the wake of the recent shootings?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 23, 2016 | Career
This is our weekly career and lifestyle news update, where we round up exciting news of the last week and we let you have it…ahem, news-wise that is…
Think of it as your career gossiping section on steroids…
And while you’re at it, follow us on Facebook, Twitter,IG, and Pinterest!
Here we go…
- Newsflash! I stayed up for the Emmys this year, and boy was it worth it, women ruled this year! And I give you my best highlights in this post;
- In the news this week, Essence reports a judge rules banning dreadlocks at work is not discrimination. Your thoughts?
- Online application rejected again? Undercover Recruiter says it’s time to create your website;
- Entrepreneurs everywhere beware? Want to grow your business? Ellevate advises you start with personal development;
- Want to keep productive all day long? Business Insider credits this one morning routine for keeping you grinding all day long;
- Kudos to single moms everywhere? This Ellevate Network post looks at the real price of single motherhood;
- Sick and tired of sitting all day at work? Fast Company confirms you can now bike at your desk (yes, really);
- Want to work in media? Black Enterprise has some great tips;
- Do you know the best way to stop emotional eating? Penelope Trunk argues it’s emotional working (and I tend to agree);
- Naughty or nice? What do you think really works at work? Ellevate Network has an interesting perspective;
- Last but not least, do you think fashion’s embrace of the hijab is re-appropriating Muslim women? Check out Refinery29’s take here.
To Your Success,
Solange.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 22, 2016 | Career
So the other day my little cousin stopped by after getting off from one of her many jobs. Like many college students, Ina juggles a full class load, plus a couple of side jobs here and there. As I watched her quickly change from her scrubs to her Walgreens uniform, and listened to her talk about how crazy busy her days are, I was taken back to my time as a student when I was trying to keep up with school work, regular work and the never-ending work of figuring myself out….No wonder Rihanna’s tune “Work, work, work” rings a bell or two…Anyhow…
“How do you keep up, Ina, you’re way too busy!”, I told her, as she looked at me smiling.
“It’s actually fun, I bring a different side of me to each job, and I’m never bored. Kinda like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing..”
Kinda like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, without the whole good and evil side that is…but with the perks of exploring her different talents, interests and different facets of her personality at…work! Or the freedom of bouncing back from whatever life brings at you, from moves across the country to ugly break-ups…How many of us can say we get to switch it up like this from the comfort of our cute cubicles?
What if you had the opportunity to get “unstuck” from a rigid, seemingly one-way career and instead be able to explore and experience your various interests in your career? What if the same career that tends to feel so static at times could offer you the opportunity to expand your horizons, express your many talents and cater to your many sides? What if you could re-invent yourself all throughout your career?
Ok, I hear you, we live in the real world here…Bills have to get paid, shoes bought, and (some shred) of sanity saved…When the mortgage’s due, ain’t no one exactly thinking about re-inventing anything else but your (slightly depleted) bank account, right..Yet, we also spend the majority of our lives at work; and the only thing worse than the thought of not being able to be all we can be for eight (or more) hours a day is never having dessert again…And who wants that?
Re-inventing your career is not just about deciding to quit your boring Big Corporate job to hike up the Himalayas. Or giving your notice to start your business, pursue your passion, or be a stay-at-home parent for a while. It’s not always about the big stuff. It can just be that you fell in love, fell out of love, got a divorce, or just found out you have six months to live. Or that you walking into work makes you want to hide under the sheet covers, or that everyone at your job just flat out hates you. I mean, life happens…
Whatever life throws at you or you get up and decide to do, here are three stages to doing your very own “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” thing at work, and re-invent your career in a way that ‘s best suited to you:
Stop and look around.
No, really, take a good hard look at yourself and where you stand in life and in your career. Is this where you expected to be at this stage of your life and career? Are you fulfilled and satisfied, or do grow restless by the day? Do you feel like there are still things you haven’t gotten the opportunity to accomplish? Where are you now, and where do you want to go?
The first step to a career, and by extension, life re-invention starts within. It starts with all those questions you really don’t want to answer, but have to face as some point or another. Those are the “tough” questions that let you know whether it’s time to do something, and change the status quo, or just ride the fantastic wave of success and fulfillment you’re on (in which case you can skip this post and go back to texting with Oprah).
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
After the first introspective stage where you stopped and took a serious look at where you stand, ask yourself this one question: “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Believe me, the first time you utter the words, you’ll start imagining all kinds of executive meetings with Beyonce, and downing as much fried ice cream as your stomach can humanely muster…
No, but seriously, what are those things you’ve dreamt of doing in your career that you’ve never exactly had the guts to go for? For some, it could be asking for a promotion, raise or just telling your boss what you really think (let’s think about this last one some more, please). For others, it could be finally starting to write that book, or get going on that side hustle.
While it can be tempting to make grand projects as you answer this question, try and be realistic. The biggest mistake we make when re-inventing our careers is going too fast, too far away from their experience. It’s OK to go for an 180-degree change, but make sure you’re extra-committed and that you’re making gradual progress.
Sharing is caring!
Especially when trying to re-invent your career…Keeping your journey through career re-invention to yourself can hurt you more than it can benefit you. It can feel pretty lonely to start over, or branch out into something different, or go through a challenging life period with minimal support. If you have connections into the new field or business you may be going into, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for advice or even mentorship.
It’s also a great idea to test-drive your concepts and projects before launching into a new venture or career. Having different perspectives and opinions can help you clarify things in your head, and even come up with better ideas. You can even develop your own “re-invention narrative”, a quick synopsis you can use to explain why you’re making a career change.
However, be careful who and when you talk to other people. Don’t run the risk of looking flaky by sharing your plans if you’re not quite ready to commit . And if you can’t exactly trust the office’s Chatty Cathy, you can just chat about the latest Nordstrom sales…
Have you re-invented yourself in your career? How did you go about it?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 21, 2016 | Career
You know the drill. You go to school, then college, or choose to skip the whole college thing and drift right into your career, or build your business. And before you know it, you’re drifting doing kinda the same thing day in and day out, wondering where you’ve lost that fire on the way…
Don’t get me wrong…Some of us, ok, very few of us, wake up jumping out of bed at the thought of reporting to work.Those are the ones you see driving in the morning with a huge grin on their faces, as you pray to your internal calm goddess to refrain from giving them the finger. Or maybe their coffee’s extra strong, something…
For the rest of us, as committed as we may be to our careers, there may be a thought, or two (or ten thousand) in the backs of our minds about what we COULD be doing instead. Thoughts about writing that best-selling novel, starting that coaching business, opening up a fitness place, may be swirling in your mind as you’re filling out your timesheet at work.
Yes, getting up and jumping from your current day job to your dream job right this minute isn’t always possible…right this minute, that is. Yet, re-inventing your career is far from being impossible. And before you start rolling your eyes, read up on these women who went from day job to dream job over time:
Viola Davis
Viola Davis graduated with a theater degree and later went on to New York’s iconic Juilliard School, so she could start a career in theater. She got her first Tony award for her role in the King Hedley II drama.
After a while, she started dabbling on TV with small roles in Law and Order and City of Angels. It wouldn’t be until she turned 43 that her career really took off after she starred opposite Meryl Streep in Doubt. Her path led her to be the first African-American woman to win Best Drama Actress at the 2015 Emmys. Can you say career re-invention?
Vera Wang
You may think of gorgeous wedding dresses when thinking of Vera Wang. Yet, you may not know she actually started as a competitive figure skater. However, after she graduated from the Sarah Lawrence college, she decided fashion would be her career focus.
After working for Vogue as a Senior Fashion Editor and Accessories Design Director for Ralph Lauren for 15 years, it wasn’t until she was 40 and planning her own wedding that she thought of opening her own bridal store. And the rest is history…
JK Rowling
On the days I’m totally discouraged and reaching for yet another Twix bar, I think of Harry Potter’s best-selling author JK Rowling. I mean, the woman wrote this incredible story over a span of years in longhand on coffee tables as her baby slept in a stroller. As she struggled through divorce, depression and welfare.
And after all this, this is what she had to say about failure in her Harvard commencement address: ” “Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged.”
Gretchen Rubin
This best-seller author of Better Than Before and podcast host was once upon a time…an attorney. Like so many in her ex-profession, she took the “regular” path at first, went to law school and into a fairly successful legal career (at some point, she even served as a clerk for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor). Yet, her dream was to be a writer.
Two kids, three best-sellers and a popular podcast later, she reminds us that re-inventing yourself professionally helps you find your true self. She realized she’d rather “fails as a writer than succeed as a lawyer”.
What other role models of career re-invention do you have? Are you inspired to follow your true career path?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
