Today my youngest (and probably last baby, did I say probably?) starts school. And even as the hardcore independent career woman and feminist I consider myself to be, it feels weird, to say the least.

As I dropped him off to his last day at daycare yesterday, my heart sank a little. I sat outside in my car  for a minute, unable to turn the wheel and back up to drive towards work. I could relive the very day I dropped each one of my babies to daycare for the first time, to start on their journey towards independence. And to continue mine towards making peace with semi-constant worry and mommy guilt, even in the midst of so much joy and anticipation…

You think you’ve made peace with a lot of emotions as your kids grow, and suddenly you find yourself in the middle of new beginnings all over again. As they pack their first backpack, say good-bye to go to class, get their first report card…

Even though there’s still quite some ways for women to go in today’s world, we’re able to make so  many choices in our lives. Choices to go after our own careers and dreams, pick our partners, live more of the lives we choose…Yet as you become a parent, most of these choices start being influenced in some way or another by the huge joy and responsibility to raise children.

In her masterpiece “The Awakened Family“, New York Times best-selling author Dr. Shefali Tsabary  tells us that “many of us are unable to [raise children who are highly resilient and emotionally connected] because we are blinded by modern misconceptions of parenting and our own inner limitations”. The part of Dr. Tsabary’s message that struck me the most as I was watching her on Oprah’s Soul Sunday is that we must develop ourselves in order to help develop our children into the people they’re meant to be. Which also means that not only is it ok for us to go after our dreams and reach our higher selves, it also tremendously serves our children.

So we can turn all that mommy guilt as we drop off the kids to daycare or school, miss some milestones because we’re at work, or miss work because we’re taking in our childrens’ milestones, into the fire that propels us further and further in our lives and careers:

Their milestones are proof we’re growing too!

Now that I’m done crying behind my glasses after dropping off the little one to Pre-K, I can take a minute to stop and consider how much I’ve also grown as a parent and a woman. What we don’t often realize as parents is that many a times, our children help us grow more than we actually help them!

After raving about how my babies are growing too fast, it occurred to me that each one of their milestones has helped me develop as a person. That just having them inspires us to stretch and reach more of our potential. That every time they take a step, start school, get a great grade, or get bruised somehow by life, we learn something new by teaching them things we never even knew we knew.

Make the kids part of your growth!

For most of us, having kids changes our lives. For some, it can send our careers down the abyss, as this 2015 Women in the Workplace study reveals that “motherhood triggers assumptions that women are less competent and less committed to their careers”.

For others, it can mean renewed focus, energy and success. A research commissioned by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis has demonstrated that parents tend to be more productive. More parents develop skills and traits that make them better employees, while it’s noted that some parents are more ambitious after kids.

I’ve found that making the kids part of our growth as individuals,  is a huge motivator to turn all the mommy guilt we may experience into more fuel for our fire. Over time, I’ve learnt to talk more to my babies about  work, responsibility and learning as I experience it. To share with them more of my experiences, and let go of the guilt of not always being there in favor of the energy of shared growth…

It’s OK to let go!

This one is a “toughie”! Letting go is hard (I’m a Cancerian after all, we cling hard!). And letting go of the little human beings we’ve helped bring into this world, changed poopy diapers, and dropped off for their first day at school, is on a whole other “hard scale”…

I’ve clung to my own brand of career mommy guilt for as long as I could, until realizing it’s letting go that ultimately allows us to be more present. That it’s ok to show our kids that chasing your dreams is a part of life. That to be fully present, we must be filled with as much of our own fire as we can muster…

So here’s to my last baby going to school, to dropping (some of) that heavy mommy guilt, and instead turning it into more of that internal fire that makes us go over and beyond…

How are your turning your Mommy guilt into Mommy Fire?

To Your Success,

The Corporate Sis.