Whether at work or in life, you’re bound to meet at least one person who doesn’t value you. This may be a co-worker who steps all over your toes in meeting, or a boss who discredits you in public with zero mercy. It may also be the so-called “friend” who puts their needs and time above yours, or the family member who subtly puts you down every chance they get. Whatever the case is, you may have that one person with whom every interaction leaves you feeling “less than”.
I used to wonder about this, in and outside of the workplace, especially as an introvert with a “too nice” tendency. I also realized that many, if not most, women (and men) face this day in and day out. Many feel that they must put up with it, whether due to the pressure of a paycheck, low self-esteem, or any other way they may rationalize it. Yet, at the end of the day, it becomes necessary to learn to address these situations as productively and authentically as possible:
- Recognize that it starts with you
One major realization I’ve made is that you only attract what and who you are. Relationships really act as a mirror to reflect back your personal beliefs and attitudes to you. The upside of this is that each relationship, whether positive or not, is a gift, especially so with negative relationships. Those are the ones that really show you the areas in your life that need to be worked on. If you’re in need to assert yourself and build up your self-esteem, you will attract the exact people that will rub you the wrong way so as to push you to develop your own sense of self-esteem. If you need more compassion in your life, you’ll attract those who will show you exactly that.
Recognize that it all starts with you, and ask yourself what beliefs and attitudes in you are attracting or reinforcing the behavior of people who don’t value you. If you don’t value yourself, chances are others won’t value you. If you’re showing little regard for your own priorities, time and well-being, why would others do otherwise? After all, you teach people how to treat you.
- Work on your mindset
Once that you recognize that it all starts with you, be willing to work on your mindset. Identify those core beliefs about yourself that may be in the way of your self-worth. Most of these beliefs may come from childhood, from the way a well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) adult treated or spoke to you. They may come from earlier experiences, or from the stories you may be telling yourself about yourself.
Working on your mindset means pinpointing these beliefs, understanding where they come from, and learning to reverse them. This is why affirmations are so powerful at reversing some of the beliefs we may have acquired early on in life. Journaling is a great way to unearth these, and reverse them with opposite affirmations.
- Set clear boundaries
While it all starts with you, there’s also a part of dealing with people who don’t value you that consists in setting clear boundaries. You never have to accept anyone treating you “less than”. It’s ok to say no, and express the fact that you will not deal a certain type of behavior.
Master the art of saying no and not tolerating being under-valued. It’s ok to cancel an appointment, not go some place you won’t feel comfortable in, and confront someone who trespassed the limits of respect and courtesy.
- Be willing to walk away
Last but not least, be willing to walk away and release yourself from situations, places and people who threaten your sense of self-respect and self-worth. This may mean leaving oppressive jobs and professional environments, exiting low-frequency relationships, or drastically changing your life altogether.
Too often, the fear of change, loneliness or not conforming to society’s expectations keeps us way too long in undesirable places that wreck our sense of who we are. The alternative is simply to gracefully and peacefully remind ourselves that we are worth the love and value we give others, and create lives we’re excited, not forced, to live.
How do you deal with people who don’t value you?
The Corporate Sister
