How to work with a control freak – Photo credit: human capitalist.com
We’ve all been there, at some point or another, working for or reporting to a control freak. These are the people who live to micro-manage us, or in other words drive us bonkers from repeating the same instructions in three different ways in the same sentence, constantly watching over our shoulders and bombarding us with the same repetitive and unproductive questions…
I’ve dealt with my share of control freaks at work. And one of the reasons I have is because, as a perfectionist-in-progress, I can relate. Controllers try to dictate what everyone else is supposed to do, be and/or feel. In their eyes, their opinion is always the only valid one, especially since they have an opinion about anything and everything. “You should format your presentation this way”, or ” I’ll tell you how to tackle this project”, or even “I’ll show you the right way to do this”.
So much so that control freaks tend to do the job themselves, because after all, they could do it best. When faced with the overly critical, to the point of being judgmental, responses of controlling personalities at work, there a few effective ways to cope, and even improve the situation:
1. Maintain a reasonable, yet effective, distance! For control freaks at work, everything is priority! Hence the heightened sense of urgency experienced around these types of personalities at work. To protect yourself from internalizing the resulting borderline aggressive mood, keep a professional distance that will keep you calm and centered….even in the midst of the “control” storm!
2. Watch your response! Remember controlling personalities derive an emotional “high” out of your own heightened reactions! So instead of reacting and showing emotional agitation, nervousness or defensiveness, carefully listen, and come back with relevant questions. Showing you’ve heard them and that you’re focused on solving problems instead of escalating them will disarm them! And if that doesn’t work, confront them about their behavior in a calm yet firm manner: “Thank you for your suggestions, yet I’d like to express mine as well”.
3. Show compassion! Compassion may be the last thing you may want to show a control freak obsessing over your grammar, I know! Yet keep in mind that for all their polish and perfectionism, control freaks are internally afraid! Afraid to appear incompetent, flawed or even worse, vulnerable! So as much as you may want to throw a sharp object at them, be firm yet show compassion and understanding! Every person is fighting their own battles….
Have you ever worked with a control freak? How did you cope?
I remember discussing my very first paid speaking engagement and being unable to even utter a price when asked. Not only did I not know what to ask for, I also did not even have the courage and personal power to determine what I was worth. As a baby entrepreneur, I had to learn what negotiation meant for women in general and women entrepreneurs in particular, and it went beyond just setting a price or rate.
In the world of entrepreneurship, negotiation is a critical skill that can spell the difference between success and stagnation. For women entrepreneurs, navigating this terrain comes with its own unique challenges. Women entrepreneurs often face distinct hurdles in their pursuit of success. Gender biases, stereotypes, and historical imbalances can all play a role in negotiations. However, with the right strategies and mindset, these obstacles can be transformed into opportunities.
1. Cultivate Confidence
Confidence is the bedrock of successful negotiation. Self-assured entrepreneurs are more likely to secure favorable deals. As a woman entrepreneur, believe in your abilities, your business, and your vision. Cultivate self-confidence through continuous learning, networking, and acknowledging your achievements.
2. Master Your Pitch
Your ability to pitch your business idea or product effectively is paramount. Craft a compelling narrative that highlights your unique value proposition. Emphasize how your solution addresses a specific problem or need in the market. Practice your pitch until it flows naturally and persuasively.
3. Research Thoroughly
In negotiation, knowledge is power. Conduct comprehensive research on your potential partners, investors, or clients. Understand their needs, preferences, and pain points. Having data-driven insights at your fingertips will bolster your negotiating position.
4. Embrace Collaborative Negotiation
Strive for win-win outcomes in negotiations. Collaborative negotiation fosters long-term relationships and builds trust. Seek mutually beneficial solutions that align with the interests of all parties involved. This approach not only enhances your reputation but also opens doors to future opportunities.
5. Network Strategically
Networking is an invaluable resource for women entrepreneurs. Attend industry events, join entrepreneurial groups, and connect with mentors and like-minded peers. Building a strong network can provide support, advice, and potential collaborators or investors.
6. Overcome Fear of Rejection
Rejection is an inherent part of entrepreneurship and negotiation. Don’t let the fear of rejection deter you. Every ‘no’ brings you one step closer to a ‘yes.’ Embrace rejection as a learning opportunity and a chance to refine your pitch and approach.
7. Build Resilience
Entrepreneurship can be a rollercoaster ride with highs and lows. Cultivate resilience to weather setbacks and uncertainties. Learn from failures, adapt to changing circumstances, and persevere. Resilience is a key trait of successful entrepreneurs.
8. Develop Active Listening Skills
Effective negotiation requires active listening. Pay close attention to the concerns, needs, and objectives of the other party. By understanding their perspective, you can tailor your proposals to better meet their expectations, increasing the likelihood of a successful outcome.
9. Leverage Your Unique Strengths
Women often bring distinctive qualities to negotiations, such as empathy, intuition, and relationship-building skills. Embrace these strengths as assets that can enhance your negotiation strategies. Show empathy by understanding the needs of your negotiation counterpart, and use your intuition to gauge the dynamics of the negotiation.
10. Practice Negotiation Scenarios
Role-playing negotiation scenarios can sharpen your skills and boost your confidence. Engage in mock negotiations with mentors, peers, or advisors to refine your approach. This practice will help you anticipate challenges and adapt to various negotiation styles.
11. Seek Professional Guidance
Consider seeking the advice of negotiation experts or consultants, especially for high-stakes negotiations. They can provide invaluable insights and strategies to help you secure favorable deals.
12. Be Prepared to Walk Away
Sometimes, the best negotiation tactic is the willingness to walk away from a deal that doesn’t align with your business objectives. Knowing your limits and being ready to decline an unfavorable offer can strengthen your position and lead to better opportunities.
13. Document Agreements
Once a negotiation is successful, ensure that all agreements are documented in writing. Having clear, written contracts helps prevent misunderstandings and disputes down the road.
Negotiation is a core skill for women entrepreneurs aiming to thrive in the world of business. By cultivating confidence, mastering the art of pitching, and embracing a collaborative approach, women entrepreneurs can overcome gender-related challenges and secure the deals and partnerships that drive their businesses forward. Remember that every negotiation is an opportunity for growth, learning, and building a brighter future for your entrepreneurial endeavors.
What challenges are you facing when it comes to negotiating as a woman entrepreneur?
You’ve heard it before: Entrepreneurship is not for the faint of heart. Whether you’re starting or running a side hustle, or involved full-time in your business, the process of becoming an entrepreneur is far from easy. I know it certainly wasn’t for me. When I started blogging while still working in the corporate world, I initially thought of it as a hobby. I started multiple blogs, freelanced as a copywriter and accountant, yet it took me a while to see myself as an entrepreneur and grasp what it really was about.
Despite all the buzz around entrepreneurship, not enough is being said about how challenging it truly is. The well-curated Instagram images and picture-perfect headshots of #bosses fail to describe the reality of it, and as such, fail to warn a generation of hopeful yet un-prepared entrepreneurs-to-be.
I admit to falling victim of this myself. Between all the #girlboss hashtags and the motivational posts more filled with fluff than reality, it’s easy to under-estimate the mountain that the entrepreneurial journey really is. There are so many things that very few are willing to admit about this journey. Many will tell you that yes, it is hard and uncomfortable, that it may even bring you to your knees. Yet, most will keep that part of it secret, making it instead seem like the overnight success phenomenon is real and reserved to only a lucky few.
Here’s the thing. As you may already have suspected, there is no overnight success, as most breakthroughs, especially in business, take at least a decade. Here’s another thing: there are tools you can use and re-use as you climb this huge mountain called entrepreneurship. And no, these tools are not reserved to a lucky few, but are accessible to each and everyone of us, granted you are committed to do the work.
From my own experience and speaking to many first-time entrepreneurs, here are a few tools to deal with your first few months as an entrepreneur:
Cultivate mental strength
Entrepreneurship, as I found out, is first and foremost a mental game. It’s more about your mindset than your stamina and how hard you can work. Working for yourself also means keeping yourself accountable day in and day out, and not relying on a boss or co-workers to steer you in the right direction. This in turn can play serious mind games with you, as you may struggle with self-discipline and lack of gratification at first.
One of the biggest mistakes I made was to think that working hard on the outside would make up for the inner work that needed to happen on the inside. I’ve learnt that the opposite is true. You must prepare mentally first, and sharpen your mindset before even throwing yourself in the work. This means taking the time to attend to your own mental health, through practices like meditation, quiet, exercise, prayer and other personal ways to maintain your mental balance.
Organize yourself
As a new entrepreneur, one of the first shocks you will experience to your system has everything to do with organization. If you’ve transitioned from the corporate world to being in business for yourself, you’ll be amazed at how challenging it can be to organize yourself now that all your work revolves around you.
In the beginning stages of entrepreneurship, it may be challenging to hire or outsource some assistance. You will be the administrative person, as well as the strategist, writer, and tech support. Both big and small tasks will crowd your schedule, threatening to make you totally unproductive most days.
The trick here is to prioritize your tasks in terms of what is most important (see below tip#6). It’s also a matter of keeping a strict account of your activities and being ruthless with what and who you allow in your schedule.
Guard your time
As a new entrepreneur, time is your most precious commodity. There are so many things to attend to in your business that you will need every second you can get. In addition, there will be many more time-wasters than you’ve ever experienced. From people who just want to grab a coffee and pick your brain, to technical snafus in the middle of the day, interruptions are par for the course.
You will also be tempted to lump in as much as possible into your daily schedule, forgetting that there are only so many hours in the day, and yes, you are only a human being. As you step into entrepreneurship, remember to keep a ruthless watch about how you spend your time and what this time is really translating into. If your time is not creating opportunities or revenue, whether in tangible form (money) or learning, then you must re-evaluate.
Build a strategy
You can’t do everything, and everything doesn’t belong in your business. This also means that you must devise and be clear about a strategy to follow, especially in your first few months as an entrepreneur. Don’t get me wrong, strategies can change, and it can take a long time to refine and finalize your ultimate business model.
However, you can begin to trace the outline of a strategy to follow in order to be clearer about what you must do, and what you need to leave alone. As a “writerpreneur”, content is key to me, and is at the center of my strategy. Whether I blog or consult, it’s built around content. In the same way, you must identify your strategy’s pillar(s) and build around it, so you’re not tempted to be all over the place at all times.
Fail fast and fail forward
Let me say it as gently as I can: “You will fail as a new entrepreneur.” It’s simply par for the course. Whereas most see failure as a sad occurrence to delete from their memories, it is actually, especially in entrepreneurship, a blessing. That is, if you can leverage it by failing fast and failing forward.
I used to be scared of launching new initiatives and products for fear they would fail. What I’ve learnt is that if you don’t allow for failure, you don’t learn. If you don’t learn, you don’t progress. As you start your entrepreneurial journey, don’t be afraid to try things and fail at them. Create the blog, start the podcast, write the book, do what you are inclined to do as an entrepreneur. If your first product doesn’t make you uncomfortable, you’ve waited too long. Go ahead and try, fail, learn and try again.
Think in terms of impact
If there is a BIG lesson I’ve learnt in entrepreneurship, it’s to think in terms of impact. Not in terms of money, or even results, but impact. How will your business impact people? How will it impact your bottom line? How will it make a difference in your life and that of others? This is the big picture.
On a day-to-day basis, ask yourself how your tasks impact your business in terms of profitability, reach and growth. Rank your to-do list by order of most to least impactful. This will help you in knowing what to devote more time to, and what to let go of. Ideally, focus on tasks that are making you MONEY, and growing your REACH. While at the beginning of your entrepreneurial journey, you may not be as monetarily profitable as you wish, you can still plant the seeds of monetization when you start thinking: “What should I do first to make my business more PROFITABLE and more GROWTH-ORIENTED?”
Don’t isolate yourself
Entrepreneurship is a lonely journey. Despite all the networking events, the coffee dates, and all the social media buzz, it’s still very much an unconventional path in society. This also means that since the majority of people, and probably most people in your direct environment, are not entrepreneurs, you will experience a heightened degree of loneliness in your work. It’s hard to explain what it means to throw everything you are and everything you have into a concept and a vision that only you really understand, to people who may not get it.
However, you must fight this loneliness and refrain from isolating yourself. Join entrepreneurs’ associations, be willing to attend meetups, and keep networking with like-minded individuals. This doesn’t mean that you should shut yourself to the rest of the world. Keep your friends as friends, and work with those who get what you do. Don’t blame your direct environment for their lack of support, as it is often a lack of knowledge. It will keep you balanced and happier.
Focus on the WHO and not the WHAT
As a new entrepreneur, you will be tempted to set ambitious goals and milestones for yourself. There is nothing wrong with this. As a matter of fact, you should keep setting the bar higher and higher for yourself and those you choose to surround yourself with.
However, getting fixated on certain accomplishments and objectives can deter from the real benefit of entrepreneurship. It’s not so much about what you strive to achieve, although that is certainly important; but it is about who you become in the process. You see, the goals you set should be so that you can grow into the person who can and is worthy of meeting and exceeding them. Without this understanding and foundation, your breakthrough and success may be short-lived and leave you unfulfilled and miserable. The last thing you want is to get to the top finally, only to have lack of character, discipline and integrity not keep you there.
Stop blaming others for not supporting you
Many, if not most entrepreneurs, complain at some point or another of not being supported by friends and family. It is true that in many instances, those who are closest to us, can seem the most removed from us when it comes to supporting our entrepreneurial endeavors.
I’ve come to understand that everyone grows differently, and that your vision was given to you because it would make more sense to you than anyone else. I’ve also made peace with the fact that this growth process will also help uncover those who are no longer in alignment with who you are becoming. This is crucial as your environment can make or break your dreams.
In this sense, there is no point in blaming others for their lack of support. There is only the understanding that you are responsible for your own success, whatever your definition of it is. And that ultimately what others think about you is truly none of your business.
Stop and breathe
Due to the lack of imposed time boundaries on entrepreneurship, it can be easy to overwork yourself, especially at the beginning of your journey. After all, there are no set hours or schedules. You are your own boss, and can work as long, or as little, as you’d like. The result is overworked, over-tired and inefficient entrepreneurs who end up burning out too soon.
I’ve learnt to take the time to stop and breathe, by designating a time out from work. Your schedule should include a start time, but also a stop time. Refrain from the temptation to work yourself to the ground and burn the candle at both ends. Yes, you may need to put in longer hours. What you don’t need to do is create a lifestyle that will destroy you rather than build you up. Remember, this is a marathon and not a sprint. You’re in it for the long run, and you’re in it to win it. It may take time, detours and pit stops, but you’re going to make it.
Now your turn: What have you learnt as a new entrepreneur?
As a professional or an entrepreneur, how many times have you felt overwhelmed by technology? Do you often seek a respite from the onslaught of apps, alerts, and other tools that are supposed to increase your productivity but instead diminish it? And how many times have you had to put your smartphone away to focus on the task at hand or avoid a disaster (hello, distracted driving!)? I know I have, many times over…Truth is, in the midst of our distraction-prone, tech-addicted, multi-tasking society, focusing and being your most productive self can be a challenge. Yet, it really can be as simple as going back to the basics and… putting pen to paper.
I grew up in Senegal, West Africa, at a time when simplicity was a way of life. If you missed a phone call, you wouldn’t know until you got home (and that’s if you even had a phone at home). Tests were administered on paper, and you didn’t have to fear a technical glitch would mess up your entire day. While I didn’t realize it then, this simplified way of life that promoted note-taking and limited distractions also helped with learning faster in general. According to this Psychological Science study, the process of taking notes significantly improves learning and information retention.
There’s just something about pen and paper that instantly warms my heart. Some of my best childhood memories involve paper of some sort. As a busy working mom, I watch my own daughter collect journals, notebooks and pens with nostalgia and a renewed appreciation for the gift of paper in work and life. While it may seem that smartphones, apps and other electronic gadgets are taking over our lives, the truth is, putting pen to paper is still one of the best ways to learn, be our most productive selves, and enjoy the process of creativity and life in general:
Write and read to enhance your personal growth
If you’ve ever felt unsure, down or depressed, you know how writing down your feelings and thoughts can improve your mood. Even better, it can help significantly enhance your personal growth. There’s a reason why it’s called “writing therapy“. I journal daily as a mental and spiritual practice to help me process my emotions, get clear on my strategy and grow through what I go through.
Have you also noticed how refreshing it is to read on paper? As a matter of fact, reading on paper has been proven to help improve memory and increase mental development. My most relaxing moments are spent with a physical book such as the entrepreneurial masterpiece Rework. That’s why I challenge myself to read as much as I can every single day, even if that means hiding in the bathroom away from the kids. To challenge yourself to read more, you can join here to take the pledge to read 15 pages a day.
Put pen to paper to achieve your goals
Writing down your goals and objectives is a great way to clarify them. It also empowers you to pursue them with added resolve. Best-selling author and entrepreneur Tony Robbins advises going further than just thinking about your goals, and actually writing them down.
There’s something about writing down your objectives that not only motivates you to achieve them. It also allows you to check back on them and track your progress, in addition to keeping distractions at bay, including messages, apps and videos. I love doing so and enjoying the experience with fun tools such as the pre-sharpened, original hardwood pencils from the General Pencil Company.
Use paper to slow down and refuel
Have you noticed how many apps exist to actually help you shut down the noise of technology? There are actually many tools available to mute notifications from computers and smartphones, and help you be tech-free for a while.
As much as I love using technology, I make it a point to step away from it periodically, tune out and put pen to paper to slow down and refuel. One of my favorite daily activities is journaling, which helps me process my thoughts and emotions and get more clarity on my goals.
Another one of my absolute favorite things to do is reading. For me, there’s nothing like the smell and feel of a traditional paper book to get in my relaxed zone. Despite being a busy mom, I try to make the time to read at least a half-hour every day. You can do the same by taking the pledge to read 15 pages a day.
Increase your creativity with paper
According to Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, even the simple act of jotting down notes on paper helps cultivate your creativity. As a creative person, I’m always amazed at what happens when I start putting pen to paper. Ideas I may not have thought about previously unexpectedly come out and new creations emerge.
Even for non-creatives, writing things down can spark unusual inspiration and creativity. It’s the reason why I carry a planner or notebook like the Panda Planner along with me at all times. Not only is it easier to transport than a computer, there’s also no worrying about finding a power source in case the battery dies.
Boost your career with writing
Using paper can make all the difference in your job search and career. Sending a written thank you note after an interview adds a distinctive touch that makes you stand out in a sea of emails. Similarly, written thank you notes foster positive relationships while at work. It’s a personal step that sets you apart from the crowd, and impacts your relationships significantly. I personally love the Erin Condren notecards for their professional and elegant look. A thoughtful thank you card may just be the lasting touch that gets you the job, or helps you finalize the business deal. It also activates feelings of gratitude in you, which keep your brain healthy and happy. An overall win-win…
In addition, lessening your dependence on technology can help you avoid losing precious documents or ideas due to lack of power or unavailable wi-fi. Don’t let a low battery or missing wi-fi signal keep you from writing down a great idea so you don’t forget it, or foregoing hours of work as a result of technical issues.
Get organized
While there are many electronic to-do list options available, paper to-do lists are still more efficient. An electronic to-do list can easily be lost behind another screen, but a paper list provides an easier visual cue you can keep on hand to remind you of what you have to do. Additionally, a paper to-do list motivates you to achieve your goals faster, so as not to have to rewrite them.
I’m obsessed with the Knock Knock Goals notepad, as a fun way to list my goals and keep them visible all day long. As a Certified Public Accountant, it’s also important for me to keep track of all my business documentation by using file folders such as the Carson Dellosa smart and colorful file folders.
Get happier
Overall, using paper to write about your goals, process your emotions, list your tasks, and so many other written activities, can generally make you happier. According to this 2011 study, such writing can foster increased well-being, as well as decreased incidences of illnesses.
There’s power in being able to shut down the noise around you, focus on your goals and engage in a process of creativity that pushes you to be your best self.
In conclusion, using paper is a powerful way to balance out your use of technology and tune out the external noise for greater productivity and focus. Fostering your personal growth, learning faster, and living better can be as simple as putting pen to paper. Let’s start today…
For more inspiration on being your most productive and best self, visit 15 pages a day.
When I was approached by the fabulous Adore Me brand to write a post on my very own version of a Netflix and Chill night at home, I was excited to share my homebody , comfort-addict experience. So here’s my very own take on “turning in” when “turning up” isn’t exactly in the cards, or the stilettos, for the night…
Let’s be honest…How many times have you turned down an invite to hang out with the girls, or go for drinks after-hours, to rush home, slip into your favorite lounge wear, pour yourself a cup of tea glass of wine (or vodka), and turn on your favorite show or movie?
Seriously, you know you did…Well, I know I did still do every now and then more often than I’d like to admit…At the risk of sounding totally boring, there are just times when “turning in” beats “turning up” any day. Like when you can’t find a babysitter for the kids (all your little nieces and cousins have now turned 21 and will purposely not pick up your phone calls), your hair’s just not up to par (major component of a successful night out), or you just don’t feel like glamming up and hitting the town (the perennial“I have nothing to wear” dilemma)…
After many an attempt at avoiding the inevitable (aka trying hard to keep up only to finally crash in bed, painful heels, false lashes on and everything), I fabricated my own version of “turning up”.
Except the whole thing happens on my couch, minus-the-bunion-inducing-high-heels and other hazards of hitting the town. With the benefit of getting that warm corner of the couch with all the bread crumbs and other unidentified objects to the left, and not screaming inside when the kids wake you up at 6am sharp the next morning…
For me, it usually happens on Thursday nights ( Thursdays ARE the new Fridays, people) , when I’m ready to wind down and start my pre-week-end celebration in Shondaland, including my absolute favorite shows Grey’s Anatomy,Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder. I tried picking just one, but they’re like shoes, you have to get them all at once (blame Shonda)…
My perfect Netflix and Chill night is usually with the hubby, in some stylish, yet ultra-comfy loungewear I can relax in (and still feel like I haven’t given up on style for the rest of my life). Like this cozy Colby Set from Adore Me, or this Lauren Black Pajama Set that have “cozy chic” written all over them.
All the while snacking on some (unlimited) white cheddar kettle popcorn, wrapped in my deliciously warm African Fulani blanket (similar to this one on Etsy) that I may or may not share with the hubby (some things are un-shareable, even in marriage)…
While it usually ends up with me falling asleep and frantically searching for my glasses in between the pillows three hours later, I get to spend quality time with me, myself and I, oh and the hubby too…
That is, until my reformed party animal’s toes are strong enough for another night out in the town, high stilettos, false lashes and hair on fleek and all…
Now your turn? What’s your version of a perfect Netflix and Chill night at home?
