Dear Working Mom is our weekly letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
So often, the world tends to measure and glorify your worth by how much you do. How much you dedicate yourself to your family, how well you’re able to “balance” it all, be it career, life or relationships, and how good you are at making it look all easy and glamorous in the process. The more you can do, and add to your already full plate, the more you’re glorified and encouraged to take on even more.
With enough time, external and internal pressure, you may have come to value yourself as a working mom based on what you do. So you keep going, despite being exhausted and unsure at times, adding to your already overwhelming to-do list, running from work meetings to the kids’ extra-curricular activities, making time to answer texts and hang out with the girls, and still managing to look impeccable in the process…
Yet, no one really knows as much as you do how tired and in need of a break you are. Even when it seems you can take a break, life manages to fill it up with chores to catch up on, programs to devise, and something extra to do…At the end of the day, you feel that you are defined by what you do rather than simply by who you are…What if you were not around? What if you couldn’t do what you do? What if…
It would take something monumental to happen for you to stop and observe the much-needed pause you’ve been craving for so long…And even then, you may still have someone to help, someone to rescue, some task to carry out…While you may find it challenging to resist the temptation to define yourself and base your value on what you do, there are a few self-probing questions that may help you, and all of us in the process, move back to valuing who we are and not just what we do:
- Who are you when you’re not doing?
How many times have you asked yourself who you really are when you’re not doing? When you’re not taking care of someone else, working towards a goal or for someone else, or striving to satisfy yours or others’ expectations? What are the passions, likes and dislikes at the core of yourself, that you may have neglected to instead carry out your various responsibilities and duties?
As you ask yourself these questions and others along the same lines, you may find out some pretty fascinating things about yourself. You may re-connect with past loves and interests, discover some parts of yourself you may have buried deep inside a long time ago, and fall back in love with the individual behind the overachieving, high-performing woman.
- How would you re-define yourself outside of what you do?
If you could re-define yourself, what would you do more of? What would you do less of? How would you re-invent yourself? What would your ideal life and work look like?
When you take some time away from doing, achieving and performing, you may just find yourself ready to go in a different personal and professional direction. Or you may find that some aspects of the way you’ve been living and working should change, or at least be modified somewhat.
- How can you protect the truth of who you are?
When there are so many demands on your person, time and energy, how can you protect your authenticity? How can you remain to your true desires and nature when you barely have time to stop and take a pause to even discover these? How can you draw healthy boundaries that allow you to preserve the truth of who you are, while allowing you to grow into the best version of yourself, at your own pace?
As you distance yourself from just what you do and get closer to who you are, you may start feeling the urge to protect your precious authenticity from society’s demands and impositions. You may begin to think of stricter boundaries on your time, what you devote your energy to, and where you choose to put your attention.
Because Dear Working Mom, you are not defined by what you do. You have value and worth simply because of who you are…
The Corporate Sister.
