Fear is real. It creeps up into every aspect of your life and work, paralyzing you and threatening to topple you at every turn. When fear overtakes not just you, but your entire network and community, it now becomes pandemonium.
Times of uncertainty bring fear. They bring about a sense that we’re no longer safe, that threats are everywhere around us, and that we’re left vulnerable and powerless in their wake. They rob us of our inner power to create the change we need in our own lives and others’.
I’ve learnt the only way to beat fear is not to try to beat it. Instead, it is to do it afraid. It is to rob it of its destructive power by doing the very thing we’re afraid to do, by continuing to strive when the temptation is to shrink and give in, to keep pushing through when everything else screams to stop and give in. It doesn’t mean the tightness in your chest will disappear, or the rapid beating of your heart will slow down. It just means you’re choosing to resist instead, leaning in to faith and perseverance to make the seemingly impossible possible.
As a working mom stuck in the middle of a pandemic, fear is everywhere. It’s in the small and large spaces between people at the grocery store. It’s in the media’s loud screams of panic overshadowing the fair and accurate reporting of the news. It’s in the angst of planning for tomorrow, next outing, next school year. It’s embedded in the thoughts, patterns, conversations, emotions awaken by a crisis we know by name but not by heart.
Fighting against this fear is a daily undertaking, one that requires focus and determination at a time when we’re running short of both. Thankfully, it’s a fight we can all learn to become better at:
Acknowledge your fear areas:
For me, it starts with acknowledging where it hurts, those areas where the fear is at its highest. In this current pandemic, most of us fear for our health and lives, and that of our loved ones. Many fear losing their jobs, careers, businesses and sources of income. The heightened level of panic is causing many to sink into deep anxiety and depression, paralyzing them and making them unable to perform in many, if not most, areas of their lives.
Do something every day in your fear areas
What can you do each and every day in your fear area? It could be taking care of your health by exercising daily, inspiring kids to working smarter instead of harder, or looking for a new source of income. It could be finally deciding to write the book or the business plan, facing the outside world (while taking your precautions), have a discussion with your kids, etc…
Practice gratitude
It’s hard to be grateful when you’re afraid. The smallest amount of progress loses its relevance in the face of fear. Yet, practicing gratitude gives you perspective and reminds you of how far you’ve come. It could be journaling for a few minutes a day, through prayer, or simply through quiet reflection. However you choose to do it, it will affect your outlook, motivate you, and beat the fear.
Give yourself grace
Fear doesn’t equal weakness. Nor does hiding one’s fear, especially to oneself, equate strength. Give yourself grace as you confront your own fears, and learn to do it, from the smallest to the biggest things, afraid.
How are you beating fear in these times of pandemic?
Who better than a working mom juggling the challenges of raising kids, running a household and striving in her career, knows how to work under pressure? Not many. During times of uncertainty and challenge, we can all learn so much from working moms who don’t just survive, but actually thrive during tough times.
Being and watching other working moms successfully juggle life and work, starting with my own mother, has taught me infinitely more than I could learn from the best crisis management courses. There is something about facing days filled with raising little humans, nurturing relationships and building careers, while growing and developing into the best version of yourself, that makes you resilient in the face of the worst high-pressure situations, such as the coronavirus pandemic we’re currently facing. Here are some of the best tips I’ve gathered from being, watching and talking to working moms around me to work successfully under pressure:
Have a “gotta do what you’ve got to do” mentality
Decide that no matter what, you’ve literally got to do what you’ve got to do. This is the mentality I’ve seen exceptional working moms adopt when at a professional or personal impasse. There is no giving up when you have a family to feed, people to help, organizations to support and life goals to reach.
Whether it’s looking for a new job, starting a side gig, waking up earlier, you’ve just got to do what you what you’ve got to do!
Be resourceful
Different times call for different resources, and no one knows this better than a working mom. Resourcefulness is the name of the game when you have to deal with family change of plans at the last minute, run to pick up a sick kid, or shine during an online meeting while potty-training a toddler.
When crisis hits, don’t hesitate to ditch traditional ways of doing things for more resourceful options.
Decide and focus on your priorities
Challenging times call for increased focus. When circumstances get tough, there’s limited time to handle every single task. Working moms who strive under pressure know what to prioritize and what to let go of. There is no room for perfectionism when you’re under pressure, so you must zoom in on your most important priorities.
What are your priorities? How can you manage to attend to these while keeping on going during difficult times? It may mean waking earlier to care for the kids first before tackling work, or put money aside for essential needs at the expense of other wants.
Learn from experience
Experience, especially the tough kind, is what makes resilient and strong working moms. This experience is often made of its fair share of failures, setbacks, and learn-on-the-spot kind of moments. When the pressure mounts, it becomes crucial to dip into your reserves of experience to keep going, and actually to perform better than before.
What have you learnt from experience, especially during times of prior crisis and challenge? How can you apply to the current challenges you’re facing?
Dare to ask for help
Under pressure, it can be tempting to want to do it all on your own. Yet one thing many working moms know is trying to handle it all does not work. While asking for help may initially feel intimidating and a blow to our egos, it actually is a sign of strength.
The most resilient people are also those who are not afraid to show their vulnerability, namely by reaching out to seek assistance. This is especially important during challenging times that may require more resources, time and energy that we may have at our disposal.
All in all, there’s a lot we can learn from working moms when it comes to working under pressure, from having a tough mentality to displaying resourcefulness and daring to ask for help.
What simple tips do you have to work under pressure?
When what you can see on the outside is not exactly encouraging, or remotely aligned with your hopes and expectations, it’s hard to have faith, whatever you may call your own faith. When the gap between what you can see and what you desperately want to believe widens so much your vision of the future gets blurry, believing becomes a hard target to reach…Yet paradoxically enough, it’s the very faith that tends to be compromised in times of challenge that is acutely needed to go through these times…
Like many, I’ve certainly struggled with keeping my faith intact in times of trouble. As we currently face the coronavirus pandemic, keeping the faith is especially challenging, in light of the monumental threats to our health, both physical and mental, as well as our economic stability.
However, despite some of the impossible challenges we may face, keeping the faith is essential to not only surviving, but also thriving in times of crisis. I’ve also learnt that one of the keys to doing so is to believe beyond what you can see, and re-visit your faith in a positive, productive but also forgiving way:
What’s your faith anchored in?
Crisis forces us to question and re-focus on our core beliefs and assumptions about life. It stops us in our busy and familiar tracks, and stills us enough to consider what we’ve been anchoring ourselves, lives, careers, and ultimately faith in. I know I’ve struggled with this as I’ve had to seriously ask myself during this coronavirus pandemic when many are losing their jobs and others are working under different, remote circumstances, how much of my own faith is based on my own circumstances.
What’s your faith anchored in? Is it anchored in your own self-worth, your spirituality, your career, your current socio-economic condition, or any other factor? If so, how is your faith anchor holding up in times of crisis?
Re-direct the core of your faith
Questioning what your faith is anchored in also prompts you to re-direct it. For some, it may mean reinforcing its core and re-directing it towards your current circumstances. For others, it may mean taking an entirely new direction when it comes to your beliefs, and sometimes even doubting your faith. For me, it has been a matter of focusing on my inner belief process, as opposed to its outer manifestations.
How are you re-directing the core of your faith in times of crisis? How are you modifying or developing your key assumptions or beliefs when crisis hits?
Reframe your faith
You may have to re-frame your faith in a more practical way to address your current circumstances, especially during challenging times. What happens when you can no longer practice your faith as you are used to, when places of worship are closed and large regroupments of people are prohibited? What do you resort to when you have to worship and praise differently? How do you adjust to your faith looking and feeling different in the face of new events?
During this coronavirus crisis when large groupings are people are prohibited, what I’ve been used to in terms of gathering in common places to worship has been fundamentally changed. As a result, I’ve had to re-frame my faith in a more practical way, and find ways and spaces to worship in my own home with my family.
How are you experiencing your faith in times of crisis?
For better or worse, marriages can be wonderful, but they also require work. Lots of work, especially during challenging times. As we’re navigating the current coronavirus crisis, and entire families are safe at home together, many, if not most, marriage bonds are tested. As a matter of fact, a skyrocketing rate of divorces is being expected as a result of it.
Whereas busy dual-career couples may have barely passed each other like ships in the night before, they are now continuously sharing the same spaces day in and day out. Relationships which were already tense are bound to get even more tense, while decent, even happy marriages are now being put to the test of the mundane, while facing the harsh threats of disease, economic uncertainty and even death.
As a self-proclaimed “independent” working mom, like so many, going from being able to go about my daily life as I pleased, to having my freedom of movement restricted and being confined to the traditional home environment, has certainly been a huge shift, both mentally and practically. Before this, I already knew, and experienced, the unequal distribution of responsibilities between men and women in the household, as does the large majority of working women and moms. Yet, I was far from imagining how these harsh disparities would be brought to the forefront in these current circumstances. Even with partners who significantly contribute to the household’s management, as is the case with dear hubby, the majority of the household responsibilities and chores statistically predominantly falls on women’s shoulders. This can certainly lead to conflicts in the household, in addition to the pressure of the heightened stress, anxiety, and worry stemming from this crisis, not to mention dealing with childcare, kids’ homeschooling right along with business and career responsibilities.
As such, preserving your marriage in challenging times of crisis such as these can seem close to impossible. Truth is, these are unprecedented times that also call for unprecedented measures, and a drastically different approach to the way we view marriages and relationships in general. I’ve been learning a lot through these times, and much of this learning has been quite tough. Some of the lessons I’ve garnered about my own relationship, and through conversations with sister friends, can be summarized as below:
Ask: What do you need from me in this season?
The main problem in most relationships, romantic or otherwise, generally lies in lack of communication, especially as relationships and circumstances change. I know I’ve certainly been guilty of it, overestimating my own capacity to handle different situations and contexts. However, I’ve learnt at my own expense to have more honest and more frequent conversations with my spouse, not just in times of crisis, but as we both evolve as individuals in general and face new contexts like job changes, family losses, personal disappointments and victories, etc…
As I was listening to one of Sarah Jakes Roberts’ Woman Evolve podcast episodes, I was struck by her suggestion to check in periodically with one’s partner and ask: “What do you need from me in this season?”
As both partners evolve and situations and circumstances change, it becomes crucial to check in with each other through the inevitable change and growth. For me, it’s been about checking in as to what it means now to work from home together, homeschool our kids, and spend much more time in close quarters than we’ve been accustomed to.
What do you need from your partner in this season?
Re-frame your definition of your own marriage and commitment
As you and your partner evolve and learn to know each other better, your definition of commitment and marriage may change with time. I know it certainly did for me, from all love, butterflies and also senseless disagreements, to job changes, kids, financial obligations, and so much more… As we faced many a crisis together, we’ve certainly had to re-frame our own sense of commitment and marriage.
As you move through your own process of life, your own relationship may also be re-defined over and over again. As you face challenging times, its very foundation may be shaken and you may again have to re-delineate the boundaries and expectations of and about your relationship.
In this current coronavirus pandemic, for me it’s been about re-framing my own definition of partnership and caring for each other to partnering more on the small details of daily life that make a world of difference in our current stay-at-home arrangement, from who washes the dishes to how to give each other personal space.
How are you re-framing your definition of marriage and commitment in this crisis?
Learn as you go
The most beautiful thing about marriage and relationships is the endless potential for learning about oneself and others. I’ve learnt marriage really acts as a big, giant mirror reflecting who we truly are. Every disagreement, every conflict, every conversation, and definitely every change and crisis, is an opportunity to re-discover a side of oneself, and of the other, we may not have seen before. It takes a lifetime to know and grow into who we really are, into the best version of ourselves, and to really know others.
As we change, others change as well, because, really, the only constant is change, and without change in ourselves and others, we’re really keeping ourselves stuck and stagnating when the very process of Life consists in growing, evolving and flourishing.
Throughout this crisis, I’m learning to identify my own triggers, cultivate some much-needed patience, and remind myself daily about these “for better or worse” vows, among other daily lessons I’m getting hit with…
What are you learning as you go in your relationship?
Falling asleep on the couch with a full face of make-up on and one last bite of cheese between my teeth used to sum up my bedtime routine as a new working mom. I had no idea what a bedtime routine even was, and how I could possibly fit it into my already jam-packed schedule. By the time the kids were in bed, the kitchen semi-organized (if that), I’d pretend to relax for a few minutes on the sofa, only to find myself laying somewhere between the sticky floors and the juice-impregnated pillows…Such is the reality of many working moms out there, coming home from work already exhausted and then having to tackle their second shift at home…
It wasn’t until years later that I actually started turning my bedtime routine into self-care and me-time, earning a few minutes for myself before unglamorously hitting the sack. As tired as you may be, taking some time to rewind and focus on yourself before bed can amp up your self-care routine, while providing you with the me-time you need before the mommy race starts all over again in the morning…
Here are a few simple ways you can turn the few minutes before bed into your sacred me-time:
PAMPER YOURSELF
Nothing like pampering your skin to feel all luxurious and rejuvenated after a long day at work and fighting with the kids to finally go to sleep! It’s even better when you can reap the benefits as you look refreshed, younger and more vibrant, despite that milk stain on your shirt.
Even when you feel exhausted, there are a few steps you can take to add an extra dose of pampering to your evening:
Take some time to remove your make-up
Cardinal rule of mommy skincare: take off the make-up! I know, when the bed is calling your name like that guac and chips appetizer, wiping anything off may feel like torture. But your mama was right, you’ve got to wash your face! Or you can take a shortcut with make-up remover cleansing towelettes like these Neutrogena make-up remover towelettes.
My personal favorite is the Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water, which I apply with regular cotton rounds, and does a great job at wiping off even the most stubborn waterproof mascara (because a girl needs her waterproof mascara).
Run yourself a nice bath or take a long shower
Unless you’re just about to collapse and cannot take life any longer, taking a bath or running a hot shower can give you some much-needed rewind time before bed. You can give yourself an extra few minutes of stress-free personal space by soaking in a nice aromatherapeutic bath. One of my favorite bath foams is this Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Stress Relief mousse, with eucalyptus and spearmint.
Give your skin some extra TLC
If you can fit in a few more minutes, you may be able to give your skin some much needed TLC for the night. One of my favorite skin TLC products is this Vitamin C serum by Serumtologie, which does wonders, especially overnight.
READ A FEW PAGES OF A BOOK
After I had babies, I realized how little time I had to read it, even as a bookworm. Since my days are usually packed, I like to fit in a few minutes of reading before bedtime, under the covers. I’m not always successful at passing a few pages, and that’s when I don’t start snoring on the open book. But it’s proven to be a good way to relax, and get my reading in without the kids snatching pages away or talking my ear off…
While I always prefer my paper books, reading on my Kindle makes it easier to stay awake at time.
If all else fails and my eyes just give up on life, I can always resort to audiobooks through Audible, and call it a reading night!
MEDITATE, PRAY OR JOURNAL FOR A FEW MINUTES
Adding some prayer, meditation or journaling to your rewind time before bed can make a world of difference in your self-care. As working moms, it can be hard to carve out time alone to do any of this during the day. Which is why evenings before bed can be a great time to do so…
If you enjoy journaling before bedtime, then you’ll love this watercolor Practice You guided journal by Elena Brower which prompts you to self-discovery. You may also enjoy this I Am Here Now mindfulness journal by the Mindfulness Project, available on Amazon as well.
Neither does it have to be a lengthy, painful process. Channels such as the Sleep Sounds and Meditation or the Law of Attraction Affirmations channels on Amazon Prime Video are great to get some manifestation in. You can also easily listen to an audio book on mediation on Audibleas well.
How do you rewind and practice self-care before bed as a working mom?
