In this episode, I chat about planning for work-life integration instead of work-life balance. How about planning to integrate all the areas and aspects of our lives and careers, instead of compartmentalizing and attempting to balance it all! Listen in on this episode!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
How many times have you wondered why there are not more hours in a day? How many times have you been so frazzled, stressed, and paralyzed at the thought that you don’t have enough time to do everything that’s on your plate? And how often do you find yourself at the end of the day dissatisfied, disappointed and disheartened at how little you accomplished during the day? If you have, and are nodding out reading this, you certainly are not alone. I know I have, and still do feel like this way more often than I would like to.
As a working woman, and especially after becoming a working mom, these questions have haunted me over and over again. And it’s certainly not for lack of resources around it…After reading countless articles and books on time management, I’ve realized many of those are not exactly built for us working women and mothers. Like much of the advice given out there, it’s mainly tailored for our male counterparts who do not have the same pressures and demands on their time as we do. This in turn has prompted me to consider the ways in which I could build a schedule that really works for me. I was tired of feeling like I couldn’t accomplish my goals and objectives. Like so many, I felt frustrated not being able to move forward, and experiencing a sense of failure as a result of it.
What dawned on me afterwards was that maybe the lack of time wasn’t the main issue. Maybe the issue after all, was a lack of alignment between the schedule I tried so desperately to make work and myself as an individual. Research shows making a plan and establishing SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound) goals increase the chances of accomplishing our objective. However, what I didn’t find much talked about in the research is how goals really tie in to who we are and not just what we do. Too often, we focus on the tasks on our to do list. We define ourselves by what we do and most importantly what we achieve and accomplish. At the end of the day, for many of us, we perceive, and so do others that it is what makes a successful. As a result, we often end up getting sucked into a tsunami of to-do’s, without clearly relating what we do to who we are. In turn, this creates goals and objectives that do not fit us as individuals, and as such are so much harder to reach, making us feel powerless and disempowered in the process.
This is especially relevant for us as working women and moms, as our nurturing nature often puts us in positions where we tend to consider others’ goals and objectives before our own. In addition, the pressure to conform to society’s expectations and demands often leads us to take on these expectations and demands as our own. Hence why so many of us find ourselves powerless in our careers, and by extension in our lives. The same goes for our schedules.
After years of fighting against the clock, and not feeling accomplished at the end of the day, I started asking myself if the goals and objectives I was pursuing were really the right ones. This prompted me to get more attuned to my inner voice and what brings me joy, what makes me feel fulfilled, what gives me a sense of accomplishment as opposed to what the world considers “accomplished”. And little by little, I started building my schedule around these. What I noticed as a result was not only an increase in productivity, but also in the sense of empowerment, joy and fulfillment as I started turning my schedule into something that was more reflective of myself.
As a result and after talking to many other working women and moms around me, I started building my schedule around three main principles:
The Dream time
Carving out time to pursue dream ambitions and life goals is essential to our happiness. As a working woman and mom, this was time that often eluded me. As a result, I often felt frustrated because I didn’t have time to write, and go towards the things that really brought joy to me and nurtured my soul. Whenever I try to create more of that time, it almost seemed like I was taking it away from my family, my social relationships and other commitments already lined up. A strong sense of guilt would ensue which would leave me even more depleted and dissatisfied. This is where I made a conscious decision to intentionally carve out what I call my “dream time”. For me, it meant waking up a bit earlier to have some me-time, and tackle personal and professional projects. Despite having to be more disciplined and organized, I could feel my enthusiasm, motivation and joy increase. Paradoxically, the more disciplined I became in intentionally building my “dream time”, the better I was with myself and others.
Carving out your dream time is going to require discipline, organization, and is definitely not easy. However the more you build the habit, the easier it becomes, and the more joy you’re bound to experience.
The Sacred Time
Building a schedule that reflects more of who I am is also making time for the non-negotiables in my life. Those are the sacred areas of life that we can’t reclaim back. For me, it’s time for faith, time for self, and time for family, friends and important relationships. Often, time spent at work or running around from commitment to duty to obligation can take us away from our “sacred time” time, resulting in disconnection, loss of relationships and even decreases in mental health.
What I learned from trial and error is to make sure my sacred time is always indeed treated as such. What this means is also striving to block my calendar, and build serious boundaries around my time. As a working woman and mom, I found that it allowed me to lessen the sense of guilt that I would get when working or engaging in other activities because I would know that I had respected my sacred time before hand. This also allowed me to build deeper, more intentional relationships with the people near and dear to me.
Carving out sacred time in an intentional and organized manner also requires much discipline, organization and boundaries. However, doing so can lead to much more satisfaction and much less guilt as working women and moms.
The Impactful Work time
As a working woman and mother whose time is certainly not infinite, doing work in an effective and impactful manner is crucial. Yet I was finding that many times, I was spending time on work that didn’t reap the desired results. It almost felt like wasting time, which ended up being costly in the long run because each hour wasted would have repercussions on my personal and private life, as well as on my sense of fulfillment and worth.
This is where I started paying attention to the concept of impactful work. It is the idea that one should focus on work that creates a true, long lasting and effective impact. Was the work I was doing really creating this type of impact, or was I just doing busywork much of the time? This was a tough question to ask myself, as it also forced me to put my work habits, discipline, and work ethics into a question. Yet this also provided the opportunity to really define what impactful work was for me, and how to best achieve it.
Defining impactful work for yourself as a working woman and mother, and as an individual in general, will help you streamline the many tasks and to-do’s on your list. It will help you focus on what truly matters, what will matter tomorrow, next year, and in the next 5 to 10 years. With this type of focus, irrelevant tasks are eliminated, delegated, or postponed. Instead, relevant and impactful work is prioritized, put to the forefront, and dedicated a greater and more acute level of attention and focus. And ultimately, this is how impactful, deep work gets done.
For us as working women and mothers, it allows us to not have to give up on our careers, and our work in general because of lack of time or availability, but instead multiply our productivity and impact in less time.
Overall, carving out your dream time, your sacred time, and your impactful work time allows us as working women and mothers, and as individuals in general, to build schedules that truly work for us and reflect who we are. How we define our dream time, sacred and impactful work time will certainly differ for each and every one of us. Ultimately, it will help us create the life and work that are truly aligned with our purpose and with ourselves.
Now let me ask you, how do you define your own dream time, sacred time, and impactful work time? If you had to build you a schedule based on these three principles, what would fit in there?
Do you have a particular talent or skill that you would like to monetize on the side? Have you ever considered having a small business of your own, that could help you pay down debt or just have some extra income? Have you been thinking of taking more ownership over your finances and work by starting and/or growing a side hustle?
As a longtime side hustler, I’ve asked myself all these questions hundreds of times before I took the lead and started my own side ventures. Having a side hustle has been an adventure for me over the years, one that has become a part of my work and life. I’ve learnt and enjoyed so much about the business, mindset, benefits, but also the costs of it. And that’s exactly what I share through this this ebook and complimentary workbook.
From why side hustles can be so empowering and fulfilling, to how to pick your idea, grow it while working full-time and considering the mindset, business and legal aspects, I discuss the personal, professional and business aspects of starting and growing a side hustle as a working woman. I also share how beneficial it can be to your career and life, and how it can serve as a bridge to making your own transition to entrepreneurship if/when you desire.
In addition, when you purchase the ebook, I will also send you the accompanying bonus workbook that walks you through the various steps of your side hustle process through probing questions and self-introspection, as you take notes for yourself and document your journey!
If you’re curious about it, are getting started or thinking about it, consider taking a read!
Share this ebook with one or two of your girlfriends and watch the idea, and the reality, of starting and growing your own side hustle go from a dream, to an enjoyable process you can engage in on your own terms…
Oh…and if you enjoy it, please leave me a review and keep sharing it!
If you’ve ever felt trapped by motherhood, somewhere between unloading the umpteenth load of laundry and answering the last email of the day on the kitchen table, you may have also felt like you should have never felt that way. You may have experienced such strong sense of guilt at the very thought of it that you may instead have sought to bury it in the deepest recesses of your mind, and never let anyone know you ever had this thought. After all, we live in a society where motherhood is revered, celebrated and embellished in all ways possible. All you have to do is click on your social media app to encounter loads of filtered, blissfully happy working family photos in picturesque backgrounds of all sorts…Yet, like many working moms at one point or another of their parenting journey, feeling stuck in a circumstantial prison of some sorts is common and nothing to be ashamed of…
In a society still reeling from the deep wounds of the COVID-19 pandemic, along with an ongoing political, economic and social latent crisis, working moms are at an all time high disadvantage. From dealing with the compounding weight of childcare, eldercare and household responsibilities, to facing the heavy toll of disproportionately lagging gender equity in the workplace, not to mention the increasingly restrictive laws against women, many, if not most working mothers are at a loss.
When there are no viable alternatives between home and work, feeling trapped is the inevitable result for too many working moms. Often, this presents itself as seemingly impossible dilemmas requiring us to make drastic, difficult choices between work and family, and even give up on our own fulfillment and purpose in a sacrificial manner.
So what can we do as working mothers to disentangle ourselves from these types of dilemmas? The answer is by creating more freedom in your motherhood process. Wherever you are in your mothering process, you don’t have to feel stuck, even if and when external circumstances tell you the very opposite.
Here are some tips that may help:
Start with your mindset
If you’ve been feeling “stuck” as a working mom, chances are your mindset has something to do with it. Thoughts such as “I don’t have a choice”, or “I’m a mother, so I can’t do this or that”, are the same thoughts that may keep you in a vicious cycle of disempowerment and self-victimization.
Changing the way you think of your circumstances can go a long way towards not only changing your attitude, but creating better opportunities. Replacing old, negative thought patterns with new ones by seeing opportunity instead of lack is key. Where you may think you have no choice but to leave your current role in order to care for your children, there may be an opportunity to start that online business you’ve been thinking about. Where you may feel like you can’t afford to apply for a more advanced position at work, there may very well be a chance to ask for a schedule more suited to your needs. Opportunity is everywhere!
Be clear about your brand of motherhood
Very often, we feel trapped because we’re applying someone else’s rules or version of what should be to our own lives and careers. Taking the time to gain clarity around who we are in every season of our work and life, helps us reframe our own brand of motherhood.
When we own who we are as working moms, we’re better able to navigate our circumstances in a more forward-looking and positive manner. What this also allows us to do is to adapt our choice of careers, businesses and schedules, to our own optimal brand of motherhood.
Streamline and prioritize!
Changing your mindset and gaining clarity about your own brand of motherhood allows you, in turn, to streamline and prioritize. This means eliminating what does no longer align with who we are and the kind of mothers we truly want to be.
When we’re not filling our minds, emotions and calendars with false beliefs, expectations and commitments that are not in alignment with our true selves, we’re better able to streamline our schedules, careers and lives by eliminating what no longer fits. We’re also able to prioritize what truly matters, thus creating more space and freedom as working moms.
All in all, feeling trapped by motherhood as a working mom is far from being uncommon. It is a reality so many working mothers face day in and day out. However, it doesn’t have to be a permanent situation, and can be alleviated by changing our mindsets, being clear about our own brand of motherhood, and streamlining our schedules, work and lives.
If you’re a working mother, you may have struggled with expressing the fact that you are a mom in certain, or all, professional settings. Like many, you may have felt that motherhood may be perceived as a career hindrance, and not an asset. You may have even experienced situations in which your professionalism, competence and/or abilities were put in question due to the fact that you have children to care for. For instance, so working moms have admitted being fearful of revealing they had children during interviews for fear of not getting the job. Others have even suffered through losing a promotion or having their professional advancement and growth stunted, often resulting in what is known as the motherhood penalty.
The motherhood penalty encompasses a host of various problems working mothers face in their careers after having children. This penalty is also unfair punishment for mothers, based on inaccurate, biased perceptions of mothers, including the view that motherhood renders women less productive for instance. Men, on the other hand, tend to be professionally rewarded after becoming fathers, in a phenomenon known as the “dad bonus”. This not only affects women’s career trajectories, but also their earnings, promotions, performance evaluations and employment prospects. Yet, the reality is much different from these false, negative, but unfortunately widely-held perceptions. According to the 2019 research by Berlin Cameron entitled “Let’s put the motherhood penalty to rest”, the skills mothers develop after having children are essential to the workplace.
In Power Moms, author Joann Lublin says it so well: “Motherhood transforms many women into better leaders.” In these modern times where parents are not only time-starved, but also limited in key resources such as childcare and parental leave, mothers have no other choice but to become extremely effective at managing priorities well, multi-tasking and delegating. In addition, they are also more apt at exhibiting values that have been proven to benefit organizations such as innovation, creativity, empathy, and crisis management, to cite a few.
As a working mom, you may know this all too well. However, faced with various professional ceilings, walls and barriers in your way to career growth and fulfillment, it may be difficult to take advantage of your maternal skills in the workplace. This is the message I’m often getting from moms and others, who are certainly aware of the assets they bring to the workplace, yet struggle with maximizing these effectively.
Here are three strategies that may help:
Highlight your motherhood transferrable skills as a leader
Motherhood also breeds transferrable leadership skills, such as organization, project management, crisis management, multi-tasking, compassion, and empathy, to cite a few. These are all invaluable skills in the workplace. Unfortunately, they are also skills that many working mothers hesitate to highlight in their professional experience.
While it can be intimidating, especially in certain professional settings and environments, to talk about the advantages of being a working mother, it can be a game-changer. Too few of us dare to challenge the negative stereotypes plaguing working moms, instead preferring hiding behind a false sense of safety in silence. Let’s dare to pinpoint all the skills, assets and intuition we bring to the workplace, including those that come with being a working mom.
Seek alignment
As much as we may try, certain professional environments are just not aligned with thriving as working moms. Often, these are environments heavy with gender bias and stereotypes, whose culture does not allow for working mothers to grow, develop and succeed. This is where alignment matters. Being aligned with your organization, department or business unit is crucial in order to be impactful.
How can we better seek alignment as working mothers? The interviewing process is a great start. Let’s remember that we are not the only ones being interviewed, but that we are also interviewing the organization itself. This, in turn, is a valuable opportunity to take the cultural pulse of the company or business, and assess its openness to and views of working mothers. We can also check for metrics such as statistics of working mothers in leadership for instance.
In our careers, we can and should continue to seek alignment by continuously assessing the pulse of the culture we work in, and determining if it is still a right for us. This means also being ready to pivot, adjust and even transition as needed.
Allyship is key
Being an ally to working moms, and seeking allies ourselves, also goes a long way towards ensuring that more mothers are in leadership seats. In this regard, we are all leaders in our own right, regardless of the position we may occupy. This also means we can all serve as allies to women in leadership positions, or moving towards leadership positions in our organizations.
How can we do this? It can start with amplifying working mothers’ voices, joining causes on behalf of working moms, or simply supporting a mother at work. However, serving as an ally does not preclude us from also seeking and recognizing allies. This can go from seeking mentors and sponsors at work, to recognizing the subtle signs of someone who is showing up as an ally, through their direct or indirect support, leadership and/or guidance.
All in all, it’s refreshing and hopeful to see that views on motherhood as a hindrance to a purposeful and fulfilling career, are changing. The Let’s put the motherhood penalty to rest” study also outlines the promising fact that younger generations are more likely to equate motherhood with leadership. Additionally, the COVID-19 pandemic and the ensuing “Great Resignation”, as well as the work revolution that is taking shape, are all re-defining working motherhood in terms of increased authenticity, purpose and fulfillment.
All in all, while there is much work to be done when it comes to working motherhood and leadership, we are hopeful. Most importantly, we are moving towards the direction of asserting authentic leadership as mothers, rather than hiding or even worse, denying the precious asset we bring to the table of work, both individually and collectively.
