Does having kids hurt your career? As a working mom, it may be tempting to think so. Just the mere fact of going on maternity leave can sometimes seem like a step back for many working moms, as their absence in the office often puts them at a disadvantage. By the time many working moms come back to work, their most important responsibilities may have been reassigned. Or they may no longer be privy to the same conversations and access they used to have. Even worse, their competencies may be questioned, now that they have to “balance” work and life.
As a result, there is a wide pre-conception that having kids hurts working moms’ careers. According to recent studies, the gender pay gap is largely a consequence of motherhood. A study by the Census Bureaureveals that the earnings gap between spouses of opposite sexes doubles between the two before the couple’s first child is born, and a year thereafter. When surveyed, as in this Pew Research Center’s publication, Americans and Europeans have the tendency to agree with women working part-time or not at all after having children. All in all, the statistics out there are far from being encouraging when it comes to working moms’ careers after children.
In my own experience, having kids actually did wonders for my career. Although I did initially feel, especially after coming back from maternity leave, as if I had made a few steps back, the difference for me was more mental and spiritual. Having children allowed me to start asking myself the tough questions: “What am I here for? What is my purpose? How is my career advancing my purpose?” These questions in turn allowed me to re-direct my work towards a more fulfilling path aligned with who I am and what my purpose is.
Despite the staggering statistics out there, it is up to us, as working moms, to re-frame the context of our own lives and careers. Not in terms of impossible choices to make (having kids or a successful career?), but in terms of how we can integrate, not balance, the various areas of our lives and work to show up and perform in the fullness of who we are:
- Allow the experience of motherhood to help you-re-define yourself
Motherhood is an experience like no other. I strongly believe we’re not born mothers, we become mothers. It’s a wonderful path of constant growth and self-discovery. I’m happy (and relieved) to say that I’m probably learning more from my children than they are learning from me. However, it took me some time to allow this growth and change in myself, as I was stubbornly attached to the way things were and “should be”.
By allowing the experience of motherhood, with all its ups and downs, late appointments, booked schedules, messy mornings and sweet kisses, to change us, we allow ourselves to grow and be re-defined as well. And yes, it also affects our careers and the way we work. It may mean reconsidering our current field, company or occupation entirely. It may mean becoming a stay-at-home mom, or an entrepreneur. It may also mean taking a pay cut, or watch our earnings decline. Whatever it is, it will rock your career, not for the worse, but for the better.
- Give yourself permission to re-direct yourself
Becoming a mom will change your life, and it will change your career. Not that you necessarily need to change jobs, or switch companies, or go hiking in the Himalayas. But it will change the way you perceive the work you do. For some, it may be a confirmation of what you are already doing. For others, it may be a total re-direction.
This is where it’s crucial to give yourself permission to re-direct yourself and your work. Does it mean you should get up and leave the job that is paying rent and putting food in the kids’ mouths? No. Yet, it means being opened to a gradual evolution in your work. It may be developing a side hustle into a business while you keep your day job. It may be asking for more flexibility or considering a lateral move in your company. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to consider and explore it, one bit at a time.
- Trust the process
Last but not least, trust the process. Being a working mom is not something you can plan on a day to day basis. Things will happen, laundry will pile up, traffic will keep you from making it to work on time, and poopy diapers will have you re-consider the very meaning of life.
Yet, this is not a sign that kids are derailing, slowing down or hurting your career. It’s just the signal that change is here to help you become your best self.
Do you think having kids has hurt or benefited your career?
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