by Solange Lopes | Nov 3, 2017 | Career
Listen, there are some people that you just won’t like. Point blank. It doesn’t matter if you go to church every Sunday, love your neighbor and volunteer at your local soup kitchen every Thanksgiving. If we don’t vibe, we don’t vibe. This is not to say that we have to hate on each other, but vibing can be optional, right? But what happens when we actually don’t vibe at all in these corporate streets where political correctedness is should be the norm, Colgate smile on display and all? How do you manage not liking your co-worker, especially when you have to work with them?
Statistics tells us that we most likely will not like 10% of the people we meet. Which when you happen to be West African, amounts to a whole lot of people at the summer block party. Yet if you think about it, if you had to like and vibe with everyone, when would you have time to do your weekly curl mask and shave? I’m all for positive energy, but there ought to be some universal balance in play.
Despite what all the Colgate smiles in conference rooms and other corporate streets may convey to you, there are a lot of people out there who do not like their co-workers. Sometimes, for legitimate reasons. Other times, because heating up your fish and palm oil stew in the department’s microwave will not make you friends anywhere. The point is, it happens more often than not, political correctedness or not. While many of us survive this serious corporate affliction on the down low, some of us keep praying for patience and after-hours spiked margaritas.
If you happen to wonder what to do to actually refrain from giving your co-worker a piece of your overheated mind (or fish and palm oil stew), or lose your paycheck over vibin’ differences, here are a few suggestions:
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See the positive
This may sound counter-intuitive, but there are many instances in which disagreements or dislikes between co-workers stem from a misunderstanding or prior negative assumptions. Instead, grab some calming rooibos tea and contemplate the possibility that there are positive things about them. This may require some extreme concentration; however, you may be able to discern some positive traits, including the fact that they bring local candy from their vacation, that may help you deal going forward.
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Keep it professional but limit your interactions with them
We all have triggers. Some of them are dressed as co-workers who cut off our vibin’ energy every single time. Once you realize that they may trigger you to behave in a way that is uncharacteristic of who you are, you may want to start pulling away. Not as in running to the other end of the meeting room when they’re present, because: obvious. However, you may consider keeping your interactions purely professional for the sake of your sanity and excessive side eyes.
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Take a good hard look at yourself!
Reality check: the feelings you have towards certain people didn’t just appear out of thin cubicle air. Very often, what triggers us has to do with our past or something we may have to work on in ourselves.
If this co-worker reminds you of your nagging ex who used to repeat the same thing over and over again, there’s a good chance you need to do some serious soul-searching So grab that sea salt caramel ice cream pint and make a list of the people you need to forgive in your life. You’ll be surprised how much better (and in need of exercise) you’ll feel afterwards.
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Resist the urge to be petty
Yes, it can be very tempting to go vent about that co-worker we don’t like and even add some hot gossip to the sauce. But remember:
- two wrongs don’t make a wright
- God don’t like ugly
- and you still need karma on your side for when you go ask for that raise next year
Refrain from getting your Certification in Pettiness and Gossip, as hard as it may be. Not only will it ruin your reputation, but it will also eat away at your self-esteem like a hard weave at your frayed edges.
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If necessary, confront them honestly without being unprofessional
Sometimes, situations at work get out of hand, especially those involving co-workers that are not part of our “Like” stratosphere. If things get hairy with a particular co-worker you don’t like, or they happen to cross your personal and professional boundaries, you may have a talk with them.
However, you want to keep it as professional as possible, and focus on facts instead of feelings. Leave your anger back at your cubicle desk, and address the situation in as rational a way as possible. Politely ask them to stop any inappropriate behavior and to maintain professionalism at all times. And no, you cannot be all that “real”, you’re not Beyonce, this is work and rent is due next week!
How do you deal with co-workers you don’t like?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | May 7, 2017 | Career, Find Your Purpose
A Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes
As I turned the last page of “Year of Yes”, the best-selling book written by the creator of Scandal and Grey’s Anatomy, as well as the executive producer of How to Get Away with Murder, I heard myself uttering the word “Yes”! Actually, reading this book by one of the most extraordinary women ever, whose creative empire “Shondaland” is named after her, had me saying “yes” over, over and over again!
Who would have thought that the powerful Shonda Rhimes was an introvert? That despite her major successes and popular acclaim, she was actually avoiding public appearances? That interviews triggered panic attacks for her? That’s how the “Year of Yes” starts, with a powerful woman who, like so many of us, is afraid. Afraid of our own brilliance, afraid of our potential, afraid of our power.
When her sister Delores tells her during a Thanksgiving holiday that she always says “no” to amazing opportunities, Rhimes realizes that despite her many successes, she also was miserable inside. That’s when she committed to saying “yes” for an entire year to new opportunities showing up in her life. Which meant facing her debilitating social anxiety and say yes to being on “Jimmy Kimmel Live”, or giving her much acclaimed speech at her alma mater Dartmouth, and so many more things she would have politely declined before…
I remember thinking “Well, must be nice to saying yes to sharing a box at the Kennedy Center Honors with President and Michelle Obama”! Yet I recognized in her what I, and so many of us, do to ourselves. How, despite our biggest accomplishments, we fail to give ourselves the compassion, love and acceptance we so crave. While everyone else may be applauding us, congratulating us, or even hate on us, we keep ourselves busy ducking, hiding our greatness, and diminishing our successes. That’s when we don’t give credit to others, our teams, families, and friends for the hard work we continuously put in. I mean, how many of us would simply admit, out loud, that we’re badasses!
As an introvert myself, and definitely one who’s struggled with acknowledging my own worth, here are three lessons I got from “A Year of Yes” and why I think all women should read it at least once a year:
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Say “Yes” To Your Own Greatness
You’ve heard it before, “you have greatness within you”. You may just not have believed it. So you duck and hide when receiving a compliment. You do amazing stuff day in and day out, and give yourself zero credits for it. Actually, when you’re not giving others the credit for you accomplishments, you’re watching said credit be distributed to everyone else but you.
In her book, Rhimes pushes us instead to acknowledge our inner badasses. I love how she describes her struggle to simply say “thank you” when receiving a compliment. With no explanations or justifications. Simply saying “thank you” and smiling! I’ve actually been putting it into practice, and yes, it feels great…
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Say Yes to Winning as A Mom
When Rhimes starts talking about motherhood in her book, all I can say is “Yes, yes, and yes”! She clearly makes a strong point about motherhood not being this sacrificial experience in which we’re supposed to leave our identities, passions and talents at the door. We can still be strong , badass moms thriving and succeeding in our lives and careers. I love the part when she talks about replacing the sappy greeting cards celebrating moms for all their sacrifices, with celebratory testimonials of how badass women inspire their children to be their best.
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Say Yes to Real Relationships
Maya Angelou said it right: “ When people show you who they are, believe them”. We don’t realize how much the people around you can impact our growth, until we start growing. In her book, Rhimes discusses some of her toxic friends whom she had to distance herself with. As she started growing, embracing and saying yes to herself, they grew more resentful.
How many times have you faced breakthroughs and transitions in your life and realized that some of the people you thought were there for you, were actually not for you? I loved that Rhimes’ growth showed this doesn’t just happen to the rest of us. The healthier you become, the more you need to surround yourself with healthy people in your corner.
Have you read or re-read “A Year of Yes”? What did you think about it?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 21, 2016 | Career
The first business coach I ever worked with had me started with this gratitude exercise. I was to invest in a gratitude journal and log in at least 10 things I was grateful for every day. Which after I was done logging in all my family, friends, health, shoe collections, and other blessings I was thankful for, left my career up for grabs…
Sure, most of us are thankful to have a job that pays the bills and even allows for the not-so-occasional shoe shopping spree. But unless you’re working the job of your dreams (which in this case gets upgraded from J-O-B to an exercise in self-fulfillment), expressing more than basic gratitude for your 9-to-5 may seem daunting…
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“The more grateful you are about something, anything, the more abundance you create around it in your own life!”, was my coach’s take on the whole career gratitude thing. In other words, if you want to improve your career, you must start by being thankful for where you’re at professionally. Regardless of whether you think you’d much rather be hiking the Himalayas or translating the Thesaurus in Latin, than writing that hundred-page long report…
Easier said than done when your “work cup” is running over (in terms of to-do’s and deliverables that is)…Or when you’re facing challenges with your team or boss. Or just dreaming about a totally different career as you’re parking in your assigned spot in the morning. Or even because of that long overdue vacation you haven’t yet taken this year…
The point is, it’s not just about uttering a few thank you phrases here and there, or even passing out some of your leftover candy from Halloween as a (sweet) token of appreciation…It’s really about understanding the power of gratitude in your life and career…Think of it as a muscle, the more of it you practice, the stronger it becomes. And the stronger it becomes, the better whatever you’re grateful for becomes…Kinda of the gift that keeps on giving…
As Thanksgiving is approaching and tradition has it to throw some thanks in the Good Fortune basket of our lives, your career should be included in the mix too…Whether you’re highly satisfied with your current job and want to scream it out loud for everyone to hear… Or you’re daydreaming of escaping to Maui, alone…
And before you start rolling your eyes at me, here’s a quick reality check on why giving thanks may actually just be what your career needs right now (in addition to you putting down that smartphone):
You’ve got a job which pays you money you can invest in doing what you love. You’re welcome.
So here…That paycheck you earn every couple of weeks or every month is allowing you some financial freedom to enjoy what you really love. Whether it’s spending time with your family, go kayaking in the Great Lakes, or fund that side hustle of yours, most of the activities you do on the side require money. Having a day job allows you to earn that money, while having some financial peace of mind in the process.
Looking for a change? Sure. But in the meantime, appreciate the fact that you don’t have to stay up all night wondering how to pay the electric bill…And feel free to enjoy life and work on bettering yourself and your career, minus the money headaches and financial stress…
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Working with other humans is challenging. Learn from it. You’re welcome.
One of the common misconceptions around work is that it’s not really the work that makes work challenging, but rather the people. Well, isn’t that the point?
Seriously, if work didn’t involve people, then it wouldn’t really be work…Whether you’re selling products, advocating for a cause, or writing the next great American novel, most likely, you’ll have other humans involved…Challenging? Yes. Filled with opportunities to learn and grow? You bet.
Think of how many learning opportunities you actually have when working within a team at your current job. From learning to network, whether formally or informally, to learning the art of negotiation and compromise, you can take a wealth of knowledge from your current job to your future self, business or dream.
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Got career setbacks? They’re here to teach you a lesson. So stop and give thanks.
If you ask me, failure is the one single most powerful motivator to success. There’s nothing like having to pick your face up off the floor to teach you a lesson or two about breaking your own and others’ barriers to achievement…
What your current job is teaching you through the setbacks you may be encountering, is to build the tools you need to beat those roadblocks in your way. Without those setbacks, you wouldn’t be ready for the promotion you’re expecting, or the business you’re striving to build, or even this career change you’ve been considering. So stop and give thanks for the great tips you’re learning on the way to where you’re going…
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Not sure how to be more thankful at work? Here are a few suggestions:
Start or keep a gratitude journal.
Grab that notebook laying around on your office desk, open the first page, and write on top: “Gratitude Journal”, with your name on the side. This is the beginning of a new journey for you…
I know you may be rolling your eyes but now, but take five minutes each day to write at least five things you’re thankful for, including around your job. Don’t think, don’t rationalize it, just do it. Every.single.day.
It takes three weeks to build a habit. Do this for three weeks, and watch your life and career change…
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Say thank you to someone at work.
Whether you just walk over to a colleague’s desk, or send them an email, or go one step further and buy a nice thank you card, take the time to say thank you. Someone may have helped you with a project, taken some responsibilities off your pile of work, or just said a kind word in your favor. Acknowledge it and say thanks.
Even better, say thank you to someone who may not be getting any thanks for what s/he does. Someone like the janitor, or that security guard who signs you in every time you forget your badge…
It’s not just about making someone else feel good. What you get out of it is that satisfaction and fulfillment of making a difference. And just that is taking your career to the next level…
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Show appreciation to your team.
How about bringing some cookies to your team once in a while? Or organizing a team event? Find ways of showing your appreciation to your team. Not only does it bring morale up, it’s also helps you re-discover the purpose of work and your mission as a whole…
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How do you think being thankful for your career will improve it?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 18, 2016 | Career
This is our weekly career and lifestyle news roundup, where we round up exciting news of the last week and we let you have it…ahem, news-wise that is…
Think of it as your career gossiping section on steroids…
And while you’re at it, follow us on Facebook, Twitter,IG, and Pinterest!
Here we go…
- A special homage this week to political reporter and “PBS Newshour” Co-anchor Gwen Ifill who lost her battle to cancer, she was 61;
- This week, I attended an amazing event around issues affecting the future of women post-election in America, sponsored by Ellevate Network. Read my recap HERE;
- Speaking of the elections, Ellevate Network‘s Chair Sallie Krawcheck writes about what Trump could mean for women in business (and it’s not what you may think);
- Are you an introvert? Work It Daily reveals one job search tip you may not want to hear, but really need;
- As you’re gearing up for Thanksgiving, the Lindsey Pollak Blog confirms that gratitude is totally work-appropriate;
- Business Insider lists 32 things you should never say to your boss, even if you’re friends;
- Falling asleep at your desk? The Muse describes the 2-minute exercise that will wake you up;
- Are you facing changes in your life and career? Ellevate Network tips you off on how to manage changes and transitions successfully;
- Black Friday is right around the corner! Entrepreneur lists the best Black Friday deals;
- For all the vegetarians out there, Love and Lemons cooked up a series of Thanksgiving sides for you.
Cheers,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 17, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
You can tell the holidays are looming near. As soon as pre-holiday season starts, the hair’s in a bun; the to-do lists are out; deadlines are on and poppin’ everywhere, and your edges are growing thinner by the second…
Most working women know the feeling all too well… That restless ball of nerves somewhere between the pit of your stomach and your chest cavity says it all: too much to do, not enough time, and why is everyone driving like they have nowhere to go?
Plus all your work deliverables are due yesterday, which may seriously impact your free time to make your signature homemade pie for Thanksgiving, buy everyone on your list a thoughtful gift, and get your eyebrows waxed for the family gathering….And all of a sudden your armpits go on a sweat fest, as every fiber in your body starts asking for chocolate (the milky kind with almonds)…
Most advice out there will give you 101 tips to cope with pre-holiday stress, or 1,000 ways to to grin and bear though this period while consuming outrageous amounts of chocolate (or wine, or vodka…)But really, how much fun is it to just survive what’s supposed to be one of the happiest times of the year, when instead we can thrive, strive and enjoy the whole process instead?
Except since all this pre-holiday stress won’t go down without a fight (and we won’t either), here’s my own version of a battle plan for every working mom who’s ever considered jetting to Bali until January 1st:
Put Your Anti-Holiday Stress Armor On.
There are 1,001 reasons to stress out during the pre-holiday time…All your work deadlines are coming crashing down on your already busy calendar. You can’t keep track of how many gifts you have to buy, wrap, mail out, or exchange. And now it really doesn’t look like that cute red dress you’ve been saving to wear over the holidays will ever fit…
When all hell is threatening to break loose and you feel you have no time to stop and catch your breath…is definitely when you should! Start the day by spending some quiet time, whether it’s praying, meditating, or just sitting in silence. It’s another way of preparing your mind for the onslaught of stressful deadlines, to-do’s, requests, not-to-do’s, etc…
So even if that report due yesterday is not coming out the way it should, or you realize you forgot half of your shopping list, or your waistline is filing for divorce from the rest of your body, you can still maintain a shred of sanity (and your edges)…
Think Less Effort, More Impact.
Admit it, those homemade toffee candies you’ve dug out the recipe of from Pinterest, and are desperately trying to fit in to your crowded schedule, can be skipped. As in, you can buy the same exact toffee candies from the store, and save yourself a couple of precious hours, loads of dishwashing, and a serious case of sugar high…
So ditch the perfect-housewife, I-can-do-it-all attitude, if you know you have neither the time nor the energy to bake bonbons from scratch. If you can buy it from the store, please do yourself a favor and grab a double set. The same goes for spending hours wrapping gifts when you can order them pre-wrapped on Amazon, or pick the wrapping option at most stores….
Think less effort, more impact…And you can tell that perfect frenemy of yours who’s just out-baked the whole neighborhood, that this is not about being lazy… It’s just smart allocation of your resources and energy, plus saving yourself wrinkles, lost edges and other stressful side effects…
Ditch the Pride and Seek Demand help.
Gone are the days when you tried to do it all alone, so you can get credit for pulling all the holiday weight all by yourself…only to show up at the Thanksgiving family gathering with a deep-seated desire to utter choice words to pretty much everyone in attendance.
The pre-holiday stress economy has officially turned in to a sharing economy. Which means you can spread the cheer (and the stress) around…So enroll the hubby and the kids into the Pre-Holiday Academy, and start spreading the wealth assignments. Hubby can type the gift tags while the kids help with Christmas Eve invites. And wveryone can bring a dish while you just make the main course…
And you may just be able to make that eyebrow threading appointment after all!
Enjoy the Process.
As in, have a bite of that pecan pie (my favorite), stop by your favorite shoe store and grab yourself a pre-holiday pick-me-up, or book that spa appointment…Or drive a bit slower and enjoy the holiday lights in your neighborhood (as opposed to skipping the Stop sign to get home early enough to get started on those homemade bonbons).
Yes, there are a gazillion things to do, and no one can do them better than you (and if they can, they better not say it!). But there are also a gazillion things to enjoy over the holidays, from having precious family and friends around, to the many calming benefits of chocolate, cake and wine…
So in the middle of all this pre-holiday frenzy, lift your head up from your pile of files and to-do lists, log off of the Thanksgiving recipes boards on Pinterest, close your eyes and picture yourself victoriously crossing that pre-holiday stress line with your edges still on and one set of lashes put…
Now that’s a pre-holiday stress battle plan…
How do you plan on battling this pre-holiday stress?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
