The older I got, the more I realized how precious of a commodity time is, especially as a busy working mom. One of the things that often gets overlooked is our self-development, sacrificed at the altar of all the other obligations of my life. The more I also realized that if I wanted to continue to grow and develop myself into the best version of who I am called to be, I would need to invest in my own self-development in and outside of work.
As a busy working mom, it’s always been important for me to continue to invest in my personal development, so I could be happier, more purposeful, and more present as a mom, wife, friend, sister. One of the most frequent complaints I hear from fellow working moms is their fear of losing themselves completely once they partner up or have kids. Personal development can go a long way towards remaining true to yourself, and actually adding to what you bring to the table of your parenting, partnership and relationships in general.
Here are 10 ideas of on-the-go activities you can use to develop yourself in your spare time as a busy working mama:
Meditate, pray and journal
Meditation, prayer and/or journaling can go a long way towards personal development. Taking some time daily to explore your inner thoughts, feeling, mindset, goals and aspirations not only brings clarity, but also helps in feeling more centered and purposeful.
Update your financial goals
Got 10 minutes or more? Take a few moments to quickly check your budget, bank balance and financial goals. A little bit periodically adds up to a lot over time when it comes to your finances…
Work out for a half hour
Health is wealth, and working out for at least half an hour three times a week is a powerful way to develop ourselves not just physically, but also mentally.
Plan out your schedule
Planning out your schedule has been proven to help get clear on your purpose, prioritize tasks reducing procrastination and even help save money. It doesn’t have to take long either, and can be done in a matter of minutes.
Read a self-development, business or career book for 15 minutes a day
Despite all the technological advances made so far, nothing compares to stimulating your imagination and learning while reading a book. While reading a book cover to cover in one sitting may be virtually impossible as a working mom, reading a chapter a day, or just 15 minutes a day, can go a long way.
Take a course
Nowadays you can educate yourself on the go if you just have a reliable Wi-fi connection, a working laptop and/or phone. Platforms such as Coursera, Udemy, or Edx. Learning a language on the go is now much easier with tools like Rosetta Stone or Babbel.
Listen to a podcast
I discovered podcasts a few years back when trying to occupy my long commutes, and have not looked back ever since. Some of my favorites are Sarah Jakes Roberts’ Woman Evolve, Harvard Business Review’s Women at Work, and Brown Ambition.
Catch up with friends and family
Got a minute? Take some time to message or call a friend or family member. In an increasingly virtual and remote world, re-establishing regular human contact, even if for a few minutes on the go, can be a much needed booster.
Listen to an audiobook on the go
Another perk of long commutes or just having a few spare minutes is the ability to listen to audiobooks on platforms such as Audible for instance. When time is too limited to read an entire book, why not listen to it? While I admit I still prefer a good ol’ paper book, taking in an audiobook on the go also does the trick.
Netflix and chill
Last but not least, how about a regular session of Netflix and chill to catch up on your favorite movies or documentaries, while getting in some well-deserved relaxation and maybe an educational resource or two in the process.
What are your favorite ways of developing yourself on the go?
Dear Working Mom is our periodic love letter to working moms everywhere, where we encourage and support working moms through the issues and challenges they face.
Dear Working Mom,
You know the feeling…That tightness in your chest as the holidays approach and you mentally start adding up the litany of tasks to complete, gifts to purchase and various other obligations to attend to…The stress of getting everything done on time, from organizing the perfect Christmas to meeting all your work deadlines…You know it all too well, this nagging sensation of running a marathon without taking a break, and making it look easy and flawless in the process…They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year, but for you, it may also be the most stressful time of the year…
This year, the holiday season may look different, what with the pandemic and distress associated with it, increasing the already intense stress so many working moms feel around this time of year. Worrying about the safety of family and friends while still striving to preserve holiday traditions and somewhat of a sense of normalcy has now become the hallmark of what should be a joyous time of togetherness and celebration. This is in addition to the already heavy job loss, childcare and societal burden working moms like yourself have been saddled with as a result of the pandemic…
In spite of this onslaught of pressure, and maybe because of it, this holiday season may just be the reminder you need to put your sanity first. Maybe the stakes are so high in this season, from health to financial and human connection concerns, that they are forcing you to reconsider what you’ve been doing all along. Maybe this season is reminding you (along with all of us) that desperately attempting to control it all under the guise of apparent success is an exercise in futility after all. Instead, it may just be a loud call to preserve your sanity instead, cherish who and what truly matters, and re-invent an otherwise stress-filled time of unending errands and to-do’s into an intentional and purposeful family and personal time…
So, dear Working Mom, ‘tis the season to re-consider your holiday to-do list.
‘Tis the season to re-invent the holidays for yourself and your family.
‘Tis the season to preserve your sanity, your well-being, your joy and everything that makes you you…
Even if that means swapping perfect decorations for homemade paper ornaments crafted on the floor with the kids…
Even if that means disappointing a few people but finally approving of yourself…
Especially if that means being more present, more fulfilled, more you…
This question, coming from the mouth of young children, can be jarring for many, if not most parents, especially in a tense and heated election season like the one we’re currently in. How do you talk about politics with kids? Should you even talk about it, and invade their still innocent minds with details of political tactics and self-interest? As parents, shouldn’t we instead shield them from all the political talk? It seems most parents would agree with the latter… According to a 2016 survey by Care.com, 90% of parents revealed they don’t discuss politics with their kids because they are too young to understand.
The reality is, children have a sense of understanding as young as the age of 3 years old, as confirmed by Purdue University Professor Emeritus of Child Development Dr. Judith Myers-Wall. By the time they reach pre-schooling age, children sense the existence of a political world. At this point, because they are already aware of a fundamental need for justice, some conversations cam begin to take place. While each kid differs in what they know and learn, mostly from interactions with and exposure from adults, most kids can be involved in healthy political discussions that they can understand and wrap their minds around.
As a protective mama bear, my first inkling was to shield my kids from politics. However, as I watch them grow, and be more inquisitive and passionate about justice, it’s become evident how important it is to teach them to think for themselves about politics. Here are a few ground rules, backed by expert advice on how I’m starting and continuing to talk about politics with my kids, and how I encourage you to do so as well:
Start with questions
Kids may hear a lot about elections from other kids and adults around. They may also have unanswered questions and thoughts about the process and its implications. This is why it’s so important to lead with questions, if only to better understand what they know and what they are curious about.
Asking them questions about this may also give them permission to talk about a subject they may have considered taboo.
Focus on offices, NOT people
Politics are most effective when we focus on the office and the good work that can be done through it. Instead of dwelling on personal differences with people and actors on the political scene, switch the conversation to the importance of political offices and how these can help make a positive difference in people’s lives.
Additionally, instead of talking about “good or bad” people, choose to discuss instead good and not-so-good ideas. This reinforces the idea that disagreements and differences of opinions can be constructive, without alienating people in the process.
Don’t shove your views down their throats
As parents, while we may want to teach our kids our own sets of values, we must also allow them to be their own people. While most children tend to adopt their parents’ views, offering kids a stable environment that is not biased towards one view as opposed to another can go a long way.
Teach them not to believe all that they hear
As we all know, politics can be treacherous terrains to tread on, filled with fear-mongering, manipulation and deception. This is also the reason why so many parents steer clear of the “political talk” with their children.
However, not preparing kids to deal with the treacherous nature of politics is doing them a disservice. Instead, introduce them to its biased nature, point out important issues and teach them not to take everything they hear or see at face value.
Teach them respectful free speech
While it’s crucial to emphasize and support free speech, it’s even more important to teach kids to make use of it in a respectful and decent manner. This is especially relevant in light of the disrespectful tone that has been smearing the political scene recently.
Emphasizing the need to respect other people’s opinion is instrumental in this, and providing good examples of political figures using positive and encouraging speech.
Prepare them to deal with challenging situations
Tough conversations around politics are going to happen, and preparing children to face these is paramount. Empowering kids to handle differences of opinions in a loving and inquisitive manner can go a long way. Teaching them that they can also walk away from unsafe situations when it comes to political conversations is also paramount.
All in all, talking to kids about politics can be a scary prospect as a parent. However, it’s a process that is not only necessary, but empowering for children and families.
How are you talking to kids about politics in this season?
As working moms, there is so much depending on us at the family, personal and professional level. It can also mean carrying oodles of responsibilities that sometimes end up hurting us more than help us. For those of us who may have perfectionist tendencies, this can also translate into struggling to let go of control, especially as working moms. This is all the more acute lately as so many of us are facing unprecedented circumstances in light of the current COVID-19 pandemic and dire economic situation.
This is something that like many other working moms, I have had to struggle with in my own journey. It’s so tempting to want to have a solid handle on most, if not all aspects, of our lives and work. However, as I quickly realized and as you may have as well, there is only so much we can control, especially when other humans are involved. Parenting and marriage especially have taught me, very often the hard way, that holding on to control can actually be more destructive than helpful. As a matter of fact, the longer I’ve been a working mom, the more acutely I’ve realized that relinquishing control is a blessing. It’s also an art that requires a solid sense of self, as well as conscious practice and skills over time.
Through conversations and resource-sharing with other working moms, as well as trial and error in my own experience, here are three of the most effective strategies I’ve learnt to let go of control as a working mom:
Pinpoint the source of your need for control
One of my working mom friends once asked me: “Have you ever asked yourself why you feel the need to control certain aspects of your life and work?” This was a wake-up call for me. We often fail to identify the why behind the way we feel or act, looking for solutions outside of ourselves instead of starting by looking within.
Have you ever asked yourself why it is so important for you to be in control? It may be stemming from childhood, or maybe from past disappointment, or from a sense of fear or anxiety about the future. Working on identifying the source of our need for control can go a long way towards helping us heal, and relieve some of the heavy pressure so many of us are under.
Get help
Sometimes, dealing with the pressure of having to hold all the pieces of our lives and work together can simply be too much. This is where asking for, and getting the help we need, can prove invaluable. It may simply be asking for help with kids’ pickup, or delegating a task to someone else at work, or even hiring a housekeeper periodically.
What can help you relieve some of the pressure you’re under and let go of some of the control that may be crushing you?
Invest in self-care
Self-care is vital for working moms, especially in the days we live in and the constant stress we face. It’s not just about bubble baths and mani-pedis, but about healing and restoring ourselves as often as possible.
Some of this self-care may take the form of therapy for some, or time away for others. Whichever form of self-care you choose, it should help you replenish yourself and let go of some of the crushing pressure you may be facing as a working mom nowadays.
How have you managed to let go of the need for control as a working mom?
Dear Working Mom is our periodic love letter to working moms everywhere, tackling some of the issues we deal with as working mamas and spreading love to all working moms out there…
How many times have you looked at what other moms are doing, questioning the validity of your own parenting style? How many times have you scrolled down social media pages, wondering at the glossy pictures of impeccably organized and stylish moms, while you were still dressing straight from the laundry bag? And how many times have you fallen victim to mom-shaming, either from yourself or other mothers?
The truth is, as working moms, and as parents in general, we’re constantly doubting our mothering abilities. While society and organizations shame and punish us for being ambitious, we tend to also shame and punish ourselves for not doing it all, and doing it all perfectly. This is also what pushes us to question ourselves, our decisions as mothers and working parents, as well as each other…
In these times of pandemic and remote schooling, so many of us have questioned our instincts and decisions as to whether to send our kids back to in-person school or keep them at home. As working parents who may have to physically show up at work, the choice can be excruciating. It can also create much comparison between working moms in different situations, contexts, environments, as well as social and financial brackets. Yet another example of how so many working moms get stuck between a rock and a hard place…
As a working mom who’s had to go back to work a mere few weeks after the birth of both babies, and work outside of the home, comparison, hurtful, demeaning, and heartbreaking comparison are not foreign to me either. Like so many, it’s been, and still is at times, a struggle not to question my own parenting decisions and not to wonder how different things would have been if I had made different choices…Then I remember that as unique as my children and family are, so am I and so is my parenting style. That our kids learn and accept to be their unique selves and build their own unique life stories from our ability to learn and accept our own parenting stories…
While the self-doubt and guilt may always be there as a painful yet inherent part of our parenting, they don’t need to rob us of our joy, energy and purpose as working moms. Neither does comparing ourselves to other mothers and their own unique parenting style…There are a million ways to mother, and each one of these that is rooted in a healthy love, is as valid as the next…
Moving is a process. Moving with kids is…a very complicated process, which I had the opportunity to learn the hard way recently after 14 years in our beloved first home. Little did I anticipate the amount of work, frustration, and sheer exhaustion that comes with hauling over a decade of belongings, memories, and people (little and big) from one location to the next, while still “wifing”, mothering and working, not to mention looking somewhat human in the middle of a pandemic, in the process.
I remember moving as a child, and it seeming like the most exciting adventure, albeit my mother screaming in the background for us to get it together. Fast-forward a few decades, a couple of kids and one husband later, the sense of adventure was still there. Except this time, it was a different kind of adventure. The kind that makes you want to pull your hair out, pour yourself a glass of rose before lunch, as you still manage to wonder at the grace of God allowing you to stand on two feet and move forward…It’s also the kind that teaches you so much more than any HGTV home renovation show ever could, from how not to pack fragile glasses to how to keep your cool when you can’t find anyone’s underwear for days…
If you’ve gone through a move or two as a working mom without losing your sanity, first of all, you’re my kind of woman and I salute you. If you have, you’re also my kind of woman and I’m right there with you. In any case, I’m thankful, and you may be too, for the lessons learned in the process, some of which I have gathered below as my 10 Commandments of Moving as a Working Mom:
Thou Shalt Pack Well!
You don’t know the importance of proper packing until you tearfully unpack a box full of broken glassware, and there’s no one else to blame but yourself. As a repeat offender guilty of poor packing, I have changed my ways this time around, and have invested instead in Uhaul moving kits complete with boxes, tape and bubble wrap, plus the labeling markers to boot.
The upside to this is you can make the whole packing experience a fun process for the kids too. They will love to put boxes together, organize their own things and learn in the process too…
Thou Shalt Find the Right Moving Transportation
Here’s the thing with accumulating stuff for over a decade. Other than going through it all and packing it, you’ve got to physically move it from one location to the next. In the middle of a pandemic and with social distancing in effect, this was a real challenge! This is where booking the appropriate moving trucks through companies such as Uhaul or Zipcar comes in handy, reducing the number of trips you have to make and condensing the entire process.
This also helps to keep family life organized, as you can free up the use of your own car for work and family needs, and still be available for the kids’ activities.
Thou Shalt Get Help!
Moving is hard, and moving in the middle of a pandemic is extra hard. Hence the need for extra helping hands, which you can get from companies such as TaskRabbit, where you can get help with moving by vetted individuals right in your area.
As a working mom and a working parent in general, this is so important as time is such a precious commodity.
Thou Shalt Plan Ahead
If you can, allow yourself a week, or at least a couple of days between closing and moving in, especially if you’re both selling and buying at the same time. This will give you time to schedule any work that needs to get done before your kids start baptizing the new walls or experimenting with hammers and other construction tools.
In addition, don’t forget to plan ahead for mail transfer services, as well as to change your utility and phone services. Trust me, there is nothing like spending hours on the phone with your utility company as the kids are complaining non-stop about the lack of wifi in the house…
Thou Shalt Get Connected!
Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean life has to stop, which means work, emails, and kids’ cartoons still go on. Which also means you need to get connected at your new place, especially if you’re in the middle of a pandemic with nowhere else to go, and you’re also working from home…
This is where companies such as Verizon or AT&T for instance, can help in establishing your new or continuing connection, before your boss realizes you’ve missed about 100 emails and your kids go on a strike because they now have to use their imagination…
Thou Shalt Get organized
Organization, organization, organization! This seems to be the keyword when moving, especially when you cannot locate your toothbrush for a couple of days or have to hunt around for soap. It happens…
Instead of struggling to fit all the kids’ socks into one corner of a drawer, consider investing in organization essentials, such as shelving tools, closet accessories, and decorative storage from places such as The Container Store for example.
Thou Shalt Abort the Diet
The first few days after moving are hard enough without having to watch your waistline. Those are official non-diet days, during which services like GrubHub and HelloFresh delivering food or ingredients to your door are more than welcome. Besides, the kids will thank you for the occasional Chick-Fil-A dinner delivery and being able to still have Taco Tuesday in the middle of unpacking boxes…
If you really insist on whipping out your grandmother’s favorite rice and beans recipe, then you can always order groceries through Amazon Prime for Whole Foods or Peapod for instance.
Thou Shalt Consider DIY
A new home also comes with new…projects. Whether they are small or big, these may require you to do some level of DIY work. We’ve recently spent more time than I would normally care for at the likes of Home Depot and Bed Bath & Beyond . I’m actually growing to enjoy home décor and renovations quite a bit, and my new favorite place to hang out is Hobby Lobby. For larger construction projects, my brother-in-law put me on to Build.com, which I cannot recommend enough.
If like myself you’re not anticipating much DIY work, think again, there’s always something to adjust, fix, or put to your own taste when you change homes. This is also a great opportunity to involve the little ones, and make them feel part of the process as they’re getting accustomed to their new space…
Thou Shalt Furniture Shop On a Budget
For those of you upsizing, you may need to shop for new furniture, which also means additional expenses on top of all the other expenditures you’ve already faced. However, I’m finding that there are ways to shop for quality furniture on a budget. Some of my favorite places to do so include Ashley Home Furniture and Raymour & Flanigan for example.
If you’re working from home, you can get affordable, quality office furniture at places such as OfficeFurniture.com.
Thou Shalt take a break!
Lat but not least, taking a break from the whole ordeal of moving, especially as a working mom, is absolutely crucial. This moving thing is not a matter of a few days, weeks or months. It’s a marathon that may take longer than expected, especially when tackling DIY home improvement projects or re-decorating a larger space.
Take breaks whenever you can, and build in a self-care routine as part of your everyday schedule so you don’t burn the candle on both ends. Order yourself some spa and skincare goodies from Sephora, Ulta, or Birchbox. Or chill out with a movie on Hulu or Netflix.
Yes, moving is a process, especially as a working mom. Yet, with a bit of advance preparation and your own take on my 10 commandments of moving as working moms, we can all do it…without too much of our sanity left behind.
What are your best tips to move efficiently as a working mom?
PS: Please note this post includes some affiliate links, which means that if you purchase products or services through some of these links, I may get an affiliate commission. Please note I only recommend the products and services I believe in and hope will server you well.
It’s back-to-school time and it certainly is looking much different than any other back-to-school times we’ve experienced so far. We’re in the middle of a pandemic as a potentially life-changing election is looming near, and none of us has any idea what tomorrow will look like. As parents, and especially as working moms, this is not back-to-school as usual, it’s back-to-school as our tired minds and hearts can muster it. And frankly, at this point, we’ve been stretched so far beyond what we can take that we’re not sure how much more we can take…
As we plan for sanitized back-to-school lunches and super-hero-themed masks (or not), along with preparing for the threat of Zoom fatigue in our kids’ eyes, it’s hard not to feel the tight grip of parental anxiety and stress. As a matter of fact, it’s hard to get rid of it most of the time, as we admonish our little ones to wash their hands 100 times a day, and take the limits of safety and cleanliness as far as we can.
However, dealing with this anxiety is neither healthy nor sustainable for ourselves, our families and anyone who comes in contact with us. While we may have to learn to live with it, here are a few tips to alleviate it as we navigate through this back-to-school season like no other:
Obtain as much accurate information as possible
While none of us can predict tomorrow, getting as much accurate information from the right people as possible helps. This means getting better acquainted with official information from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), from your own state, city and town, as well as from your school department and particular school as well.
While there is a lot of misinformation on COVID-19, there are also reliable sources of information, especially those directly affecting our families and children that should be consulted periodically.
Don’t forget to take the kids’ perspective into account
It’s no wonder that this pandemic and current crisis has stressed and stretched working parents to the limit. Yet, it has also affected our children’s mental health and well-being, as they have seen their familiar freedom, habits and ability to socialize taken away from one day to the other.
This back-to-school season is not just different, but is also bound to be traumatic for many, if not most of us. This is where care comes into play. Not just self-care, but also family care for the entire family unit. This may take the form of regular family conversations, or some time away from each other, or maybe some therapy.
Setting up a family care program that encompasses everyone in the family may also help bring unspoken issues to the forefront, and help the entire family overcome this back-to-school season together.
How are you coping with this back-to-school season?
