I remember returning to work after maternity leave for my first and second baby, being lost and trying to find my marks for weeks. Dealing with the emotional and physical pressure at home, and the mental upheaval at work. After missing so many months at work, there was so much catching up to do. Even as my mind was still reconciling the change in circumstances, when my heart was longing for my fuzzy-haired babies, and my body was juggling the two as I struggled to pump enough milk while reading the quarterly report at work.

This is the dilemma for many moms returning to work after baby. How to adjust to this life change, while still showing ourselves as competent, competitive and ready to shatter that glass ceiling all the while pumping adequate amounts of milk? And how to even expect our male-dominated workplaces to understand what it means to go through the experience of making another human being and emerging as a totally different human being?

While we may expect companies and management to help us through this transition, truth is, we have to do the bulk of the understanding, and the working, and the making peace with all the milk and diapers and quarterly reports mess. And if you’ve been in the same situation, you know all too well what it feels like..

And sometimes, many times actually, we learn more from what not to do, than from what to do. And after breaking my own records of what not to do, in and outside of work, here are a few of my not-to’s for us ladies returning to work after maternity leave:

1. Don’t try and be SuperWoman! More than any other time, work after baby feels like having to be Superwoman, except instead of the cape, we have to make do with milk-stained blouses and haunting dark circles (hello waterproof concealer). After baby#1, I though I could come back to the professional life and do it all. Pump while taking the conference call. Get the house in tip-top shape, baby fed, bed made, all before heading out the door in the morning. The reality was, my expectations, more than anything else, drove me bonkers. In addition to having to comb my hair and apply my make-up in the office bathroom, I had to deal with the disappointing frustration of feeling that I was not enough. And of course, my work, and entire life, suffered. Take it one day at a time. Stepping out of the house fully clothed and with matching shoes is already a big accomplishment, acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can.
2. Don’t stay in your corner! After returning to work from maternity leave both times, I literally hibernated in my cube for a while. At the time, I thought this would be the best way to catch up and to find my marks. What ended up happening though, is that I failed to re-integrate the work environment as well as I could have. As a new mom back at work after baby, it’s easy (and somewhat normal at first) to stay in your corner and take some time to readjust. Yet, you want this transition period to be as short and swift as possible. Even if you’re still overwhelmed and uncomfortable the first few weeks, come out of your cube.  Go meet and talk to people. Ask about changes that have happened in your absence. Do your own, subtle yet effective “after baby networking”. Better than catching up on email, it’s the fastest and most effective way to get yourself back in the groove of all work things. And it’s also the best way to show that you are indeed, back!
3. Ask for what you need! Many new moms fail to ask for what they need. What they really, desperately need. Instead, we try to do it all, and end up frustrated, unhappy, and paralyzed into inaction. After baby#2, our family schedule had changed, and I needed to be able to come in earlier so I could leave earlier to pick up both babies. Instead of asking for what a slight schedule adjustment, I would instead drive myself insane trying to leave a few minutes late and curse my way to the daycare. Not the most effective way to keep sane! Do you need to leave at 4:30pm to feed the baby? Ask for a more flexible work arrangement. Do you need to take an hour at lunch to pump? Check with your manager and block that time on your calendar. The better you are at asking for what you need in order to perform your job well, the better you’ll be able to fulfill your professional duties. And yes, there may be instances where the answer will be no! Yet you owe it to yourself to ask.
4. Don’t think of your circumstances as obstacles. I was speaking to a close friend earlier about her career progress. And what she said made me realize the sad truth for many moms returning to work after maternity leave. “I don’t think I’ll get the promotion. I’ve just had my second baby, and I’m sure I won’t even be considered for the job. They’ll probably think I won’t be committed enough, with all my family responsibilities and all…” So she didn’t go for the job…at first. Until her own husband pushed her to apply and go for it. And she did get it…This is a happy ending that may not happen in many other instances. Yet, way too often, we take ourselves out of the race mentally first. Thinking that we won’t be able to do the job. Or that “they” won’t consider us for it (who’s “they” anyways?). If you don’t think of your circumstances as obstacles, even if these look the part, chances are others won’t.

In summary, here are the no-no’s to absolutely avoid when coming back to work after baby, milk-stained shirts and sleepless nights galore:

1. Avoid the Superwoman trap at all costs! You can’t do it all, and you can’t please everyone. You’re not a plate of cheese!
2. Get out of that office, cube, or wherever else you may be hiding out after baby! Network your way back into the fold, show your face, and get back on track!
3. Put your needs out there! No more trying to beat traffic, or concoct excuses! If you need it, ask for it!
4. What’s happening to you is normal, it’s not an obstacle! Stop thinking of and presenting your circumstances as obstacles to your career advancement and progress! The more you learn to thrive in your circumstances, the more success you will attract your way!

What else would you suggest as a no-no for women returning to work after abby? Care to share your own story? Please chime in in the comments…

Love and Success,

The Corporate Sis.