This question, coming from the mouth of young children, can be jarring for many, if not most parents, especially in a tense and heated election season like the one we’re currently in. How do you talk about politics with kids? Should you even talk about it, and invade their still innocent minds with details of political tactics and self-interest? As parents, shouldn’t we instead shield them from all the political talk? It seems most parents would agree with the latter… According to a 2016 survey by Care.com, 90% of parents revealed they don’t discuss politics with their kids because they are too young to understand.
The reality is, children have a sense of understanding as young as the age of 3 years old, as confirmed by Purdue University Professor Emeritus of Child Development Dr. Judith Myers-Wall. By the time they reach pre-schooling age, children sense the existence of a political world. At this point, because they are already aware of a fundamental need for justice, some conversations cam begin to take place. While each kid differs in what they know and learn, mostly from interactions with and exposure from adults, most kids can be involved in healthy political discussions that they can understand and wrap their minds around.
As a protective mama bear, my first inkling was to shield my kids from politics. However, as I watch them grow, and be more inquisitive and passionate about justice, it’s become evident how important it is to teach them to think for themselves about politics. Here are a few ground rules, backed by expert advice on how I’m starting and continuing to talk about politics with my kids, and how I encourage you to do so as well:
Start with questions
Kids may hear a lot about elections from other kids and adults around. They may also have unanswered questions and thoughts about the process and its implications. This is why it’s so important to lead with questions, if only to better understand what they know and what they are curious about.
Asking them questions about this may also give them permission to talk about a subject they may have considered taboo.
Focus on offices, NOT people
Politics are most effective when we focus on the office and the good work that can be done through it. Instead of dwelling on personal differences with people and actors on the political scene, switch the conversation to the importance of political offices and how these can help make a positive difference in people’s lives.
Additionally, instead of talking about “good or bad” people, choose to discuss instead good and not-so-good ideas. This reinforces the idea that disagreements and differences of opinions can be constructive, without alienating people in the process.
Don’t shove your views down their throats
As parents, while we may want to teach our kids our own sets of values, we must also allow them to be their own people. While most children tend to adopt their parents’ views, offering kids a stable environment that is not biased towards one view as opposed to another can go a long way.
Teach them not to believe all that they hear
As we all know, politics can be treacherous terrains to tread on, filled with fear-mongering, manipulation and deception. This is also the reason why so many parents steer clear of the “political talk” with their children.
However, not preparing kids to deal with the treacherous nature of politics is doing them a disservice. Instead, introduce them to its biased nature, point out important issues and teach them not to take everything they hear or see at face value.
Teach them respectful free speech
While it’s crucial to emphasize and support free speech, it’s even more important to teach kids to make use of it in a respectful and decent manner. This is especially relevant in light of the disrespectful tone that has been smearing the political scene recently.
Emphasizing the need to respect other people’s opinion is instrumental in this, and providing good examples of political figures using positive and encouraging speech.
Prepare them to deal with challenging situations
Tough conversations around politics are going to happen, and preparing children to face these is paramount. Empowering kids to handle differences of opinions in a loving and inquisitive manner can go a long way. Teaching them that they can also walk away from unsafe situations when it comes to political conversations is also paramount.
All in all, talking to kids about politics can be a scary prospect as a parent. However, it’s a process that is not only necessary, but empowering for children and families.
How are you talking to kids about politics in this season?
As working moms, there is so much depending on us at the family, personal and professional level. It can also mean carrying oodles of responsibilities that sometimes end up hurting us more than help us. For those of us who may have perfectionist tendencies, this can also translate into struggling to let go of control, especially as working moms. This is all the more acute lately as so many of us are facing unprecedented circumstances in light of the current COVID-19 pandemic and dire economic situation.
This is something that like many other working moms, I have had to struggle with in my own journey. It’s so tempting to want to have a solid handle on most, if not all aspects, of our lives and work. However, as I quickly realized and as you may have as well, there is only so much we can control, especially when other humans are involved. Parenting and marriage especially have taught me, very often the hard way, that holding on to control can actually be more destructive than helpful. As a matter of fact, the longer I’ve been a working mom, the more acutely I’ve realized that relinquishing control is a blessing. It’s also an art that requires a solid sense of self, as well as conscious practice and skills over time.
Through conversations and resource-sharing with other working moms, as well as trial and error in my own experience, here are three of the most effective strategies I’ve learnt to let go of control as a working mom:
Pinpoint the source of your need for control
One of my working mom friends once asked me: “Have you ever asked yourself why you feel the need to control certain aspects of your life and work?” This was a wake-up call for me. We often fail to identify the why behind the way we feel or act, looking for solutions outside of ourselves instead of starting by looking within.
Have you ever asked yourself why it is so important for you to be in control? It may be stemming from childhood, or maybe from past disappointment, or from a sense of fear or anxiety about the future. Working on identifying the source of our need for control can go a long way towards helping us heal, and relieve some of the heavy pressure so many of us are under.
Get help
Sometimes, dealing with the pressure of having to hold all the pieces of our lives and work together can simply be too much. This is where asking for, and getting the help we need, can prove invaluable. It may simply be asking for help with kids’ pickup, or delegating a task to someone else at work, or even hiring a housekeeper periodically.
What can help you relieve some of the pressure you’re under and let go of some of the control that may be crushing you?
Invest in self-care
Self-care is vital for working moms, especially in the days we live in and the constant stress we face. It’s not just about bubble baths and mani-pedis, but about healing and restoring ourselves as often as possible.
Some of this self-care may take the form of therapy for some, or time away for others. Whichever form of self-care you choose, it should help you replenish yourself and let go of some of the crushing pressure you may be facing as a working mom nowadays.
How have you managed to let go of the need for control as a working mom?
How do you network when you can’t actually physically meet people? That’s the question so many of us grapple with in the new normal that the COVID-19 pandemic has placed us in. Instead of naturally meeting in person, we’re now forced to interact through a screen and adhere to the rules of virtual networking. However, it’s not because we’re facing drastically different circumstances, that we should forego networking, especially as working women and moms who have been excluded (and in some aspects still are) from many an exclusive professional network.
As a working mom, it was not until I was well into my career that I understood the importance of networking. The same reality has faced, and is still facing lost of working women like myself. Not being socialized to view networking as an important part of our careers, in addition to not being allowed into important networks and old boys’ club, has turned networking into working women’s most prevalent Achille’s heel. Yet, as relationship-oriented communicators, women are natural networkers, whether in person or virtually. However, when the already challenging waters of networking are further constricted by the need to be virtual most of the time, it has the potential to put women even more at a professional disadvantage.
This is where learning to adapt and network virtually becomes more of a necessity rather than an indulgence. While it may seem intimidating to create mutually beneficial connections through a screen, it is actually possible, and even practical, to do so. The flexibility and convenience offered by technology allow for more opportunities for networking events, while the plethora of technology available can make it easier to follow up on established connections. In addition to these technological advantages, here are 3 simple ways to succeed at networking virtually:
Leverage the power of social media and technology
A great advantage to living in this current era is the sheer abundance of ways to communicate and connect. From social media to email, not to mention text messaging, countless networks are literally at our fingertips. Why not take advantage of all these opportunities?
Use social media platforms such as Linked In to identify individuals and communities you are interested in networking with, and learning more about them. Sharing articles, responding to and commenting on posts, or even sending direct messages are a few ways to informally network with these and set the foundation for healthy and mutually beneficial relationships. Online communities, such as professional groups in certain industries, can also greatly facilitate the creation of online relationships. Last but not least, joining online events through social medial platforms or other technological tools can also contribute to accomplishing your networking goals.
Keep the human touch
Networking is not just about mechanically meeting people, and expanding your roster of connections. It’s first and foremost about establishing human relationships, that are mutually beneficial for both parties. This involves the understanding that a back-and-forth exchange has to occur between both parties involved, and that a natural relationship should come out of this.
This is where maintaining the human touch is crucial. Allowing for a natural flow, sharing personal stories and anecdotes, finding common interests and tastes, just like in any natural relationship, are all ways to build a natural connection. While doing this in a virtual environment can be more challenging, remaining as authentic and natural as possible is key.
Follow up!
Following up is to networking what a spectacular signature is to a good email. A good follow-up can literally make or break a networking relationship, especially at the beginning. This is even more relevant when networking virtually. In the absence of physical cues and body language, creating a sense of continuity in the relationship by following up via email, text message or social media is invaluable.
All in all, networking virtually can present challenges and seem unfamiliar. However, it is also an opportunity to leverage the power of technology to keep building human connections at work.
What do you think of networking virtually? What other tips would you add to the list?
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
First off, let me tell you, you have been doing an amazing job these past few months, handling the new normal of a pandemic, homeschooling, working from home, in addition to wearing all the other hats you wear day in and day out…And you are not crazy, this back-to-school season is terrifying. It is scary to send kids back to school in the midst of a global pandemic, while starting a back-to-work routine we’ve never dealt with before….It is scary to add homeschooling to your list of to-do’s for the next academic year, say good-bye to regular childcare for now, or wonder how this will be affecting your kids mentally…
They call it the new normal, but there’s nothing remotely normal, new or old, about any of this. While we’re all trying to make it work somehow, it’s ok to simply recognize that this season is downright terrifying. That even if we’ll still do it afraid, there’s no shame in admitting that we’re struggling sometimes, or even quite often. That this tiredness that we’re feeling is not procrastination, and definitely not laziness, it’s our bodies and minds asking us to take a respite from this constant treadmill of life, work and everything in between we’ve been on for so long…
You’re not crazy, there seem to be less hours in the day. It is more challenging to carry out a full day of homeschooling, work, and house responsibilities, not to mention elder care and other duties. Above all, it is heart-wrenching to do it surrounded by echoes of premature deaths, economic uncertainty, racial unrest and social distancing…
At a time when you should be looking forward to dropping off the kids at school and driving away in the sunlight, you’re shopping for office supplies to set up the kids’ study station at home. Or you’re buying loads of face masks, endlessly repeating to your kids how they must keep them on at all times in school, while at the same time calming your worried heart…Or wondering if your Black children will be treated any differently at school, as your mind races every time one of Black relatives steps out the door…You’re watching back-to-school pictures with kids sitting at their laptops, wondering how fast reality changed…
No, you are not crazy. You’re not not keeping up, or falling behind, or not pushing yourself hard enough…Give yourself some grace through this season, some room to breathe, some space not to have to find another solution, another workaround, another comforting word or thought to offer to everyone else but yourself…
This is different, this hits hard, and it hits home…And you’re doing the best you can…
