by Solange Lopes | Dec 6, 2016 | Find Your Purpose
We’re a few weeks/days away from the start of another year, and the New Year’s Resolutions/Goals Machine, as I like to call it, is in full swing. Resolutions are being made, gym memberships are being shopped around, and goals are being set everywhere…
But after a few years of resolving to get back into a size 2, or finally get that certification (to advance in that job that you hate anyways), or finding the love/soulmate/perfect car/dream home/optimal temperature, you start realizing that maybe the whole goal-setting process is a teeny-weeny bit flawed…
Even when it works, after much grunting on the elliptical at that local super-expensive gym (until January 31st, after which we take a well-deserved break), it leaves us feeling like we’ve just run a marathon…Exhausted, a bit deflated, and looking forward to French bread soaked in full-fat French Brie…
Fast-forward a few years, after reading Danielle Laporte’s Desire Map while eating French bread soaked in full-fat French Brie a few days before the New Year, and goals started looking so different and so much more appealing…
“You’re not chasing a goal, you’re chasing a feeling you hope reaching the goal will give you” – Danielle La Porte
This sentence alone on the front cover of La Porte’s best-seller changed my entire view of goals for the rest of my life… If we’re setting goals to feel better about ourselves ( hello super pricey gym membership, sweaty sessions and half-pounds shrinkage), why don’t we start with how we want to feel?
Instead of shooting goals in the dark on the board of our lives and careers, hoping and praying and wishing that somehow they’ll deliver those feelings wrapped up in elegant Crate and Barrel gift boxes right at your doorstep…
How many of us have sat on the eve of a New Year, drawing lofty goals in beautiful journals? Or putting out in the Universe our desires for better jobs, more money, a bigger wardrobe, Giselle’s body? Or even, for the most down-to-earth among us, longer life, more health and prosperity and abundance, along with all the positive mantras you remember from that spiritual yoga class?
Yet how many of us turn around to simply say things like: “ I want to feel happier”, “I wish to feel more joy at work”, “I desire to feel more fulfilled in my career”, “I wish to feel more peace and freedom”?
I know I didn’t, until now…Instead, I put a price tag on what I thought was peace and freedom. It would have to be a certain position, a certain salary, a certain size, or a certain type of accomplishment….And right then and there, the race to do more, be more, have more started all over again…
No wonder by January 31st, most of us are ready to throw in the towel, plop our curvy selves on the couch, and binge-watch old reruns of “Sex and the City” while eating French bread soaked in French Brie…
I remember meeting this high-level executive who was at the top of her corporate game. Her list of accomplishments, letters after her name and honors was too long to elaborate on…And she still wanted to do more, year after year…
When asked about what motivates her and why she keeps piling on accomplishment after accomplishment, she simply said: “I want to feel good”…Whether she really did or not, the point is, she had been motivated all those years by the simple aspiration of feeling a certain way…
In one of my favorite books “Ask and It Is Given”, authors Esther and Jerry Hicks talk about using our emotions and feelings as a GPS system for our lives. Whereas the rest of the world tells us to set solid, rigid goals and work towards with unstoppable tenacity, what it tells us is simply to rely on what we already know about who we are and how we want to feel good…
What makes us feel good is an indication that we’re going in the right direction, and what doesn’t may force us to rethink our life route…As simple as that…Maybe too simple for the ambitious go-getters, goal-diggers we are…But how about going simple for once?
So this year, in the midst of all the busy-ness and to-do’s, my good ol’ “New Year’s Goal List” is getting a much deserved break… And instead is being replaced with these three simple questions:
How Do I Want to Feel?
When I asked myself this simple question, it literally turned me inside out. What happens when you face yourself with the simple realization of who you are and how you want to feel/live/experience things, is that you also start realizing everything else that stands in your way.
Whether it’s the grueling job, or the unsatisfying relationship, or the low self-esteem, you start seeing in contrast all the stuff that needs to go. And then, all of a sudden, there’s more room for all the stuff that needs to come in…
What Can I Do to Feel This Way?
For you, wanting to feel better about yourself may be a matter of starting a fitness routine. Or ditching the boyfriend. Or starting over in your career. It’s different from person to person.
Yet asking yourself the question, the very revealing question of what you need to do/change/start/stop/continue to feel the way you truly want to feel opens the door for action…
Instead of looking for a job because you want more money, more recognition, or just a better parking spot, you may look for a job that makes you smile, makes you feel more fulfilled, mo’better….Or instead of starting yet another diet that may crash within a week or so, you may want to start taking care of yourself from the inside first, cleaning up your relationships, picking exercise you enjoy, laughing a little more…
What Are My Desires For Next Year?
As Danielle La Porte says it so well in The Desire Map, desires are powerful.
“With clear desire, you can say yes to the right opportunities”. Danielle La Porte
So what are your true desires for this new year/phase/time of your life and career? You know how you want to feel, and you’re starting to have an idea about things you may want to do to feel that way. Now it’s time to get clear about it all…
Going through this process (and I’m still going through it) surprised me. Heck, it actually shocked the hell out of me. You may come to realize that you don’t really want what you think you want. That you may not even really want the promotion, or the car, or the relationship, or fitting into a size 2 and giving up on cake for the rest of your life…
Whatever the outcome of this seemingly simple process, it will shed light on a journey only you can take. Instead of fitting in and setting general goals like everyone else, it may just steer you towards a life and career with more meaning, more depth and more YOU-ness in them…
This year, as you set your goals in whatever area of your life, consider asking yourself these simple questions…They may just change the game for you…
To Your Success
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Dec 1, 2016 | Career
What could you do in 21 days? Or even better, what couldn’t you do?
Research shows that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. 21 days to get on a consistent exercise routine, or start a meditation practice, or even stop sleepwalking to the cheese section of the fridge in the middle of the night (still working on this one)…
What if you could use 21 days to change your career? Not by logging in extra hours, playing dirty office politics, or even hunting for a better job…But simply through the power of gratitude!
There are a gazillion different pieces of advice out there about improving your career. Yet very few talk about how much you can change it by being grateful for where you already are. That can be challenging, considering most of us are constantly on the run, hardly able to stop and appreciate what we have. Not to mention that most of us are paid to solve problems and face obstacles, which leaves us to look at work as this giant, thankless pile of things to do, start and never quite really finish…
Gratitude at Work Is Not Just About Being Nice, It’s A Mindset!
And it’s not just about being nice, bringing cookies and coffee to the office, or even being pleasant to those you happen to work with…It’s a mindset, rooted in the fact that you can only attract what you put out in the world. The more gratitude you put out for that paycheck, those collaborative co-workers, the resources that allow you to pursue the things you love, the more these very thing improve to the point of transmuting themselves into the career you really want…
Have you ever thought to think about how some people get to be in positions of leadership, when all the conventional signs don’t really point to them to lead? How someone who may have as many degrees as a thermometer may not fare as well in their careers, as someone with less credentials? At the core of it all, it’s a mindset. One in which gratitude plays a monumental role…
If that sounds too woo-woo for you, think of one of the greatest self-help books of all time, Think and Grow Rich, in which author Napoleon Hill describes gratitude as one of the ultimate means to reach absolute success in life. But you must practice it on purpose, so its power can really affect your life and work. Which also means building a habit of stopping and recognizing what you are grateful for, on a consistent and active basis…
Think of What Is Working Well At Work…
In your own career, that may mean many different things. From your resources, to the connections and friendships you’ve built over time, to the experience you’ve acquired, not to mention the failures which may have taught you much more than the successes…
I went through the same process when my career was hitting lows, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do. A consistent practice of gratitude not only helped me acquire a different mindset, but also a different attitude and perspective. Circumstances could only follow after this…
That’s why I created this 21-day guided Career Gratitude Journal, complete with guided questions and fillable sections to prompt you to think of things, events and people in your career that you’re thankful for. These will force you to maybe consider aspects of your current job or career that you may overlook on a daily basis. Those little, and medium-sized, and big things we come to think of as normal, but could really change our lives if we didn’t have them…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD YOUR 21-DAY GRATITUDE JOURNAL!
I hope you can use it for 21 days, and keep re-using the questions in there as prompts to motivate you to build a consistent habit of gratitude…
Share with us your results using the 21-Day guided Career Gratitude Journal!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 21, 2016 | Career
The first business coach I ever worked with had me started with this gratitude exercise. I was to invest in a gratitude journal and log in at least 10 things I was grateful for every day. Which after I was done logging in all my family, friends, health, shoe collections, and other blessings I was thankful for, left my career up for grabs…
Sure, most of us are thankful to have a job that pays the bills and even allows for the not-so-occasional shoe shopping spree. But unless you’re working the job of your dreams (which in this case gets upgraded from J-O-B to an exercise in self-fulfillment), expressing more than basic gratitude for your 9-to-5 may seem daunting…
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“The more grateful you are about something, anything, the more abundance you create around it in your own life!”, was my coach’s take on the whole career gratitude thing. In other words, if you want to improve your career, you must start by being thankful for where you’re at professionally. Regardless of whether you think you’d much rather be hiking the Himalayas or translating the Thesaurus in Latin, than writing that hundred-page long report…
Easier said than done when your “work cup” is running over (in terms of to-do’s and deliverables that is)…Or when you’re facing challenges with your team or boss. Or just dreaming about a totally different career as you’re parking in your assigned spot in the morning. Or even because of that long overdue vacation you haven’t yet taken this year…
The point is, it’s not just about uttering a few thank you phrases here and there, or even passing out some of your leftover candy from Halloween as a (sweet) token of appreciation…It’s really about understanding the power of gratitude in your life and career…Think of it as a muscle, the more of it you practice, the stronger it becomes. And the stronger it becomes, the better whatever you’re grateful for becomes…Kinda of the gift that keeps on giving…
As Thanksgiving is approaching and tradition has it to throw some thanks in the Good Fortune basket of our lives, your career should be included in the mix too…Whether you’re highly satisfied with your current job and want to scream it out loud for everyone to hear… Or you’re daydreaming of escaping to Maui, alone…
And before you start rolling your eyes at me, here’s a quick reality check on why giving thanks may actually just be what your career needs right now (in addition to you putting down that smartphone):
You’ve got a job which pays you money you can invest in doing what you love. You’re welcome.
So here…That paycheck you earn every couple of weeks or every month is allowing you some financial freedom to enjoy what you really love. Whether it’s spending time with your family, go kayaking in the Great Lakes, or fund that side hustle of yours, most of the activities you do on the side require money. Having a day job allows you to earn that money, while having some financial peace of mind in the process.
Looking for a change? Sure. But in the meantime, appreciate the fact that you don’t have to stay up all night wondering how to pay the electric bill…And feel free to enjoy life and work on bettering yourself and your career, minus the money headaches and financial stress…
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Working with other humans is challenging. Learn from it. You’re welcome.
One of the common misconceptions around work is that it’s not really the work that makes work challenging, but rather the people. Well, isn’t that the point?
Seriously, if work didn’t involve people, then it wouldn’t really be work…Whether you’re selling products, advocating for a cause, or writing the next great American novel, most likely, you’ll have other humans involved…Challenging? Yes. Filled with opportunities to learn and grow? You bet.
Think of how many learning opportunities you actually have when working within a team at your current job. From learning to network, whether formally or informally, to learning the art of negotiation and compromise, you can take a wealth of knowledge from your current job to your future self, business or dream.
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Got career setbacks? They’re here to teach you a lesson. So stop and give thanks.
If you ask me, failure is the one single most powerful motivator to success. There’s nothing like having to pick your face up off the floor to teach you a lesson or two about breaking your own and others’ barriers to achievement…
What your current job is teaching you through the setbacks you may be encountering, is to build the tools you need to beat those roadblocks in your way. Without those setbacks, you wouldn’t be ready for the promotion you’re expecting, or the business you’re striving to build, or even this career change you’ve been considering. So stop and give thanks for the great tips you’re learning on the way to where you’re going…
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Not sure how to be more thankful at work? Here are a few suggestions:
Start or keep a gratitude journal.
Grab that notebook laying around on your office desk, open the first page, and write on top: “Gratitude Journal”, with your name on the side. This is the beginning of a new journey for you…
I know you may be rolling your eyes but now, but take five minutes each day to write at least five things you’re thankful for, including around your job. Don’t think, don’t rationalize it, just do it. Every.single.day.
It takes three weeks to build a habit. Do this for three weeks, and watch your life and career change…
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Say thank you to someone at work.
Whether you just walk over to a colleague’s desk, or send them an email, or go one step further and buy a nice thank you card, take the time to say thank you. Someone may have helped you with a project, taken some responsibilities off your pile of work, or just said a kind word in your favor. Acknowledge it and say thanks.
Even better, say thank you to someone who may not be getting any thanks for what s/he does. Someone like the janitor, or that security guard who signs you in every time you forget your badge…
It’s not just about making someone else feel good. What you get out of it is that satisfaction and fulfillment of making a difference. And just that is taking your career to the next level…
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Show appreciation to your team.
How about bringing some cookies to your team once in a while? Or organizing a team event? Find ways of showing your appreciation to your team. Not only does it bring morale up, it’s also helps you re-discover the purpose of work and your mission as a whole…
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How do you think being thankful for your career will improve it?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 18, 2016 | Career
This is our weekly career and lifestyle news roundup, where we round up exciting news of the last week and we let you have it…ahem, news-wise that is…
Think of it as your career gossiping section on steroids…
And while you’re at it, follow us on Facebook, Twitter,IG, and Pinterest!
Here we go…
- A special homage this week to political reporter and “PBS Newshour” Co-anchor Gwen Ifill who lost her battle to cancer, she was 61;
- This week, I attended an amazing event around issues affecting the future of women post-election in America, sponsored by Ellevate Network. Read my recap HERE;
- Speaking of the elections, Ellevate Network‘s Chair Sallie Krawcheck writes about what Trump could mean for women in business (and it’s not what you may think);
- Are you an introvert? Work It Daily reveals one job search tip you may not want to hear, but really need;
- As you’re gearing up for Thanksgiving, the Lindsey Pollak Blog confirms that gratitude is totally work-appropriate;
- Business Insider lists 32 things you should never say to your boss, even if you’re friends;
- Falling asleep at your desk? The Muse describes the 2-minute exercise that will wake you up;
- Are you facing changes in your life and career? Ellevate Network tips you off on how to manage changes and transitions successfully;
- Black Friday is right around the corner! Entrepreneur lists the best Black Friday deals;
- For all the vegetarians out there, Love and Lemons cooked up a series of Thanksgiving sides for you.
Cheers,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 16, 2016 | Career
After the outcome of this election, I frankly couldn’t wait to hear about other women’s perspectives. What does this mean for women? And most importantly, can we start a conversation, albeit an honest, tough one, about we can and should be doing from this point forward? In the midst of all this confusion, where do women really stand?
So last night, I had the pleasure of virtually attending the “America’s Future: Fast-tracking issues affecting women” event sponsored by the Ellevate Network organization. The event was aimed at discussing the new, post-election leadership’s impact on the future for women and gender equality, with extraordinary panelists Sallie Krawcheck, Ellevate Network‘s Chair; Jamia Wilson, activist, feminist, storyteller and Executive Director of the Programs at the Women’s Media Center; and Lauren Leader-Chivee, co-founder and CEO of non-partisan campaign to empower women All In Together. Here are some of the most significant moments for me…
The event was opened by Jordan Brooks of the White House Council on Women and Girls. After praising Ellevate Network for their work to incentivize companies to consider and act upon the issues affecting women, she spoke about her own work on behalf of the Council on Women and Girls to end the violence against girls, and expand entrepreneurial opportunities for women, among other initiatives. She also mentioned the “Advancing Equity Project for Women and Girls of Color” conducted by the White House, which gives young women of color the opportunity to positively effect policy change. Her opening words made me realize how much positive work is being done on behalf of women and girls, and how this ought to inspire us to do even more.
But it was the introductory words of Mark Lipton, the event moderator and Professor of Management at The New School, that tugged at every fiber of my feminine consciousness. “Hillary, CEO“: such was the headline of the post he had pre-written even before the elections results came out. When he spoke about waking up on that fateful Wednesday morning (kudos for being able to sleep at all, Mr. Lipton) to realize he wouldn’t, after all, publish the post, he embodied mine and the disillusionment of so many women…
Until panelist Jamia Wilson proudly announced that despite her shared disappointment, she would be running for office (which was welcome by a thunder of applause by the audience). Jamia’s self-described passion to fight for women, gender non-conforming and people of color, especially in the media, had me beaming with pride at the prospect of how much we can do as women to create change! Her desire to run for office was also echoed by All In Together CEO Lauren Leader-Chivee, whose book “Crossing the thinnest line” emphasizes the importance of diversity in the future of our country.
My biggest AHA moment of the night happened when Sallie Krawcheck, Ellevate Network’s chair, spoke about the concept of “empowering women”. Empowering, according to the definition of the word, means ” to be given power”.
But why would we need to empower women, when women already have the power?
As Sallie Krawcheck reminded the audience (and enlightened me in the process), women control over 80% of consumer spending and constitute more than half of the workforce. Not to mention that if as women we’re not satisfied with how companies are treating us, we can always create our own businesses.
Truth is, the business world needs women more than women need the business world. And as all the advice for women to act more like men to succeed, Sallie’s advice is actually to act more like ourselves! Which also means buying more from women-owned businesses, and investing in companies that promote women, not as a way to bash men, but rather to use the power we already have to effect real change!
And this real change can only happen if, ass Lauren Leader-Chivee said so well, we don’t forget about women’s political power. Now more than ever, it’s crucial for women to be engaged politically. It could be as easy as just sending a letter to your representatives, or running for local office, if only in a a part-time capacity…
Beyond our business and political involvement, activist Jamia Wilson kept it real by talking about the hard conversations we need to have as women. As she mentioned, 94% of Black women voted for Hillary Clinton, as compared to lower percentages among other groups of women. Which may mean a conversation needs to be had about race, identity, and where we stand as women.
This point was echoed by Sallie Krawcheck, who spoke of this election as a “wake-up call”; while Lauren Leader-Chivee urged us to consider the issue of women not agreeing with each other and needing to have these difficult conversations.
It was sobering to hear from Sallie Krawcheck that “research shows that when women are perceived to be seeking attention or power, they evoke feelings of outrage and disgust in both men and women”. Which also explains why it’s been more challenging over time for women to help other women rise in the business and professional worlds.This argument was further explored by Jamia Wilson, who spoke about the myth of meritocracy or how we as women assume that the more we work, the more we should be rewarded for it. In other words, how we fight to be recognized for merit, most times to no avail.
As Jamia recounted her own experience in private and boarding school, during which many parents and fellow students believed she got there because of scholarships, I could deeply empathize with her, being a Black woman who’s found myself in many environments where there were very few minorities, if any. But what really struck me is when she cited iconic feminist Gloria Steinem’s compelling argument around the need to have a sisterhood to support each other as women.
Ultimately, it was the questions asked by members of the audience that really gave a pulse to the issues affecting women after this election. The question that most struck me came from an African-American woman working in the financial services industry, who admitted to facing discrimination in the workplace and being unsure of what to do.
Activist Jamia Wilson’s answer to this was remarkable, as she urged her to actually seek support from people and groups at her place of work. “Get people to advocate for you!”, she said. Or even better, “roll deep, as they say in hip-hop”. She gave the example of Refinery 29, a largely millennial company, that rallied around its employees of color after disturbing events such as the death of Philando Castile; and turned a traumatic event into a community healing, as well as just good business practice.
Another question from the audience was around the issue of how some women can be other women’s biggest critics. To which Sallie Krawcheck reminded us that when men advocate for women and other people of color, they’re well-received. However, quite the opposite happens when women advocate in the same way, which explains why it happens so much less.
A very important question was also brought up around how women can be more active to fight political change. Lauren Leader-Chivee announced an upcoming partnership between her organization, All In Together, and Ellevate Network, to help women advocate and lobby for causes that matter to them. I personally can’t wait for it!
Another very pertinent question was around the role of men in this conversation. As Sallie Krawcheck so realistically explained, “We haven’t figured out the right way to bring men in the conversation”. Yet, as Jamia Wilson put it so well, we need to lean in TOGETHER.
So many other great questions came from the audience. As the event concluded, this phrase from Jamia Wilson remains in my mind and spirit as I go on today to fight my own battles in the world: “Take care of each other!”
Let’s take care of each other as we face the issues of this world, and create change for generations to come!
Thank you Ellevate, for a great event, and for daring to continue such an important conversation!
Cheers,
The Corporate Sis.
