I used to be really good at apologizing. About anything and everything. But especially about being ambitious, and scoring successes, when I did. Most times, I would flat out lose myself in effusive, long-winded apologies. Other times, I would side-step positive and negative comments alike by attributing the whole thing to luck, other people, or a particularly conspicuous alignment of the stars. Like so many other working women and moms, I would mold, diminish, and excuse any potential seed of ambition or success, so as to fit in better, be more accepted, and not attract too much suspicion. Until I learnt to stop apologizing for career ambition or success…
You know the feeling, right? That thing you may call humility, or remembering where you come from, that keeps you in your place, reminding you not to overstep your self-imposed boundaries. Not to speak your truth, reach too high, or pat yourself on the back…Don’t get me wrong. Humility in its essence is a great quality. Humility as a shield against the fear to step into who we really are is an excuse. A sorry one at that…
As young girls, many of us are told to keep quiet. To care about and for others’ feelings. To not overshadow others, and be conscious of how others feel. Yet, as women, and as working women and moms, we quickly start realizing how making too much room for others also means not making enough room for ourselves. Which often translates into constantly apologizing for whatever professional ambition or success we may have. It then leads us into a vicious cycle that feeds lower self-esteem. However, there are ways in which we can stop this vicious cycle and finally quit feeling guilty for our success:
- Understand your triggers
There are many reasons why we may apologize for our success, and a host of triggers that may set us off. These may differ from individual to individual. However, it’s important to understand what your own triggers are. What makes you believe that you’re not worth any of the praise and recognition you so rightly deserve? Who instilled in you a sense that you may not be worthy? When did you stop believing in your true talent and abilities?
- Change the story you tell yourself about your success
The story you tell yourself about yourself will change the way you perceive your own achievements. If you’ve been suffering from Impostor Syndrome, you may also have been telling yourself that you don’t deserve your achievements. Or that at any moment, the rug could be pulled from under your legs and you will lose all your hard work.
- Own your achievements
Last but not least, practice owning your achievements. This is something that may take some time if you’ve never done it before. Take some time to see yourself as deserving of your accomplishments. Learn to not necessarily attribute all the credit of your hard work to everyone else but yourself.
It’s time stop feeling sorry for all your hard work, and instead embrace how far you’ve come. It starts with you acknowledging your own worth, by understanding your own triggers, re-framing your story and finally owning your achievements.
The Corporate Sis.
