We’re a few weeks/days away from the start of another year, and the New Year’s Resolutions/Goals Machine, as I like to call it, is in full swing. Resolutions are being made, gym memberships are being shopped around, and goals are being set everywhere…
But after a few years of resolving to get back into a size 2, or finally get that certification (to advance in that job that you hate anyways), or finding the love/soulmate/perfect car/dream home/optimal temperature, you start realizing that maybe the whole goal-setting process is a teeny-weeny bit flawed…
Even when it works, after much grunting on the elliptical at that local super-expensive gym (until January 31st, after which we take a well-deserved break), it leaves us feeling like we’ve just run a marathon…Exhausted, a bit deflated, and looking forward to French bread soaked in full-fat French Brie…
Fast-forward a few years, after reading Danielle Laporte’s Desire Map while eating French bread soaked in full-fat French Brie a few days before the New Year, and goals started looking so different and so much more appealing…
“You’re not chasing a goal, you’re chasing a feeling you hope reaching the goal will give you” – Danielle La Porte
This sentence alone on the front cover of La Porte’s best-seller changed my entire view of goals for the rest of my life… If we’re setting goals to feel better about ourselves ( hello super pricey gym membership, sweaty sessions and half-pounds shrinkage), why don’t we start with how we want to feel?
Instead of shooting goals in the dark on the board of our lives and careers, hoping and praying and wishing that somehow they’ll deliver those feelings wrapped up in elegant Crate and Barrel gift boxes right at your doorstep…
How many of us have sat on the eve of a New Year, drawing lofty goals in beautiful journals? Or putting out in the Universe our desires for better jobs, more money, a bigger wardrobe, Giselle’s body? Or even, for the most down-to-earth among us, longer life, more health and prosperity and abundance, along with all the positive mantras you remember from that spiritual yoga class?
Yet how many of us turn around to simply say things like: “ I want to feel happier”, “I wish to feel more joy at work”, “I desire to feel more fulfilled in my career”, “I wish to feel more peace and freedom”?
I know I didn’t, until now…Instead, I put a price tag on what I thought was peace and freedom. It would have to be a certain position, a certain salary, a certain size, or a certain type of accomplishment….And right then and there, the race to do more, be more, have more started all over again…
No wonder by January 31st, most of us are ready to throw in the towel, plop our curvy selves on the couch, and binge-watch old reruns of “Sex and the City” while eating French bread soaked in French Brie…
I remember meeting this high-level executive who was at the top of her corporate game. Her list of accomplishments, letters after her name and honors was too long to elaborate on…And she still wanted to do more, year after year…
When asked about what motivates her and why she keeps piling on accomplishment after accomplishment, she simply said: “I want to feel good”…Whether she really did or not, the point is, she had been motivated all those years by the simple aspiration of feeling a certain way…
In one of my favorite books “Ask and It Is Given”, authors Esther and Jerry Hicks talk about using our emotions and feelings as a GPS system for our lives. Whereas the rest of the world tells us to set solid, rigid goals and work towards with unstoppable tenacity, what it tells us is simply to rely on what we already know about who we are and how we want to feel good…
What makes us feel good is an indication that we’re going in the right direction, and what doesn’t may force us to rethink our life route…As simple as that…Maybe too simple for the ambitious go-getters, goal-diggers we are…But how about going simple for once?
So this year, in the midst of all the busy-ness and to-do’s, my good ol’ “New Year’s Goal List” is getting a much deserved break… And instead is being replaced with these three simple questions:
How Do I Want to Feel?
When I asked myself this simple question, it literally turned me inside out. What happens when you face yourself with the simple realization of who you are and how you want to feel/live/experience things, is that you also start realizing everything else that stands in your way.
Whether it’s the grueling job, or the unsatisfying relationship, or the low self-esteem, you start seeing in contrast all the stuff that needs to go. And then, all of a sudden, there’s more room for all the stuff that needs to come in…
What Can I Do to Feel This Way?
For you, wanting to feel better about yourself may be a matter of starting a fitness routine. Or ditching the boyfriend. Or starting over in your career. It’s different from person to person.
Yet asking yourself the question, the very revealing question of what you need to do/change/start/stop/continue to feel the way you truly want to feel opens the door for action…
Instead of looking for a job because you want more money, more recognition, or just a better parking spot, you may look for a job that makes you smile, makes you feel more fulfilled, mo’better….Or instead of starting yet another diet that may crash within a week or so, you may want to start taking care of yourself from the inside first, cleaning up your relationships, picking exercise you enjoy, laughing a little more…
What Are My Desires For Next Year?
As Danielle La Porte says it so well in The Desire Map, desires are powerful.
“With clear desire, you can say yes to the right opportunities”. Danielle La Porte
So what are your true desires for this new year/phase/time of your life and career? You know how you want to feel, and you’re starting to have an idea about things you may want to do to feel that way. Now it’s time to get clear about it all…
Going through this process (and I’m still going through it) surprised me. Heck, it actually shocked the hell out of me. You may come to realize that you don’t really want what you think you want. That you may not even really want the promotion, or the car, or the relationship, or fitting into a size 2 and giving up on cake for the rest of your life…
Whatever the outcome of this seemingly simple process, it will shed light on a journey only you can take. Instead of fitting in and setting general goals like everyone else, it may just steer you towards a life and career with more meaning, more depth and more YOU-ness in them…
This year, as you set your goals in whatever area of your life, consider asking yourself these simple questions…They may just change the game for you…
To Your Success
The Corporate Sis.
