by Solange Lopes | Oct 20, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Our Coffee Break feature offers brief and to-the-point discussions of everyday issues faced by women professionals and entrepreneurs. You know, the kinda stuff you talk about with your work bestie on your coffee break….
So I was listening to Myleik Teele’s podcast #MyTaughtYou earlier, and one of her listeners asked about dating a nice but not ambitious guy. If you don’t know who Myleik is, she’s like the big sister you never knew you had (check her out here), in more straightforward and to the point.
It got me thinking about the rest of us, ambitious corporate or entrepreneur sisters. When you have ambition the size of a skyscraper and the drive to match, can you really date (or marry) someone who’s kinda lower on the ambition scale?
My $0.05: This is one of those tough questions that make you weigh the pros and cons, and end up giving you a major headache plus some pregnancy cravings. Listen, if ambition is high on your list of qualities that you enjoy in a partner, it’s going to be challenging to deal with someone who doesn’t have much.
But if the other stuff, like the support, kindness, romance, etc, ranks higher, you may be able to compromise and manage. At the end of the day, it’s less about what he wants and how he behaves, than who you ultimately are comfortable and happy being with in the long run. All of you, the ambitious, go-getter part and all!
I’ve seen super-ambitious women marry less ambitious guys because they brought a sense of balance to the relationship. Two go-getters can make a relationship pretty heavy at times! Yet I also have girlfriends who are turned off by anything less than successful, driven men. And it works for them too.
So what’s your take on it? Would you date a guy who has no or limited ambition?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 20, 2016 | Career
We’re about three weeks away from one of the most charged and tense elections we’ve seen in the US. Which also means as neutral as we may want to be, it can be a bit of a challenge to spend over eight hours plus at work day in and day out, without thinking or uttering a single word about politics. I mean, there are only so much office gossip and shoe sales you can discuss during coffee breaks…
I have to admit, while I tried as hard as possible to zip it at the office about anything remotely politics-related, it hasn’t always been effective. Especially when your next cubicle’s co-worker’s political rants have you beating your own typing record. Or when someone says something about last night’s debate that reminds you you haven’t had your daily dose of caffeine (or chocolate, or whatever it takes to balance your blood sugar)…
Yes, experts widely recommend the “zip-it” approach when it comes to talking politics at work. And yes, grating people’s world views and most intimate opinions can seriously create divisiveness in the office. Not to mention generate more work for HR…
If you’re going to talk about politics at work, which unless you’re made of steel or are getting ready to move to Canada (oops), you might as well check a few do’s on your list of “things to do to keep your job“:
DO Check Yourself.
As in: be aware of what sets you off when it comes to discussing politics. Personal topics, such as women’s rights, or immigration, can hit close to home, and evoke strong emotions. Except the workplace is just not that place where you can let those strong emotions loose…
So know what sets you off before even starting, or reacting, to a sensitive conversation at work. Use this to control your own emotions and response. And if you can’t, recognize the emotional signs of upset in you, and be willing to walk away…fast!
DO check in with the other person.
It’s easy to assume that the other person, or the rest of the group, wants to launch into a touchy political subject. Or that we’re close enough to them to lay our personal views bare for all to see and hear. But that could also be a damaging assumption that could wreak havoc on your work relationships…
So if you must crack the political joke of the century, or express your concern over the looming immigration reform, make sure to check in first. As in, asking the other person if they’re open to such a discussion. A simple ” I’m open to discussing this issue, and am not trying to impose my views. Would it be ok if I explained how I view this situation, so I can better understand where you stand as well?” Yes, it’s called “diplomacy”, and it’s good for you too…
Do Check Your Facts.
There’s a lot of information available out there. Every time you scroll Facebook, log into your Instagram, or get ready to tweet something. And a lot of that information is not exactly accurate…
So before you launch into a sensitive conversation about politics at work, please consider checking your facts. If you’re not sure of the supporting figures backing up your argument, it’s ok to ask for a time-out until you can actually do some fact-checking of your own. Just politely stop the conversation, and say something to the effect of: ” I would like the opportunity to research this a bit further. Can we table this for now, and pick it up later when I can bring some more insight into the conversation?”
Are you checking for these three things before talking about politics at work? What has been your experience?
Cheers,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 18, 2016 | Career
When I read about Tamika Cross, the African-American ob-gyn who says the Delta crew wouldn’t believe she was a doctor during an emergency, an all-too familiar bell rang in my mind. Later in her viral Facebook post, Tamika Cross calls out to her “fellow young, corporate America working women of color”, as she recounts the incident. A few days later, a second Black female doctor came forward with similar allegations against Delta. More fuel to the fire…
Since then, the #whatadoctorlookslike hashtag has taken over social media, as countless women of color are showing support for Tamika Cross by sharing their selfies and stories online.
As a woman of color in Corporate America, this story may also ring a bell (or two) for you. I know it certainly does for me… Like when the bank clerk does a double take when you deposit a large check (it actually happened to this Black woman architect).Or when your name is followed by a professional designation, and you’re asked for your license to prove it, twice, in a row….
Like Cross, many of us are desensitized to these types of situations because we’ve experienced them one time too many. It’s the kind of “implicit bias” that’s sometimes hard to pinpoint, but hurts just as much, if not deeper, than the overt kind. The kind that leaves you perplexed, and wondering how as people, we’ve come to unconsciously and arbitrarily categorize and define certain types of people.
The disturbing reality behind this implicit bias is that many are not even aware they have it. They tend to have pre-conceived ideas about certain groups of people, ideas which may come from their upbringing or what they have been exposed to.
At the end of the day, it may come down to asking ourselves what we believe in, and why we believe what we believe in. To open this Pandora box and start an honest inner conversation to better understand who we are and why we think or do what we do…
The sad reality is that women, especially women of color, have to constantly defend themselves against these stereotypes and implicit biases. Having to prove our worth, competence and qualifications over and over again, whether during an emergency on a plane like Dr. Tamika Cross, in an office, in the street, at the bank or on the sports field.
And it’s exactly why incidents like the one involving Dr. Tamika Cross aboard a Delta flight, which has given rise to a whole awareness movement, are important to help us start the conversation. To help us change the perceptions around not just #whatadoctorlookslike, but what any working woman, regardless of race or cultural affiliation, is capable of achieving….
Have you experienced this implicit bias as a professional woman of color?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 14, 2016 | Career
This is our weekly career and lifestyle news update, where we round up exciting news of the last week and we let you have it…ahem, news-wise that is…
Think of it as your career gossiping section on steroids…
And while you’re at it, follow us on Facebook, Twitter,IG, and Pinterest!
Here we go…
- Regardless of your political affiliation, if you’re a woman (or a man), you’ll remember Michelle Obama’s speech this week on what it feels like to be a victim of gender inequality and fear. Bustle tells you more about why this speech that will go down in history;
- In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month this October, All the Pretty Birds has a great list of beauty products and companies donating some of their profits to the fight;
- You know how you’re supposed to ask at least one smart question at the end of an interview? Business Insider lists 29 brilliants ones you can actually pick from;
- Forbes Woman gives us a few precious tips on getting more African-American women into STEM;
- Ever had to deliver bad news at work? Ellevate Network provides you with 5 tips to ease the blow (and be more effective in the process);
- Are you a professional woman suffering from insomnia? Corporette tips you off on some great health habits to adopt now;
- If you’ve ever suffered professional discrimination as a woman, you must read this Washington Post report of a woman on a flight saying the flight attendant didn’t believe she was a doctor;
- Have you been recently promoted but you’re still unhappy? Ellevate Network suggest 7 important questions to ask yourself;
- Refinery 29 tips us off on the drugstore makeup the pros love…all under $15 (oh, and here are The Corporate Sister-approved top picks as well);
- Last but not least, I’m so excited to be featured once more on Ellevate Network and the Huffington Post! Read more on how to stop taking things personally at work.
Happy Friday,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 12, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
It’s 7:30pm, and I’m half-lying on my daughter’s’ desk, as the hubby’s tirelessly explaining to her the concept of breaking 38 into various sets of tens and single digits. Didn’t get it? No worries, it took me a while too…If you’re a working parent (and yes, from the cubicle to the kitchen, we all are), you may be shaking your head as you read this…
Let’s be real…As much as we’re invested in our kids’ schooling, there’s that moment between the time you get home and realize dinner’s not ready (or existing for that matter), and when you’re faced with your kids’ mountain of homework. And it’s not like you remember fourth grade arithmetics, or can keep from yawning long enough to even read the topic at hand…And you know you’d rather get a root canal than admit that you have no clue what the heck their homework’s about….
I would know…As the Zero Patience Queen, some of my biggest parenting lessons have jumped at me, held me by the neck and slapped me around right around homework time. From admitting that I don’t know everything (yes, I have), to refraining from begging my baby to please understand additions before I have to pull my ‘fro off, the (homework) struggle is real. Thank God for the hubby and the power of prayer, or my edges would be resting peacefully in the Working Mom Hair’s cemetery…
There’s been quite a bit of a debate over whether parents should help kids with homework, and I do agree that parents shouldn’t do the work for their kids, or preventing them from achieving their learning milestones on their own. However, I still believe being available as a support and resource (without doing the work for them) counts mentally, emotionally and spiritually for both parents and children.
After countless evenings spent trying to remember old math concepts, and practicing silent inner meditation, here are some of the most precious lessons I’ve learnt from long homework sessions right after long days at work, applied arithmetics, and lots of love in between:
It’s Bonding Time.
If you’re a working mom (or dad) who’s ever felt those pangs of guilt when leaving your child at daycare or school to head to work, then homework time may be a great opportunity to bond while supporting your child.
I learnt at my own expense that, when it comes to homework time, it’s not just another task to cross off the family’s to-do list. It’s a good opportunity to check in on your child’s progress while still giving them enough space to do their own work (and enjoy their accomplishments). It can be as simple as being available to answer questions, or point your child to the right resources or thinking process.
Make it a collaborative process.
I remember the transition from having my babies “graduate” from daycare to preschool, and then to “real school, with actual homework, lunch bags to unpack, and a whole set of other logistical expectations to meet. And I remember the first days of coming home from work after 8+ hours at work, and answering my baby’s homework questions as I tried to hurry and empty my bladder in our now public home bathroom (yes, it gets that deep)….
Truth is, when it comes to adjusting and developing good school habits, including homework completion, it’s a learning process for both parents and children. Of course, we make it look like we’ve got it all handled, but I’d bet you even Olivia Pope would have some adjusting to do here…
After both Dear Daughter and I suffered from not being adjusted well enough to our daily routines, it took some discipline and both of us setting up a “homework ritual” to get us through the initial hurdles. Together, we’ve implemented our “3-Step system”, whereby she completes and reviews her homework (that’s Step 1), gets to ask any questions she has to help her through it (Step 2), before I or dear hubby take a look and point her to anything she may have to correct (Step 3).
Patience is a muscle.
Last but not least, the most important lesson the whole “homework” process has taught me over time is that patience, especially when it comes to parenting, is a muscle. Which also means you must exercise it, develop it, or watch it shrink in frustration as you desperately try to remember some random Pythagorean muscle…
And I’m so happy to report that our homework sessions have gone from tense and chocolate-filled, to fun and empowering times for both of us, Pythagorean concepts and all…
How do you handle the kids’ homework as a working parent?
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
