Every year for Father’s Day, I call my dad. Like so many other people celebrating this holiday, I’m blessed to still have him around. Yet for me, and for so many others, Father’s Day has this bittersweet taste stuck somewhere between our hearts and minds. That bittersweet feeling you have when dad wasn’t there…
For so many women, growing up without a dad present is reality. One they’ve been accustomed to living with, and suffering the consequences of. Some of these consequences are more visible than others, like for instance, according to the Fatherhood Factor site, ” a study of 263 13- to 18-year-old adolescent women seeking psychological services found that the adolescents from father-absent homes were 3.5 times more likely to experience pregnancy than were adolescents from father-present homes”. Others hide beneath the surface, revealing themselves through women working tirelessly to please everyone, be accepted, and receive the love they missed as a child.
These may be the women who log in countless hours at work, silently toiling in their careers to prove their worth; yet never satisfied, however much success they end up garnering…The women who’d never want to depend on a man for fear they’d be disappointed. The ones who seek validation in all the wrong places, sometimes settling for less they deserve because somehow somewhere along the way, they were robbed of one of the essential pieces of a woman’s life: a dad’s unconditional love and validation…
And this also deeply affects the types of careers we choose throughout our lives. We already know about the confidence gap; but what we don’t often realize is all the ways in which our dads, especially the absent ones, affect our work and purpose in life. From speaking up at work, to whether we see ourselves at the top of the corporate ladder or in a low-paying job, the relationship we have with our fathers play a huge role in how we see ourselves, in life and at work.
For those of us who grew up with absent dads, it also means we have to learn self-worth and value on our own…It means confronting our own limiting beliefs and mindsets, and being willing to change them for the best.
It took me decades to realize the impact of not having a father around for most of my life. Decades to realize that although my mother did an absolutely phenomenal job with all of us kids, there was a space she couldn’t fill…A space that I had replaced with a lot of things, time, and relationships which weren’t exactly for me…And that’s where my own journey of self-discovery and self-affirmation really started, one that’s painful at times, but oh so rewarding… A journey that helped me define my career in terms of who I am, and not the opposite way…And define everything in my life in terms of who I was made to be…
Throughout this journey, I’ve had the privilege to meet other women who also were on the same path. As we spoke and shared common insights, we were able to change the way we viewed ourselves, which in turn changed the direction and impact of our careers. Some of us shed the fear of speaking up, others finally confronted their dads, and others are making major changes in their careers and lives…Out of this shift, businesses were born, associations were made, separations happened, and overall, life changes happened…
If you’re a woman who grew up with an absent father, today and every Father’s Day may feel a bit strange. Like a pull between who you were and who you’re becoming…A reminder that while things are not always perfect, they always teach us a valuable lesson…And maybe you’re seeing all the ways in which your own experience has affected your career and life, and you’re ready to change that…
As for me, I’m still on this journey, and am amazed by all that I’m learning…I’m thankful to be blessed with a wonderful husband and father to my babies, and my relationship with my dad is getting stronger by the day…And I’m off to celebrating not just the fathers in my life, but the journey they’ve all helped us undertake…
Happy Father’s Day to all!
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
