Typical morning! By the time you roll out of bed, your entire schedule is flashing before your eyes, from getting the kids’ breakfast ready to meeting every deadline for the day. For many, if not most working moms, this is done on a stand-alone basis, with limited, sometimes non-existent, help from their partners.
One of the recurring complaints I keep hearing from working moms through the COVID-19 pandemic is all around the added load and burden of caring for kids and the household, in addition to handling work responsibilities. However, while men have been participating more in household chores, they’ve still been able to achieve much more work than women. Overall, in the work-from-home revolution, women got left behind while the inequities in the home and at work keep being perpetuated. As a matter of fact, Motherly’s 2020 State of Motherhood Survey reveals mothers are in a critical state of burnout.
How realistic is it for a working woman and working mom to give her all in her career, when the brunt of the home responsibilities falls on her? How many jobs can a working mom do at once, especially during this pandemic, caring for children, elderly parents, the household, all the while breaking herself to keep being employed? What conversations must be had at home and in the workplace to not just assist working women and moms, but actually set them up for success? These are many questions hovering over the surface of the still gigantic gap separating women and men at work. Questions that will probably take a long time to answer, yet that we in the meantime can help address in the home with a few changes:
Have THE equity talk with your partner
This is a conversation that should actually be had before people commit to each other, and frequently thereafter:
How can we handle household responsibilities to preserve a sense of equity?
How can we help each other grow in our purpose?
What are the non-negotiables in terms of equity?
These are just some of the questions that can, and will pop up as you have THE talk.
Set ground rules and boundaries (and stick to them)
Life happens, habits set in, and it can be so easy for the lines between equity and non-equity in the household to be blurred. Hence the importance of setting ground rules and establishing clear boundaries…While each household functions differently, basic ground rules around the distribution of household chores and care is quite common..
Even more important to setting ground rules and boundaries, sticking to them is crucial. It’s one thing to establish a new family pattern, and another one to keep it consistent in the long-run.
Involve the kids
Why do my kids walk straight past their dad to come ask me for a snack and the meaning of life? The reality is, many of the patterns we find in our households, are also internalized and learnt by our kids. This is why it’s so important to involve the kids in equity discussions in the household, as these will teach them much and later impact the way they see gender equity in all areas of their lives.
This may also mean openly assigning various chores and responsibilities irrespective of gender (yes, boys can do dishes and cook while girls take the trash out). Establishing a household atmosphere where equity is the norm goes a long way…
All in all, gender equity starts at home, and has wide repercussions on work and society at large. Beginning the fight at home can make a world of difference…
As double minorities, Black women are at the intersection of gender and race when it comes to forms of oppression and discrimination. This is particularly prevalent in the workplace where the pay gap between white women and women of color, including Black, Native-American and Latina women, is the fastest growing, as stated by the Economic Policy Institute. It’s also why it’s important that Black women get adequate support, some of which comes in the form of serving as an ally to Black women at work.
An ally is someone in a position of privilege who supports and acts in solidarity with members of un-represented groups. Allyship in the workplace is powerful as it helps create a company culture fostering a sense of belonging and inclusiveness. However, it is sometimes unclear how best to define allyship in practical terms and what it means when put into action. While there are numerous ways to be an ally to Black women at work, here are 10 ways to act in the way of allyship to Black women at work:
Do your research
There is a lot to understand and a lot of history around the intersectionality of race and gender, as well as that of women’s rights and civil rights. Besides, a lot of revealing information can also be obtained from companies, businesses and institutions’ management and leadership composition in terms of diversity and inclusiveness. Understanding the negative impact of the wage gap for Black women, and how racism and sexism both shortchange working black women, may also require doing some research around it to truly grasp what’s at stake.
Black women’s experience in and outside of the workplace are very unique, if only from their unique positioning at the intersection of gender, race and class. When asked about their experiences in the workplace, they reveal through this Harvard Business Review interview the negative mental effect of being judged on criteria other than their work, having to be unauthentic, or needing a sponsor in order not to be weeded out. For these reasons and so much more, learning directly from Black women’s experiences is crucial for effective allyship in the workplace.
Speaking of sponsors, Black women can greatly benefit from sponsorship in the workplace. As a matter of fact, without having sponsors who can advocate for their promotions, raises and career growth, many may find themselves pushed out or not even selected at all.
Mentoring is instrumental for career growth and development. For women and minorities, especially for Black women, mentoring can be the difference between career success and career stagnation. However, it’s already challenging for women in general, and women of color in particular, to find mentors; which is a reason why serving as a mentor as an ally can make a world of difference.
Increased diversity in organizations and institutions also means hiring more minorities, among which Black women. Advocating for more diversity allows for hiring and retention practices to be improved to include diversity criteria, and create more room for Black women to attain positions of leadership.
One of the reasons why women of color, and Black women in particular, have limited impact in their workplace, is because their voices are often muted. This is where amplifying their voices, by simply highlighting valid points made by Black women during meetings, supporting their ideas, and pointing out instances where they are ignored and muted, has the power of creating a more inclusive and diverse culture.
Speak up about injustices
Ignoring injustices is contributing to their perpetuation. Keeping silent in the face of discrimination and oppression of any kind equates to condoning the latter. The power of allyship is exactly in using privilege to create change by first acknowledging the injustices that are requiring all of us to alter the structures, organizations and mindsets around.
Join organizations and trainings promoting diversity and inclusiveness
Organizations and trainings promoting diversity and inclusiveness also offer the opportunity to have constructive conversations, ideas and thoughts about how to serve as effective allies to Black women, and under-represented groups in general, in and outside of work. Some of these organizations include company employee groups for instance.
Contribute financially to organizations committed to helping Black women progress
There are many organizations committed to providing help and assistance to Black women in certain industries and fields. For instance, the National Coalition of 100 Black women, assists Black women in the areas of health, economic empowerment and education. Another example is the Black Career Women’s Network, that is dedicated to closing the gap of support in Professional development, mentoring and leadership access for Black women. By supporting these organizations as an ally, you also contribute to change.
Contribute to changing and/or creating new policies
Last but not least, one of the most lasting impacts of allyship is to change the foundation of organizations and institutions through policy creation and change. Whether it’s at the governmental level, or at the organizational level, contributing to positive policy creation and/or change can go a long way towards opening the door to much deserved opportunities for Black women at work.
Dear Working Mom is our love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…This week, we’re dedicating it to all the mamas who’ve been summoned by the loud and silent cries to end racism.
Dear Mamas,
You’ve been watching the news with fear and horror gripping your chest, as you repress screams of horror at the sight of injustices and inhumane behavior done to human beings because of the color of their skin…The same melanated skin that covers yours and your children’s bodies… The same bodies that are unsafe out in the streets and inside homes…
You’ve been watching your children with angst, sifting through the words that would make your pain bearable and their understanding softer…How do you explain to little minds that some people hate other people because of the color of their skin? How do you explain to yourself that you have to explain this to them? How do you answer the question: “Mom, what’s racism?“
There is a pain that is unpalpable, an anguish that one cannot put into words, but that you know all too well. It’s the anguish you feel every time you hear of another race-related incident. Every time your sons or daughters are going out with friends, or just going to the corner store…It’s the weight in your chest when you read about another tragedy around another Black son or daughter, when your heart of mother gets summoned at the call of “Mama” from any child who could have been your child…
Yet, there is this strength, this incredible, monumental, divine strength only mothers can muster in the face of tragedy and despair…This strength that carries you through and over supernaturally through unspeakable mountains of heartbreak… This superhuman strength that girds you with the resilience of survivors, building up your warrior’s heart, and transforming you into the agent of change of your community, your workplace, your circle…
It’s the same strength wrapped in unbearable pain that allows you to show up in hostile workspaces and still be your best. It is the same resilience that pushes you to run for office, to start the business, to raise funds for the anti-racism non-for-profit organization, to raise by example and not by word. It is in you, in the depths of your sorrow, in the breadth and width of your hope, in the height of your character…
Dear Mamas, we see you, we hear you, we walk alongside you, we commit to working for change by your side…
“Mom, what’s racism?” When my son asked me this loaded question, I started sweating profusely. How do you explain racism? Even more importantly (and more confusing), how do you explain racism to kids?
Racism is complex to think about and talk about. Racism is even more complex to discuss with kids. While we should have conversations with our children about the existence and disastrous effects of racism, there are also books that can help them better understand the history behind it. Here are 33 books of them, centering on race, racism and diversity, in words and concepts for kids:
Age: 4-8; This gorgeous account by Academy-award winner Lupita Nyongo of a little dark-skinned girl called Sulwe speaks to children about colorism, diversity and honoring who you are.
Age: 6-10 years; Mama Africa is the nickname of Grammy-award winning South African singer Miriam Makeba, who rose to fame during the segregationist regime of apartheid and whose story this book recounts.
Age: 4+ – This picture book provides an inspirational introduction to the story of four Black women who helped NASA launch men into space!
Age: 8-12; Through children’s stories from many African countries, this book fights to counter stereotypes and celebrate racial diversity.
Age: 5+ – This 2016 New York Times Best Illustrated Book is a poetic piece of African-American history depicting New Orlean’s Congo Square as the heart of freedom.
Age: 5+ – This powerful and moving picture book uses original plantation documents and slave auction to document the lives of slaves
Age: 6+ – This beautiful work introduces young readers to the unique work of Jean-Michel Basquiat, who knew success when young.
Age: 6+ – Kids are being taught in this book about Mandela’s life as illustrated by stunning art.
Age: 8+ – In this gorgeous work, stunning art is used to amplify the words of Dr. King for kids.
Age: 8+ – This powerful book is a thrilling account of kids investigating a racist incident.
Age: 6-9 – The lives of 10 Black women activists in the face of oppression are celebrated in this book around the battles and triumphs of the civil rights movement.
Age: 6-9; When Sylvia Mendez, an American citizen of Puerto Rican and Mexican heritage, was denied enrollment to a “whites only” school, her parents organized the Latinx community to win a lawsuit against the segregation of schools in California.
Age: 4-8; For every time when we may feel like “the other”, the only one in the room, or just “different”, this book reminds us about the power of courageous connection.
Age: 7-10; This beautiful illustrated book literally walks children through the beautiful and diverse Senegalese culture via Aminata’s morning walks to school. An ode to my native country!
Age: 5-9; Whe Viola Desmond refused to be budged from her seat in the Roseland theatre in Nova Scotia, she became a symbol of racial justice in Canada.
Age: 5-8; Healthy Black hair is beautiful, and this powerful work reminds little and big girls everywhere of this beautiful fact!
Age: 4-8; The legendary Miss Lena Horne, renowned African-American actress and civil rights activist, is celebrated in this picture book for kids.
Age: 7-11; This story of identity, resiliance, and resistance follows the life of Irene, taken away from her First Nations family, and fighting to reclaim herself.
Age: 3-7; This is the story of Florence Mills, born to slaves and destined to become a singing sensation on the Harlem stages in the 1920’s, who used her fame to promote civil rights and Black performers.
All ages; 40 history-making Black women, from poet Maya Angelou to mathematician Katherine Johnson, are highlighted in this educational compilation of stories.
Ages: 4-8; This book combines extraordinary poetry by Ntozake Shange with outstanding art from Kadir Nelson to tell the story of Correta Scott King through the vision of and civil rights freedom she shared with Martin Luther King.
Ages: 5-8; From her escape from slavery to her purpose in leading others to freedom, this poignant account introduces kids to slavery and to the glorious life of Harriet Tubman.
Ages: 4-8; When Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus in Montgomery, Alabama, she made history!
Age: 5-9; Sojourner Truth spent her life spreading her message of equal rights for Black people and women, which is shared with children in a beautiful way through this book.
Age: 3-7; Written by a citizen of the Cherokee nation, this book teaches kids about modern Native American life.
Age: 9-12; Voices of Freedom introduces children to activist Fannie Lou Hammer, who was a civil rights champion from 1950’s to 1970’s.
Age: 6-11; Anna May Wong is the first Chinese American movie star in Hollywood, who used her fame to fight for racial equality in the movie industry. This book takes kids into racial justice in the film industry.
Age: 5+; In simple, sometimes silly words, this book introduces kids to the concept of racism, celebrating differences and having a conversation about race.
Age: 7-11; This fiction book tells the story of Ruths’ family trip by car in the 1950’s, and teaches children about the Jim Crow laws and how the historical Green Book helped African-American travelers remain safe.
Age: 4-12; This fun, cute and entertaining book also teaches children about the importance of diversity and differences.
Age: 3-7; Sesame Street shows kids everywhere that while we should celebrate differences, what matters is that we’re more alike than different!
Age: 1-12; From the creators of Hair Like Mine, Skin Like Mine is a powerful and fun ode to diversity for children.
Age: 5-7; A vivid account of the fight for Mexican-American justice through the eyes of young Emma Tenayuca in the early 1920’s.
What other books for children about race and diversity would you recommend?
Whenever we experience racism and bias as human beings, it leaves a painful wound on our souls. Whether it happens to us directly or happens to someone else, the wound is still sorely felt, and registered in our collective memory for the rest of our lives. As the recent events have shown us, with the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor, to cite just a few, the wound is still left widely open in today’s world. And while feelings may be raw and our hearts broken, there are ways to contribute to eliminating systemic racism and bias.
We can all do our part when it comes to eliminating racism and bias in our society. As working women and working moms, we’re often at the end of this bias. As women of color, we’re under the threat of both racism and bias, which doubles the negative repercussions.
While we owe it to ourselves to observe a pause and process the difficult emotions elicited by racism and bias of any kind, there are a few ways we can all contribute:
Understand and get well-informed:
At a visceral human level, we can sense racism. Our instincts can pick up on it, even if we may not be able to put it into words. It affects our health, to the point of creating chronic stress and underlying conditions.
However, the better informed and the more we’re able to understand the nature of racism, the better we’re able to hold each other accountable, and have the healing conversations, structures and measures needed to eradicate it.
Vote and get involved in local and national politics
Getting involved and voting locally is also key to ascertaining that decisions made are benefiting all, and that systemic racism is kept at bay.
Advocate for diversity at work
Racism and bias, both conscious and unconscious, are regular occurrences in the professional sphere as well, and this despite the confirmed relationship between diversity and profitability evidenced through the 2018 “Delivering through Diversity” McKinsey report.
Advocating for diversity at work is not just limited to pointing out bias in the workplace, but also working to establish policies, procedures and institutions protecting people of color and ensuring greater diversity and accountability.
Become an ally
An ally is a person who takes action to support an under-represented group despite not being a member of said group. Often, individuals with more access and privilege volunteer to serve as allies to help bring about the change needed to help those with less access be more successful.
There are resources available out there to help eradicate racism. However, not all these are readily communicated and available to the public at large, even with social media. It is up to each one of us to keep an eye out for these resources and share them with others as a way of spreading more positive information and funnels to provide assistance.
Racism is one of the inconvenient truths we, as humans, have a hard time discussing and communicating about. Yes, it is hard to tackle the topic, but it’s a necessity, especially in the world we live in!
Many, if not most of us, are faced with examples of racist behavior and thought on a frequent basis, sometimes daily. It is up to each and every one of us to use these not as opportunities to condemn, but as opportunities to teach, educate and learn ourselves.
Take care of your mental health
Last but not least, protecting our mental health against the mental, emotional, and spiritual damages of racism is paramount to not just preserving ourselves so we can continue this important human mission to eradicate racism. It may mean unplugging from the news and social media, loving on ourselves and others, and engaging on the challenging but healing path of forgiveness.
How can you contribute to eradicating racism right where you are, with what you have?
