When we think about building a great career, fulfillment and authenticity are usually not the first things that come to mind. I remember while growing up overhearing adults around me talk about what makes a great career. What I heard, and what stayed with me for the longest time, was that a desirable career was all about prestige, perks and of course, lots of money. And if you know African parents, it almost always meant you had to become a doctor or an engineer…What I didn’t hear was anything about building a fulfilling and authentic career on purpose. On the very contrary, it almost seemed you had to become someone else, someone different than who you were, in order to build the career of your dreams…
Like so many other working women and moms, I took with me the various pieces of well-intended career advice I was given while growing up, as I was starting to build my own career. As I was told, I looked for places of prestige, perks, and well…money. It wasn’t until years later, when disruption hit my life and the virulent itch of disruption and change took over, that I started questioning myself about what “having a great career” really means.
That’s when I began battling the call of my purpose with that of a well-padded paycheck…
When I began wondering if having to choose between my family and my work was really sustainable…
When I became clearer about the life and career I wanted to build for myself, my family and my community…
It’s also when I started wondering about what it means to build a fulfilling and authentic career as a working woman and mother…
As working women and moms, many, if not most of us, care about building a fulfilling and authentic life and career. A recent 2021 Gallup study shows while better compensation and work-life balance appear to be top priorities for both men and women, women rank factors such as work-life balance, the ability “to do what they do best”, and greater diversity and inclusion as most important. This is especially relevant after the COVID pandemic as women have been getting back to work more slowly than their male counterparts, as a result of lack of flexibility and caregiving support. Generally, employees all over the world are seeking more purpose and personal value in their careers nowadays, especially after the pandemic. More and more employees are engaging not only in what has been dubbed as the “Great Resignation” or this massive movement of employees out of the workplace in search of greater life and work meaning; but also in a process of “Great Reflection”, reconsidering what matters most to them in life and at work.
So how do we go about building more fulfilling and authentic careers as working women and moms already faced with so many constraints, biases and opposition in and outside of the workplace? How do we manage to work in more authentic and more fulfilling ways? Here are three tips from my own experience changing careers towards more authenticity and fulfillment of my purpose, which I discuss in my latest book “More: The Journey of Unleashing More of Who You Are”:
Awareness is key: Know who you are in each season
In order to build an authentic career, you’ve got to know who you are! As easy as it may seem, it’s actually the task of a lifetime to figure out who you are and who you keep evolving into, as each season of life is different. As a working woman and mom, it’s an even more daunting task to sift through all the clutter of societal and cultural gender conditioning and biases to uncover who you really are and what you really want out of your life and work in this current season. This is why developing consistent habits of awareness and mindfulness, and making a regular practice of checking in with yourself are so important!
Allow for disruptions and change
Crafting an ideal career aligned with who you are and your purpose also means taking the less-traveled road, often the one filled with uncomfortable disruptions and changes. As such, building a fulfilling and authentic career, and life in general, especially as a working woman and mom, is also about answering the call of change when it knocks on the doors of our comfortable lives, and being willing to be uncomfortable in order to accomplish our purpose. Paradoxically enough, it’s this very discomfort that allows us to grow into the most fulfilled, authentic and purposeful versions of ourselves.
Start where you are and use what you have!
Last but not least, starting where you are and using what you have is how you set the foundation of a more fulfilling career. This also means leveraging all your experiences, wins, setbacks and everything in between, from being a mother to failing in your latest work or business project.
All in all, building fulfilling and authentic careers as working women and moms is about being aware of who we are, allowing for disruptions and changes, and starting where we are and with what we have. While the process may be unpleasant at times, it’s what ends up leading us to crafting the work of our lives, on purpose.
Are you ready to build a fulfilling and authentic career as a working woman and mom?
Have you ever said to yourself, whether it was as related to a life or work situation, there’s got to be MORE? Have you ever been so sick and tired of being sick and tired of the status quo in your workplace and wondered if there is more to your career? Have you been stuck in your business to the point of wondering if there is more to being an entrepreneur?
I suspect most of us have, especially as working women and mothers with so much on our plates day in and day out. Especially as the blatant lack of infrastructure supporting working women and moms often leaves us depleted…Especially as the various and oh so unfair biases affecting us, from gender stereotypes to the glass ceiling and concrete wall, leave us wanting for more fullness in our careers and businesses… These are also some of the issues I’m grappling with in my new book “More: The Journey to Unleash More of Who You Are”.
How can, and do we unleash more of who we are as working women and moms despite the obstacles facing us in and outside of work? There are 7 principles I discuss in the book as part of the conversation to answer this question:
Principle 1: Don’t miss your wake-up call wrapped as disruption
Unleashing more of who you are and what you want out of your career and life often requires you to step out of the very routine that is keeping you stuck. This often comes wrapped as unwelcome disruption at the seemingly most inconvenient times. Learning to recognize the wake-up calls wrapped as disruption is key to beginning and continuing the journey of unleashing more of who you are.
Principle 2: Begin with what you have and where you are
What keeps most of us stuck is the inability to even know where to begin in order to embark on a new journey. One of my favorite inspirational set of phrases from tennis legend Arthur Ashe is “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” To me, it speaks to the power of small change and consistent, resilient progress. In this sense, harnessing the incredible power of your unique individual stories, skills, talents, quirks, and everything that makes you YOU becomes your very unique greatness proposition and best competitive advantage.
Principle 3: Use your season of preparation through experience and release
In line with beginning where you are and using what you have, harnessing your past experience and re-purposing your skills, talents, and story is also key to unleashing your own MORE. This also requires letting go of the version of you that no longer exists to welcome the new, evolved version of who you are becoming. This is your season of preparation.
Principle 4: Managing progress
There’s a mindset to progress and growth. One that must stand strong in the face of the backlash women experience as they dare to rise. One that must learn to celebrate progress rather than shrink and hide. Ultimately, one that knows how to manage the ebb and flow of growth and evolution while still moving forward. This mindset is indispensable to managing the progress and growth that thankfully and inevitably come as you unleash MORE of who you are.
Principle 5: Handling your season of promotion
The very promotion you may yearn for may also be terrifying to you, as it is to many, if not most working women and mothers. While being aspired to and celebrated, women’s success is also threatening to the status quo, and often rewarded by harsh backlash. This is where dealing with the fear of success and re-defining success on your own terms can make a world of difference.
Principle 6: Daring to celebrate
For working women and moms, joy and celebration constitute resistance at each step of the process of becoming their best selves. Daring to celebrate, while cultivating and preserving your joy is an act of sheer resistance.
Principle 7: Focusing on the process, not the destination
Last but not least, focusing on the process and not the destination through continuous improvement is essential. At the end of the day, it’s a marathon and not a race.
All in all, unleashing more of who you are as you get closer and closer to the fullness of who you were created to be, is a gift often wrapped in disruption and requiring a challenging, albeit rewarding, process of growth and evolution. This is a necessary and brave journey of un-becoming much of the negative and damaging stereotypes women were taught and socialized into, and instead becoming all you were meant to be.
This is a question that many Black women, and women of color in general, ask themselves in the workplace. A rather difficult one that may awake some of the most primal fears in them, from the fear of not belonging to that of not having much value…
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines tokenism as “the policy or practice of making only a symbolic effort”. It’s further defined in the Cambridge dictionary as “something that a person or organization does that seems to support or help a group of people who are treated unfairly in society”. “Tokenism” as a concept has been used for a long time and quite widely to explain, and somehow justify, the barriers women face in traditionally male occupations. However, research shows African-American women tend to experience less satisfying social relationships, less supportive colleagues, and higher levels of stress when faced with instances of tokenism.
Tokenism can take many forms in the workplace, from hiring minorities to fill diversity quotas, to asking a minority to represent or speak on behalf of an entire group or race. The impact of tokenism is certainly multiple-fold for Black women and women of color in the workplace. From feelings of guilt and inadequacy, to over-extending oneself, not to mention feeling demoralized as a result, its consequences are painful and far-reaching. Tokenism also deeply affects one’s mental health as it may lead to isolation, stereotyping and increased pressure on those who are being its objects. As a result, it may also be conducive to mental illnesses such as depression or burnout.
Yet, this “token” impact can also be viewed from a different lens, one that may offer Black women, and women in general as well as minorities, something akin to a competitive advantage. A study co-authored by Harvard Business School’s Assistant Professor of Business Administration Edward Chang shows women and Black professionals being more likely to choose predominantly male or Caucasian teams as long as it would allow them to stand out from the competition, even if it means being a “token”. Despite the painful consequences of it, including isolation, high pressure, as well as mental and emotional pressure, members of under-represented groups may be willing to put themselves at risk in order to advance professionally.
“Am I a token?”
A difficult question to ask oneself for anyone in and outside of the workplace. For Black women at work, one that may prompt inner turmoil, hurt and mental anguish, yet one that may very well be the reality, even when hiding under layers of positive diversity and inclusion messages and initiatives. It’s also a reality that may be used as a competitive advantage to forge one’s advancement in the workplace. Two sides of the same harsh yet very real coin…
Overall, tokenism opens the door to difficult questions, and even more challenging answers for Black women, and women of color in general in the workplace. There is no good answer when it comes to even questioning being a token at work. However, it’s also an opportunity to face the lack of diversity, inclusion and equity plaguing too many institutions, companies and workplaces, and challenge the status quo.
“Am I a token?”
It is a hard question to ask of oneself and others. Yet, it’s one that should bring about increased accountability on everyone’s part. It’s a question that should be followed by other questions such as:
“Why am I the only Black woman or minority in the room?”
“How can we work together to bring in and retain more minorities?”
“What do diversity, equity and inclusion really mean in terms of values in our organizations?”
“How can we begin and continue the work of changing minds, attitudes and actions towards race and gender relations at work?”
In her book “ The Light We Carry”, Michelle Obama discusses the many challenges of navigating being a black woman in any type of workplace, many of which she experienced herself in her professional life and as First Lady of the United States. She refers to being a double minority in the workplace as navigating different worlds, their worlds of origin and the professional and/or social worlds they’re entering as minorities. This is something most Black women, and most minorities, can certainly identify with. It is this duality of experiences and being that has given rise to code switching, which as draining as it may be, is also a survival tool for many.
Being a minority in the workplace, at times the only minority or one of a very few, definitely means moving between different worlds. Many come from environments where they may be “the first”. The first to go to college. The first to attain a certain type of career success. The first to think, behave and grow differently. This already creates a chasm in their environments of origin, making them stand out, often alone. As they get into environments where they are “the only” or one of a very few, they also stand out, often alone. What we often don’t realize is that many, if not most minorities in the workplace, stand out in both their worlds of origin and their professional worlds, making it even more challenging for them to show up authentically and overcome the obstacles on their way, from discrimination to blatant inequities. Not only do they stand out in both worlds, but they often also feel a sense of needing to satisfy both worlds through performance, sacrifice, even rebellion…
For many, if not most Black women at work, making it professionally then becomes a matter of sheer survival. Many find themselves barely keeping their heads above water, as they tirelessly work to address the pressures from the inside, i.e. their personal and social environments, and those of the outside, i.e. their professional environments. This often results in an excruciating and toxic push and pull between where they are going in terms of professional, even personal, emotional and all around spiritual growth, and where they’re coming from.
So how does one reconcile this pull between worlds as minorities, more specifically as Black women in the workplace, without losing one’s authenticity? How does one achieve a sense of wholeness when pressures keep building in opposite directions? Most importantly, how does one authentically thrive, instead of barely surviving while standing out and often being isolated? It’s certainly a tall order, a dilemma for the ages that is going to require more than an article to solve. It’s also part of an ongoing conversation for us all to have. As part of this conversation, the concept of “agile authenticity” emerges, which combines the value of authenticity or knowing oneself with that of authentically adapting to the various seasons and environments we’re exposed to. As part of this, three principles arise, which I like to call the “AIM” framework of agile authenticity:
Awareness
When it comes to authentically thriving in the workplace as a Black woman, or any person of color at work, awareness is key! It begins with self-awarenessat the core of it, rooted in a solid and continuous understanding of one’s core values. Asking questions such as: “What are my core values in this season of my life and work?”, goes further than just identifying what is important to us. It digs deeper into our growth and current state as individuals, and also provides more information to build upon.
It also involves being acutely aware of one’s environments. Each environment, whether personal or professional, has its own implicit and not-so-implicit rules, processes and systems. Understanding our environments of origin and those we evolve in professionally is crucial to remaining grounded and agile as people and individuals. This is when we know when and what to share, how to present ourselves, and what boundaries to draw.
Impact
“What is the impact I can and want to have in my environments at this very moment?” This is a question that often eludes as minorities in the workplace, as the focus is often put on performance. Yet, even more than performance, impact is what helps us make a difference. If our performance does not positively impact our communities and those around us, what is the point?
Switching the focus from performance to impact, more specifically timely impact, then radically changes the way we think about work and life. Instead of endlessly measuring productivity on others’ timetables, we can measure the impact we have, whether in terms of cultural change, education, or increased equity.
Building a Master Plan
Last but not least, combining awareness and impact allows to build a master plan to thrive in, and even outside of work as Black women, and minorities in general. Being aware of oneself and one’s environments helps identify areas of strength and improvement, while allowing to assess which environments are best for us, and how best to operate in them. Thinking in terms of impact rather than performance gives an evolved perspective of the work we do and the real change we create. All this ultimately contributes to building an evolved career master plan that can help, rather than hinder, navigating the various environments around us.
All in all, thinking in terms of, and practicing agile authenticity as Black women, and minorities in the workplace, can help one thrive, instead of barely surviving in between different worlds. While it requires an acute sense of awareness and impact, it certainly can contribute in building one’s own master plan of success at work.
When we think of working women and moms, we often think of work-life balance, this elusive Eldorado of perfect (or semi-perfect) equilibrium between motherhood, work, and life in general. An elusive Eldorado that has yet to be proven true, and whose impracticality and subjective nature keep pushing working women and moms everywhere over the edge… Countless articles and arguments have been written and built around this concept, only to slowly end in the sober realization that
work-life balance for working women and moms simply does not exist…Instead, shouldn’t we focus more on work-life integration?
How can one balance the deeply personal, unpredictable and subjective journey of motherhood with the creation and nurturing of a partnership or marriage, and the demands of a purposeful career interspersed with the many obstacles all too common to working women and mothers? How can one talk about balance when your average working mom performs at least five jobs before even leaving the house in the morning? And how can there ever be a sense of balance after the way women bore the brunt of the recent COVID-19 pandemic, from the home to the business and work front?
The simple answer, after all these years of building theories and concepts around work-life balance, is that there is none after all, at least not for working women and moms. The good news? There is a link between work and life, one that can finally be beneficial for working women and moms. It is not balance, but rather an integration of the various aspects and areas of our lives as working women and mothers.
While I, as a working woman and mom, do not pretend to or even desire to balance work and life, as it would suggest an equality of weights that does not even begin to exist; I can integrate them into the ever-evolving puzzle of my life. Here are a few steps to get started:
See your life as a whole
The first step is to stop giving in to the temptation of compartmentalizing the various areas of our lives. As effective as it may sound, I have found in my own experience as a working woman and mom it doesn’t exactly work. Planning for my work schedule without taking into account the kids’ school and activity schedule is a recipe for disaster. So is considering what my priorities at home are, without taking into account my professional life. Hence why it’s so important to see our lives as a whole, with inter-dependent and integrated areas as opposed to separate and independent aspects…
Consolidate what you can
When I started really understanding how connected the various areas of my life are, I began using the power of consolidation to bring them together. I have to say, my first motive was to make my life easier. The more I was able to consolidate tasks together, the better I was able to build and maintain habits that would otherwise be unsustainable for me. For instance, when I started building my schedule to allow me to go to the gym right after dropping off the kids, building a consistent exercising habit became easier. Since I already had to be out dropping off the kids, why not wrap my exercise into this continuum of activity? The more you can consolidate your habits, tasks and ultimately your day-to-day schedule, the more you can achieve a more integrated work and life. This way, switching from one activity to another goes from being this impossible task, to just being part of a flowing schedule.
Create and maintain margins
One of the biggest problems I face as a working woman and mom is having enough margin in my schedule. Instead, I often face, as many working women and moms, a packed-tight schedule with very little breathing room. The result? Feeling a sense of always running from one thing to the other, without enough breaks in between. Ultimately, this results in a sense of going from crisis to crisis and never catching a break.
This is when intentionally creating margins and breaks in your schedule can help. When we see and approach work, life, parenting, relationships, etc, as separate blocks to attend to, we tend to want to allow as much time as possible to each, thus foregoing the necessary spaces between them we need to breathe and recover. However, when integrating work and life, we’re able to allow the various areas of our lives to flow into each other, creating the much-needed margins we crave. For me, it means limiting multi-tasking, scheduling breaks, and allowing for at least an extra ten minutes for each task.
Overall, planning for more work-life integration as a working woman and mom requires the willingness to see our lives as a whole, instead of buckets to fill up and boxes to check at the end of the day. It also demands intention and some level of planning to consolidate what we can, and create the margins we need to breathe, recover and refuel. This year and beyond, I hope we can commit to more work-life integration and allow ourselves to live fully, rather in a compartmentalized way.
How will you integrate your work and life this year?
