If you’re a working mother, you may have struggled with expressing the fact that you are a mom in certain, or all, professional settings. Like many, you may have felt that motherhood may be perceived as a career hindrance, and not an asset. You may have even experienced situations in which your professionalism, competence and/or abilities were put in question due to the fact that you have children to care for. For instance, so working moms have admitted being fearful of revealing they had children during interviews for fear of not getting the job. Others have even suffered through losing a promotion or having their professional advancement and growth stunted, often resulting in what is known as the motherhood penalty.
The motherhood penalty encompasses a host of various problems working mothers face in their careers after having children. This penalty is also unfair punishment for mothers, based on inaccurate, biased perceptions of mothers, including the view that motherhood renders women less productive for instance. Men, on the other hand, tend to be professionally rewarded after becoming fathers, in a phenomenon known as the “dad bonus”. This not only affects women’s career trajectories, but also their earnings, promotions, performance evaluations and employment prospects. Yet, the reality is much different from these false, negative, but unfortunately widely-held perceptions. According to the 2019 research by Berlin Cameron entitled “Let’s put the motherhood penalty to rest”, the skills mothers develop after having children are essential to the workplace.
In Power Moms, author Joann Lublin says it so well: “Motherhood transforms many women into better leaders.” In these modern times where parents are not only time-starved, but also limited in key resources such as childcare and parental leave, mothers have no other choice but to become extremely effective at managing priorities well, multi-tasking and delegating. In addition, they are also more apt at exhibiting values that have been proven to benefit organizations such as innovation, creativity, empathy, and crisis management, to cite a few.
As a working mom, you may know this all too well. However, faced with various professional ceilings, walls and barriers in your way to career growth and fulfillment, it may be difficult to take advantage of your maternal skills in the workplace. This is the message I’m often getting from moms and others, who are certainly aware of the assets they bring to the workplace, yet struggle with maximizing these effectively.
Here are three strategies that may help:
Highlight your motherhood transferrable skills as a leader
Motherhood also breeds transferrable leadership skills, such as organization, project management, crisis management, multi-tasking, compassion, and empathy, to cite a few. These are all invaluable skills in the workplace. Unfortunately, they are also skills that many working mothers hesitate to highlight in their professional experience.
While it can be intimidating, especially in certain professional settings and environments, to talk about the advantages of being a working mother, it can be a game-changer. Too few of us dare to challenge the negative stereotypes plaguing working moms, instead preferring hiding behind a false sense of safety in silence. Let’s dare to pinpoint all the skills, assets and intuition we bring to the workplace, including those that come with being a working mom.
Seek alignment
As much as we may try, certain professional environments are just not aligned with thriving as working moms. Often, these are environments heavy with gender bias and stereotypes, whose culture does not allow for working mothers to grow, develop and succeed. This is where alignment matters. Being aligned with your organization, department or business unit is crucial in order to be impactful.
How can we better seek alignment as working mothers? The interviewing process is a great start. Let’s remember that we are not the only ones being interviewed, but that we are also interviewing the organization itself. This, in turn, is a valuable opportunity to take the cultural pulse of the company or business, and assess its openness to and views of working mothers. We can also check for metrics such as statistics of working mothers in leadership for instance.
In our careers, we can and should continue to seek alignment by continuously assessing the pulse of the culture we work in, and determining if it is still a right for us. This means also being ready to pivot, adjust and even transition as needed.
Allyship is key
Being an ally to working moms, and seeking allies ourselves, also goes a long way towards ensuring that more mothers are in leadership seats. In this regard, we are all leaders in our own right, regardless of the position we may occupy. This also means we can all serve as allies to women in leadership positions, or moving towards leadership positions in our organizations.
How can we do this? It can start with amplifying working mothers’ voices, joining causes on behalf of working moms, or simply supporting a mother at work. However, serving as an ally does not preclude us from also seeking and recognizing allies. This can go from seeking mentors and sponsors at work, to recognizing the subtle signs of someone who is showing up as an ally, through their direct or indirect support, leadership and/or guidance.
All in all, it’s refreshing and hopeful to see that views on motherhood as a hindrance to a purposeful and fulfilling career, are changing. The Let’s put the motherhood penalty to rest” study also outlines the promising fact that younger generations are more likely to equate motherhood with leadership. Additionally, the COVID-19 pandemic and the ensuing “Great Resignation”, as well as the work revolution that is taking shape, are all re-defining working motherhood in terms of increased authenticity, purpose and fulfillment.
All in all, while there is much work to be done when it comes to working motherhood and leadership, we are hopeful. Most importantly, we are moving towards the direction of asserting authentic leadership as mothers, rather than hiding or even worse, denying the precious asset we bring to the table of work, both individually and collectively.
Do you get overwhelmed when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
Do you feel the need to take breaks during busy days to get some relief?
As a child, were you perceived as “shy”, sensitive or introverted by your famiy and friends?
If you’re reading the above questions and nodding your head, you may very well be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). And you, like so many of us, may know it comes with a lot of beautiful rewards, but also some undeniable challenges…
In a Western culture built on external assertiveness, reward-those-who-speak-the-loudest kind of attitude, being sensitive or hyper-sensitive is often considered a weakness. In other cultures, such as in Japanese, Swedish and Chinese cultures for instance, sensitivity is highly valued. In the workplace in particular, and depending on the type of industry and business you may be in, it may even be construed as a serious hindrance. You may be asked to speak up more, or be more assertive, or judged as being anti-social or not sociable at all. Much of this is because very little is known about highly sensitive (HSP) people, and what is known tends to be mostly inaccurate…
According to acclaimed HSP research pioneer Elaine Aron, the HSP trait (yes, it’s an actual trait, NOT a disorder) is innate and occurs in 15 to 20% of people. HSP individuals’ brains tend to process information in a deeper manner, but also tend to get overstimulated in the face of chaos or intensity. Due to their natural caution and reflective attitude, HSPs are often falsely labeled as “shy”. This is actually inaccurate as unlike shyness, which is a learned trait, high sensitivity is an inborn trait. HSP individuals are also not introverted or inhibited, as can be commonly misconceived. As a matter of fact, 30% of HSPs tend to be extroverted. Due to gender socialization and conditioning, women HSPs can appear to display the trait more so than their male counterparts.
What does this mean in a work setting, especially for women HSPs?
While certain work settings such as loud meetings or stressful feedback settings can be overstimulating for HSPs, the latter tend to actually have qualities that make them assets to any organization. These qualities include exceptional visionary abilities, creativity, innovation, compassion, conscientiousness, loyalty, to cite a few. However, and unfortunately so, many, if not most organizations, undervalue and sorely miss out on these qualities by continuing to be culturally-biased against sensitivity. Assertiveness, boldness and rapidity of thought and action, which can lead to errors in judgment and performance, tend to be overly favored over empathy, depth of processing, and creativity, as well as innovation, all prerequisites of success in today’s more conceptual era. As a result, HSP employees are often falsely perceived as weak, slow, even “deficient”, and generally shamed. These types of negative treatments are often inflicted by managers with poor emotional intelligence, low self-worth, and lacking interpersonal skills, thus engendering toxic environments, cultural prejudice and bias.
If you are an HSP, you may have endured these types of situations, and hopefully have healed or are healing from these. The good news is, far from being a liability, your hyper-sensitivity is actually a precious asset to leverage in the workplace as well as in life. Here are some of the ways you can maximize the power of being hyper-sensitive in the workplace:
Focus on being self-aware
HSPs have an uncanny ability for self-reflection and self-awareness, both of which reinforce optimal performance and adaptability in the workplace. This is especially relevant after the COVID-19 pandemic, as adaptability is quickly becoming indispensable at work.
Use your critical thinking abilities
Research has shown that with sensitivity, comes the ability to process large amounts of information in deep and complex ways. This is an important advantage when it comes to strategizing, collaborating, organizing, and managing information in general.
Foster a team spirit
HSPs tend to show remarkable empathy and understanding of others’ behavior, due to active mirror neurons that literally help mirror others’ emotions and mental states. This is particularly helpful in a team context where emotional needs may impact morale, productivity and outcomes.
Keep your eye out for innovation!
Attention to detail and subtlety make HSPs particularly apt at highlighting opportunities for improvement and innovation, allowing organizations to improve, while generating additional revenue and saving money and resources.
Use your intuition!
HSPs have strong synthesizing minds and are able to identify patterns based on the amount of data they collect and process, thus leading to higher levels of intuition. This in turn plays a crucial role in making optimal decisions at the individual, team and organizational level.
Your thoroughness is one of your competitive advantages
Dedication, commitment and thoroughness are the hallmarks of HSPs. The latter are known for displaying exceptional professionalism and excellence in and outside of work.
But don’t lose sight of the purpose behind it all
HSPs tend to focus more on the big picture, drawing the “why” behind everything. As such, their leadership helps unearth the purpose, meaning and fulfillment needed to motivate others, while keeping organizations solid in the face of change and uncertainty.
Your integrity is key!
As they value equity, fairness and justice, HSPs tend to provide the support and foundation to create positive change and make a difference in any environment. Their word and commitment can also be counted upon and trusted, in and outside of the workplace.
Keep learning and growing
HSPs are renowned for their appetite for learning and growth. They are often the ones enrolling in continuing education, and always looking to acquire more skills and knowledge throughout their careers. As such, they’re assets to businesses and organizations, especially as change and uncertainty require increased and evolving skills.
Overall, being hyper-sensitive in the workplace, while potentially being an under-valued and even misconstrued quality in many workplaces, is undeniably a powerful asset. As such, it’s important for organizations, teams and individuals to understand and leverage the qualities that come with sensitivity.
Are you an HSP and have you worked with an HSP before?
“Girls, I know it has not been easy as I have tried to navigate the challenges of juggling my career and motherhood. And I fully admit that I did not always get the balance right. But I hope that you have seen that with hard work, determination, and love, it can be done … I love you so much.”
Her simple, yet wisdom-filled words, echoed what so many of us, as working moms, fear: not to get it right, to somehow miss it. “It” being this elusive, perfect balance between motherhood and career, this impossibly taxing juggling act we desperately try to master yet end up feeling guilty about much of the time.
It’s this heavy weight of society’s expectations, coupled with our own, that crushes us as we run from home to the office, and vice-versa. Most of all, it’s the disappointment and guilt at the end of the day, weighing our own often unrealistic plans against what we managed to accomplish, feeling it’s never enough. That there’s never enough time, enough energy, enough patience, enough discipline, to get it all done, and get it all done well…And that somehow that makes us not enough as mothers, as career women, as individuals…This can be a crippling feeling, one that can leave us constantly chasing endless tasks, to-do’s, and even recognition and reassurance…
The reality is, we never had to get the balance between career and motherhood right, for the simple reason it doesn’t exist. We may miss the baby’s first steps because we’re at work. Or we may not make the executive team because we can’t take that international assignment away from our families. There will be moments when being physically present as a mom, means not being there in our careers. And inversely, there will be times when thriving at work means missing out on some bedtimes, milestones and family moments.
Yet, what it also means, is that we get to be the fullest version of ourselves, and shine through all of our facets, skills, talents and abilities. We get to show up as all of who we are for those to whom it matters the most that we fulfill the authentic fullness of who we are, our families, spouses, children and loved ones.
As Justice Ketanji Brown-Jackson showed the world, but most importantly her own daughters, the most important is that “with hard work, determination and love, it can be done”. “It” is the journey of a lifetime to overcome the barriers in one’s way, and open closed doors on one’s path so those coming behind us have a better chance. To be all we can be, so we can leave the best and most important legacy to our children, that of being our full selves.
Because, dear working moms, we don’t have to get it right, we have to get it done, and get it done well, fully, authentically, unapologetically…
Generally, this may sound like a kind compliment, especially as niceness and warmth is often traditionally expected of women. However, in the workplace, it can have a different meaning, one that may disregard or downgrade the perception of working women and mom’s competence, thus preventing them from ascending to positions of leadership.
So are women too nice to lead? Or rather, should warmth and friendliness be so readily associated with lack of competence on the part of women? Certainly not. However, the reality is that it does. As working women, being aware of this biased reality is the first step to fight against it. Over time, this realization has made many professional women adopt more masculine behaviors and attitudes in the workplace, in an attempt to dispel this stereotype and perception. Yet, what we’re coming to realize is that these qualities, falsely labeled as “soft skills”, are actually critically needed in the workplace.
As such, here are 3 tips for women who may be considered too nice to lead:
Don’t give up on warmth and kindness…
The temptation for many working women and moms faced with the pressure of patriarchal professional environments, is to give up on warmth, kindness and nurturing qualities such as compassion and empathy. Or at least to hide them away as much as possible, from their facial expressions to their speech and even their way of dressing…Even as so -called “soft skills” such as social skills, critical thinking, teamwork and interpersonal skills, just to cite a few, are in higher demand than ever, there are still negative biases associated with women displaying kindness and warmth in the workplace.
However, denying these interpersonal skills is a surefire way to let go of being authentic at work and in life in general. Leadership, true, genuine, and most importantly, effective leadership, requires unapologetic authenticity. And leading like a powerful woman is first and foremost leading authentically, which means embracing and sharing the power of compassion, warmth and kindness.
Focus on impact not appearance
Instead of focusing on the appearance of leadership and success, much of which is largely determined by patriarchal stereotypes and parameters, focusing on impact can make a real difference. And true, effective impact is achieved through authenticity. Bringing all of who you are to work and life in general may not be popular at first, however it will create long-lasting, effective impact.
What kind of impact can you create by being just yourself, instead of denying parts of your identity? Who can you help? How can you generate results for your organization by being exactly who you are?
Use the power of data
Measuring impact also means using the power of data to do so. Very often, women’s achievements are downplayed because they are not measured. Much of the labor of working women and moms goes unnoticed and discounted for lack of reliable and measurable data to document it. Even when the data is present, the documentation part tends to sorely be lacking.
What metrics can you set in your group, department or organization to measure your impact? Can you set processes and systems to consistently document all aspects of your performance? Most importantly, can you build the habit to share this data?
All in all, the niceness stigma for working women and moms, while being a pervasive bias, is one that can be demystified through awareness, unapologetic authenticity and action through data and documentation. There is no shame in bringing warmth, compassion, kindness and other similar positive interpersonal attributes to the table of work. To the very contrary, these are powerful assets for individuals, groups and organizations alike. Instead of fighting these to better fit into a falsely effective patriarchal mold, embracing them and showing up as a genuine leader, while measuring impact through data and documentation, is key to powerfully leading like a woman.
Key Ways to Maintain Balance as a Work-From-Home Mom
Working from home has become an increasingly common option at companies. For busy moms, working from home might be a great way to maintain a full- or part-time while taking care of your kids and your home. Without a long commute or the time it takes to get ready for the office, you may have more time to get your kids to the bus stop on time or make dinner in the evening. However, work-from-home moms can find it challenging to balance their work and home lives — especially if your kids are home during the day.
These tips should help you figure out how to find that perfect balance.
Don’t Divide Your Focus
We like to think that becoming moms gives us superpowers — and in many cases, it does. Unfortunately, that list of superpowers doesn’t include multitasking. The human brain just isn’t designed to focus on more than one thing at a time. It takes 23 minutes and 15 seconds for the average person to get back on task after a distraction.
Trying to juggle several different things simultaneously is just going to make it harder to get anything done. Stop trying to divide your focus and instead work on completing one task at a time. That may mean finding child care during the day or, if you have older children, setting up boundaries with them to protect your working hours.
Prep as Much as Possible
They say we all have the same 24 hours in the day, but it’s easier to cram more into that time if you’re not responsible for one or more young human lives. Take one day a week to prep as much as possible. Lay out clothes, prep lunches or dinners, and update your schedule for the week. This way, you don’t have to spend time each day on these more mundane tasks, freeing you up to work on more important things.
Eat a Healthy Diet
Setting up your menu for the week with quick meals makes it easier to say no to takeout and other junk food during your workweek. Improving your diet has other benefits, too. Many studies show that eating one to two servings of fatty fish weekly reduces your risk of dying from heart disease by up to 36%. Adding salmon, shellfish or other seafood options to your diet can help you change things up while making it easier to make healthy choices. Balance the protein with proper servings of fruit, vegetables and grains to maintain high energy levels throughout the day. That way, you won’t suffer the afternoon slump, and you’ll be able to get more done by 5 p.m.
Use Time-Saving Tools
Does your local grocery store offer grocery pickup? If so, try it out instead of writing a weekly trip to the store into your schedule. You can save a lot of time by putting in your order. Plus, if you’re an impulse shopper or tend to go to the store hungry, it can be a valuable tool to help you save money. There’s no risk of buying snacks just because they happen to cross your line of sight.
Stay Connected With Your Partner
Your kids aren’t the only ones you need to consider when building your work/life balance. Take the time to make sure you’re staying connected with your partner, as well. This could mean making time for a date night or just sitting down and conversing without interruptions. Put the kids to bed, put the phones down, open up a bottle of wine if you feel so inclined and talk to one another.
Ditch the Mom Guilt
Many moms feel that if we’re not doing something beneficial for our families, we shouldn’t be doing it. It’s led to an entire generation of women that are only just beginning to learn how to put themselves first. Ditch the guilt. Working is part of taking care of your family. Don’t feel guilty for your career, whether you’re working in the home or out of it. It’s not a bad thing to take care of yourself so you can care for others.
It’s a Balancing Act
Working is always a balancing act, but this is especially true if you’re a parent. When working from home, you may feel the need to multitask or put your job responsibilities on hold when your kids come knocking on the office door. On the other hand, you might be tempted to work overtime and miss out on quality time with your family. Use some of these tips and tricks to help you find the perfect work-life balance.
Author bio: Cora Gold is the Editor-in-Chief of women’s lifestyle magazine Revivalist, and she has spent over five years as a freelance writer covering life, happiness and wellness. She has a passion for sharing her experiences and learning from other inspiring women. Follow Cora on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.
