Moving is a process. Moving with kids is…a very complicated process, which I had the opportunity to learn the hard way recently after 14 years in our beloved first home. Little did I anticipate the amount of work, frustration, and sheer exhaustion that comes with hauling over a decade of belongings, memories, and people (little and big) from one location to the next, while still “wifing”, mothering and working, not to mention looking somewhat human in the middle of a pandemic, in the process.
I remember moving as a child, and it seeming like the most exciting adventure, albeit my mother screaming in the background for us to get it together. Fast-forward a few decades, a couple of kids and one husband later, the sense of adventure was still there. Except this time, it was a different kind of adventure. The kind that makes you want to pull your hair out, pour yourself a glass of rose before lunch, as you still manage to wonder at the grace of God allowing you to stand on two feet and move forward…It’s also the kind that teaches you so much more than any HGTV home renovation show ever could, from how not to pack fragile glasses to how to keep your cool when you can’t find anyone’s underwear for days…
If you’ve gone through a move or two as a working mom without losing your sanity, first of all, you’re my kind of woman and I salute you. If you have, you’re also my kind of woman and I’m right there with you. In any case, I’m thankful, and you may be too, for the lessons learned in the process, some of which I have gathered below as my 10 Commandments of Moving as a Working Mom:
Thou Shalt Pack Well!
You don’t know the importance of proper packing until you tearfully unpack a box full of broken glassware, and there’s no one else to blame but yourself. As a repeat offender guilty of poor packing, I have changed my ways this time around, and have invested instead in Uhaul moving kits complete with boxes, tape and bubble wrap, plus the labeling markers to boot.
The upside to this is you can make the whole packing experience a fun process for the kids too. They will love to put boxes together, organize their own things and learn in the process too…
Thou Shalt Find the Right Moving Transportation
Here’s the thing with accumulating stuff for over a decade. Other than going through it all and packing it, you’ve got to physically move it from one location to the next. In the middle of a pandemic and with social distancing in effect, this was a real challenge! This is where booking the appropriate moving trucks through companies such as Uhaul or Zipcar comes in handy, reducing the number of trips you have to make and condensing the entire process.
This also helps to keep family life organized, as you can free up the use of your own car for work and family needs, and still be available for the kids’ activities.
Thou Shalt Get Help!
Moving is hard, and moving in the middle of a pandemic is extra hard. Hence the need for extra helping hands, which you can get from companies such as TaskRabbit, where you can get help with moving by vetted individuals right in your area.
As a working mom and a working parent in general, this is so important as time is such a precious commodity.
Thou Shalt Plan Ahead
If you can, allow yourself a week, or at least a couple of days between closing and moving in, especially if you’re both selling and buying at the same time. This will give you time to schedule any work that needs to get done before your kids start baptizing the new walls or experimenting with hammers and other construction tools.
In addition, don’t forget to plan ahead for mail transfer services, as well as to change your utility and phone services. Trust me, there is nothing like spending hours on the phone with your utility company as the kids are complaining non-stop about the lack of wifi in the house…
Thou Shalt Get Connected!
Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean life has to stop, which means work, emails, and kids’ cartoons still go on. Which also means you need to get connected at your new place, especially if you’re in the middle of a pandemic with nowhere else to go, and you’re also working from home…
This is where companies such as Verizon or AT&T for instance, can help in establishing your new or continuing connection, before your boss realizes you’ve missed about 100 emails and your kids go on a strike because they now have to use their imagination…
Thou Shalt Get organized
Organization, organization, organization! This seems to be the keyword when moving, especially when you cannot locate your toothbrush for a couple of days or have to hunt around for soap. It happens…
Instead of struggling to fit all the kids’ socks into one corner of a drawer, consider investing in organization essentials, such as shelving tools, closet accessories, and decorative storage from places such as The Container Store for example.
Thou Shalt Abort the Diet
The first few days after moving are hard enough without having to watch your waistline. Those are official non-diet days, during which services like GrubHub and HelloFresh delivering food or ingredients to your door are more than welcome. Besides, the kids will thank you for the occasional Chick-Fil-A dinner delivery and being able to still have Taco Tuesday in the middle of unpacking boxes…
If you really insist on whipping out your grandmother’s favorite rice and beans recipe, then you can always order groceries through Amazon Prime for Whole Foods or Peapod for instance.
Thou Shalt Consider DIY
A new home also comes with new…projects. Whether they are small or big, these may require you to do some level of DIY work. We’ve recently spent more time than I would normally care for at the likes of Home Depot and Bed Bath & Beyond . I’m actually growing to enjoy home décor and renovations quite a bit, and my new favorite place to hang out is Hobby Lobby. For larger construction projects, my brother-in-law put me on to Build.com, which I cannot recommend enough.
If like myself you’re not anticipating much DIY work, think again, there’s always something to adjust, fix, or put to your own taste when you change homes. This is also a great opportunity to involve the little ones, and make them feel part of the process as they’re getting accustomed to their new space…
Thou Shalt Furniture Shop On a Budget
For those of you upsizing, you may need to shop for new furniture, which also means additional expenses on top of all the other expenditures you’ve already faced. However, I’m finding that there are ways to shop for quality furniture on a budget. Some of my favorite places to do so include Ashley Home Furniture and Raymour & Flanigan for example.
If you’re working from home, you can get affordable, quality office furniture at places such as OfficeFurniture.com.
Thou Shalt take a break!
Lat but not least, taking a break from the whole ordeal of moving, especially as a working mom, is absolutely crucial. This moving thing is not a matter of a few days, weeks or months. It’s a marathon that may take longer than expected, especially when tackling DIY home improvement projects or re-decorating a larger space.
Take breaks whenever you can, and build in a self-care routine as part of your everyday schedule so you don’t burn the candle on both ends. Order yourself some spa and skincare goodies from Sephora, Ulta, or Birchbox. Or chill out with a movie on Hulu or Netflix.
Yes, moving is a process, especially as a working mom. Yet, with a bit of advance preparation and your own take on my 10 commandments of moving as working moms, we can all do it…without too much of our sanity left behind.
What are your best tips to move efficiently as a working mom?
PS: Please note this post includes some affiliate links, which means that if you purchase products or services through some of these links, I may get an affiliate commission. Please note I only recommend the products and services I believe in and hope will server you well.
Racism fatigue is real. It manifests as a sense of deep exhaustion constantly hovering at the surface of one’s emotions, threatening to spill over at any moment without any warning. Even more dangerous, is the deep effect its roots have on one’s mental, emotional and spiritual health. Yet, it’s a fatigue that as people of color, we’re asked to politely stand day in and day out, as our very minds, hearts and souls keep breaking at the sight of yet another murder headline, yet another senseless shooting, yet another injustice…
As Black working moms bravely standing at the intersection of race and gender, stretched thin between the inequities on both sides, gripped by both fear and despair for our sons, husbands, fathers, sisters, mothers, the weight can hardly be put into words. Instead, it gets hidden behind heroic facades of “strong black women” who appear to be invincible, strong beyond measure, unbreakable, all the while shattering inside into a million tiny pieces of anguished fatigue, deferred hope and untreated exhaustion that no amount of rest seems to make up for…
Eventually, racism fatigue has to be gutted out of the abysses of our minds and hearts, and honestly dealt with. Eventually, it has to be faced, as honestly and unequivocally as one can muster the strength to do. This is no easy feat when the media keeps bombarding us with images of murders in broad daylight in the middle of a global pandemic, and all our senses are on constant alert for fear of not being able to breathe. Dealing with this type of fatigue requires a conscious decision to act upon some of our most primal fears, and start or continue deliberate processes to help:
Identify places and people causing harm and find safe spaces
Being constantly exposed to racial trauma is the very thing that creates and amplifies racism fatigue. Identifying the places and people that cause such harm is then crucial to decrease or eliminate the incidences of experiencing race-related trauma. It may be avoiding social media, skipping certain topics of conversation with some people, or even express your frustration out loud.
In addition, finding safe spaces and people with no need to self-censor can go a long way. While it may take some experimentation, this step can help in building a community and sense of belonging.
Normalize the conversation about racism
In many settings, especially in most workplaces, racism is still a very taboo topic. We just don’t talk about race, or politics at work, for instance. This is where normalizing the conversation about race becomes so important, and a way to take away the threat of racism fatigue.
Many companies have started this process by acknowledging the racial trauma many of their employees experience, and facilitating talks around it through diversity training and other initiatives. While these are difficult conversations to navigate, they are crucial in helping not just employees of color,but all employees, overcome racism fatigue.
Whether it’s rest, therapy, or time away, pouring into oneself is another effective way to deal with racism fatigue.
Racism fatigue is real, and really needs to be dealt with, especially as Black working moms. It requires us to be willing to recognize ahnd face the trauma, and address it through difficult but necessary decisions and actions.
How are you fighting racism fatigue as a Black working mom?
Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, our weekly news roundup, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
It’s back to school time in these unusual times, and Working Mother is sharing experts’ advice on sending kids back to school;
CNN reports working mothers are having to quit their jobs to care for kids, and we’re calling for better structures and more equity through initiatives like Invest in Parents;
The Penny Hoarder lists 7 money mistakes you may be making during the pandemic;
Black Enterprise shares 11 tips to create work-life balance in a virtual environment;
Working from home? You don’t have to sacrifice your style as Corporette shares personal style tips when working from home;
It’s #treatyoselffriday, and it just so happens the Nordstrom Anniversary sale is on until August 31. And because I love me some beauty shopping, here are some of the best beauty and skincare deals via Business insider;
Laudry is not going away, and Food52 shares 7 eco-friendly ways to make it eco-friendly;
Last but not least, this week, we’re loving on working moms on the TCS blog and we’re declaring ourselves free from working mama guilt.
Anything you’d like us to add to this post? Please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com.
This week, a fellow working woman was blatantly and publicly insulted in the midst of her workplace, a victim of televised disrespect and misogyny. Her name is Representative Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), and both the incident itself and her response are a vibrant testimony to the misogyny in Congress, and in the workplace in general. It was also a loud reminder that an issue that should have now been long overdue is not only still very alive, but may actually just be worsening as time passes…
As a working woman, you may have experienced similar situations and incidents where you may have been publicly or privately disrespected by a male colleague. It may have been over a professional, or even a personal matter. And more likely than not, it may have hurt and affected you to your core. I know from experience that the few times I’ve had to face these types of situations, I felt diminished, less than, and like the air had been ripped out of my chest. It took me a long time to learn not to allow attacks like these to lessen my sense of self, and render me powerless. Still, despite the benefit of experience and time, addressing issues of misogynistic disrespect and sometimes flat-out aggression against working women.
How do you address disrespect that should not exist? How do you begin to dismantle patriarchal issues that may have lasted longer than you’ve been alive? How do you continuously defend the R-E-S-P-E-C-T that is due you in a professional yet direct and unequivocal way, when your career, your reputation and your coins are unfairly at stake? These are the questions that Ocasio-Cortez answers so eloquently and vehemently in her speech to Congress.
As I listened to her words, I was reminded, not just of the weight of these injustices, but also of the necessity for each and every one of us to continue to advocate for ourselves and our fellow working women:
Recognize disrespect and misogyny for what they are
In environments where gender inequity is the norm, it can be challenging to recognize instances of disrespect and misogynyfor what they are. Instead, we may be tempted to brush these incidents as par for the course and the price we must pay to rise to the top, or just not shake the precarious boat of our careers.
This is where it’s crucial to recognize the blatant, and not-so-blatant signs of disrespect and aggression directed at us and other working women. Too many toxic environments have been thriving on unhealthy sexist and misogynistic foundations, creating toxic surroundings for their members. Signs such as mansplaining, overly competitive traits, all the way to sexual harassment point to dangerous workplaces.
Don’t be afraid to call it out!
Whether you decide to address instances of disrespect and misogyny publicly or privately, don’t be afraid to call it out. Not only is it a way of bringing it to the other party’s attention, it’s also important for your own personal well-being and professional welfare.
However, whether you’re addressing your boss, colleague or a client, addressing it head-on may not be enough. In certain instances, you may have to refer to other superiors, or even Human Resources. While it may be intimidating to deal with these types of circumstances, choosing to endure or ignore them may only help to make matters worse over the long run.
Take time for self-care!
As I mentioned earlier, being disrespected and having to face misogynistic attitudes in the workplace takes a toll on working women. It’s not just an emotional toll, but also a mental and even physical one that may manifest in a number of negative ways, including loss of motivation, lack of productivity, and even chronic anxiety and depression.
As you face and confront these challenging types of issues, don’t forget to take time to care for yourself. This is not just about lighting candles and running yourself a bubble bath, but also taking advantage of mental health resources such as seeing a therapist for instance.
In her courageous stance against disrespect and misogyny against women, Republican Ocasio-Cortez reminded us all of the urgency of standing by women, believing women, and defending women.
Have you ever faced instances of disrespect and misogyny at work? Tell us your story by emailing corporate@thecorporatesister.com or posting a comment.
It takes a crisis to reveal the true character of situations. The current COVID-19 pandemic, as most crisis, is revealing many, if not most of the inequities, around gender. One of the most striking manifestations of this is directly linked to parenting. The reality is, this pandemic is killing working moms, figuratively and literally.
Truth is, it is digging so deep into our last reserves of resilience and strength, as well as into any of the gender equity advances we’ve managed to make so far, that it may have the potential to set us back decades behind. However, what this current crisis also is, is a loud, stringent wake-up call for working mothers, and everyone else around. A call to re-visit, re-evaluate, not just the modern pressure of 21stcentury parenting, but also the very much contemporary meaning assigned to being a working mom.
Over time, with advances in gender equity and stronger initiatives (and incentives) for equal pay, working mothers have certainly gained some ground, although not enough just yet. However, what we’ve also gained has been the added pressure of living up to the impossibly high standard of “having it all”, even if not at the same time. We can all agree that having and doing it all at the same time, is a surefire recipe for disaster. So we’ve compromised instead on having and doing it all, just not at the same time. More realistic, certainly. Less heavy, probably not.
What it means really at the end of the day is that we’re carrying an ever heavier load, including work, parenting, life and everything in between. We’re just spreading the pie thinner rather than letting it get thicker. Yet, really, is it truly better to be spread thinner, rather than carrying a thicker weight? Aren’t both alternatives just different takes on picking our own “self-made” version of the same lethal poison?
What this pandemic has clearly, and quite harshly, if I may say so myself, shown me is that however you decide to slide the modern working mom pie, it is still too much. It doesn’t matter how many shifts one decides to compartmentalize the various demanding parts of their life and work in, it’s still too much. Too many responsibilities, too many compartments, too much to think about, even at different intervals and times…You can’t just switch off from being a great, present mom, to full-on career beast mode, and then to baking the perfect cake. You’re not a robot, you’re a human being, and yes, you’re pretty amazing but you’re not super-human…
Yes, the pandemic is killing working moms. Yet, it’s not inventing anything new. It’s simply amplifying the imbalance that’s been there for working mothers for quite some time, and the elusive appeal of the “have it all” mentality. It’s uncovered the fallacy of the modern take on gender equity and equality, and removed the mask off of the reality of contemporary motherhood. A reality steeped in profound, staggering, fundamental inequities that more flexibility, increased pay or a shattering of the glass ceiling, only scratch the surface of.
If this pandemic is offering us one saving grace, it is that of realizing that working mothers need more than just occasional help and assistance. They need a complete overhaul of an entire societal foundation anchored in gender inequity. They need for the load to be shared not just equally, but better; for structures and infrastructures, from roads and highways to the justice system, to reflect the needs of working moms and parents; and for organizations to respect the needs of families over profits.
They say it takes a crisis to reveal true character. At the end of the day, this crisis here is a wake-up call, not just for working mothers, but for an entire society, to re-think its ways, its priorities, and its heart.
