Time is a precious commodity, especially as a working mom. You can make more money, meet more people, buy more shoes…Yet, one thing you cannot buy more of, is time. One of the biggest complaints and regrets I hear from fellow working moms is around lack of time. There aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all, from caring for our families to handling our work responsibilities.
I felt this tightness in the time we’re allotted as working moms from the moment I gave birth. With the joy of motherhood, comes this guilt-filled sense that time is no longer ours. It’s the beginning of a seemingly unending power struggle with to-do lists, deadlines, appointments and other commitments, often culminating with various levels of chocolate-fueled frustration. When the pressure to excel in our careers adds its heavy weight to our already full calendars, it can wreak havoc with our entire sense of self. After all, women still handle the lion share of household chores, while graduating in record number from college and breaking all kinds of glass ceilings and concrete walls.
“I feel like all I I do is work, work, work (hellow Rihanna). I work at home and work at work!”
“I don’t even know what I look like anymore. I’m so tired all the time.”
“Where did the time go?”
The above are just a few of the reflections, at times wine-fueled, I’ve heard from fellow working moms, myself included. While Auntie Maxine is busy reclaiming her time, many, if not most of us, are still looking for where our own went.
After years of simmering frustration and self-blame at what I thought was my own lack of planning, I decided to reclaim myself. And the only place I found to fit this campaign back to my own sanity and fulfillment was early mornings, before anyone could lay claim to this precious time of mine. While I understand that not all of us are morning people, I also believe that in the game of give-and-take of working motherhood, some things have to give so we can take others back. For me, it meant letting go of my favorite late-night Netflix binges and investing in the luxury of extra time in the morning. In the perfect imperfection of my everyday life, it looked something like this:
- Changing my mindset from sacrificial exhaustion to personal self-care
The cult of sacrificial exhaustion, exemplified by maternal gigantic under-eye circles and perennial coffee runs, never quite did it for me. While I still have ways to go to curb my caffeine addiction, I’ve long switched my working mom tune to the soothing sounds of personal self-care. After realizing on the way to the pediatrician that I forgot my child (also said patient at said appointment), I relinquished all claims to the title of “Most Exhausted Mother”. While this may cut some of my mommy groups’ conversations, it may contribute to lowering both my cholesterol and insurance premiums.
What this also translated into for me was to release my need to do (and prove) so much, and instead make healthier (read: more boring) decisions. Which involved adopting my mother’s ultra-early bed-time, at the very real risk of looking (and sounding) ultra un-cool. The upside? A full night’s sleep, less under-eye circles, and at least an hour to freely roam alone in the corners of my own home…Priceless!
- Choosing quiet time over busy time
When I started reclaiming my early mornings, the first, very real, temptation was to use this time to add more to-do’s to my already crowded list. Maybe I could fit in an additional load of laundry, wash the dishes, or fold the clothes that have been adorning the guest room for weeks…The result? More work , less play…
Instead, I chose to follow the advice of a very astute working friend of mine: choosing quiet time over busy time. For me, it is meditation and prayer, or simply enjoying my cup of coffee while silencing the loud voices in my head reminding me that the electric bill is due. For you, it may be sitting on the porch, talking a walk, or journaling. Whatever it is, I believe it’s worth offering ourselves the gift of self every day.
- Doing more of what I love
Last but not least, reclaiming my mornings is also about making sacred space for doing more of what I love. It means sitting at my old and faithful laptop and cracking out a blog post, or writing a book chapter. It’s also reading even for ten minutes, or going to the gym and buying myself an hour of thought-free, sweat-filled grace.
For a dear friend of mine, mornings are her space to dive into her artistic hobbies. Whatever it may be for you, it’s a sacred space to return to yourself before the world starts asking more of you, again.
Are you reclaiming your mornings as sacred as a working mom?
The Corporate Sister.
