As working women and moms, working from home is a challenge considering all the other hats we’re called on to wear day in and day out. This is especially relevant in these times of pandemic when most working moms are bearing the brunt of the crisis, forced to handle both childcare, housework and work every single day. This has not given much option to many working moms out there, who have had to forego their careers as a result. In this context, thriving in one’s career or business as a working woman and mom can seem nearly impossible.
At the start of the pandemic, working from home while homeschooling my kids felt incredibly overwhelming. Not being able to fully concentrate on anything fully, being far from colleagues and offices, and dealing with the constant guilt of not being fully present as a parent, was gut-wrenchingly hard. If you add to it the fears related to the virus and to the economy declining, the echo of job losses and business closures everywhere, and the focus on thriving at all, let alone in my career, was taken away.
However, when it is humanly possible, succeeding at work when working from home, and even scoring a promotion in the process, can happen with the help of a few tips, among which:
Communication, communication, communication!
Keeping the lines of communication open when working from home is especially important for us as working women and moms already suffering from being made “invisible” or the minority in the workplace. It can be so easy to fade in the background of virtual Zoom calls and remote work sessions as working women and moms, especially as our voices are already muted and disregarded.
This may take the form of checking in periodically with your team and management, to make sure any changes, updates or issues are communicated in a timely manner. It may also be responding to requests in a more timely manner, and keeping everyone in the loop as much as possible. Using the right tools to do so, including a reliable connection through companies like Verizon or AT&T and the right brand of computers for you, such as Dell, or HPfor instance.
Align with expectations
Expectations can be quickly misunderstood or not taken into account when working from home. That’s why it’s so important to make sure to set and clarify expectations with your team and management right from the start, and work on proper alignment.
Clarify expectations by checking in periodically and confirming there is a mutual understanding, preferably over email when you can keep a record of past communications.
Express yourself!
Last but not least, don’t’ forego expressing yourself and your goals because you’re working from home. While speaking up on virtual meetings can feel a bit cumbersome, not doing so may cause you to fade in the background and not be considered in the decision-making process.
Despite it feeling so much different from being in the office, it’s important to continue to express yourself, speak up and share your goals.
How do you ace your career as a working mom and woman when working from home?
This week, a fellow working woman was blatantly and publicly insulted in the midst of her workplace, a victim of televised disrespect and misogyny. Her name is Representative Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), and both the incident itself and her response are a vibrant testimony to the misogyny in Congress, and in the workplace in general. It was also a loud reminder that an issue that should have now been long overdue is not only still very alive, but may actually just be worsening as time passes…
As a working woman, you may have experienced similar situations and incidents where you may have been publicly or privately disrespected by a male colleague. It may have been over a professional, or even a personal matter. And more likely than not, it may have hurt and affected you to your core. I know from experience that the few times I’ve had to face these types of situations, I felt diminished, less than, and like the air had been ripped out of my chest. It took me a long time to learn not to allow attacks like these to lessen my sense of self, and render me powerless. Still, despite the benefit of experience and time, addressing issues of misogynistic disrespect and sometimes flat-out aggression against working women.
How do you address disrespect that should not exist? How do you begin to dismantle patriarchal issues that may have lasted longer than you’ve been alive? How do you continuously defend the R-E-S-P-E-C-T that is due you in a professional yet direct and unequivocal way, when your career, your reputation and your coins are unfairly at stake? These are the questions that Ocasio-Cortez answers so eloquently and vehemently in her speech to Congress.
As I listened to her words, I was reminded, not just of the weight of these injustices, but also of the necessity for each and every one of us to continue to advocate for ourselves and our fellow working women:
Recognize disrespect and misogyny for what they are
In environments where gender inequity is the norm, it can be challenging to recognize instances of disrespect and misogynyfor what they are. Instead, we may be tempted to brush these incidents as par for the course and the price we must pay to rise to the top, or just not shake the precarious boat of our careers.
This is where it’s crucial to recognize the blatant, and not-so-blatant signs of disrespect and aggression directed at us and other working women. Too many toxic environments have been thriving on unhealthy sexist and misogynistic foundations, creating toxic surroundings for their members. Signs such as mansplaining, overly competitive traits, all the way to sexual harassment point to dangerous workplaces.
Don’t be afraid to call it out!
Whether you decide to address instances of disrespect and misogyny publicly or privately, don’t be afraid to call it out. Not only is it a way of bringing it to the other party’s attention, it’s also important for your own personal well-being and professional welfare.
However, whether you’re addressing your boss, colleague or a client, addressing it head-on may not be enough. In certain instances, you may have to refer to other superiors, or even Human Resources. While it may be intimidating to deal with these types of circumstances, choosing to endure or ignore them may only help to make matters worse over the long run.
Take time for self-care!
As I mentioned earlier, being disrespected and having to face misogynistic attitudes in the workplace takes a toll on working women. It’s not just an emotional toll, but also a mental and even physical one that may manifest in a number of negative ways, including loss of motivation, lack of productivity, and even chronic anxiety and depression.
As you face and confront these challenging types of issues, don’t forget to take time to care for yourself. This is not just about lighting candles and running yourself a bubble bath, but also taking advantage of mental health resources such as seeing a therapist for instance.
In her courageous stance against disrespect and misogyny against women, Republican Ocasio-Cortez reminded us all of the urgency of standing by women, believing women, and defending women.
Have you ever faced instances of disrespect and misogyny at work? Tell us your story by emailing corporate@thecorporatesister.com or posting a comment.
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
You’ve been holding on for a long time now, doing your absolute best, going above and beyond for everyone else…except yourself! You’ve been maintaining this façade, however successfully, of the strong woman who’s got it…Just like you’ve been taught by generations of strong women before you, whose tears no one saw, who only got half the credit for their full work, who kept plowing through the challenges and still made it happen, whatever “it” was, from a holiday mean on a shoestring budget, to “magically” paying tuition and rent every month…
Yet, the reality is, you’re crumbling…You have been for some time, without letting anyone know, not even yourself. It’s been hard, at times unbearably hard, so hard you could not even find the tears to cry or the words to explain…Prayers and affirmations are not even comforting anymore, as you look through your phone for someone to call before finally resigning yourself to handle your business alone…
This whole time, you’ve not given yourself permission to fall apart. After all, ain’t nobody got time for that! You’ve got way too much on your plate, way too many people counting on you, and way too many people expecting you to fail…So you’ve been soldiering on, not allowing yourself to feel your feelings, explore your emotions, or simply take a break…You’ve bottled it all in, the pain, the exhaustion, the trauma, the incessant worries, in the name of stoic resilience and superhuman courage, at the cost of your own sanity and mental health…Yet, instead of making things better, it’s made it all so much worse…
You’ve been taught falling apart is a bad look. Admitting you’re vulnerable is a sign of weakness and incompetence. That women can and should do it all, at the same time, whatever the cost. Yet, what if it had been the wrong message all along? What if feeling the emotions, putting down the façade, and taking a breath were actually necessary? Not to stay there and wallow in self-pity, but to observe a pause, to allow yourself to fall apart so you can pick yourself back up and rebuild afterwards, instead of endlessly running on fumes?
In this season, give yourself permission to fall apart, to feel all the “feels”, to take a break, and replenish yourself before starting over again. Because it takes courage to open up and be vulnerable. It takes compassion, for oneself and for others, to share one’s struggles so others can see they’re not alone.
Because falling apart is not weak, it’s necessary, as long as you don’t stay there…
Being vulnerable is not “not handling your business”…
Seeking help and support is not being fragile, but showing strength and courage…
Give yourself permission to fall apart…and then get back up!
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
You’ve been pouring your all into being the best mom you can be since you became one. You’re still doing your absolute best, day in and day out, to be the best parent you can. And this despite the various personal, professional and social obstacles you may be facing, from juggling career and household responsibilities, to creating and maintaining a healthy and stable household for your entire family. You’ve been working at this parenting thing, not just in terms of managing every day’s life and work responsibilities, but also in terms of improving yourself. Except parenting was never meant to be a perfect science…
Along the way, you’ve faced uncertainty, even heartache, as you watch your children grow and become their own people. Your heart aches as you fear what could happen to them in this big, wide, often cruel world. You question yourself as you make each and every decision, wondering how it will affect them today, tomorrow and the days after. You deal with the overwhelming sense of guilt that comes with motherhood territory, wondering how, when, if you could do more…
As you wrestle with being your best self, taking space and going after or giving up on your ambitions, you may not be sure which path to take at times. You may be tempted to look around at what others are doing, worrying you may not measure up to the perfect mom baking sweet treats from scratch for the kids’ school fair, or the outstanding mother with the shiny career and efficient schedule, or the one with the impossibly organized home…
Truth is, parenting was never meant to be an exact science. There is no accurate, perfect recipe for growing and raising humans. There is only the will, dedication and commitment to do the best we can with what we have, right where we’re at. Sometimes your best may barely fit into your single mom’s budget, other times it may exceed it and you may have to get another job, fight for the promotion, or start the side hustle to make it work. Sometimes your best may be to let go of comparing yourself to others, release some unrealistic expectations, and be your own kind of mom. Sometimes your best may be to heal yourself, to seek therapy so you don’t pass on the same generational damages you’ve inherited yourself.
All the time, your best is what makes you no less, and no better than any other mother. Your best makes you the best mother for your child, even in the face of tough decisions and heart-wrenching choices you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
Because parenting was never meant to be an exact science, with perfect baking recipes and glossy Instagram pages. As a matter of fact, it was meant to be messy, imperfect, evolving, as anything founded in love, growth and purpose is meant to be.
So make the mistakes, enjoy the process, laugh at it, cry at it, throw yourself at it, feel good about it, don’t feel so good about it. But above all, allow it to make you and anyone else involved in this magical journey, better, stronger, fuller, of the very consciousness of Love and Life….
2020 doesn’t just mark the start of a new year, but that of a decade. That’s 10 whole years of life, work and everything in between. Whether you’re eagerly looking to step into this new decade, or are nostalgically reminiscing over the highs and lows of the past few years, you can’t deny that whatever has happened during this time has taught many a valuable lesson, some more pleasant than others. For the bulk of the past decade, most of my life has been defined under the label of “working mom”. Granted, all mothers are working moms, from the stay-at-home mom who juggles household chores, homework and being her family’s moral anchor, to the executive who has to make tough choices between after-school pick-ups and late afternoon networking get-togethers at work. For many, if not most of us, our lives are defined along the ever-moving lines of self, motherhood, and work, whatever work may be made out of for each one of us. Along these lines, many hard lessons are learnt, some of which leave us with an indelible mark to be carried over the length of our lives.
As I reflect on this past decade, alternating between smiles, all-out laughter, and ugly cries, I’ve gathered a few of the main lessons I’ve had the opportunity, or rather I should say the privilege, to learn. Most of them were born out of adversity and struggle, as the best teachings are, and are also those that have made me grow the most, in the midst of frustration, tears, and also fun laughter. Some are simple, others took me a long time to learn, others I’m still working on. Yet, all of them have shaped my path, as I nostalgically and happily share them with you:
It was never about WHAT YOU DO, but the WHO YOU’RE BECOMING
One of the biggest lessons I’ve had the opportunity to learn has everything to do with what really matters when it comes to work and life as a working woman and working mom. The first half of my career was devoted to the WHAT in what I did professionally. After all, the barometer set for most of us is regulated in terms of degrees, certifications, accolades, promotions and other educational and professional achievements. Rarely do our own personal growth processes come into the equation of what is considered as “success” by the masses.
Yet, personal and professional growth go hand in hand and complement each other. One can never be truly successful if one of the two dimensions, either personal or professional, is left hanging by the threads of neglect and unfulfillment. This is especially true for working moms, for whom the definition of fulfillment is truly a holistic one, that not only encompasses professional achievements, but also a strong sense of integration of all the other areas of their lives. I learnt that true success is achieved from the inside out, from the personal growth journey that inevitably leads to professional fulfillment, and ultimately, success, as defined individually.
Your purpose is in what you love
Like many, it took me a while to understand that purpose is the guiding force behind true meaning and significance in our lives and work. Figuring out what purpose even meant, how to find it and what to ultimately do with it, was a whole can of worms I banged my head against for longer than I wished. Ultimately, it was in what I loved doing, in the gifts and talents I was born with, in the quirks and particularities that make me who I am, that I found it. After all, it didn’t matter as much what title I carried, or what organization I found myself in, as it did whether or not I got to practice and share my own gifts, talents and abilities, both natural and acquired.
As working moms, we often feel stifled in the expression of who we truly are, as we tend to wear so many hats that turn into the masks that ultimately hide our authenticity. We are women, wives, moms, employees, business owners, navigating the various spheres we’re called into and code-switching ourselves into the oblivion and neglect of what really sets us apart as individuals. That is exactly where it becomes crucial to awaken and re-awaken the purposes that have always been inside each and every one of us by simply focusing back on those things we love doing.
Being a mom will change you for the better
Being a mom is a GIFT, and one that keeps on giving at that. Most of the precious lessons I’ve acquired through life have been through motherhood, when changing diapers, questioning my baking abilities, answering my kids’ questions, and building a life that would serve my children well. It’s after becoming a mom that the urge to follow my own purpose grew louder and louder, so my children would see through their parents that it’s ok to fight for your dreams, to be different, and to be beautifully flawed and imperfect.
While one of the most prevalent misconceptions about motherhood is that many moms find themselves having to abandon their careers (which is true for many), I’ve also found that it also provides mothers with the gift of and desire for growth. I write, teach, cry, learn, stumble, get back up, and generally grow, so my daughter and son can see that while none of it is perfect, it’s ok for them to fight to become their best selves.
You get to define your own brand of success
Success is an elusive concept elusively defined through elusive iterations of what popular culture considers to be the pinnacle of achievement. Yet, what does really success consist in for a working mom who juggles opposite worlds , from home to work, day in and day out? It can be quite complex, if you ask me, especially for working moms whose professional ambition may be frowned upon or misjudged.
While the normative view of success, predicated upon the male bias around it, may look like the picture of a wealthy man at the top of his career, for working moms and women in general, it is quite different. Earlier this year (2019), Inc. magazine featured the first visibly pregnant CEO, Wing’s co-founder Audrey Gelman, on its cover, as a clear confirmation that the norms of success are quite different for men and women. Success for working moms may include the C-suite, but will also have at the front and center of it a healthy family and society, which is why it is so important for us to define what it means to our own existences. For me, success is growth, both personal and professional, and ensuring the well-being of my family and society. What is it for you?
Stop trying to be like a man
If you’ve read any of my earlier articles, you may have caught on to the fact that earlier in my career, I was trying to apply one of the worst pieces of advice when applied to working women: “When in Rome, act like the Romans”. For working women like myself, it meant pulling all emotions aside, not showing up as attractive, and displaying masculine traits of achievement. As it’s been proven, not only does this approach not reduce the bias against women at work, it also deprives both working women and professional environments of the very gifts and talents, such as acute intuition and soft skills, that female personalities tend to bring to the workplace.
I’ve since learnt to not try to act like a man, or like anyone other than the best version of myself at the time being, which may or may not include a dark shade of red lipstick and a feminine dress.
Being present is the best gift you can give yourself
One of the most shocking (and exhausting realizations ) I made when I became a mom, was the sheer number of hats we wear all throughout the day, from moms to leaders to servants, friends and so many more. The biggest downside to this (and to the inefficient art of multi-tasking) is that we end not being present much of the time. This means trying to answer emails instead of enjoying the kids at the park, thinking about dinner while at the board meeting, or leaving the baby in the car seat at home and driving away.
For me, being present has become the best gift of self-care and love I can offer myself and others. It means shutting off the phone sometimes, or leaving on time despite the flow of work piling up at the office. Most importantly, it means choosing quality over quantity for my life
Your relationships will make or break you
Developing and nurturing healthy relationships as working women and working moms is a well-known challenge. In between all the obligations we attend to, the changes we go through, and the demands of our careers and personal lives, catering to relationships, both personal and professional, becomes a daunting task. Yet, it’s the same relationships we may neglect, or wrongfully choose, that can make or break us.
As a working mom, I learnt that whatever my definition of success may be, it can seldom be accomplished alone. Which means surrounding myself with like-minded people, and women in particular, whom I accept, love and support, and who reciprocate similar acceptance, love and support. It also means releasing relationships that I or the other party may have outgrown in order to make room for continuous and fruitful growth for all. Easier said than done in most cases, and certainly always a work in progress, but one that remains one of the most important processes of life…
The point was never to remain the same!
“You have changed!” As I’ve grown and evolved, I’ve often, like many of you, heard this phrase. Like many, I’ve questioned it, felt guilty about it, pondered over it and am still making peace with it. Yet, in the beautiful mess that growth, both personal and professional, creates, one thing is certain; “The point of this thing called life was never to remain the same!” It is to grow, evolve and continue to become the best version of yourself.
As you go through your own evolution process, as you leave and start jobs and relationships, as you change your mind, release some and adopt other patterns, keep reminding yourself that the point was always to grow.
You never start from scratch, you always start from experience
In the past decade I’ve had two careers, changes jobs, become a mom, failed and succeeded at the same time, and am still here to tell the story. What I’ve learnt through change, transition and failure, is that especially as working women and moms, we never start from scratch. One of the biggest advantages of wearing so many hats is that we’re constantly learning and acquiring new skills, from soft skills to management and leadership abilities.
As we tread on new paths or get exposed to new environments, we are able to re-purpose these skills and turn them into our ultimate competitive advantage. Working moms have been proven to have excellent management and leadership abilities, and most companies with women at their helm tend to be more successful. It wasn’t until I realized this that I’ve more confidently faced unknow territories and known fears on my own path.
It’s never too late!
Last but not least, another great misconception of our times is that we’re all under some form of deadline to achieve or accomplish our goals in life. This is especially prevalent for working women and working moms, who are subjected to the pressures of having to have a career by a certain age, have families by another milestone, be part of this squad or that group by a certain time. This all contributes to a general sense of failure and discouragement, especially among working moms who are already so pressured both personally and professionally.
What I’ve learnt from starting a new career, speaking and writing, and going back to school in my late thirties and now early forties, is that it’s certainly never too late to begin anything. That we all have different paths and that honoring our divine timing and purpose is one of the best gifts we can offer ourselves and the world.
The past decade has been pretty amazing if you ask me! Here’s to another decade of lessons, joys, achievements, laughter, some (happy) tears and much more!
