How many times as a working mom have you felt a wave of resentment come up at the thought of everything you have to do day in and day out?
And how many times has this resentment made you feel guilty as a result?
Further, let me ask you, how many times have you even dared talking about this feeling of resentment to anyone for fear of being negatively judged?
If you’re nodding at any of these questions, you’re certainly not alone.
Resentment is one of the best well-kept secrets about and among working moms. As working mothers are hailed, praised, and kept, by society as “sheroes”, they’re also not allowed to show weakness, and certainly not resentment. Instead, they are expected to hold up the sacred veil of motherhood, bravely (and flawlessly) handling all the responsibilities assigned to them without a complaint, murmur or negative feeling. Being resentful as a working mom is perceived as a threat to this picture-perfect idealization of womanhood, and as such, is considered a big no-no for many, if not most, working women.
Related: Feeling trapped? 3 ways to reclaim your freedom as a working mom
Yet, the reality is, as we pick up dirty socks off the floor, wash dishes, run from work to kids’ activities, forgetting to fill this or that form, it’s virtually impossible for many, if not most working moms, to experience if only a touch of resentment at some point or another. This is especially true when there is a lack of gender equity in the home and at work, and women have to face a staggering lack of resources and support, from childcare to work flexibility.
So what do you do when resentment rears its ugly head in the midst of your unending to-do list and tired self? How do you address the subtle anger rising up in you as you consider one obstacle after another standing before you? Here are some tips that may help:
- Stop and reflect!
Resentment is a clear indicator that there is a lack of balance somewhere. I’ve found over the years that our bodies and minds will give us distress signals. However, too often, we fail to listen. This is where pausing to listen to ourselves is important.
Why am I feeling so resentful?
What is creating this feeling in me?
Identifying the root cause of resentment can go a long way towards addressing what the real issue is. Oftentimes, we feel resentful because of false beliefs, or because we’ve taken on too much, or we feel unappreciated in one or many areas of our lives and work.
What is making you feel resentful as a working mom?
Related: 4 belief systems that keep you trapped at work and in life
- Talk it out
Resentment is not a dirty secret to lug around and hide from everyone around us. Neither does it make us bad mothers. It simply makes us human, and allows us to heal what is festering inside us. This is where communication, effective communication that is, comes in handy.
Communicating how you feel, in a non-blaming way, whether it is to your partner, family or friends, can help them better understand where you’re coming from. It can also help in solving the imbalance you may be experiencing, whether it’s related to the lack of equity at home, or the stress in your career and/or relationships.
Who can you trust to talk it out and communicate how you’re feeling?
- Readjust
Last but not least, while reflection and communication are important, action is indispensable to readjust the lack of balance causing the resentment you’re feeling. It may be readjusting the distribution of responsibilities and chores in the household, or looking to make positive changes in your career, or asking for more support in your relationships. It’s often also a matter of re-centering yourself and taking better care of yourself through self-care. Whatever the need may be, taking action on it can help reduce the feelings of resentment you’re experiencing.
How can you readjust your schedule, work and life to feel less resentful?
In conclusion, feeling resentful as a working mom is not a sign to blame yourself or others. It’s a powerful signal to re-establish more balance, joy and health in your work and life. Pausing to reflect, talking it out and readjusting as needed are three effective steps that can help tremendously in the process.
How are you dealing with feeling resentful as a working mom?
The Corporate Sis.
