You may have heard the saying: “Turn your wounds into wisdom”. Or that “your mess is your message”. When you hear these, or actually experience the wounds or go through the mess, you may not exactly see them as gifts. As a matter of fact, you may resent the obstacles and challenges you may be facing in your career, business or life in general, counting down days and hours until you no longer have to deal with them. It may be that you’re dealing with a challenging boss or toxic environment, or that your marriage is in shambles, or even that being a working mom is taking a toll on you.
There were (and still are) times in my life and work when I just could not seem to see the forest from the trees. Coming to the United States to complete my education, alone, with limited resources, and facing all sorts of odds, was one of these. So was dealing with toxic work environments as a woman of color, and learning to stay sane as a working mom. While I was going through these challenges, all I could think about was how unlucky I was, or ask myself why that was happening to me. It wouldn’t occur to me at the time that my struggles were actually a springboard to my greatest accomplishments.
Very often, while we’re in the midst of challenges, we don’t often see the point, or that there is any point at all for that matter. In the same way, when we face failures, we are quick to disqualify ourselves rather than use these as opportunities for growth. Instead of using the power of the accumulated lessons and insights we gain over time, we ignore them and keep repeating the same mistakes, slowly getting ourselves in an undeniable rut.
You may have made a career mistake that set you back temporarily, but now you’re shying away from using the lesson learnt to reach higher. You may have missed the promotion, but now are stuck in a rut rehashing what you perceive as a defeat rather than focusing on your goal. You may be overwhelmed as a working mom, yet not using the leverage you have to re-purpose the leadership and management skills you’re naturally using at home in your career. Basically, you may just be wasting the incredible power of the struggles in your work and life to propel you closer to your objectives and help you maximize your potential.
As a CPA and auditor by trade, I’ve learnt that every client, engagement and project builds upon the previous. It’s a common practice for managers to leave their staff coaching notes aimed at helping them correct their mistakes. The mistakes many staff members make, which I also did make, is limit these coaching notes to a particular engagement or project, instead of using them as a foundation for the next one. The point is, each set of coaching notes is meant to help you better yourself, so you can re-purpose your mistakes into assets for your next project. What if this simple analogy can be applied to our entire careers, businesses and lives?
Struggles are not only inevitable, they are necessary. The toxic boss or work environment will happen at some point. So will the betrayal, the business failure, and career mishaps. They should happen, not so you can be punished though them, but so you, and all of us, can learn from them. The few who see them as learning opportunities are also those who make the most progress, and are able to exceed their goals and objectives, reaching the summit of the mountains of their potential and purpose.
I get it, it certainly stings at first. “I love failure”, said no one ever. It may take some time to lick your wounds, drown your sorrows in a pint of sea salt caramel ice cream, and come up gasping for air. Yet, there are ways you and I can learn to not just recover from these, but actually use them to succeed at work and in life:
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Acknowledge your struggles
The first step is to acknowledge you’re even struggling or have areas of improvement. I had to come to terms with some of the challenges and obstacles I faced in my work, whether through my corporate career or business, before I could overcome them. My ego would often get in the way of recognizing that I needed to develop in certain areas, which in turn prevented me from progressing and learning what I needed to.
What areas of your career, business or life in general are you struggling in? Where are you facing the most obstacles and challenges? What do you dread doing or working on the most?
To Do: Take some time out to identify those areas in which you’re facing difficulties. You can also ask people around you, especially managers and peers, for constructive criticism to help you improve your performance or habits.
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Focus on the WHO, not the WHAT
Repeat after me: You are not your mistakes or failures! Often, we focus on the WHAT, identifying with our struggles in a negative way. Before we know it, we have already determined that we’re not good writers, or that we have no skills at project management, or that our parenting skills are not up to par.
I’ve learnt that the process of growing through my struggles involves separating my WHO from my WHAT. The WHAT is the experience in itself, the mistake, the area of development, the mishap. The WHO is the more experienced, savvier, better person you are becoming by virtue of learning through the experience.
To Do: Ask yourself WHAT you are struggling at in your work or life. Now ask yourself WHO you have allowed yourself to become because of these struggles. Have they made you more unsure of yourself, more bitter and critical of your performance and others’? Or have they turned you into a more astute entrepreneur, a more strategic professional, more resourceful parent, etc? Ideally, the latter should guide you going forward.
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Create your own crisis strategy
One thing that is as sure as death and taxes, is that you’ll be faced with obstacles and challenges in your work and life journey. As you climb the mountains of your potential and purpose, in whatever area of life this may be, you will struggle here and there.
Part of using these challenges to succeed further at work and in life is to allow them to inform your future experiences. I’ve learnt to create my own, self-customized crisis strategy. Think of it as using the coaching notes I was referring to earlier. The combination of these coaching notes, or the lessons you have learnt from the mistakes made, and the refining of your own approach to the crisis that will inevitably happen can only set you up for success in the future.
To Do: Ask yourself what you have learnt from the struggles you’ve faced through a particular experience, project, or even relationship. Also, review how you’ve addressed these situations. How can you better respond to a similar, or even different, challenge in the future? How can you refine your approach in addressing it going forward, taking into account your unique personality and circumstances? As you go, this will be your personal crisis strategy. The good thing about it is, as much as it will empower you with the right tools to face upcoming obstacles, it will also keep getting better with time.
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Seek help when needed
One of the most important lessons that struggles allow us to get, in life and at work, is to seek help. Don’t shy away from benefiting from others’ assistance, guidance and mentorship as you face your own personal and professional storms. These challenges are actually presenting themselves so you can learn from others about the best ways handle them. The point, many others have been through these difficult times and learnt from it, so they can save you the time and energy to do so.
Building success in our careers and lives, whatever this definition of success may be for us, takes a village. So does raising a child, building a legacy, and doing work that matters. This is the reason why it’s important to allow yourself to rely on the right people as you overcome your own challenges, so you can let others rely on you when it’s time for them as well.
To Do: Seek the right mentors and guides in your career, business and/or life. The people you look up to have certainly gone through the same struggles you’re facing and come out on the other side. Learn from them. Seek out trusted peers and colleagues as well, in whom you can confide in and from whom you can get the support you need.
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Don’t forget to celebrate!
Every struggle you overcome is cause for celebration. While you may feel that you’ve barely made it, or that the sting of failure is still very much present, remember that it happened in order for you to grow through it.
To Do: Take the time to stop, and ponder on the difficulties you’ve faced, and how far you’ve come to get to where you are on the way to where you’re going. This will give you the strength, motivation and inspiration to keep pushing through your next mountain.
All in all, changing your perspective when it comes to facing obstacles and challenges in your work and life is crucial. Without this change in perspective, you may be stuck at the same level, in the same position, with the same weaknesses, missing out on opportunities to expand and attain your true potential. Every successful person has had to fail and struggle. Every CEO is hired and paid to handle complex obstacles and challenges. Every new level requires that you upgrade in order to deal with tougher odds. Yet, at the same time, it is those mountains you have to climb that are allowing you to reach the next level, and the next level, and the next level…
Are you using your struggles to succeed at work and in life?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
