I have a confession: I sleep with my laptop…Right there, on my bedside, with the green light winking at me…I may even, sometimes, rest the palm of my hand on it to make sure it’s still right there in the wee hours of morning, when I jump out of bed to write…It’s not an obsession, it’s just a treacherous relationship, a “menage a trois” with two people and an inanimate object representing what some of us know all too well: the dilemma between what you love to do, who you love to love, and this knee-deep need to realize all of who you were created to be right in the middle…
It’s a dilemma that affects more women than we may think. You know, the ones who seem to have it all together, thrive on their Google calendars, cross off their to-do lists, and take their kids to piano (somewhat) on time. Those who silently wake up in the middle of the night to jot down blog post ideas, send a quickie email, or longingly hold on to their smartphones before reluctantly putting it down for the night. While many are still searching for what sets their souls on fire, these women have found IT. They’re also cheating on everyone else with IT…
So what do you do when you love what you do and you love who you have, and there aren’t enough hours in the day to satisfy both? When you may have to justify working so many hours at the expense of your couple? When some may call you selfish because you’re putting the passion stuff before the practical stuff…When you bargain with the dust in your house so you can have a few more hours to work on a project, rather than cleaning/doing laundry/cooking food? Is the verdict always guilty for women who cheat on their marriage with their work/passion/ambition?
Newsflash: we’re all cheating on our significant other (SO)/laundry/dust/elaborate meals with our work/passion/careers/interests. Because every time you’re scoring a slam dunk in your career or business, you’re also not there to catch every waking moment with your hubby and kids. And when you’re there snuggled under the covers with your family on Friday Family Movie Night, you’re not writing that epic novel, or closing that crazy awesome deal. As Shonda Rhimes says it so well:
So unless you can multiply your super-productive self or give up on sleep altogether, here are some ways to cheat well, at least when it comes to love and your career/work/passion:
Stop thinking you can do it all…at the same time!
If anyone tells me about work-life balance one mo’ again, I’m going to lose my fro’! You balance things when you can offset their value against each other. Except there will always be those moments in your life when it’s all about your family. And those moments when you’ll be intoxicated with work. And some moments when it seems you can handle both, until the scale starts tipping on one side or the other again…And it’s ok…
As long as you make peace with the fact that you can do it all, have it all, at different moments of your life, and that when you reach those mountains, you’ll enjoy the view instead of looking at what you’re missing out, you’ll be ok…Plus or minus some hazelnut chocolate..
Be there, just be there!
There’s a reason you can’t hug anyone and type a month-end report at the same time. Multi-tasking is a disease, and it will eat away at your edges. So when you’re out on a dinner date, be there, I mean, really be there! Shut off the phone, refrain from talking about work, and drink wine/eat dessert/enjoy the company!
That way when you’re back in a face-to-face with that beloved laptop of yours, you can give it your full, dedicated attention too…minus the wine and dessert…
Stop it with the guilt already.
Cut the crap guilt already! Being passionate about your work will not make you end up like the old cat lady (at least she had her cats). And you don’t have to choose between being a devoted partner and having a fulfilling career, either.
Guilt is like that piece of bread you can’t eat, yet doesn’t let you enjoy your vegetables (dipped in full-fat blue cheese dressing) either. Don’t do it! Just make sure to honor your relationship and your career when you’re there for either…It’s called clean conscience cheating!
Everyone else will be ok, really!
At the risk of bursting your bubble, both your career and partner will be ok if you don’t make it to Senior Partner, or make the perfect dinner for Valentine’s Day. There will be other Senior Partners, you will make it somewhere else, and no one will leave a disclosure on their will about the October month-end report not getting done. Besides, there are those places called restaurants opened on Valentine’s Day.
The only one you will be letting down is you, and that poor French coq-au-vin you’ll destroy…
Do what you want to do (sometimes)
I get it, we have to be practical. You must feed your kids and come home to your husband at least once a week. But in the midst of all the practical stuff to do, make some time to do what you want to do. If that’s working on that epic novel, then situate hubby down and give him (considerate) notice that you will be cheating on him with a fantastic story that may very well make you the next J. K. Rowling.
And if you must, draft that resignation letter to let your boss know you may be taking an indefinite amount of time off to cheat on your career with the love of your life somewhere between Paris and Morocco…
After all, it’s your life!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
