“Girls, I know it has not been easy as I have tried to navigate the challenges of juggling my career and motherhood. And I fully admit that I did not always get the balance right. But I hope that you have seen that with hard work, determination, and love, it can be done … I love you so much.”
Her simple, yet wisdom-filled words, echoed what so many of us, as working moms, fear: not to get it right, to somehow miss it. “It” being this elusive, perfect balance between motherhood and career, this impossibly taxing juggling act we desperately try to master yet end up feeling guilty about much of the time.
It’s this heavy weight of society’s expectations, coupled with our own, that crushes us as we run from home to the office, and vice-versa. Most of all, it’s the disappointment and guilt at the end of the day, weighing our own often unrealistic plans against what we managed to accomplish, feeling it’s never enough. That there’s never enough time, enough energy, enough patience, enough discipline, to get it all done, and get it all done well…And that somehow that makes us not enough as mothers, as career women, as individuals…This can be a crippling feeling, one that can leave us constantly chasing endless tasks, to-do’s, and even recognition and reassurance…
The reality is, we never had to get the balance between career and motherhood right, for the simple reason it doesn’t exist. We may miss the baby’s first steps because we’re at work. Or we may not make the executive team because we can’t take that international assignment away from our families. There will be moments when being physically present as a mom, means not being there in our careers. And inversely, there will be times when thriving at work means missing out on some bedtimes, milestones and family moments.
Yet, what it also means, is that we get to be the fullest version of ourselves, and shine through all of our facets, skills, talents and abilities. We get to show up as all of who we are for those to whom it matters the most that we fulfill the authentic fullness of who we are, our families, spouses, children and loved ones.
As Justice Ketanji Brown-Jackson showed the world, but most importantly her own daughters, the most important is that “with hard work, determination and love, it can be done”. “It” is the journey of a lifetime to overcome the barriers in one’s way, and open closed doors on one’s path so those coming behind us have a better chance. To be all we can be, so we can leave the best and most important legacy to our children, that of being our full selves.
Because, dear working moms, we don’t have to get it right, we have to get it done, and get it done well, fully, authentically, unapologetically…
In this episode, I discuss the world of work changing for working women and mothers with the advent of the pandemic and the numerous challenges it has brought on…
Through this episode, we chat about how the workplace was not made with women and mothers in mind, and why it’s high time to re-evaluate the way we think and do work.
Listen in!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
Someone once said, in order to remove the dirt and unwanted substances from a rug, you have to shake it. So it is of society. It often takes a hard shake to first uncover, and then remove the deep inequities and inequalities plaguing our ways of life and work. To clean and refresh existing structures of domination and submission into more equitable places of humanity and growth. Just like we’d clean out a closet filled with antiquated, ill-fitting clothes and shoes no longer belonging to the times and spaces we live in.This year’s Spring cleaning is no exception. Except it’s like no other for working women and moms at this juncture of history and time.
The COVID-19 pandemic has brought on more than a global health, economic, and political crisis. It has stirred more than a “Great Resignation” movement for businesses, organizations and individuals. Rather, what it has ushered with its great wind of change, shock and dismay, is a great reckoning of the urgent need for a serious refresh of the world of work, especially as it relates to and concerns women and mothers. The reality is, this crisis has been the ultimate straw that broke the camel’s back in the long, sadly still unresolved saga of deep inequities between men and women both on the work and home front. And now it’s time for a good, deep, hard, honest Spring cleaning…
Every year, and also through every milestone, upheaval, or change, I shed a part of my closet that is no longer “me”, no longer adapted to my passionate, busy, imperfect life of woman, working mom, wife, friend, sister, and whatever other hat I, like so many others, wear…As I get closer and closer to the most authentic version of myself, shedding layers of social conditioning, false knowledge, and inadequate influences, as well as reflecting and taking on fashion that literally “suits” me best, my closet is but one of the reflections of the changes occurring on the inside. A mirror to the evolution of a person, a woman, a mother, a sister, a friend, a human…Now this may sound shallow to some…until we all start considering how we’ve replaced polished, uncomfortable work slacks and skirts, with elastic waist sweatpants, albeit hiding under Zoom-ready, professional-looking tops…Or how the fashion industry has been reflecting the world’s crisis through an increased focus on sustainability, comfort, and powerful diversity, equity and inclusion statements on racial justice, voting rights, and female solidarity, to cite a few… I rest my case…
Like many of our ever “transitioning” closets, the world of work, and society at large, has been ill-fitting for working women and mothers for the longest time. While it has been shedding very few of its inadequacies, inequities and inequalities over time, there is still much work to be done. As the pandemic swiftly, violently, irrevocably pulled and shook the rug from under what has been an antiquated society, in terms of gender equity and inequality for quite some time, it has also created a precious opportunity for much-needed change. Yes, research says COVID-19 has sent women’s progress back at least a decade. Millions of women have, and still are, exiting the workforce in droves, fueled by lack of childcare, burnout, and a painful re-evaluation of their values. That, and other similarly hard to fathom facts, are true…Yet, two things can be true at once. While the pandemic has certainly set women and mothers back, it has also brought about the Spring cleaning we all needed, and the beginning of a crucial conversation and work towards gender equity and equality. This has also spurred many “firsts” that, although long overdue, we must acknowledge, celebrate and keep the momentum of going, including the first female head of the World Trade Organization Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, the youngest U.S. inaugural poet Amanda Gorman, the first woman of Asian descent to win the best Director Award Chloe Zao, as we await the confirmation of the first Black woman U.S. Supreme Court Justice, among other historical wins…
At the end , it really starts with the realization that some things have changed, yet will need to further change, including:
The world of work as we know it, was not built for women
However, as society shifts through shake-ups like the COVID-19 pandemic, these inequities and gaps are made more blatant and more urgent to solve. No longer can we pretend that all is well in the world of work when gender biases are being so painfully and visibly exposed through the cracks of unavoidable change and disruption.
So it’s time to re-imagine and create a working world that includes women’s values, lifestyles and priorities.
Change and disruption are not only forcing us to stop, whether out of necessity, survival, exhaustion or burnout. They’re also pushing us against the wall of our own denial of a gender-biased reality that has existed for too long, and can no longer go on as such. In a progressively hybrid working world fashioned by the necessary appeal of flexibility, the urgency of affordable and available childcare, and most importantly the prevailing of true humanity for all, the patriarchal, antiquated norms of the past no longer have a place. Instead, they are to be replaced with the authentic, full, human values of individuals, including working women and mothers. The same values, such as equity of time, labor and pay, that have been overlooked and ignored for far too long…
Truth is, the 9-to-5 grueling rat race, the limiting (and limited) maternity leave and maternal wall bias, all the way up to the corporate ladder, were created as hurdles and limitations for working women and mothers in a world designed for men. As such, it’s high time to re-imagine and finally create a working world including women’s time, priorities and values. A working world where women do not have to choose between motherhood and career, apologize for the flexibility to be their entire selves, or abdicate purpose at the altar of servitude.
It’s time for women to re-evaluate and re-invent themselves
In the same way, as organizations, businesses, companies and society as a whole are called upon to re-imagine their foundations and structures, working women and mothers are also called upon to re-invent theirs. And this time around, to do so with the bold authenticity, the daring truth, the unapologetic presence they were not at liberty to exhibit in times past.
There is a portal, albeit a risky and precarious one, that just opened, by virtue of a global health, political and economic crisis, that is lifting the curtain to reveal a fairer, more equitable, other side to work and life. And we must be willing and daring to cross the threshold of our conditioning and old mindsets, and do the work to get to the other side…
“ Will you be able to resume your functions after baby?”
“ Are you able to effectively work from home with your children?”
“Shouldn’t you be home with your kids?”
These are only some of the questions and assumptions many, if not most, working moms face in the course of their careers. While we hear so much about the glass ceiling, this seemingly impenetrable, gender bias in career advancement separating professional men and women, what we don’t talk about as much is the maternal wall bias. This form of discrimination largely experienced by working mothers in the workplace perpetuates the false perception that mothers and pregnant women are less competent, productive and effective at work. This pervasive stereotype is manifest in hiring practices, promotion processes, and career growth and advancement in general.
According to a 2018 PNAS study, 43% of working moms in the Sciences, Technology, Engineering and Maths (STEM) fields dropped their full-time employment after becoming mothers, as opposed to only 23% of men after becoming parents. This statistic, along with many similar ones in other industries, illustrates well how many working mothers are pressured to leave the workplace while, or after having children. The other common alternative for working or expectant mothers is to resign themselves to the more stagnant, less growth oriented “mommy track”, which is especially prevalent in situations where they take advantage of flexible scheduling for family and childcare-related reasons.
The maternal wall bias is embedded in how society traditionally views mothers, whose primary role is assumed and expected to be in the home. This general expectation is also at the root of the deep gender imbalance felt by working mothers throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, during which mothers had to carry the brunt of the home responsibilities while quarantined along with their work duties. Whereas pre-pandemic, the pressure of required “face time” in the office left many working mothers stuck between their careers and roles as mothers; during this global health crisis, moms now had to grapple with blurred work and life boundaries, a never-ending cycle of work on the home and professional fronts, and the reversal of decades of feminist progress in favor of backtracking to antiquated traditional gender stereotypes.
As the world of work is increasingly evolving from a more traditional to a more technology-focused, remote environment, some of this bias could be alleviated by leveling the playing field for remote and hybrid employees. However, for working mothers, working from home also means grappling with the unequal gender division of labor, thus multiplying the weight on their shoulders. And as companies and organizations seek to return their employees to the office, working mothers may again face the harsh pressure of having to choose between work and motherhood…
In a society still plagued by the unfair distribution of childcare resources, as well as health, political and economic uncertainty, the maternal wall bias may constitute a much larger threat than the glass ceiling for working mothers…And maybe this should be the one gender bias we should focus more on…
This episode is part of our “Black Women at Work” series in honor of Black History Month.
In this episode, I’m exploring how we, as working women and moms, can navigate and combat racial trauma in the workplace.
Listen in!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
