All across social media and everywhere around us, all we tend to see these days is: “Be real, be yourself, be authentic!” If you ask me, authenticity is one of the biggest marketing selling points nowadays. As working women, we are encouraged, more than ever before, to sit at the table and bring all of ourselves to the global conversation of work, business and life.
Yet, I find it interesting that in the same vein, we’re still very much expected to conform to societal expectations when it comes to how we work, how we dress, and how we present ourselves to the world. Let’s think about it for a minute. It’s still not okay to breast-feed in public, and neither is it to dress a certain way in certain environments, or to be paid the same wages as our male counterparts for that matter. Office politics still implicitly require us to behave in a certain manner, all the while being subjected to glass ceilings and concrete walls of all kinds. The entrepreneurial world still won’t give us the benefit of the doubt when it comes to funding resources or establishing general business credibility.
The truth is, authenticity is a struggle for many, if not most, working women. This is not just about being real, which if you ask me is nothing more than a pathetic excuse for many not to be held accountable for their conduct. Women have been conditioned by society for so long, that many have had to un-learn inaccurate beliefs and perceptions about ourselves. Think about all the little girls who are given stereotypical definitions of what beauty means from a very young age on. Think about those imprisoned in boxes of conformity and expectations, from when it is proper to get married to how many children they should have, what work-life balance really means, to whether they can even really handle having a career and raising kids.
So how do we manage to be more authentic at work and in life especially as working women? And can we really do so without endangering our already precarious careers and businesses, not to mention our entire lives? Despite the many challenges you may face in expressing our authenticity as a working woman, it is still possible to beat the fear of being your own woman. Some of it involves un-learning many of the expectations and false messages sent your way, but it is possible.
In my own experience as well as through the stories of many working women I havedirectly and indirectly known, I have found that white authenticity is a struggle for working women especially at work, there are steps that can be taken towards it:
Acknowledge the areas in your work or in your life in which you are not your most authentic self.
At work, it may be with certain people, in certain settings or environments, or when you are exposed to certain situations. It may also be an all-encompassing attitude you may have adopted all across your career or business. In your personal life it may occur in certain relationships, circles or settings.
Take a step back and assess those areas where you may not be at ease enough to bring all that you are to the table. When I did this, I realized certain settings and environments challenged me because of the fear I felt of not being adequate enough. As a result of my fear of being judged, especially in high-performing professional and business environments, I refrained from opening myself up and sharing some aspects of my personality. Especially as a woman of color, certain cultural aspects of my experience would remain untold. I would not share much for instance about my cultural background, the way I like to wear my hair in a puffy ‘fro, or the traditional foods I enjoyed the most. This in turn I admit, did not help me build more powerful connections and relationships.
In the same way you may have refrained from sharing parts of your personality or your experience for fear you would be judged or disqualified based on this. This is not so much due to dishonesty or lack of ingenuity, or being “fake”. It is simply because especially as working women, we’ve been so much conditioned to conform to certain societal, personal and professional expectations that it ends up being challenging for us to open ourselves up and share more of who we are and what we can do.
I once interviewed a great lawyer who happened to be a woman of color like myself. When I asked her about the best piece of advice she could give fellow women like her, she replied that she would advise them to bring all of who they are to work. According to her, if they couldn’t be themselves at work, then they wouldn’t be as successful as they could be. Her nugget of advice made me think long and hard about our need to be authentic, but also about the challenges that are in our way when we try to do so. Many women of color have faced discrimination and disapproval when wearing their hair natural at work, for instance. This is in addition to other forms of discrimination. Depending on the setting or environment, we’re also expected to act in certain ways in order to be rewarded with career advancement or business success. Yet, as challenging as it can be, not being our most authentic self will ultimately deprive us of the real success we deserve.
Identify the beliefs you have about yourself that make you less authentic in certain areas of your work or life.
Despite the barriers and obstacles placed in our way which keep us from sometimes being our most authentic self, there are barriers within us that should be addressed first. These are the beliefs about ourselves which were planted in us by well-meaning friends and family members we may have grown up with, or that we may have derived from certain situations and circumstances. Identifying these these beliefs could make you understand why you refrain from showing up as your most authentic self in certain situations or settings.
Some of the sources of these these beliefs are rooted as far back as childhood, and as close as the daily interactions we have. What do you believe about yourself that prevents you from sharing more of who you are? What are the sources of your feelings of inadequacy that make you hide part of your personality and abilities? For some, we may believe that we are inadequate because a parent or a family member or even a friend conveyed this message to us in one form or another. For others, it may be because we believe that we have to conform to a certain image in order to be successful. Identifying these damaging beliefs in ourselves also helps pinpoint their sources, so we can let go of them and adopt a more positive attitude.
Sharing is caring!
The best way to cultivate authenticity in our working life is to share more of who we are. Most people are not inauthentic out of a desire to be dishonest. Many simply lack the room, space and opportunity to bring all that they are to the table.
While all the doors and tables may not be open to us just yet, and although progress is certainly being made, we can begin this process by opening up more. In a previous article, I shared why as women of color especially we need to tell more of our stories. When we don’t bring all of who are to the table, and fail to tell our stories, we deprive the world of an important source of wealth, information, motivation, inspiration and strength to move forward. In my own experience, I have found that every time I was willing to be more vulnerable and share my experiences, mistakes and story, it would open the door for more powerful connections. There will certainly be instances in which your authenticity and genuineness will not be well-received. However, it will always be worth it to present yourself exactly as you are and identify early on whether a certain environment, relationship or opportunity is the right fit for you, rather than incurring the weight of falsely placed expectations.
Commit to standing courageously in your own truth.
While the process starts with sharing a little more of who you are and of your personal and professional story, it continues with a deep personal commitment to consistently stand in our own truth. This may require us getting outside of our comfort zone and facing situations in which we’re not always at an advantage. It may also require showing up in all of our difference, being “the only one in the room“, and braving negative stereotypes and preconceptions. Yet, what it will do is not only free you to be your most authentic self, but it will also open doors of opportunity that only your true self can walk through. Additionally, it will offer others the priceless gift of knowing that they too can show up exactly as they are despite the obstacles and challenges in their way.
All in all, being our most authentic selves at work and in life is not always as easy as it seems to be. Depending on the environment, the circumstances and the relationships at play, it may feel more comfortable to only present the parts of our personality or stories that are most comfortable for us. However, there are ways to cultivate our unique individual authenticity as working women in and outside of the workplace, while also empowering others.
Now your turn, how have you managed to become your more authentic self at work and in life?
To your success,
The Corporate Sister.
