It takes a crisis to reveal the true character of situations. The current COVID-19 pandemic, as most crisis, is revealing many, if not most of the inequities, around gender. One of the most striking manifestations of this is directly linked to parenting. The reality is, this pandemic is killing working moms, figuratively and literally.
Truth is, it is digging so deep into our last reserves of resilience and strength, as well as into any of the gender equity advances we’ve managed to make so far, that it may have the potential to set us back decades behind. However, what this current crisis also is, is a loud, stringent wake-up call for working mothers, and everyone else around. A call to re-visit, re-evaluate, not just the modern pressure of 21stcentury parenting, but also the very much contemporary meaning assigned to being a working mom.
Over time, with advances in gender equity and stronger initiatives (and incentives) for equal pay, working mothers have certainly gained some ground, although not enough just yet. However, what we’ve also gained has been the added pressure of living up to the impossibly high standard of “having it all”, even if not at the same time. We can all agree that having and doing it all at the same time, is a surefire recipe for disaster. So we’ve compromised instead on having and doing it all, just not at the same time. More realistic, certainly. Less heavy, probably not.
What it means really at the end of the day is that we’re carrying an ever heavier load, including work, parenting, life and everything in between. We’re just spreading the pie thinner rather than letting it get thicker. Yet, really, is it truly better to be spread thinner, rather than carrying a thicker weight? Aren’t both alternatives just different takes on picking our own “self-made” version of the same lethal poison?
What this pandemic has clearly, and quite harshly, if I may say so myself, shown me is that however you decide to slide the modern working mom pie, it is still too much. It doesn’t matter how many shifts one decides to compartmentalize the various demanding parts of their life and work in, it’s still too much. Too many responsibilities, too many compartments, too much to think about, even at different intervals and times…You can’t just switch off from being a great, present mom, to full-on career beast mode, and then to baking the perfect cake. You’re not a robot, you’re a human being, and yes, you’re pretty amazing but you’re not super-human…
Yes, the pandemic is killing working moms. Yet, it’s not inventing anything new. It’s simply amplifying the imbalance that’s been there for working mothers for quite some time, and the elusive appeal of the “have it all” mentality. It’s uncovered the fallacy of the modern take on gender equity and equality, and removed the mask off of the reality of contemporary motherhood. A reality steeped in profound, staggering, fundamental inequities that more flexibility, increased pay or a shattering of the glass ceiling, only scratch the surface of.
If this pandemic is offering us one saving grace, it is that of realizing that working mothers need more than just occasional help and assistance. They need a complete overhaul of an entire societal foundation anchored in gender inequity. They need for the load to be shared not just equally, but better; for structures and infrastructures, from roads and highways to the justice system, to reflect the needs of working moms and parents; and for organizations to respect the needs of families over profits.
They say it takes a crisis to reveal true character. At the end of the day, this crisis here is a wake-up call, not just for working mothers, but for an entire society, to re-think its ways, its priorities, and its heart.
The Corporate Sis.
