“What would you want someone like me to know about women of color at work?”
When Gregg Stebben, host of Forbes Books Radio, asked me this question as part of my interview during #BlogHer17, something clicked. Here I was, as a working woman of color and entrepreneur, with a mission to start and continue a conversation around providing women with the opportunity to have work and lives they love. Yet, it was apparent that a significant part of the narrative of women of color at work is unknown (or falsely known) to many. Here I was, faced with the confirmation that as women of color at work, we need to tell our stories in order to fuel this conversation.
You know when you know something, and think that everyone else does too? When you believe that the reality of your experience, struggle and identity is obvious to others. Yet, most often, it is not. Most often, the “unconscious bias” in others is fueled in large part by ignorance. There are of course other very much negative factors affecting the way we’re perceived, but by not telling our stories, we’re indirectly reinforcing them.
Our stories are made to be shared. Not just amongst those who are in the midst of them, but among those who may not suspect the intricate tapestry of our lives and work. It’s not until we shed light on the reality of what we face that we can hope to bridge the understanding divide.
I remember on one occasion, a cultural initiative was launched in my then-department to share our origins with the rest of the employees. There was this large world map on the back of a cubicle wall, and every employee was asked to volunteer to pin her/his place of origin. As expected, most pins ended up on the European continent, with a large majority of them resting on Ireland, Italy and England. Then a couple of solitary pins, mine included, floating over Africa…
Conversations started buzzing about each and everyone’s ancestry, and how they found out about their origins, as well as their family traditions and recipes. As the only (or one of the very few) Black women in the room, it felt intimidating to share my own story. Thoughts of being judged based on the inaccurate, yet popular prejudices about Africa, started swirling in my mind. As much as I wanted to share my own stories about rice and fish, traditional holidays, and my favorite family traditions, I remained silent. Instead of continuing the conversation, I waited for a hypothetical invite to partake in the cultural sharing, which never came.
This is an example of one of the many ways in which we sometimes fail to share our stories. Not just for the sake of sharing, or entertainment, but to shed light on facts and figures most often hidden from general view and understanding. To be a part of the ongoing conversation, whether we’re invited or not…
Very often, as women of color, we owe it to ourselves, our fellow women of color, and our communities to make ourselves part of the conversation. There may not be invitations or much encouragement to do so at first. Yet it is our responsibility to spread the knowledge and information without which we may not be understood, acknowledged or recognized.
I’m an immigrant, and my experience is part of the tapestry of the American and world history. It defines my contributions to work and life in general in invaluable ways that can only be recognized and acknowledged when I dare to own my story. In the same way, whether you’re an immigrant, or a first-generation college graduate, or a single mom striving to climb the corporate ladder or create your own business, the invaluable experience you bring to the table is needed. Yet it must be known to be used and make an impact…
“Will it even make a difference to tell my story?”
“Will it not actually hurt my chances at advancement and success to reveal that I’m an immigrant, or a first-time graduate in my family?”
“Does it even make a difference? I can just come in, do my work, get my paycheck and just blend in.”
“It’s safer to wear a mask at work, and pretend all is well and dandy. Who wants to attract unwarranted attention?”
Many are the questions raised to the forefront when it comes to sharing your story as a woman of color at work. We still feel the need to hide a large part of who we are, where we come from, and what we really are about, when the rest of the world uses those very factors as competitive advantages.
I’m learning that there are no real work personas. We take all of us with us everywhere we go. That includes our beliefs, mindsets, origins, and unique life experiences. While we may at times think these may hinder us, or slow our progress, we forget that without authenticity there is no power. At work or anywhere else…
This is not about exposing your dirty (or clean) laundry in the middle of the office floor. Neither is it about revealing private facets of your life or experience you’d rather keep to yourself. Nor is it about resurrecting the past…
It’s about participating in the global conversation around women in and out of work. It’s about showing that there are educated women doctors, engineers, lawyers, finance gurus, entrepreneurs who happen to be first-generation graduates; or were unwed mothers at 18; or come from a family of immigrants with beautiful and original traditions; or have faced discrimination and rose above it; or are creating new paths for other women.
It shouldn’t take a hashtag in response to extreme breaking news for us to share our stories and pictures as brilliant women doctors (or any other profession). We shouldn’t wait for permission, or the perfect opportunity, or for reality to become unbearable, to speak up and share our stories. To show a young girl in high school how a teen mom survived to become a trailblazing entrepreneur. To sit with a young college girl and share our testimonies of starting out in the trenches of Big Corporate and rising through the ranks. To teach, inspire and educate from our unique life experience, beliefs and mindsets. To give other women the freedom to do the same…
There’s a conversation going on around women at work, and as women of color, we must sit at the table. With or without invitation. With or without fear. With or without the perfect opportunity…
How do you share your story as a woman of color at work? If you haven’t, what prevents you from doing so?
“I love Mondays”- said no one ever. Ok, actually, a very select few may…You know, the ones with the stamina and energy you envy as you’re trying to remember your login password for the fifth time this month…
Starting the week after a weekend filled with errands, to-do’s, and laundry (yes laundry) can be quite daunting. Even if you’ve actually relaxed and taken in one movie or two, you’re likely to feel frazzled as you head back to “reality” on Monday.
The biggest AHA moment of my 30’s was when I (finally) realized everything is mindset! E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! That includes tricking your mind to actually love Mondays!
Here are 5 tricks to play on your mind if you want to go from dragging yourself out of bed on Mondays to actually loving the start of the week. And this is regardless of whether you love your job or are still searching for the dream:
Strategize on Sunday! One of the main reasons why we feel overwhelmed on Mondays is lack of planning. I mean, let’s be real, I used to roll out of bed with zero idea about how I was going to get anything done. And as soon as the reality of everything I had to get done hit me in the face, including getting two kids bathed and dressed, hit me in the face, I would freeze. Instead, start strategizing on Sundays. This doesn’t mean you actually have to “work” on your day off, but more like thinking about your goals for the week and how to tackle them effectively. For me, it means quickly checking the calendar, jotting down some to-do’s, and drafting a timeline to get things done during the week. The result? Peace of mind, plus saving myself some premature wrinkles.
Speak yourself motivated! What you speak into reality becomes well… your reality! Do you notice how as soon as you say “I’m tired”, whatever little energy you had seems to seep right out of you? Exactly… Start tricking your mind with positive affirmations as soon as you get up. For me, it’s my favorite Bible verses as well as other inspirational quotes. Another trick not to forget? Stick your favorite affirmations, quotes or inspirational words on Post-it notes all around the house. I have mine on my bathroom mirror, office wall, fridge and coffee machine, and if course on my vision board. So get to speaking!
Start with fun! Whatever anyone may say, there’s something about doing something that stirs your soul that just pumps you up! So instead of tackling that dreaded task that will make you want to crawl under your desk, start with something fun! Whether it’s listening to your favorite tune, taking your favorite cardio class first thing, or talking to your bestie, pick something that brings a smile to your face, anything, no matter how small. For me, it’s to spend some time writing or reading before hitting the work circuit. What is it for you?
Make it a challenge! I love a good challenge, even if it’s with myself. Blame it on my competitive nature ( fine, I admit!). Make it a challenge to start the week on a productive note. Which brings me to my next and last point…
Reward yourself! Listen, we all know a little reward can go a long way! Then why wait until Friday to reward ourselves after spending the entire week in a pre-war funk! So reward yourself for a productive, kick-ass Monday too! Treat yourself to an extra lipstick, a mani-pedi, or just two pages of your fave summer read at the end of the day. Who gets a treat on Monday, you may ask? Well, no one other than Trailblazing, Mega-productive, Badass You!
I’ve been talking to a lot of my girlfriends lately, from all parts of the world, about our careers. The resounding echo I get from these conversations is pretty much the same. For many, if not most of us, we’re looking for more meaning in our work.
It’s not quite the grandiose mid-life crisis, filled with crazy shoe-shopping extravaganzas, trips to exotic locales or fantasies about the perfect man (ok I said fantasies). Neither is it the effervescent fever of the quarter-life, filled with question marks and existential queries of all kinds.
This crisis right here has us question the very meaning of our work. It has us asking ourselves questions like: “What’s my purpose?” “What’s my passion?” “”Heck, do I have a passion?” What am I here to do?”
In between shuttling the kids to and from school and activities, making last minute meal plans, trying to pray the laundry away, we stop and ask ourselves if we’re really fulfilling our purpose. Heck, do we even have a purpose, other than care for everyone else around, go above and beyond at work, home and everywhere in between?
As messages of female empowerment have never been more in our face than ever, it seems to be increasingly difficult to keep our power. We’re called on to slay as we climb the corporate ladder, build businesses, maintain successful relationships and friendships, and still find enough time to exercise, exfoliate and try the latest natural hair product out! Really?
What no one really talks about, at least not loud enough, is the fact that in the midst of what may be the biggest achievement century for women, we’re simply…exhausted! And a bit lost… Even more so as we don’t really have a chance to publicly admit it…
While we’re all about gender equality, female entrepreneurship and everything badass, fierce and slaying for women, many of us are lost. Yes, we’re slaying at work, at home and in business. We’ve got jobs (in the words of RHOA’s Phaedra Parks), kids, side hustles, meal plans, exercise routines, down to scheduled intimacy…
We’ve never been busier, but are we fulfilled? We’ve never been more positive, but are we intentional? We’ve never worn so many hats, but are we productive?
Maybe in this great rush to have it all, do it all and then some, maybe we’re skipping a few steps…That may be why after all the empowerment, the glass ceiling smashing, business dominating and all the slaying we can possibly muster, we’re still left wondering about what work really means to us….And how we can really, truly, achieve meaning through it? Not the meaning the world is looking for, but our own kind of unique, peculiar, flexible meaning….
Just scroll through the timelines of most of your girlfriends, mine included. Most likely, you’ll see gleaming pics of happy vacations, perfect family moments and extreme productivity. With the perfect Insta-worthy background too…
What you won’t see are the doubts, the moments in your car when all you want to do is scream because baby daughter got another late ticket at school, you forgot your left earring and you’d give up dessert forever to get a job you really love.
But you know, you’re an adult now, you’ve got to toughen it out and put on your brave face…So you dry your tears, post another positive affirmation on Instagram, and leave the daunting task of finding deeper meaning for your work to tomorrow….
After all it ain’t a crisis if no one knows about it, right?
Let me ask you this: do you agree that many women are trying to find deeper meaning in their work?
ITooAMHarvard – Photo credit: black enterprise.com
Welcome to our weekly career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
Congrats, you’ve graduated! Now what? Ellevate Network shares a few tips on your post-graduation plan;
If you haven’t heard about the Harvard Black Graduation, Black Enterprise lists three facts to know about it;
Do you get easily distracted at work? The Muse lists the best apps for people who get easily distracted at work;
If you’re strapped for time, Glassdoor lists these 10 amazing companies that you can apply to in less than 10 minutes;
Hi entrepreneurs! Business Insider shares the “small business owners of the year”‘s best advice for entrepreneurs;
Business Insider lists 6 new clothing, footwear and handbag brands every professional woman should know;
Ask A Manager tells you how to put together a professional wardrobe without blowing your budget (check out Corporette‘s tips to save 90% off on your workwear too);
Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Serious Eats lists some pretty yummy Memorial Day snacks, sides and dips.
I leave you with Oprah’s inspiring words at the 2017 Agnes College Commencement. I love my shoes, but she’s right:
Scandal’s 6th season just wrapped up a few days ago, and it’s just been announced that the show will end at Season 7 next year. I mean, saying that it’s bittersweet is an understatement…
Who’s going to give me all kinds of fashion goals and awaken my swagger onThursday nights again? And how can I ever get over the Olivia-President Fitzgerald romance being cut short? How am I supposed to handle all this “getting ready to say goodbye” stuff? I can barely make it through the airport, any airport, without crying with strangers about other strangers leaving them, as everyone’s looking at me wondering why this Black woman is hugging it out with the Polish family she’s never seen until two minutes ago…But I digress…
This is deeper than just spiritually parting ways with the confusing, sweet evil of Poppa Pope, while holding dear Mama’s Pope words in the season finale that so many Black women can identify with:
No, this is like hanging around with your girl crush for six whole TV seasons, and seeing yourself, for once, in a light you’re not often allowed to thrive in. It’s staring at your alter ego in her fierce face, as you rise in power inside all the while mumbling powerful affirmations like “It’s handled” of “No one takes Olivia Pope”.
But you already knew the revolution Olivia Pope has created for Black women everywhere. What you may not have suspected is how much it was (and still is) needed.
As a Black working woman in a world that may disqualify me from the get-go, sometimes, many times, all I need to handle the fear, the barriers, the opposition is an Olivia. Not as a fictional TV character inspired by a somewhat distant reality, but as a symbol of what CAN be.
When you can’t see in the eye of your mind what’s possible, you’re tempted to feed in to the negative rhetoric of society. To see yourself as the “angry Black woman”, the catty Black woman on reality TV, or the powerless Black woman and single mom on welfare. Because that’s what society and the media feed us, right?
But then… enter Black women like Olivia Pope, written into life by Black women like Shonda Rhimes, as Black women like you and I sit at the edge of our own stories and face all of our power. Not just the power to make it, to survive, to carry everyone on our shoulders, but the power to be at the top of our games, to be outrageously, ridiculously successful, to write the rules, our own rules, and never once apologize for it.
You know how they say “you’re pretty for a Black girl”, or “you did well for yourself for a Black women”? And everyone nods and pretends not to notice the invisible wall there…Well, Olivia handled that wall, she crushed it and then came back to show us what that looks like when Black women can rise to such outrageous heights History has to rewrite its own narrative…
This is not about beating the odds anymore. It’s about smashing them, grinding them to a pulp, and molding them like Play-doh into the most fabulous staircase to success. Bam!
“How does it feel to be the most powerful person in the world?” Cyrus asked Olivia in the last episode of Season 6. Notice he said “the most powerful person”, not the “most powerful woman”. And for once, it’s a woman, a Black woman, who has all that power, as she sits on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with a bottle of red wine and the outrageous sparkle of victory in her eyes…
So yes, I’m already mourning the end of “Scandal” and my Thursday night powerful pow-wows with my girl crush over some red wine and crazy tweets….So I’m preparing to do what we do when we have one last summer with the bestie, one last season with the girl crush, we get the wine ready and keep the best for last….
What about you? What are your thoughts on Scandal ending?
I remember on one occasion, a cultural initiative was launched in my then-department to share our origins with the rest of the employees. There was this large world map on the back of a cubicle wall, and every employee was asked to volunteer to pin her/his place of origin. As expected, most pins ended up on the European continent, with a large majority of them resting on Ireland, Italy and England. Then a couple of solitary pins, mine included, floating over Africa…
