2020 has exposed racial trauma in a way no one could have predicted, especially as it was coupled with a global pandemic and a loss of much of our sense of normalcy. For mothers faced with the painful and public images of this racial trauma, it has certainly been gut-wrenching. Looking at one’s sons and daughters while wondering if the tragedy of race-related events could also affect them, is a weight no mother should have to bear. Yet, it has now become the reality for too many mothers…
Perusing social media pages, news channels or during conversations with fellow moms, it’s hard not to let fear, heartache and even anger, creep in. It’s also challenging, as working moms, to repress or even suppress these feelings, along with the inevitable associated trauma. It’s a trauma. Research shows each time a Black person is exposed to a killing of an unarmed Black person, its results in an additional 14 mental health days.
Learning to navigate racial trauma in the workplace as a working mom is a hard process, one that hits home more than anything else. Yet, it’s one that can also teach us to make more space for ourselves and others, and inspire positive change in companies and across society.
Here are a few ways to navigate racial trauma as a working mom in the workplace:
Check in with yourself
Sometimes, in the shuffle of our day-to-day activities, we may not give ourselves enough time or even permission to check in with ourselves. We may bury deep down the strong emotions and feelings experienced from racial trauma, not allowing ourselves to check in with ourselves. Taking some time to check in with the way we feel, through journaling or therapy for instance, can help.
Take some time to process traumatic experiences
Healing from trauma takes time. Yet, how often do we take time to process the painful images from racial discrimination or violence we may see on the news or on social media? How often do we truly allow ourselves to take a pause and grieve for the collective loss we’ve experienced? Not quite often enough…
Whether it’s taking a day off from work, or shutting off social media, taking time away to process racial trauma is not only necessary, it’s indispensable.
Find solace in affirming your culture
When racial trauma violates the boundaries of our identities, reclaiming and affirming our culture can bring much needed comfort and strength in times of crisis. Taking part in collective culture-affirming actions, or even re-committing to expressing our identities, can not only ease the pain, but also help in showing up more authentically at work.
Create and maintain healthy boundaries
As working moms, establishing healthy boundaries in and outside of the workplace can be difficult and go against our nurturing nature. However, it is so necessary in acknowledging and respecting our emotional, mental and physical capacity. In the aftermath of the recent racial crisis, many have committed or re-committed to diversity and inclusion efforts in the workplace. Yet, understanding the extent of our emotional, physical and mental bandwidth is crucial in helping us measure how much we can give of ourselves without completely depleting our precious resources and reserves.
Minimize code-switching
Code-switching is defined generally as an adjustment of one’s speech, appearance and/or behavior to bargain for better opportunities in exchange for making others more comfortable. While it may help increase the perception of professionalism for minorities, especially for Black people, and avoiding negative stereotypes, code-switching comes at a heavy cost. This cost includes social and psychological consequences, increasing the likelihood of more acute racial trauma.
Find safe spaces
Last but not least, finding safe spaces at work to process racial trauma is another way to effectively combat racial trauma. These safe spaces can take the form of Employee Resource Groups, Employee Assistance Programs, and/or diversity and inclusion trainings.
How do you navigate racial trauma in the workplace as a working mom?
As we hopefully near the end of the COVID-19 pandemic, the drastic changes it’s brought to the way we work, especially as working women and moms, are undeniable. From shifting the work dynamic for women and moms, resulting in countless job losses for women and the bulk of the pandemic “burden” on working moms faced with a childcare crisis and the majority of household chores, to negating decades of gender equity advances, its impact has been heavy to say the least. The “new” normal it’s created is pointing next to a hybrid post-COVID future for work.
According to a Stanford Institute for Economic Policy Research (SIEPR) survey, 55% of U.S. workers lean more towards a mixture of office and home work. While businesses are adjusting to the post-COVID world in different ways, from allowing employees to work remotely indefinitely to staggering their return to work, they’re also laying the foundation for an increasingly hybrid work future. For working mothers who have been dealing with a childcare crisis and a compounding of home and work responsibilities during the pandemic, this is a new adjustment that is certainly coming at a substantial cost. This is the cost of re-negotiating already precarious boundaries between work and home, solving the issue of childcare, and dealing with the mental load associated with it all.
While hybrid work arrangements may seem like the best of both worlds, with flexibility on one hand and socialization on the other, they represent yet another transition for working moms. Shifting from working from home to alternating between the office and the home requires not just a mental adjustment, but countless logistical changes that also come in play.
In my own experience, transitioning from working exclusively from home to a more hybrid schedule brought both a sense of relief at the prospect of more social time outside of the house; and also a sense of anxiety as to how to manage childcare, house duties and finding new ways to integrate this next normal. While it’s worked well so far, it hasn’t been without challenges, along with precious lessons in adaptability, flexibility and sheer human innovation.
If you’re ready to transition to a hybrid work environment as a working mom, here are 5 tips that can help:
Make the mental shift first
Most often, it’s not so much the physical, but the mental load that drives working mothers to exhaustion. As such, it’s crucial in any season of transition (which is pretty much the majority of time when you’re a working mom), to make the necessary mental shifts first.
Asking questions such as: “What is this new normal going to look like for me?”, “How do I feel about this change?”, “Why do I feel this way?”, or “What can I constructively do about this”, may seem unimportant at first. However, they are the catalysts of much needed exercises in self-regulation and self-assessment that are so important for working moms constantly having to think on their feet and respond to new situations on the go.
For me, it’s been a matter of rally taking the time to check in with myself to avoid feeling overwhelmed and making rash decisions. A simple time-out at the beginning or in the middle of the day can help, as can daily or frequent journaling and sharing with trusted friends.
Clarify and set clear expectations
Transitioning to a hybrid work environment also presents a set of new expectations. After a particularly traumatic pandemic year, these expectations may be quite different from pre-pandemic expectations. Hence, the importance of clarifying and setting clear expectations.
What hours and days will I be expected to be in the office? When at home, what is the expectation in terms of work hours? What does a more flexible schedule look like? What does a typical day look like? What norms of safety will be in place? There are examples of questions that can be part of the conversation to clarify expectations.
Define boundaries
Along with clarifying and setting expectations, defining boundaries is also paramount as the transition to a hybrid work environment involves a potential blurring of lines between work and home. As many, if not most working moms, found themselves lost in the shuffle of work and home during the pandemic, many more can also be disadvantaged by the lack of a clear line of professional and personal demarcation in a hybrid setting.
Am I expected to take calls at home after a certain time? Do I have to answer emails after-hours? On my days working from home, will I be expected to show up to the office in case of an urgent meeting or matter? These questions can serve as good examples of defining clearer boundaries in hybrid environments.
Discuss the ramifications for your career and your future career plans
Just as the concept of flexibility, while seemingly appearing to benefit working mothers, has actually added a layer of stigma to women’s career, a transition to a hybrid work setting can also have ramifications for women’s careers. As working mothers on flexible schedules have been in many instances stigmatized as less productive, working moms in hybrid work settings may also suffer from the same stigma.
One way to circumvent this stigma is to have a clear discussion and understanding of any possible ramifications for your career. Having an honest conversation with your manager can help alleviate these concerns, while opening the door to discuss the future of your career.
Would this hybrid schedule hurt my career? What are some new opportunities and challenges I can take advantage of? What would I have to do to reach the next level in my career? These questions can be asked in the course of a performance review as well as as part of a quick check-in with your management.
Adjust as you go
Last but not least, any transition requires a certain amount of experience and adjustment on-the-go. As you transition to a hybrid work setting, many of the moving pieces in your environment will also have to be re-calibrated. From adjusting your childcare schedule, to making new logistical arrangements and re-organizing your work priorities, some of the changes involved will not be perfectly aligned from the start.
Re-adjusting schedules, setting different expectations, and even considering a change in careers may come into play during this transition. Being flexible and adjusting as you go will go a long way towards reaching a better equilibrium.
How are you planning on transitioning to a hybrid work environment as a working mom?
If you’ve ever considered a career change, or have been through one (or many), you may have asked yourself these questions numerous times. You also know that making such a drastic professional and personal decision directly affects your sense of self-esteem and confidence. I know it certainly did for me…
Research statistics show people change careers an average of three to seven times in the course of their lifetimes. While opinions differ as to what constitutes a career change, it remains that any career transition or change is one that can pose challenges and certainly requires a great amount of confidence, especially for working women. Considering the many barriers facing women in the workplace, and the lack of support women often face when displaying confidence at work, mustering the confidence to change careers can seem like an insurmountable feat.
This is especially relevant during the COVID-19 pandemic, which has prompted so many individuals to question and re-consider the purpose of their work. Working moms more specifically, who have had to bear the brunt of the childcare and work crisis, are at the forefront of the career change wave. Recent statistics show 61% of women are planning to change careers after the pandemic. Among these, 60% are planning to completely pivot in their careers, while 25% are turning to entrepreneurship. More than ever, it’s becoming increasingly important to learn to muster the confidence to tackle career changes.
Here are 4 tips that can help:
Be realistic
Any career change is a turning point in anyone’s career, and by extension, in anyone’s life. As a working woman in particular, it can be a significant transition that can bleed into other life areas, including family, finances, marriage and parenting. Being realistic about the seriousness of such a transition, along with the associated costs, sacrifices and obstacles, can go a long way towards minimizing the frustration and difficulties that may come up.
In my experience, every time I’ve had to face a career transition, taking into account the financial aspect of the related change, as well as any logistical requirements, from scheduling to childcare, was key.
Use what you have
Changing careers supposes you already have a career to begin with. In this sense, you’re not starting from scratch, but from valid, worthwhile and solid experience. This experience can in turn be leveraged to facilitate your transition into a new field, company or even industry.
One of the most precious and impactful realizations I made when transitioning careers is that nothing from my prior professional life was wasted. Every single thing I learned in my entire career path served a purpose and prepared me for the next step, whether in terms of what to do or what not to do.
Think in terms of value not credentials
One of the biggest obstacles when it comes to changing careers is often the perceived lack of qualifications or experience. Rather than thinking in terms of credentials, focus instead on the value you bring to your new career, field or industry. Coming from a different path also means you’re bringing in a more diverse perception, view and skillset into your work, thus increasing your value beyond just credentials.
Transitioning careers has allowed me to witness first-hand the power of repurposing one’s skills, knowledge and experience from one area to the other, thus spurring innovation, creativity and renewal in the process.
Bring your passion
Career changes can be extremely rewarding. They can also be hard and demanding. What makes the process more bearable when the going gets tough, is the amount and depth of passion you can bring to the table. That’s also what makes the difference between a successful and a laborious career transition.
For me, passion is the fuel and the salt of work. Without it, it’s nearly impossible to follow the often winding , transitional in nature, road of purpose. It’s also how I recognize whether I’m on the right path or not.
Overall, mustering the confidence to change careers is a process. It is one that requires being aware of the value you bring to the table, leveraging what you’ve already accomplished, arming yourself with passion, but also being sober and realistic about the challenges ahead. Yet, it is a process that in and of itself, offers the invaluable rewards of positive re-direction, enhanced innovation and continued resilience.
Are you mustering enough confidence to change careers?
Have you ever wondered if you’d ever had to choose between motherhood and your career? If you’d ever had to roll the dice to decide of the best time to have the baby, or go for the promotion, or even change career paths to have more flexibility? Like many, if not most working mothers, you may have had to ask yourself these harsh, heart-wrenching questions. If you have, then you may have very well deal with the proverbial motherhood penalty. I know as a working mom, I certainly have…
In honor of International Women’s Day this year, I’m shining the light on the motherhood penalty, or the high, and highly unfair price working moms have to pay to simply be…well, working mothers. Now more than ever, especially with the COVID-19 pandemic, women are having to bear the burden of being both caregiver and having full-time jobs. In addition, they’re also faced with escalating childcare costs, limited maternity leave, and general caregiving costs that keep climbing as time goes by. As a result of the worsening of these conditions through the pandemic, too many working moms have had to drop out of the workforce, at a record tune of 2.2 million women leaving their careers in 2020.
In this context, I’m honored to partner with the Mirza platform, dedicated to educating and empowering working parents around the cost of raising families. In a survey conducted last month, Mirza found 73% of women thought having a child would hold them back in their careers. Furthermore, Mirza just released a research study entitled Rolling the Dice: Breaking Down the Motherhood Penalty. This research is based on a 2018 study by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, accurately titled Still a Man’s Labor Market, which investigated the gender pay gap over 15 years for the same men and women. By using a multi-year analysis, Mirza’s study found women actually earn $0.49 for every $1 that men make. Women who only took one year out of the workforce over this 15 year span saw their earnings dip 39% lower than women who worked straight through. This study confirms that women are literally rolling the dice professionally and biologically, at times having to start businesses or delay motherhood, which in and of itself can be a significant gamble.
To discuss the motherhood penalty in more depth, I’ve had the pleasure to interview Mel Faxon and Siran Can, co-founders of the Mirza Platform, on their journey creating the platform and their thoughts on the motherhood penalty:
Can you tell us about yourselves in terms of your professional background?
Mel: I am what you might call a “jack of all trades.” I graduated with a French and Foreign Affairs degree from UVA. I started out working in sports marketing, moved to a travel startup in Barcelona, worked at a James Beard award winning restaurant in Boston, worked for an EdTech startup in Denver, then was at a luxury travel startup for a few years before moving to London to get my MBA at London Business School. I’ve done sales, product management, process improvement, portfolio management, events, marketing – that’s the beauty of working in startups! You always get to do more than your job description and it’s a fantastic way to learn.
Siran: I was a Gender Studies major at Harvard and had expected to go into academia or nonprofit, but wanted to get some “real world” experience to bring to my work. What started as a short skills pursuit, learning management and operations, turned into a career. I built the driver support organization for Uber in New York and oversaw the support business for the US Northeast, was loving it, then life got in the way. My husband’s job moved us to London, where I got my Master’s in Social Business & Entrepreneurship at the London School of Economics. Hopefully Mirza is bringing it full circle now: integrating the work I wanted to do in women’s empowerment with the work I’ve enjoyed so much in my career.
2. What prompted you to start Mirza?
We are both of the Millennial generation of women, who have grown up being taught that “women can have it all.” But we’re also in a place where experts are projecting that it will take us another 108 years to achieve gender equality. Last January, we were talking about the obstacles that we and other women we know have faced, and really came down to “how can we be part of the solution?”
Our research brought us to the fact that the motherhood penalty is the leading cause of the gender pay gap, and after speaking with over 100 women, we realized just how much of a lack of resources there are around financial and career planning with this lens. By providing a tool for all parents, we are involving men – and that’s essential for actually changing things. We can’t keep continuing to put the onus on women to change things that are out of their control.
3. Motherhood penalty is the lesser known part of the wage gap. Can you tell us what the biggest issue with it is, and how it worsens the wage gap?
Absolutely! The motherhood penalty, or the steep decline in earnings a woman sees when she has a child, makes up 80% of the gender pay gap. What causes the motherhood penalty? A couple of things. The fact that we only offer maternity leave, instead of parental leave, so women default as the parent who takes time out of the workforce, and that compounds into huge financial losses in the long term. Women who took only one year out of the workforce earn 39% less than women who continue working straight through. We also don’t have PAID parental leave, so that’s a huge contributor. Infant care is also more expensive than public college in 33 states, so that financial strain on families tends to force one parent (usually the birth parent) to stay out of returning to work longer. Lastly, we still have a lot of cultural norms to overcome. The nuclear family dynamic is INGRAINED into the American psyche, and until we can get men on board to split parenting duties and household responsibilities equally, there’s only so much that structural change can do.
4. Would you agree the COVID-19 pandemic has increased the motherhood penalty? If so, how much and do you think we can recover?
Unfortunately, yes. Studies are showing that we’ve lost 30 years in progress towards gender equality. And studies are also showing just how hard women have been hit during COVID. 17% of working moms quit during the pandemic, and 1 in 4 of those still working plan to quit or downshift due to childcare needs.
The childcare piece is a key factor; so many centers were forced to close during the pandemic, and many of them closed permanently. Working parents are struggling to work, parent, and homeschool all at the same time – it’s why we’re seeing countless articles on burnout. The New York Times did a great series called The Primal Scream that really encapsulates this.
We’re facing the first “she-cession” and unless we pass litigation geared towards helping working moms and working parents, I don’t know how we do recover fully. Biden has proposed 12 weeks of paid parental leave, universal child care for three and four year olds and sliding scale childcare subsidies – we fully support this! But we need everyone to lobby behind it and get these proposals passed.
5. What were your findings in your research study entitled “Rolling the Dice: Breaking Down the Motherhood Penalty”?
So while we didn’t do our own research in this paper, we broke down and analyzed previously done studies to explain the motherhood penalty and the ramifications of delaying children. A 2020 study by Modern Fertility found that 49% of respondents were delaying having children, with many of them wanting to hit a certain milestone in their career – salary or level – before kids.
The main study we analyzed, by Liana Christin Landivar in 2020, was on the motherhood gap and first birth timing. The key takeaway is that for a select few, high wage, white-collar jobs, delaying children actually CAN help mitigate the motherhood penalty. However, for the majority of women, delaying children can actually cause more of a penalty. We flushed out the variance for four different professions, or the loss over a career of income based on delaying a child versus having one early.
We also wanted to highlight that while delaying a family can sometimes help professionally, it can also come with a very high physical cost. Our bodies are still made to have kids earlier, and the physical, mental, and financial toll of IVF is a serious side-effect of delaying.
At the end of the day, the most important thing to know is that this gamble women are making is NOT the answer. The answer lies in the structural changes we’ve already mentioned, and increasing labor force affiliation (i.e. telling women that it’s ok to love working).
6. How is Mirza helping working moms and working parents in general deal with the motherhood penalty and the wage gap in general?
Our app democratizes financial planning, the way it should be done: helping employees explore long term financial and family goals, with the compounding impact of years out of the workforce in mind. Parents access affordable childcare through our financial vehicle innovation (still in stealth mode!), and paired with our app to guide maximizing this new vehicle, unlock long term financial health.
On an individual level, by facilitating conversations between couples, we can help couples understand the long term impacts of their decisions around growing their family. We can help them visualize childcare, parental leave, and other decisions together, rather than defaulting to the birth parent taking time out of work/being the primary caregiver.
On an employer level, we can provide essential data to help improve retention of working parents as well as to help improve workplace policies for parents.
7. What is your best advice for working moms out there who may be afraid of rolling the dice between motherhood and career?
Remember that you and your partner are a team! Reframe the mentality that “it would cost more than my salary after tax to pay for childcare.” You have a household income, and you both contribute to childcare
Take the time to sit down and go through your values, career goals, life goals, on your own, then talk to your partner and build a plan to support each other as you grow your family. We made a great guide for this
Plan ahead! The motherhood penalty is real, but having plans with your partner around who takes leave when, your childcare plan, and a plan with your employer BEFORE you take leave is essential. We’ve also made a great guide for that, here
Talk to someone! We’ve built a community for parents, Mirza Connects, specifically for this – the ability to chat with other working parents about how they’ve navigated the same things. Your readers can join (for free!) here
It was such a pleasure learning more about the Mirza platform and its co-founders Mel Faxon and Siran Cao. For more information on the astounding and so necessary work they do, please visit Mirza and access their research report on Rolling the Dice: Breaking Down the Motherhood Penalty.
Have you ever had to deal with a micro-aggression at work? Maybe it was a slight from a co-worker, or a snub from management after a well-done project. In some of the worst-case scenarios, you may have had to deal with harassment or even intimidation. Microagressions are verbal, behavioral, and environmental indignities communicating hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults to a target person or group. They occur in workplaces all around the world, and can be reinforced by company culture and tone at the top, thrus breeding toxic work cultures. They are also quite painful and complex to address and deal with…
According to a June 23-July 6, 2020 Gallup Panel survey, Black Americans constitute the largest racial group to experience and report micro-aggressions in the workplace. 9% even report having been insulted or called names, and 5% victimized through harassment and threats. Among working women, the 2018 Women in the Workplace report published by Leanin.org shows 64% of women deal with micro-aggressions as a reality at work. Black women are reported to face more varied micro-aggressions overall.While these issues disproportionately affect women, males are not exempt from these either.
Addressing micro-aggressions constructively requires going through a process of introspection, communication and decision, including: 1- Determining how much time and energy to devote to said micro-aggression. Responding to every incident can be draining and demoralizing, and even hurt our careers and well-being. Rather, discerning when and how to address micro- aggressions based on the relationships, feelings and perceptions involved can be way more effective.
2- If and when confronting it, preparing oneself and the other party to experience feelings of awkwardness and discomfort can make the communication more effective. Let’s remember that many incidences of micro-aggressions stem from ignorance, as well as lack of boundaries and appropriate education on the subject. This can make confronting the issue at hand not only necessary, but part of a larger educational process we should all engage in. However, it’s certainly an uncomfortable, awkward and even at times painful one. Mentally preparing to face the discomfort and awkwardness of such situations can ease the process.
3- Clarify the situation: Ensuring that all parties understand what’s at stake can help make the conversation and resolution more powerful and the positive effects more long-lasting too. There are many misunderstandings that can be involved in micro-aggressions, due to their subjective and personal nature. Clarifying the situation and understanding of it from all parties involved is a crucial step in addressing it constructively.
4- Last but not least, get some closure by deciding what impact this will have on your life and work. Often we carry the weight of micro-aggressions with us too long instead of addressing them and healing from them. As a result, this often invisible and crushing weight hinders our potential and capabilities, in addition to hurting our mental and emotional state. Deciding what impact we are willing to give micro-aggressions, and how to deal with getting the closure needed is absolutely indispensable. For some, it may mean engaging in service, healing through therapy, or looking for safer spaces and networks.
Overall, dealing with micro-aggressions at work is a process. By deciding how much time and energy to devote to these, mentally preparing for the awkwardness of confrontation, and striving to clarify the situation and get closure, we can not only heal but also constructively educate ourselves and others.
