Holiday stress is real. For working moms, it’s all too real. So much so that it can rightfully be considered the other silent pandemic for working moms. One that takes a heavy psychological, mental and certainly physical toll on working mothers tasked with the oh so unrealistic and overly taxing job of creating the overrated, overly expensive and unnecessary magic of the modern, over-the-top family holidays…
I remember times when the true magic of the holidays was about spending time together, sharing homemade gifts and laughter around a good, simple meal. Times when receiving ONE gift, just one, in my home country of Senegal, was enough. When a small, poorly lit, scarcely decorated tree was a luxury…There was magic then, real, unadulterated, magic, even in 80-degree weather in a country where Christians were, and still are, the minority…Even then, working moms were also largely in charge of orchestrating the holiday magic, yet it was an organic magic that was already there…
Fast-forward a few decades, and the organic holiday magic has been replaced with the commercial archetype of consumerism, complete with perfect hosting tableware, exquisitely wrapped premium “toys of the year”, and over-the-top everything…All of it to be organized, managed, budgeted and delivered by the industrious, best-dressed, physically fit, and pleasant all-around-wonderful working mothers of the year, at the risk of raising self-entitled children and perpetuating an already existing unfair division of labor in the household…With a smile too, please and thank you…
Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way. In an interview with CNN, Brigid Schulte and Haley Swenson, respective Director and Co-Director of Better Life Lab, a New America think tank’s program with the purpose of advancing gender equity and elevating the value of care, suggested that easing working mothers’ holiday load should be a family affair. According to them, discussing the holidays as a family is a crucial initial step. This allows everyone, Mom included, to share what they truly value about the holidays. This way, everyone is clear on what is important, and there’s room for the mother to also express what she values, so as to get what she also needs out of this precious time of year. The same rationale can also be applied to gift-giving, as a meaningful (and not just commercial) process involving the whole family, and not just one falling on Mom’s shoulders. Likewise, the responsibility of organizing these discussions should also be spread among all family members, so as not to be Mom’s burden.
These insights from the Better Lab are extremely valuable, in that it is high time (and has been for quite some time) to consider this silent pandemic plaguing working moms at a time of year when the proverbial cheer is often replaced with exhaustion, worry and even depression for many. How can you, as a working mom, practically implement the necessary changes in your own household so you can finally enjoy the holidays instead of working through them? Here are a few tips to get started:
Assess what you would want out of the holidays
What would the ideal holidays look like for you? What do you truly want out of this time of year? What traditions are important to you, and what others are not so important?
These are examples of questions to ask yourself and honestly answer as a working woman and mom. This is also an introspective process that will require you to shed society’s pre-conceived notions of working mothers’ role, especially during the holidays, and instead embrace the truth of who you are and what you truly want.
Have an honest conversation with your family and friends
Establishing what you want out of the holidays is only the first step. The second, and often most challenging step, is to communicate it to your loved ones. This can be especially hard an overwhelming sense of “mommy guilt” may seep in and take over. You may also face the shock and even resentment of your family and friends, who may not initially understand your transformation and/or frankly desire to go along.
However, despite these obstacles, having an honest, transparent and forthcoming conversation can go a long way towards beginning (and continuing) to lay the foundation for a different type of dynamic during the holidays. An important part of the conversation will be to consider everyone’s values as related to the holidays, yours included, and reach a compromise around sharing tasks and responsibilities that honors these.
Relinquish control
Last but not least, it’s going to be so important to learn to let go! As a working mom, as much as may want to have different, more balanced holiday traditions, you may face your own need for control stubbornly standing in the way of change. It’s ok to relinquish control, let others take over, and take a backseat, at the risk of things not being as “perfect” and flawless as you would like them to be.
Are you a working mom who’s ready to end this silent pandemic of holiday stress? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com and tell us your stories of change.
Performance reviews are no longer what they used to be. Remember when you used to stress out about your review for days, and prepare for the BIG day by putting your best foot (and outfit) forward, and attempting to master your nerves for the entirety of the review meeting… Fast-forward a couple of years, a global pandemic later, and working more remotely than we ever have, performance reviews have definitely changed. The stress and anticipation are still there, yet are enhanced by a different remote format, a changing work landscape and unstable economic outlook. These factors are all the more impactful for working women and moms, who are already impacted by the existing gender bias in performance reviews.
Effectively, research at the Stanford Graduate School of Business has shown biases exist in the way male and female employees are evaluated, the biggest of these being related to individuals’ personalities, future potential, and exceptionalism. Further, additional research demonstrates employees of color tend to be more significantly and harshly downgraded.
As an introvert and non-confrontational individual, as well as a woman of color, I used to struggle with performance reviews. It’s because of my struggles and the questions that came out of these that I started looking into how to do better in this area. As the COVID pandemic turned remote work in a new normal for many, if not most, even more questions came into play around how to be effective at performance reviews. While the same or similar general advice still applies, from being adequately prepared to presenting oneself well, there are additional nuances and criteria to consider in the modern era of remote performance reviews, some of which are presented below:
Prepare while keeping in mind the current context!
While it is generally (and traditionally) advisable to review your performance, in terms of your accomplishments, challenges and growth during the current year, the context we’re living demands that we consider additional criteria. Switching from traditional to remote work during the pandemic, especially for working women and moms who suffered the brunt of this global crisis, was a life and career-altering change for many, if not most. This drastic change, along with the trauma we all underwent, not only transformed the nature of work, but also that of employees’ performance.
As you review your own performance during this very unique pandemic time, keep in mind the context in play is vastly different than the one you’ve been evaluated in previously. The rules of work have changed, and so have those of performance reviews. As such, look at your performance in an evolved and practical light considering the new factors, environment and systems you’ve faced, and asking yourself additional, more evolved questions to gauge your own work, such as:
How did my work change with the pandemic?
What challenges have I faced and how did I overcome them?
How did I successfully manage to adjust to change?
In what ways did I grow?
What new metrics did I have to work with and how did I perform under these?
Work on your presence!
It’s one thing to be present in person, using facial cues and body language to successfully steer and direct a performance review meeting. It’s another to be assessed remotely, in a non-traditional way and environment, without the natural cues which were available in previously more traditional settings. Believe it or not, this can add another layer of complexity, stress and bias to performance reviews, as remote work has been shown to make working women more susceptible to unconscious bias?
This is where it becomes so important to work on your presence. The first step is to turn on your camera, and ensure you are presenting yourself in a positive manner. This does not just include your personal presentation, from the way you’re dressed to your personal demeanor, but also the environment around you. Creating a clean, uncluttered, and distraction-free background will allow you to present a more professional front, while allowing you to focus on the meeting.
Additionally, remote meetings are perceived by many as an opportunity to multi-task and address other pending priorities. As a working woman and mom with so much on your plate, it may be tempting to do so during your remote performance review. However, refraining from multi-tasking (that email can wait!) will also provide you with the mind space, concentration and availability to make your review as efficient and fruitful as possible.
Don’t be afraid to make the ask!
Last but not least, as remote performance reviews can appear to be more impersonal, they can make it more challenging to be more transparent and actually ask for what you actually need. This is all the more important as prior studies have confirmed a gender divide in negotiations.
Considering the different post-pandemic context that has plagued so many working women and moms with issues ranging from lack of childcare to the unequal distribution of household chores, your professional needs may also have changed. Are you in need of added flexibility? Have your salary requirements changed? Has the new remote context added to your responsibilities and requirements, leaving you short of the resources you actually need to perform your work?
The answers to these questions are important fact to bring to the table during your performance review, and use to ask for what you need in these different times.
Along with these, it’s also crucial to ask for current and future expectations based on the new work context we’re under. Last but not least, asking for next steps is a must as you conclude your remote performance review.
All in all, as you prepare for your performance review, please keep in mind that while many of the traditional advice applies, the context has drastically changed. Taking a more evolved and proactive stance in light of the current situation you’re in can help in having a more transparent, effective and impactful performance review.
How are you approaching your remote performance review in 2021?
Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) has been a hot topic in the recent years, as companies and organizations have been striving to being more inclusive, equitable and diverse. However, there is obviously still much learning and work to do around ways to advocate for more DEI.
While there is a large misconception around the fact that DEI work has to be done at the highest levels of management, the reality is this work can be completed at all levels of the organization. DEI work is not just the responsibility of management or leadership, although much of its outcome is heavily impacted by the “tone at the top”. At the core, DEI work is the responsibility of each and every individual making up the fabric of an organization. In this sense, everyone can contribute to and advocated for increased diversity, equity and inclusion at work.
Here three major ways in which you, and all of us really, can advocate for increased DEI in your organization:
Start by educating ourselves and others in the process
DEI is still a relatively new concept, especially in the realm of organizations and companies. Its meaning has been evolving over time, yet there is so much most of us need to learn about it, both in terms of what it truly encompasses, and what the best ways to implement it are. This is why it’s crucial to start by educating ourselves and others in the process.
Educating ourselves on DEI can be done in many ways, from reading books to consulting related studies. Some interesting books to consider include The Memo by Minda Harts, So you want to talk about race by Ijeoma Oluo, or Yellow by Frank H. Wu. Studies such as McKinsey’s 2015 Why Diversity Matters report on public companies, Morgan Stanley’s 2016 research on “Why it pays to invest in gender diversity”, or “The Other Diversity Dividend” report by the Harvard Business Review, are also valuable tools to gain more information on DEI and its positive impact on productivity, innovation and creativity. These educational tools not only help understand the concept and history behind DEI better, but also allow to make the business case for DEI.
What you can do: Read and share books and studies about diversity, equity and inclusion in your workplace, department or team. Educating yourself and others can bring about a real difference in how you work with others, as well as how your direct professional environment deals with DEI.
Promote sensitivity and anti-bias training
Many, if not most people, are not aware of what constitutes micro-aggressions, or micro-inequities. Even more people are unaware of the struggles faced by minoritized communities, and how individuals, as well as organizations and communities, can help. This is where anti-bias and DEI training can help.
While training and practice cannot (and should not be expected) to eradicate injustices and biases of all kinds, it does contribute to helping educate, sensitize and inform people of these issues.
What you can do: If you’re in a position to include or recommend DEI training as part of your team’s required professional development, please consider doing so. You can also join Employee Resource Groups (ERGs), which are voluntary, employee-led groups devoted to fostering inclusive and diverse workplaces, and recommend bias and diversity trainings if they are not already being offered.
Contribute to Changing Your Organization’s Culture
Ultimately, diversity, equity and inclusion must be reflected in the organization’s culture in order to truly have a positive impact. A diverse, equitable and inclusive culture is one where everyone can freely contribute, show up as their authentic selves, and be treated equitably. Changing an organizational culture towards increased diversity, equity and inclusion is a monumental endeavor, which requires everyone’s input and collaboration.
It starts with assessing where the organization stands in terms of DEI, and be honest about the culture of the place. This can be done by asking for feedback and being open to individuals’, teams and units’ assessments of the organization. It also requires displaying empathy and being open to differences of opinion and even virulent disagreements and conflicts in the process. Yet, as challenging a process as it can be, it also has the potential of identifying the blocks and obstacles, such as the proverbial “glass ceiling” for instance, standing in the way of a more diverse, equitable and inclusive culture.
What you can do: Be part of the culture change at your organization, in whatever capacity you can.
How are you advocating for more diversity, equity and inclusion in your organization?
Being a working mom is hard. Being a working mom during and in the slow aftermath of a global health crisis and pandemic is beyond hard. Things were already challenging before the pandemic, from working in and outside of the home, wearing too many hats to remember, and dealing with pressure both at work and at home. After over 18 months of remote working and homeschooling children, managing the home and career front, and struggling to keep their sanity intact in the face of school and daycare closings along with a pressing lack of childcare, working mothers are tapped out. About two million women have left the workforce entirely already as a result of the pandemic.
However, most working moms do not recognize or acknowledge burnout until it reaches a critical point. Yet, it is a valid and recognized health condition, which has actually been added as a syndrome to the International Classification of Diseases by the World Health Organization (WHO). The WHO defines it as “chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed”. Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, author of “Mommy Burnout”, adds: “The pandemic has revealed how closely tied mental health and stress are and I think a lot of people have hit their breaking point and they just can’t get by anymore.”, on a CNBC interview.
Burnout manifests itself as a host of signs, including:
Feelings of exhaustion
Feeling unproductive
Depersonalization (feeling cynical, disconnected and unmotivated)
Insufficient or poor self-care
Poor sleep
Concentration problems
Mood instability
Feeling isolated
Physical symptoms such as headaches, chest tightness, and stomachaches
If you recognize any of these signs in yourself or someone you know, here are a few tips to cope:
Acknowledge the problem
Be honest with yourself and others. When burnout occurs, the temptation may be to isolate and disconnect from others. Instead, consider reaching out to friends, family and using therapy as a way to cope.
Seek help
Burnout is a clear indication that you need help. Whether it’s asking your partner to pitch in more with household chores and parenting responsibilities, hiring a housekeeper, or requesting a more flexible schedule at work, tap into your network to get some help.
Set boundaries
Learn the art of saying no, or at least taking the time to consider requests coming your way. You don’t have to do it all or say yes to every demand on your time, space or energy.
Create some boundaries between your various tasks, as well as between your personal and professional spheres.
Schedule some time for yourself
This may be easier said than done, but it’s absolutely crucial to set some time for yourself to tend to your own self-care. Whether it’s waking up a bit earlier to read and journal, or saving some time for yourself in the middle or at the end of the day, carving some time out of your busy schedule can help relieve a lot of stress.
Create a routine
A lot of stress is created by blurring the lines between work and life, as well as parenting and other areas of our lives. Instead, consider setting up a flexible, predictable routine that separates your work and personal lives.
Stop multitasking
Research has extensively proven that multitasking is not effective, and can actually be counter-productive. Instead, consider switching your approach to focus on one task at a time.
Lower the bar on expectations
Last but not least, consider lowering the bar on your high personal and professional expectations. Instead, focus on building simpler habits such as meditating and getting adequate rest.
How have you been coping with burnout as a working mom?
Welcome to this week’s News Roundup, where we chat about what happened in the news around working women and moms’ careers, businesses, parenting and lifestyles. Read up…
Entrepreneur presents its 2021 100 Women of Impact, and we’re here for it…
In the news this week, Women’s Agenda writes former Facebook employee Frances Haugen’s interview reveals compromising truths about the online giant;
Have you heard about the Pandora Papers? This blockbuster report exposes how the world’s richest individuals conceal their fortune through tax schemes;
Does your company have a returnship program from caregivers getting back to work after a career gap? Forbes tips us off on how to build one;
Are you a small business owner? Black Enterprise lists 5 ways Artificial Intelligence (AI) can help you thrive in this new normal:
Facebook and Instagram were down for a few hours this week, and Business Insider reminds us of the threat this poses for small business owners;
