“Who am I professionally?” I remember asking myself this question the very first time I attended a networking event and had to answer the question: “So, what do you do?” I also remember asking myself this same question at every critical turn of my life and career, when the need to define or re-define a new professional as a working woman would become an urgent quest. More recently, the question has popped up in the midst of a global pandemic that has blurred the line between work and home, health and disease, and safety and the lack thereof.
This is a question you may have asked yourself throughout your career, or have been faced with through interactions with and inquiries from others. Most importantly, this is a call you may have had to answer at decisive moments in your life and work and as you grow and evolve closer to your purpose. As a working woman and/or a working mom, you may struggle with this continuously during the current pandemic we all find ourselves in.
As crucial as it is to develop our personal identities, defining our professional ones play a central role in our careers. Prior research defines professional identity as “one’s professional self-concept based on attributes, beliefs, values, motives and experiences” (H., 1999). The Institute for Advancement of the American Legal System defines one’s professional identity as “how to bring your personal values into your profession so that you don’t lose your sense of self.” However, research also shows that while professional roles can provide their holders with a sense of privilege and even prestige, stigmatized individuals such as working women during the COVID-19 pandemic, may not benefit from this privilege. This makes it crucial for working women to define new, more compelling professional identities in light of the unique times and challenges we’re currently facing.
Here are 3 steps to develop a new professional identity as a working woman during and after the pandemic:
Leverage your skills, not your weaknesses
Traditional professional identities may have had many, if not most of us, majoring in minors as we focused on our weaknesses more than we did ourskills. However, faced with the scarcity imposed by a global health crisis of epic proportions, it becomes more important than ever to gain time, efficiency and impact by focusing on our strengths.
Assess your skills: What are your strong areas? What do you excel at? What comes to you naturally? What skills have you acquired over time? Assessing your strengths is the first step towards re-building a professional identity that zooms in on what you’re good at, as opposed to your average skills or even your weak areas.
Package your skills: How can you package your skills into a product or service worth selling? Whether it is a product or service for your business, or a set of skills providing you with a competitive advantage as an employee, packaging what you are good at is at the center of your new, most effective professional identity.
Put yourself out there!
Gone are the days when working women were relegated to the back of the room, working in silence and utter oblivion. What these unique times have shown us, is that in times of challenges, women create change! From women heads of states who have successfully confronted the pandemic in their countries, to women rising up to make history in politics and various industries, we’ve seen progress happen through female leadership in times of crisis.
Let go of the fear to be excellent: Excellence can be scary for working women, who have long been discouraged to take the lead in their fields. A new, reinvented professional identity also involves coming out of the professional shadows to unapologetically show your excellence.
Build your tribe: Professional impact is not achieved alone. It takes a village to create impactful change, growth and progress. Part of working women’s re-invented professional identities entails the creation of positive, fruitful networks of excellence.
Re-imagine your lifestyle!
Live on purpose: Your professional identity is not an entity separate from your personal identity. Your life is a whole. As such, all its various parts are inter-dependent. As you operate in excellence at work, you also have to commit to living on purpose in all other areas of your life.
Use your time purposely: Time is your most precious commodity. As a working woman and mom, you know all too well how many demands weigh on your time. Hence why it is crucial to re-imagine a life and identity where time is used in an impactful way.
How will you re-invent your professional identity as a working woman?
I’m learning the power of letting go in order to grow in all areas of my life. Work is no exception, especially after experiencing a global health pandemic that taught so many of us to let go of most of what we believed we couldn’t live without. It took me a while to realize that many of the obstacles facing me in my career, actually had less to do with my abilities, than with the baggage I was unconsciously carrying.
So many of us, especially as working women and moms, carry way too much, most of which is not ours to carry and weighs us down along our path. Much of this consists in emotional and relational baggage we often fail to recognize and address for most of our careers. The less we fail to acknowledge this invisible weight holding us back, the more we tend to struggle in the dark, looking for the wrong answers everywhere. So we keep adding to our resume, network, or educational portfolio, instead of considering what we could let go of instead, such as:
1- False and outdated expectations of what and where we should be in our careers and lives
Have you ever read one of those articles entitled “30 things to accomplish in your career before you’re 30” or the likes? Have you ever found yourself feeling like you should be further along in your career, or that you have not accomplished enough? Does the thought of where you should be in your career keep you from getting ahead?
False and outdated expectations about ourselves and where we should be in our work and life can often keep us behind, literally freezing us in place out of disappointment. Until we let go of the expectation that our careers (and lives) should follow a certain timetable, we will miss out on opportunities to give them our all.
2- People and things that don’t support our growth and keep us back
Some people will never support you, and you will live. Some places, institutions and processes will fail you at every turn, and you will also live. Trying to change these is not only a waste of time, but a sure way to remain stuck in an unhealthy cycle of dependency.
3- Negative beliefs and self-talk that keep us stuck
Most of the obstacles standing in our way are literally in our heads. They’re made up of all the negative beliefs and self-talk that haunt us whenever we try to make progress. Identifying these and learning to let go of them is one of the biggest steps we can make towards career fulfillment.
4- Comparison and envy
If you’ve ever looked at someone else’s career with a twinge of envy, wondering why your career is not further along, you know how paralyzing and debilitating that can be. Comparison and envy truly are the thief of joy, at work and in all other areas of life. Every career is unique, and moves at its own pace. Give yours the benefit of the doubt, as well as the time and space to grow at the pace and in a way that reflects your unique purpose.
5- Fear of stepping out of your safe zone
Fear is one of the most potent career killers. It robs us of our self-confidence, creativity, and growth, forcing us continually into familiar, yet un-challenging territory. If you’ve noticed that you’ve been stagnating in your career, chances are fear is controlling your work and preventing you from taking the next step in your professional evolution.
6- The emotional baggage and trauma from past career failures, job losses/betrayals etc
Failure is a necessary teacher. Yet, too often, it also and unfortunately becomes a paralyzing companion, reminding us of our inadequacies and struggles, blocking us from advancing further in our work and purpose. For many working women, the ghosts of career failures past, job losses, betrayals, and other professional mishaps remain stinging reminders that they may just not be enough. Letting go of this negative emotional baggage is the beginning of a more fulfilling and purposeful career.
7– Career guilt
Career guilt is real, especially for working women and moms. Whether it manifests when pursuing different opportunities, challenging the status quo, or achieving success, it tends to rear its ugly head when you get closer to achieving to achieving a professional breakthrough. As such, many working women will choose the safety of societal acceptance over fulfilling their dreams, foregoing their life’s work so as not to be judged harshly or even worse, rejected.
In times of crisis, your career is bound to experience some significant changes. Whether you find yourself in the middle of a pandemic, as we are at the moment, are going through a health-related ordeal, a life change such as a divorce, death of a loved one, or move, your work is not going to remain the same, especially as a working woman and mom. Yet, these are exactly the times you can use to grow your career.
I know every crisis I have faced has had an impact on my career, sometimes for the best, other times for the worst, always for a bigger purpose in the end. Over time, I’ve learnt to welcome these changes, and not desperately fight to maintain my career above water. After all, as working women and moms, all the parts of our lives are intricately inter-woven as we often don’t have the luxury of compartmentalizing the various areas of our lives. Instead, were’ most often pressured to wear our different hats at the same time. So can you really grow your career in times of crisis as a working woman and mom? As a matter of fact, times of crisis and challenge are often what take our careers to the next level, or on a much better trajectory.
From mine and so many other working women and moms’ experience through crisis and challenges, here are three tips to use times of crisis and challenges to grow your career:
Dare to be vulnerable and keep the communication open!
One of the biggest mistakes I made when facing life changes and crisis was to keep these to myself. As working women and moms often faced with false, diminishing stereotypes in the workplace, it may be challenging and intimidating to show vulnerability at work. Many have actually been burnt when showing their vulnerable side at work. However, the negative reactions of a few should not set the tone of how we should work better.
While you should be cautious as to who you open yourself up to at work, not opening yourself up at all, especially when dealing with life-altering circumstances, can prove more hurtful than anything else. Don’t be afraid to show some vulnerability and keep the lines of communication open, especially with your boss, direct team and colleagues. Not only will this help you from having to carry an unjustified burden at the wrong time, but may even help to bring you closer to your work team!
Set clear boundaries and expectations
In the same token, set clear expectations and boundaries of and with yourself and your team at work. During the COVID-19 crisis, many working moms are facing unspeakable challenges with child and home care, yet many are remaining silent, shouldering unrealistic and life-threatening at times burdens.
Have the courage to set expectations that make your load bearable and realistic. For some, this may mean setting alternate hours, or having frank conversations with your manager about workload, or even taking some time off. Whatever expectations and boundaries are needed, be brave enough to address them. They will not only help you lift a too heavy weight off your shoulders, but will also gain you the respect of your colleagues and team for speaking up.
Re-assess, re-evaluate, and re-assess some more!
Times of challenge are also times of growth and expansion. It’s very often when we find our backs against the wall, that we are now forced to re-consider our patterns, habits and decisions. Use these times to constantly re-assess, re-evaluate and re-consider your options. You may find out that you were wasting precious time on inefficiencies in your work processes, or that you are ready for a career transition altogether.
Sometimes, we get too bogged down on the details, so much that we lose sight of the need to take some time to assess where we stand, where we’re coming from and where we’re headed. In our careers, this exercise of constant re-assessment is not an indulgence, it’s actually a necessity.
Don’t be afraid when hard times bring on change. That’s exactly what they are meant to create. Instead, commit to using the rough patches, the life-altering moments, the wrenching decisions and transitions of work, to propel you instead of slowing you down.
How are you using the current COVID-19 crisis to grow your career?
Dear Working Mom is our weekly letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
So often, the world tends to measure and glorify your worth by how much you do. How much you dedicate yourself to your family, how well you’re able to “balance” it all, be it career, life or relationships, and how good you are at making it look all easy and glamorous in the process. The more you can do, and add to your already full plate, the more you’re glorified and encouraged to take on even more.
With enough time, external and internal pressure, you may have come to value yourself as a working mom based on what you do. So you keep going, despite being exhausted and unsure at times, adding to your already overwhelming to-do list, running from work meetings to the kids’ extra-curricular activities, making time to answer texts and hang out with the girls, and still managing to look impeccable in the process…
Yet, no one really knows as much as you do how tired and in need of a break you are. Even when it seems you can take a break, life manages to fill it up with chores to catch up on, programs to devise, and something extra to do…At the end of the day, you feel that you are defined by what you do rather than simply by who you are…What if you were not around? What if you couldn’t do what you do? What if…
It would take something monumental to happen for you to stop and observe the much-needed pause you’ve been craving for so long…And even then, you may still have someone to help, someone to rescue, some task to carry out…While you may find it challenging to resist the temptation to define yourself and base your value on what you do, there are a few self-probing questions that may help you, and all of us in the process, move back to valuing who we are and not just what we do:
Who are you when you’re not doing?
How many times have you asked yourself who you really are when you’re not doing? When you’re not taking care of someone else, working towards a goal or for someone else, or striving to satisfy yours or others’ expectations? What are the passions, likes and dislikes at the core of yourself, that you may have neglected to instead carry out your various responsibilities and duties?
As you ask yourself these questions and others along the same lines, you may find out some pretty fascinating things about yourself. You may re-connect with past loves and interests, discover some parts of yourself you may have buried deep inside a long time ago, and fall back in love with the individual behind the overachieving, high-performing woman.
How would you re-define yourself outside of what you do?
If you could re-define yourself, what would you do more of? What would you do less of? How would you re-invent yourself? What would your ideal life and work look like?
When you take some time away from doing, achieving and performing, you may just find yourself ready to go in a different personal and professional direction. Or you may find that some aspects of the way you’ve been living and working should change, or at least be modified somewhat.
How can you protect the truth of who you are?
When there are so many demands on your person, time and energy, how can you protect your authenticity? How can you remain to your true desires and nature when you barely have time to stop and take a pause to even discover these? How can you draw healthy boundaries that allow you to preserve the truth of who you are, while allowing you to grow into the best version of yourself, at your own pace?
As you distance yourself from just what you do and get closer to who you are, you may start feeling the urge to protect your precious authenticity from society’s demands and impositions. You may begin to think of stricter boundaries on your time, what you devote your energy to, and where you choose to put your attention.
Because Dear Working Mom, you are not defined by what you do. You have value and worth simply because of who you are…
As we navigate the Coronavirus crisis quarantined at home, many working moms are under extraordinary pressure to handle multiple priorities at once, including childcare, elderly care, remote work and household chores, in addition to keeping a level head and maintaining some sense of sanity. While many parents are working from home, the burden of care and household chores still traditionally remains on working moms, who also have to add to it the pressure (and obligation) of working remotely.
For many, if not most working mothers, it means rearranging their schedules to rise even earlier than usual to work, or staying up late to catch up on unfinished business. It also means homeschooling the at least 32.5 million students from kindergarten through 12thgrade, who may be reticent to studying at home, and having the patience to deal with the inevitable meltdowns and tantrums that may come with it. Add to it the piling up of dishes, laundry and household cleaning due to the majority of the family being home at the same time, and overwhelm, frustration and even resentment, may set in. This is without even considering the impact of the anxiety, worry and despair plaguing most of us as we painfully learn to live in a reality that is closer to science-fiction than anything we could have ever imagined…
What this also translates into for working mothers, are inescapable health-related mental costs, as the number of hours spent working inside the home on careers and businesses, in addition to childcare and household-related duties, increases, along with stress and anxiety levels. For working moms who do not have the benefit of salaried employment, are seasonal workers, or small business owners, the economic costs are outrageously high, as many, if not most, come to terms with not being able to put food in the table in a matter of days or weeks. Many working moms, single moms in particular, who relied on schools to provide meals to their children, or moms whose children need regular, expensive medication, are now facing dire economic circumstances.
As a working mom myself, I was shocked by the sheer amount of work, both childcare and household-related, in addition to adapting to working remotely in the midst of chaos and homeschooling, I now had to face. As my spouse had to go to work, this also meant dealing with the new situation alone at home. While I’m certainly counting my blessings, I also realized there are millions of working women faced with the same, if not worse, situation.
I can only imagine what the moms who work part-time performing essential duties that cannot be performed remotely, are going through. Women working part-time represent 2/3 of the population of part-time workers, as reported by the National Women’s Law Center, and are paid less in addition to having less access to benefits. Not to mention the working moms in the healthcare industry, or in other emergency fields like firefighters and public servants, who do not even have the privilege to stay home.
While this depicts a pretty dreary picture during this already depressing coronavirus crisis, it also reminds us of the importance of building plans and infrastructures that preserve working mothers in the regular course of business and life. The House passed a preliminary aid package including a provision to provide mothers and pregnant women out of a job with food.
While there should be contingency plans in place to protect everyone, working moms, most of whom in charge of caring for children and elderly, especially in the case of single moms and in many families represent financial, emotional and spiritual pillars, should not be forgotten.
Here are some ways to help working moms during the coronavirus crisis:
Bosses, please be more understanding!
Working from home with kids is HARD. This is why it’s so important that working moms and their managers have honest conversations about work expectations during this time. This is largely uncharted territory, hence the importance of having flexible yet clear expectations, and being able to adapt to change.
Use technology to help out
With the quarantine restrictions, it may mean children are expected to have more screen time than usual, with homework and activities being completed online. This also means that some working moms may have to get a computer, or not have enough computers for all their children. If you have a spare computer, consider helping out by sharing with less fortunate families.
Some companies have already started offering Internet streaming services for free, which will be a huge relief for families. Other ways to help include using technology to hold virtual play dates, or send tips and tricks to help working moms via text, email, or on social media.
Parenting partners, please get on the same page!
In regular times, sharing responsibilities as parenting partners is challenging, with most of the childcare and household duties falling on working moms’ shoulders. If you’re a parenting partner to a working mom, it may mean considering adjusting your schedule to accommodate school closures, work disruptions, layoffs, and other disruptions bound to happen during this time.
It also may mean opening the lines of communication with your partner to understand what they’re going through, and how best to help, whether it’s operating in shifts, come up with creative alternatives, or just lending a compassionate ear.
Just check in and ask how they’re doing
Sometimes, all someone needs is a smile and a word of encouragement. Many working moms are struggling to keep mentally healthy, in addition to their other preoccupations and worries. Just be kind!
Offer assistance if you can
Can you spare a roll of toilet paper, some extra money, or just resources on funding (state or federal) and (trustworthy) information you can share? Your contribution can make the difference in someone’s day, so if you find yourself in a situation where you can help, consider doing so.
Overall, working moms are some of the hardest hit through the coronavirus case, economically, physically, and mentally. They also are the pillars of many, if not most families, who may not able to survive without them. As such, the burden to help and assist working mothers is on all of us, and the responsibility to help our common duty.
As a working mom, what challenges are you facing during the coronavirus crisis?
