It was a Friday afternoon, and I had logged into the NASBA website to check on my latest CPA exam section results. My heart was beating so loudly I could anticipate it exploding out of my chest. The kids were rolling on the floor, which honestly needed to be cleaned by now, but I had to fold the laundry first. I took a deep breath and clicked on the screen. My heart dropped.
Related: How to become a CPA in less than 12 months
I had failed, at both sections of the exam. I mean, failed, failed, not anywhere near the required 75 to pass, but at an abysmal distance from it. I had failed, yet again, at this exam that I could not seem to pass. Truth be told, I had barely studied for both parts, as I desperately tried to cram the night before. Kinda like I did when I ‘d fall asleep on my Princeton Review books while cramming for my GMAT to get into graduate school. Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes, as I yelled at the kids to stop licking the floor. I had failed miserably, and my floors were ridiculously dirty, and it was Friday, and my entire week-end/life was ruined. Plus I hadn’t had lunch yet… I picked up the phone and called a trusted family member. I needed to vent. I don’t remember the conversation, but I’ll always remember what she said to me: “You know, when you have kids, you cannot do as much. Maybe you should let the CPA exam go and focus on your family.” She meant it in a comforting, soothing way. And for a second or so, I was comforted and soothed. The next second, something rose inside of hungry, battered, exhausted self, as I thought: “ But why can’t I be a good mom and follow my dreams?”
How many of you, hard-working moms, have asked yourself the same question, as you stared at your astronomical pile of laundry, your less-than-immaculate floors, or that presentation you had to finish while breast-feeding your baby? And how many times did someone, whether a trusted family member or friend, kindly comforted you by gently admonishing you to break up with your dreams for the sake of your family? Or how many times did you guilt yourself into thinking that because you have kids, you’re no longer allowed to dream for yourself?
I often hear women say that they’re taking a break in their career or business to focus on their family. Or that now that they have kids, it’s no longer about them. Don’t get me wrong, I understand and empathize with the nobleness and self-sacrificial call of motherhood as a whole. I understand that once we become moms, things change and are never quite the same. That former priorities are re-prioritized, schedules arranged and lives re-organized to nurture the precious lives entrusted to us.
Yet, while our kids should be our priority, should they also be the excuses we hide behind not to achieve the fullness of our potential and live up to our God-given purpose? If we are to serve as models to our daughters and sons, ought we not to grow into and show up as the best versions of ourselves, while still being present and caring for them? Wouldn’t we want our daughters to see what it means to enter into the fullness of who we are, whether we do this as stay-at-home moms, business leaders, career women and/or partners, sisters, friends?
Like so many of us, I’ve wrestled (and still do) with these questions, trying to reconcile the practical side of being a working mom to the physical, mental and spiritual demands of living in one’s purpose. I don’t believe there is any right or wrong answer, or that there’s some imaginary “motherhood” line traced in the sand of our existences. What I believe is that we all have our unique process, our unique journey, and our unique answers to these deep questions. However, there are a few simple guideposts we can stand to use as we address these:
- Define your priorities
As a working mom, things will come at you from everywhere, all at once. Family, home, work, money, relationships, all seem to create a mumbo-jumbo of commitments and never-ending obligations. This is where defining your priorities becomes crucial. What is most important to you? Where are you committed to pouring most of your energy? For me, it goes in this order: Faith, Self, Family and Work. When I get lost in the brouhaha of daily life, I remind myself of this to re-conceptualize my life and move forward.
- Understand what makes you come alive, that is Purpose
What makes me come alive and jump out of bed in the morning? Writing and teaching. While I dabbled with many other interests over the years, I finally came face-to-face with my truth. What is yours? What is the word, or the couple of words, that make you light up and get up out of bed? That is Purpose, and that is where you will do your best work.
Related: How do I get there: 7 principles to work and live on purpose
- Let go of what doesn’t serve you
Everything else other than your priorities and your Purpose is not essential. Let me repeat this: If it’s not part of your priorities, or aligned with your Purpose, it’s not essential. When faced with any decision or action, ask yourself: “Is this aligned with my priorities or my Purpose?” If the answer is not, then it may have to be relegated to a later free time, or eliminated altogether. It’s not mean, it’s decisive, and it’s to serve your Higher good.
Do you believe you can be a good mom and still follow your dreams?
The Corporate Sister.
