What do you think about when you think about setting up new goals? As the New Year approaches, and everyone scrambles to set lofty goals for the next 12 months, goals are the big thing! However, how many of these goals do we really accomplish? Actually, how many do we we even begin to work on?
The truth is, there’s a fundamental problem with the way we set goals. While we get motivated for the first few weeks or months after setting a goal, the initial motivation tends to fade away as we get tired, unfocused or just move on to other objectives.
So how do we set goals that actually work, instead of getting lost in targets we lose track of? As a matter of fact, setting ineffective goals contributes largely to making us bitter, angry and resentful, as we start blaming ourselves for targets that were never the right fit for us.
Over the years, I’ve had (and still do) my share of ineffective goals and objectives, like making it to the gym before my 85th birthday. Or learning to knit one day and make my children proud at their school’s Parent-Teacher conference. The problem with these goals: They don’t fit me. I’m neither an exercise buff nor a domesticated woman (although a nice pair of heels could convince me…).
As you start getting weary of setting the same goals that don’t exactly work every year, here are a few of the lessons I, and many others, have learnt about setting goals that actually work for you:
Learn to know yourself better, and what you really want
So many of us set goals without really knowing what we want. We decide that because Shady Susie’s got a promotion in her department, we should chase a bigger promotion. Or since Gossiping Gina just went on her second vacation this year, we should aim to top the Vacation Pool and jet-set all over the world on our last 401K loan. More seriously, many of the goals we set for ourselves have less to do with us than with some obscure need to validate ourselves.
Instead, let’s learn to know ourselves, and what we really want. Shut off the TV, turn off social media, and focus on what YOU really want out of your life. What have you been dreaming of since you were a child? What sets your soul on fire? Those are the real intentions that should motivate you from the inside out!
Commit to feeling good!
I credit The Desire Map book by Danielle LaPorte for changing my entire perception of how we should set intentions in our lives. Any goal that weighs you down, makes you feel pressured and not at ease may not be for you. This is not to say that we shouldn’t challenge ourselves to rise above the way we feel.
However, I believe that the right intentions for you should awaken an inner lightness, a clarity and a peace of mind that liberates you. Your intentions should help you transform into a better version of yourself. If the lofty goals you’re setting make you feel less worthy, drag down your relationships and kill your creativity, then they may not work for you.
Avoid meaningless goals
Goals that don’t carry meaning for you will have you feeling stressed out, depleted, and exhausted. Those are signals that you should re-evaluate how much meaning these goals have for you. Are you chasing that promotion out of a competitive streak instead of going after the purpose of your life? Are you doing it all for the money and forgetting to fulfill your destiny?
Set intentions that make you feel energized and filled with life. You will notice the difference once you start pursuing them, how different and better they feel. Trust your instincts, they know where you should be headed.
Do you even want it all?
One of the biggest obstacles to setting powerful and effective intentions instead of rigid goals is that we too often want it all. Society has us believing, especially as working women, that we can and should want it all. But do we really want all of it?
You’re allowed to want what YOU want, and not to have to run after every impressive goal set in front of you. That includes showing up with no makeup at the gym or letting go of a well-paid career to pursue your purpose.
Recognize your limitations
Listen, we all have limits. And that’s ok. It’s actually a good thing. Imagine being able to do everything? When would you sleep? But more seriously, our limitations are here to remind us to focus on our true purpose.
I know everyone else will tell you to face your limitations and overcome them. It’s a noble enterprise, but one that will leave you eating out your fingernails and losing your edges. Accept the fact that you don’t have a million-dollar budget (no, you don’t need to buy that yacht to parade it on social media just yet), that you’re not Naomi Campbell, and that you only have so many hours a day.
While there are times when you must rise above your limitations, like when you really need a mental health day before you cuss out your manager (and lose your Christmas budget), make sure to set intentions that let you live and not die!
Stop feeling guilty for wanting what YOU want!
Does Shady Susie’s extravagant lifestyle make you feel guilty for just wanting a day off at home on your own, with no crying kids? Or on the very contrary, does your missionary cousin make you feel bad for wanting to become a multi-millionaire entrepreneur?
Stop feeling guilty for wanting what you want. Wanting more is not a crime, neither is wanting less. Set intentions that truly reflect your inner truth, independently of your environment or pre-conceived notions.
Let go of goals that don’t serve you
Last but not least, holding on to goals that no longer serve us can prevent us from achieving anything worthwhile. I know for a fact that forcing myself to hit the gym on January 1st is a recipe for fitness disaster! When the same goals you’ve been dragging since 1999 are now making you feel like you’ve got a boulder on your ankle, it’s time to let go.
Many times, goals get passed on to you as well, like your mother’s undying wish to see you graduate from Medical School. It’s ok to get off the cultural or family goal bandwagon and set your own intentions!
What other tips do you have to set intentions that actually work in your life?
Our Woman of Impact feature presents women who are breaking barriers in their careers, businesses and lives. These women are inspiring us to do our best work and live our best lives.
Our Woman of Impact is Dorcia Carrillo. She’s an attorney and entrepreneur who manages a business and corporate law firm, the Law Office of Dorcia Carrillo PLLC, where she guides clients from entrepreneurs to executives through the intersection between business deals and legal documentation. Dorcia likes helping growing businesses with practical legal advice and workable solutions. She is a New York Giants fan and ardent supporter of the Alzheimer’s Association. Dorcia and I virtually met through Twitter, as she kindly offered to contribute with her legal and business expertise to TCS.
Hi Dorcia! Can you tell us a bit about you and what you do?
I’m a lawyer and have been on my own, in my own practice, for just over a year. The one thing I’ve learnt is that you can never start your marketing or self- promotion too early. I was in a company previously, and in the legal field there are conflicts of interest, but still if I had just started really tapping into my network, that would have provided a better foundation for when I started on my own. That’s the one thing I let everyone know, if they’re looking to go on their own, or start their own business, it’s never too early to start marketing yourself and tapping into your network.
What does a typical day look like for you?
I don’t have a normal day because I have such flexibility now, but I do try to maintain some sort of schedule. When I first started, not having any commitments and not having a client base yet, I found myself staying up all night and not being as productive as I wanted to be. Now I don’t have a strict schedule but I do make sure I put something on my calendar, have some kind of networking event or event that forces me to get out of the house. Last night, I was at a business planning and succession meeting at the local library, so I try to have something like that once a week. I do have a bedtime now. Although I feel like I’m most productive at night, and a lot of people feel that way, it’s important to keep a schedule and get a good night’s sleep.
When I decided to leave my job, I decided to get a part-time job in retail, which I had never worked in retail prior to this. I thought I could maintain my wardrobe while at the same time giving me some structure. I know I’m busy for two days, so I have to focus more on the remaining 5 days. It’s actually something I really like, as I style people naturally. Even as my business grows, it gives me time to relax, especially since being a lawyer can be very stressful.
What made you decide to start your own business and get out of corporate?
It was a number of factors. Mainly, I wanted more edification. I worked in Compliance, and everything was about what you can or cannot do. I wanted more creativity in my work. In other legal areas, there is more creativity, but not so much in Compliance. I was getting disheartened with it. I was also in the Defense sector, which didn’t align with my values, and which I didn’t have much interest in. That was coupled with a desire to have more fulfillment, being proud of what I did and who I was working with. Looking for opportunities and not finding them, I decided then I could create it myself.
What’s the best part about what you do?
The best part is when I connect with a client, learning their business about what they do. Instead of working with the same internal customers who do the same thing for the same people all the time, I get to learn a variety of businesses, see how people across a variety of sectors operate and bring my skills and knowledge to help them. I’ve been working with an environmental company recently, and since I’m good with understanding how processes work, I’ve been able to help them and they were really happy about it. That really makes my day.
How do you face the uncertainty of being an entrepreneur?
The uncertainty in my mind is linked to financial security. Am I going to make enough money? In my experience on this Earth, I’ve had more, I’ve had less, and I’m still here. It’s not that big a deal. The second piece of advice is you can never have enough money. You can never save enough. They tell you to save six to 12 months of living expenses. You can plan as much as possible, but for me, I saved six months of expenses. I ended up having steady business for the past 4 months, and I was living as I did before, and then business slowed down. I had to find other ways to save on expenses and generate more income.
There’s also uncertainty in corporations. I was in a company previously, and survived 4 rounds of personnel reduction. So there’s not much of a difference, because you can have a job and get downsized or laid off. You can have your own business, and in that case, even have more control, because you can identify more ways to increase your revenue, expand your product base, expand into new markets. That’s how I deal with the uncertainty by not framing it that way. And also realizing that with a job, there’s uncertainty as well.
What resources do you use in your business and daily life to be as efficient and productive as possible?
That’s’ a great question. One of the reasons why I started this was to create more opportunities for people who look like me. Right now, I’m a one-woman shop. It’s great because there are so many applications, right from my phone, that I use to manage my time-keeping, billing and invoicing. I use the Microsoft Suite for Outlook and anything administrative. There are so many tools that are free or relatively low-cost. I recommend Tiny Invoice, that’s what I use for my billing and I love it.
Other resources that I tap into is the Ellevate Network, that I use for education, listening to some of the webinars, for networking opportunities. I’ve also had that platform for some of my articles, as well as your blog which has also been a platform for my publishing.
What are the main challenges you face on a daily basis?
The main challenges are articulating how I can help people. Lawyers are a dime a dozen, and I’m always refining my elevator speech. I’m more of an introvert, although my mom wouldn’t agree. I’m not an in-your-face kind of person, I’m more into listening and figuring out what your issues are. The challenge is being able to respond efficiently, and letting you know: “Yes I can help you with that!”
There are other things, because I’m on the younger side and I’m a Black woman. Many times, I am the youngest and only woman of color in the room. I don’t’ see those things as challenges any more, as I do want to serve a community that reflects me, and I’m happy when I have a client who might feel uncomfortable with a traditional law firm and I can provide the same or a better service because I know where they come from.
As a Black woman blazing a trail in your business and industry, what can you tell other Black women about taking a leap of faith and follow up on that dream to create something new?
Tap into your network. We have networks, whether it’s Ellevate, or part of a Greek association or even our churches. There may be resistance at first, but that’s ok. They talk about the old boys club, but we can also have the young girls’ network, or any other type of network. We just have to find ways to tap into them early and often. When I started out, the pastor in my church gave a shout out in my church. People have contacted me because of that. Even if I haven’t worked with them, I was able to give them a reference and plant a seed there.
Shameless self-promotion, we really have to get better at that. We can start doing it organically by tapping into the groups we’re already a part of.
What are you reading or what have you read lately?
I was actually trying to get a book club started aimed at books by Black women. I was reading Luvvie Ajayi’s “I’m Judging You”. I also just finished Gabourey Sidibe’s autobiography, “It’s Just my Face”. I also read a book on micro-resolutions, the title escapes me, but it was about making micro-resolutions, which helped me with productivity. After reading the book, I came up with the small tweak that I don’t get on my phone for social media until noon, and not after midnight.
What music are you listening to?
I do love music, and do listen to Hot 97 which is a NY city, mostly because the conversation is interesting but still light-hearted. Or the top 40 of R&B, or Hip-Hop. In general, whatever’s on the radio and is upbeat.
Where can we find you?
You can contact me online at http://www.dorciacarrillo.com. Feel free to email me at attorney@dorciacarillo.com. I also live in the Norwalk, CT area, so if you’re in the area, I’d be happy to take someone out for a cup of tea to discuss anything legally-related.
I also specialize in handling business transactions for startup operations, especially as related to the acquisition and selling of additional business. Anything related to contracts, distribution agreements, etc. I’m also happy to look at anything related to your business and if it’s something I don’t handle, I’m happy to refer you.
As you’re reading this, you may also be scrolling through your Instagram feed, looking at all the successful and fulfilled entrepreneurs and career women and men jet-setting all over the world…You may be checking out Queen Bey’s pics on her yacht parked on the Amalfi coast in Italy, or drooling over that influencer’s unbelievable wardrobe…
What your Instagram feed won’t show you though, are the less-than-perfect pictures of those times when these same successful men and women were crying themselves to sleep because of failure. When they’d wake up tired and despairing over the very existences you’re dreaming about right now. What many will not tell you is that it the average success story takes 10 years, and that the path to greatness through purpose is littered with heartache and obstacles.
No, what your Instagram feed and social media in general will tell you is that it’s easy. That you can just up and leave your job, buy a network marketing package, and achieve your wildest dreams in a pinch.
Not too many successful entrepreneurs and career women and men will tell you about the actual process, what it takes to get there, the sacrifices, disappointments and failures along the way. Yet, even more than their successes and achievements, it’s the difficulties along the journey that make the successful who they are. It’s the many obstacles that teach them to win by losing first, and to build the character needed to keep growing their empires.
I too, was very tempted to believe in all the hype around the overnight success stories of this entrepreneur, or that mogul here and there. Don’t get me wrong, it gives us hope, lets us dream, right? However, the reality of success is only “real” when you experience it firsthand.
As I, and so many others, are taking leaps into pursuing our purpose and chasing our dreams, here are some of the lessons we’re sometimes painfully learning along the way:
Failure is certain!
Whenever you embark on a purposeful journey, write down these words: “Failure is par for the course!”. If one thing is certain, it is that you will fall on your face at some point or another, in one aspect or another of your venture. It may be in a personal way, or in a business or professional way, but it will happen. So make peace with it! Actually, you should celebrate it, for it is the only way that you truly learn.
I used to think that failure was shameful and an indication of weak character. What I’ve learnt, and know for sure, is that failure is necessary and vital to the building of a strong character. The best lessons are acquired through failure. The strongest characters are formed in the midst of failure. It’s only when you fail, and get back up, that you internalize the lesson and dare to apply it. It’s only in the face of failure that you dare to go against the grain, leave behind what others will say or think of you, and move forward.
Failure is training ground, it’s a blessing in disguise. So don’t be discouraged when it doesn’t work, it means you’ve just learnt another way that is not effective on your way to uncovering what really works for you. Those who never fail, never learn, and you’re not one of them.
Lots of work, little pay!
That paycheck that drops every two weeks in your bank account as a trade for your time and effort? It doesn’t drop when you pursue your purpose in business or in the career of your dreams. What drops is a lot of sweat equity that you pay forth in advance, in exchange for rewards that may take longer than expected to arrive.
Many an entrepreneur or successful woman or man, has been homeless, had their lights cut off or their belly going hungry. They may not share that part of their journey, but what is sure is that they have paid a lot up front for dreams and aspirations that have only manifested way down in the road.
Very few will understand your journey
If you expect the world to share in your purposeful journey and get you, you’re in for a surprise! Very few will grasp your vision. Most will actually reject it, deny it, and try to shut you down in the process. It’s normal, the vision was given to you and no one else. It has to be birthed through you, by you, and no one else.
Don’t blame others, even your close friends and family, when they don’t support your vision. Many times, they simply don’t see it. Other times, they may refuse to give you the credit because as human beings, we get threatened by the ambitions and the desires we ourselves couldn’t bring to fruition.
Growth requires mourning (and sacrifice is only valid when you have other options)
Pursuing your purpose as you’re building your empire, toiling at the career of your dreams, or just being more of who you were created to be, will require you to grow. You cannot have what you have not grown to be able to have. Neither can you maintain what you haven’t built the character to keep.
Your purpose through your business or career will ask of you to address those areas of your life and character that need to elevate. As you work on yourself, you will lose parts of yourself that are no longer serving you. You will also lose people whose part in your journey is over.
It will cause you to mourn and bury the dead things in your life and on your path that you no longer have room for. As your capacity to expand and create something larger than yourself increases, you will need to make room. And the process of making room will also cause you to mourn what you have to let go.
Sometimes leaping is the only option
Many times, we want to pick the safest route. Keep a foot in at the job, and another building our legacy. Or staying in the defective relationship, as we pretend to work on ourselves. We build compromises that won’t let us express the breadth and width of our capacity.
As you follow Purpose, sometimes leaping into the unknown will be the only option. The true measure of sacrifice only comes alive when we have other options. When there are other alternatives in front of us, but we decide to follow the straight, narrow path instead. Sometimes, the only way to do it is to jump and work at opening the parachute on our way down.
Success is sweet, sour and lonely
How do you define success? Is it the bright, glaring light of Oscar ceremonies and red carpets? Is it the personal fulfillment of running your own race? Or is it laying on the beach in Rio de Janeiro savoring the pleasures of jet-setting?
What many don’t share with the rest of us, is that success certainly has a good part. It also has the sour and lonely part of dealing with new demands, new commitments and new levels. It also invites new devils into our everyday lives, that we must learn to deal with while still continuing on our journey.
The timing is never perfect
It’s never going to be the right time. To have a baby, build the business, start the career, or leave it all behind and start over. There is no right time, because the time is not supposed to be right. If it were, then there wouldn’t be a cost to being all we can be? Then, we would not fail and stumble and learn and become ourselves.
8. Faith Will Take You There
Last but not least, when all is said and done, faith, this undying belief in yourself and who you were created to be will take you there, against all odds. However, faith is strengthened under pressure. It’s only though the trials and difficulties along the way that you will grow this confidence and belief in yourself, and in your higher purpose.
Keep going, sis!
What other lessons can you share about the real cost of following your purpose?
Sexual harassment has always been rampant in the workplace. While the recent claims and allegations have brought it to light in the past months, this problem has existed for a very long time. Yet, it has been (and still is ) muddied by the many perceptions about what constitutes sexual harassment and what to do about it. This is all the more prevalent as most of the legislations in effect around sexual harassment are decided on by men, while most of the policies around sexual harassment are also written by men in the workplace.
So how does one go about recognizing sexual harassment and actually addressing it? As a general rule, ANYTHING of a sexual nature that makes you, as a woman, feel uncomfortable in the workplace, should make you start considering whether it’s sexual harassment or not.
Some examples may include:
Inappropriate sexual gestures
Inappropriate touching of a sexual nature
Anecdotes of a sexual nature or lewd, suggestive jokes
Suggestive emails, letters or notes
Inappropriate sexual images in the workplace
Staring in a sexually offensive or suggestive manner
Sexual comments about one’s appearance, body parts or clothing items
Sexually inappropriate videos or pornographic images or objects
Sexual inquiries or questions (for instance, inquiring about someone’s sexual orientation or history)
Offensive or sexual comments about one’s sexual orientation or gender
According to the Department of Labor, there are basically two types of sexual harassment:
Quid Pro Quo Harassment: This is when an authority figure or someone in a position of authority decides of your employment outcomes based on the condition of sexual acts or favor from the victim;
“Hostile Work Environment” sexual harassment: This is when the harassment creates an intimidating or hostile work environment from the damaging conduct of a sexual nature of co-workers, contractors, customers or supervisors.
These examples above are not all-encompassing. If you encounter any sexual action that contributes in creating a hostile work environment, you may be faced with sexual harassment.
What can you do about it?
If you decide to address it, here are a few steps you can undertake:
Get familiar with your company’s anti-harassment policy
Your company should have a policy that informs you on how to file a sexual harassment claim. Look for this policy in your employee handbook or contract, or contact HR to locate it and have access to it. This document will also inform you as to who you should report your claim, what you will have to provide, and what to do if your claim is not addressed. As a side note, you don’t have to inform your manager of any complaint your share with HR. However, if you choose to do so, it may lessen some of the pressure you experience, unless the complaint is against them.
Document everything!
Keep a record of every sexual harassment incident you may have experienced. Document the dates, names and witnesses involved, as well as a detailed description of the events. Save any email or text communication that can constitute evidence.
Keep in mind that you should maintain any supporting documentation on personal devices other than your company computer or property. Forward any email or incriminating evidence to your personal email. Remember that if you’re fired, you won’t be able to retrieve any evidence from company property.
Know your rights!
Know that your company’s HR department is not your only recourse. You may want to consult a sexual harassment attorney even before you reach out to your HR department.
You should know that your employer cannot legally retaliate against you under Title VII. You should also keep in mind that if you’re assisting a fellow co-worker in a sexual harassment claim and lawsuit, you’re also protected by the law.
Don’t quit just yet!
While it’s understandable that you may want to leave a hostile work environment, you should keep in mind that once you quit, you’re no longer able to file a sexual harassment claim on their policy. If you’re interested in filing a lawsuit, you may want to consider filing first before quitting.
File a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
In case you have a Title VII complaint, you can file a discrimination complaint with the EEOC. Note that you have 180 days from the date on which you have experienced the discrimination to file. You also do not have to use an attorney to file this complaint. Read more on instructions here.
The EEOC will then notify your employer and begin an investigation. At this point, the EEOC may attempt to settle, file a lawsuit in federal court, or dismiss the charge, depending on the results of the investigation.
You can file a lawsuit in court
If your case is dismissed by the EEOC, you will be issued a notice to advise you of your right to sue in court, or a “right-to-sue” letter. You may also request this letter if you want to sue in court before the end of the EEOC investigation.
What will people think? This question has single-handedly stopped many a destiny, aborted many a dream and reduced the lives of most to an existence well below their potential. For the longest time, it was also the crutch I kept leaning on to remain in my comfort zone. Caring about what people think, this disease that’s been passed on from generation to generation, especially among women, has destroyed careers, halted businesses and instilled doubts in the most promising futures. For the longest time, it was also the crutch I kept leaning on to remain in my comfort zone.
I grew up in Senegal, West Africa. Where I come from, you don’t just act how you want to act. You think about others, about the community first. It was that way back in the days because the community came first, before personal interests. As time went by though, this concern for the communal slowly turned into excessive care about appearances. And that’s the way it has become pretty much anywhere around the world, especially with the predominance of social media. It’s all about the way our lives, our work, our families, the arch of your brows or the shine of your highlighting powder, is going to appear to the world. What they’re going to think about you eating lobster on a Thursday night, or jet-setting in St Tropez on your last dime. How many likes or comments you’ll get, as a reflection of your own self-worth and validation.
At the age of social media, rented private jets and made up scenery for Instagram pics, not caring about what people think is close to achieving miracles. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve created countless memes and images around being free to do what we want and living life on our own terms. Yet, we seek approval on these same memes we post day in and day out. So what is one to do, to disentangle oneself from the prison of others’ opinions, without drifting into exile or shunning social media forever?
Cultivate the fierce art of loving yourself
In a world where selfishness is being masked as loving ourselves, we’ve lost the art of real self-love. The ability to unconditionally hold ourselves in high esteem, without doubting our divine worth, assignment and purpose. Instead, we tend to allow the wind of circumstances and events to dictate who we are at any moment.
Stop second-guessing yourself, and start appreciating yourself, even as you make mistakes and are not as successful as you think you should be. Let your sense of worth dictate how you allow others to treat you, and the path you take in this life. And don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.
Practice going against the grain
Care is a muscle. The more you exert pressure on it, the stronger it will be. Practice going against others’ opinions to strengthen your resolve to stop caring about what people think. This is not about disagreeing with everyone about everything, but rather having the courage of your own convictions in a world that constantly demands that you conform.
Be your own person. Stand alone if you have to. Let go of the need to say yes, the urge to please and agree with others so you can be accepted. The more you have to seek acceptance within yourself, the more likely you will stop caring what people think of you.
Spend time alone
The noise of other people’s opinions very often clouds our judgment. Energy is contagious, so are behaviors and opinions. By removing yourself from the noise around, it’s easier to make space for your own opinions and convictions.
Don’t be afraid to spend time alone. If anything, welcome it as an opportunity to explore your innermost thoughts and desires. The more grounded you get in who you truly are, the less likely it will be for you to succumb to others’ opinions.
Detach yourself from the need to be liked
I used to have what I’d call the “disease to please”, this urge to be appreciated by everyone around me. In turn, I would jump through hoops and desperately try to cater to the needs, desires and whims of people around. While it wouldn’t make me happy, I’d still do it for the fleeting comfort of being liked.
Not everyone has to like you. As a matter of fact, many, if not most people, you meet, may not like you at all. And that’s ok. You have neither the time, nor the energy to cater to a gazillion friendships and other relationships. Take it as a blessing, which frees you up to build strong relationships with those who are meant to be in your life.
Open yourself up to criticism
Unless you’re ready to be talked about and criticized, you’re not ready to be successful. What stands in the way of many people who can’t seem to achieve the success they crave is their refusal to be criticized. Unless you do absolutely nothing, you will be talked about, most of the time in rather unflattering terms. Which also means that you’re doing something that’s making people talk.
Don’t fear criticism. As a matter of fact, you should welcome and celebrate it as a sign that you’re making a difference. Keep in mind that not all criticism is negative. Learn from some of the most constructive remarks you get along the way, and use them as tools to continuously improve.
Learn to master your emotions
The more you tend to care about what other people think, the more you maybe tempted to react emotionally in response. Having control over your emotions allows you to step away from the pressure of others’ opinions, and be able to look at yourself in a more objective way.
Understand that while your emotions are valid, they’re also fleeting. Emotions may be great indicators of where we stand at the moment, but they shouldn’t be trusted to be acted upon. Practice distancing yourself from your emotions, and not reacting to them, while still allowing yourself to feel.
Be compassionate
Last but not least, having compassion for others is a great way not to feel threatened by their opinions about you. Understanding that most people don’t even like or appreciate themselves, and as such are incapable of liking you, helps put some perspective in this. Everyone is faced with their own journey, and has to tackle many a challenge to get there.
Be compassionate with the people who may judge you. They’re probably also judging themselves. What people think about you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
What other tips do you have to stop caring about what people think about you?
