by Solange Lopes | Nov 6, 2014 | Career
Why you should get mad at work – Photo: deeper story.com
Much has been said about not getting mad at work, and keeping your professional cool under all circumstances. Especially for us Black women for whom the angry black woman stereotype sometimes plays more of a role at work, than our actual performance. Case in point, the Internet upheaval that last happened after Shonda Rhimes was oh so inappropriately depicted as an “angry black woman”.
However, as someone who has lots of emotions,I happen tobelieve emotions should be channeled in a productive, fruitful manner at work, lest they shall become totally unuseful and downright damaging. And I also happen to believe it’s not only OK to get angry at work, it should be recommended. If you look at some of the least publicized yet highly effective characteristics of great leaders, you’ll find some of the most successful leaders around us do get angry, very angry!
Now I’m not suggesting you go on hollering at your co-workers, breaking your computer screen (it was obsolete anyways), or giving everyone a quite overdue piece of your mind. No, what I’m not saying is what everyone else might advise when you feel your inner thermostat rising, that is to swallow it up and get over it!
Your emotions are not only valid, they are powerful! Channel them the right way, and they may open the doors to treasures of achievement:
1. Acknowledge how you feel! I don’t know about you, but my emotions are like a ticking time bomb. The more I ignore them, the more destructive they become! Recognize you’re angry, and don’t try to bottle up your feelings!
2. Ask yourself why you’re angry! Dear hubby and I attended a marriage seminar at our church during which our pastor gave one powerful word of advice that stayed with me ever since. Getting angry is one thing, understanding the root cause of your anger is another. Is that negative performance review at the root of your anger, or are you no longer interested in this job? Is your co-worker’s promotion the real problem, or rather the fact you’ve outgrown your team?
3. It’s not the anger, but what you do with it! Even the Bible says it’s OK to get angry, it’s the ensuing sin that’s the real problem! Getting angry is not only OK, it shows you have a pulse! Now it’s up to you to grab your anger by the shoulders, and turn it into the decision you’ve needed to make for a long time, the motivation you’ve lacked for some time, and ultimately the success you know you are capable of achieving!
Do you get mad at work? How do you channel your anger in the workplace?
The Corporate Sis
by Solange Lopes | Oct 28, 2014 | Career
women-working-together – photo: theceomamma.com
As women, two of the things we are often faulted with at work is being overly emotional, and competing against each other. While terms such as competitiveness and aggressiveness tend to be associated more with male characteristics, females have since the beginning of times battled to attract a suitable male by promoting youth and physical attractiveness.
As we’ve evolved from primitive intra-sexual competition to the most compelling feminist theories, and now to the fight for gender equality and equal pay for equal work, the fear at the root of competitiveness between women is still very much alive. Fear that there is not enough room for all of us to have meaningful careers. Fear that one woman’s success diminishes others’.
So much so that, according to a recent Pew survey, more women admitted they’d prefer working with men, than men did. Not to mention the fact that according to the Workplace Bullying Institute, more female bullies (53.7 percent Vs. 39.9 percent male) engage in sabotage at work! And it seems women at higher levels are not particularly inclined to help other women get ahead! Reminds you of high school?
Yet in the same token, it appears competition may make women less effective at work, as it kills our creativity. If we are so much better than men at working in teams and collaborating, why are we still undermining each other? Will we ever be able to work together and nix the unhealthy competition that brings us all down?
I believe so. I do think we have some ways to go, myself included. Yet more and more women are starting to realize that promoting other women, seeking other more successful, powerful women, as threatening as it may initially seem, gives us a leg up. For women to band together and create powerful networks, we must realize the pool of opportunities is as endless as we make it. And that one woman’s power and success is a reflection on all of us…
Do you think women can work together without competing?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 24, 2014 | Career
weekly news update – ratiojuris.blogspot.com
Happy Sunday! Hope everyone is having a great week-end, and enjoying the remnants of the summer. So, as you’re sipping on your cup of coffee, here is what we’re reading this week:
- it’s back to school week, and while I can’t believe my oldest baby is starting kindergarten, I can also get that “back to school” feeling;
- Never thought email could actually make your life better? Well, think again, you can actually make your life better by sending 5 simple emails;
- Speaking of a better life, Forbes’ Laura Shin shares with us 20 lessons for happiness and success;
- The Daily Muse tips us off on 7 science-backed ways to look smarter at work, and suggests 3 ways to force yourself to focus;
- Hello Beautiful gives us 5 reasons why every woman should attend a professional conference;
- Are you a new mom? Harvard Business Review writes about managing your emotions after maternity leave;
- Recent news headlines, from painful unrest in Ferguson to deadly air strikes and unexpected deaths, left my heart broken and my mind dubious. The Cubicle Chick tips us off on how to deal with breaking news at the office;
- In more WTH news, I was appalled at learning that moms requesting flex time are judged more harshly than dads (yes, really!), while Bloomberg BusinessWeek reveals the most lucrative industries pay women the least;
- For the to-do list addicts like myself, Forbes tips us off on what to do when your to-do list runs you;
- Last but not least, I wrote this week about the “lean out” generation or how to deal with other women leaving the workforce, how not to forget to get married, and whether you (yes,you!) should really invest in your 401k.
Happy Sunday, and happy reading! Thank you for all your support!
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 11, 2014 | Career
What to do to avoid throwing a sharp object at your boss – npr.org
Happy Monday! Yes, it’s Monday, again…You have your performance review with your boss, and things are not going as smoothly as you thought. Or you get your monthly report back from the VP with barely one white space so many comments are splattered across the pages. And the truth is, you are mad! And the longer you’re in the hot seat across from your manager, the madder you are getting…And frankly, when asked what you “honestly” think of the impromptu feedback, you’d have one or two choice words to say to your dear manager, lest you are intent on finding another equivalent or better source of income… And oh are you thankful the brain is a closed organ, so there is no chance your dear boss would ever know what you are actually thinking as you’re looking at the sharp objects around the desk…
So what is one to do to avoid blowing up during a meeting with your superior? Or even not to allow your emotions to show and possibly flare up during a “tough” conversation at work? While emotional reactions are often attributed to women at work, opinions vary between those who think it’s OK to actually let loose and express our emotions, and those who would conclude that after all, it just is not worth it… In any case, we simply can’t deny that emotions do come up at work more often than not, and that more often than not, it’s really hard to contain them. So even if you would never admit it in public, here are a few suggestions to avoid throwing a sharp object at your boss:
- Buy yourself some time! Whether it’s a pause and deep breath, a short bathroom break, or allowing yourself to take a quick walk outside, buy yourself some time to calm down! Even if at first it may seem awkward, you will be thankful you took that extra 30 seconds to pinch your right thigh before responding to your co-worker or manager’s nasty comment. Trying too hard to contain your emotions may simply result in a disaster, so take the time you need to address the conversation intelligently and calmly!
- Talk to yourself! Not out loud, unless you really want to convince your manager you really need that vacation you’ve been asking for! The art of self-talk is not only freeing, but also healing in work environments where the pressure is high! Whether it’s by using a positive affirmation or by simply counting in your head to 100, put some pep in your mental dialogue so as to overcome emotional blocks more effectively.
- Now bring it on! Remember that an effective answer to a nasty comment, probing question or tough conversation is one based on logic, clarity and honesty. Do not just agree to an unfounded comment or observation on your work without professionally questioning it first. Ask for specific examples or instances in your work where the results were not up to par. Request specific guidance on what you could have done to make it better. Defend your product, sources and conclusions as logically as you can, while not being overly argumentative. In other words, don’t just sit there and take it, just because your emotions are threatening to flare up. This is your work, your job, your career, own it!
What tips and tricks do you use during tough conversations at work? How do you mentally prep yourself to address possibly emotional situations in the workplace? Please chime in….
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 10, 2014 | Career
What Fuels you – swagher.net
Happy Tuesday! It’s Day 2 of this week, and we’re on, keeping’ on keeping’ on and achieving this week! Reflecting on our careers, ambitions and dreams, some of my girlfriends and I have come to discuss the sources of our motivation. Many a time, we tend to set goals for ourselves, especially career-oriented goals, without exactly thinking about what motivates us, what fuels, what is behind our hard work and tenacity? Yet by asking ourselves the question, we can very often uncover truths about ourselves that will steer us int he right direction…
My friend Annabelle S. is a multicultural, overachieving chick from the Caribbean. She was raised by a single mother who struggled to make ends meet to provide all of her six children, Annabelle included, with a roof over their heads, food on their plate, and what she even thought most important, an education. After her family moved to the US, Annabelle went on to become a successful lawyer, stopping at nothing to reach education and career milestones. Cliche? Maybe, as it is the story of many a successful Black or multicultural woman facing and ultimately surmounting the odds. What tends to be overlooked in this, and many other similar stories, is what has come to fuel these successful women, and ultimately keeps them on top of their careers, or end up depleting them to the point that they unfortunately don’t achieve as much as they could! Is it anger, a sense of betrayal from society, a burning desire to beat the odds and prove everyone wrong? Or is it a sheer, authentic, self-regenerating and self-sustaining vision? What fuels us to give our best, and is it enough to sustain our success over time in order to build a lasting legacy?
As women, we are often dubbed as “creatures of emotion”. While it is true and represents in most cases a great source of strength, it is these same emotions that when misunderstood and misused, can derail us from our paths. In our quest for success, whatever success may mean to us, it is important that we understand what lies behind our motivation. That we dig back through our past, our mothers’ and grandmothers’ past, to uncover those truths that are to be the foundation of our journey, for the good of all concerned.
Once we understand these truths, then we know what we’re after, and we know to steer ourselves in the right direction, whether it is to heal the sometimes strong yet ineffective in the long-term anger of our youth, or to redirect the hurts of our past towards a positive difference, or even to fulfill the legacy of those who came before us in a healthy, positive, fulfilling way.
What fuels you?
The Corporate Sister.
