This question, coming from the mouth of young children, can be jarring for many, if not most parents, especially in a tense and heated election season like the one we’re currently in. How do you talk about politics with kids? Should you even talk about it, and invade their still innocent minds with details of political tactics and self-interest? As parents, shouldn’t we instead shield them from all the political talk? It seems most parents would agree with the latter… According to a 2016 survey by Care.com, 90% of parents revealed they don’t discuss politics with their kids because they are too young to understand.
The reality is, children have a sense of understanding as young as the age of 3 years old, as confirmed by Purdue University Professor Emeritus of Child Development Dr. Judith Myers-Wall. By the time they reach pre-schooling age, children sense the existence of a political world. At this point, because they are already aware of a fundamental need for justice, some conversations cam begin to take place. While each kid differs in what they know and learn, mostly from interactions with and exposure from adults, most kids can be involved in healthy political discussions that they can understand and wrap their minds around.
As a protective mama bear, my first inkling was to shield my kids from politics. However, as I watch them grow, and be more inquisitive and passionate about justice, it’s become evident how important it is to teach them to think for themselves about politics. Here are a few ground rules, backed by expert advice on how I’m starting and continuing to talk about politics with my kids, and how I encourage you to do so as well:
Start with questions
Kids may hear a lot about elections from other kids and adults around. They may also have unanswered questions and thoughts about the process and its implications. This is why it’s so important to lead with questions, if only to better understand what they know and what they are curious about.
Asking them questions about this may also give them permission to talk about a subject they may have considered taboo.
Focus on offices, NOT people
Politics are most effective when we focus on the office and the good work that can be done through it. Instead of dwelling on personal differences with people and actors on the political scene, switch the conversation to the importance of political offices and how these can help make a positive difference in people’s lives.
Additionally, instead of talking about “good or bad” people, choose to discuss instead good and not-so-good ideas. This reinforces the idea that disagreements and differences of opinions can be constructive, without alienating people in the process.
Don’t shove your views down their throats
As parents, while we may want to teach our kids our own sets of values, we must also allow them to be their own people. While most children tend to adopt their parents’ views, offering kids a stable environment that is not biased towards one view as opposed to another can go a long way.
Teach them not to believe all that they hear
As we all know, politics can be treacherous terrains to tread on, filled with fear-mongering, manipulation and deception. This is also the reason why so many parents steer clear of the “political talk” with their children.
However, not preparing kids to deal with the treacherous nature of politics is doing them a disservice. Instead, introduce them to its biased nature, point out important issues and teach them not to take everything they hear or see at face value.
Teach them respectful free speech
While it’s crucial to emphasize and support free speech, it’s even more important to teach kids to make use of it in a respectful and decent manner. This is especially relevant in light of the disrespectful tone that has been smearing the political scene recently.
Emphasizing the need to respect other people’s opinion is instrumental in this, and providing good examples of political figures using positive and encouraging speech.
Prepare them to deal with challenging situations
Tough conversations around politics are going to happen, and preparing children to face these is paramount. Empowering kids to handle differences of opinions in a loving and inquisitive manner can go a long way. Teaching them that they can also walk away from unsafe situations when it comes to political conversations is also paramount.
All in all, talking to kids about politics can be a scary prospect as a parent. However, it’s a process that is not only necessary, but empowering for children and families.
How are you talking to kids about politics in this season?
As working moms, there is so much depending on us at the family, personal and professional level. It can also mean carrying oodles of responsibilities that sometimes end up hurting us more than help us. For those of us who may have perfectionist tendencies, this can also translate into struggling to let go of control, especially as working moms. This is all the more acute lately as so many of us are facing unprecedented circumstances in light of the current COVID-19 pandemic and dire economic situation.
This is something that like many other working moms, I have had to struggle with in my own journey. It’s so tempting to want to have a solid handle on most, if not all aspects, of our lives and work. However, as I quickly realized and as you may have as well, there is only so much we can control, especially when other humans are involved. Parenting and marriage especially have taught me, very often the hard way, that holding on to control can actually be more destructive than helpful. As a matter of fact, the longer I’ve been a working mom, the more acutely I’ve realized that relinquishing control is a blessing. It’s also an art that requires a solid sense of self, as well as conscious practice and skills over time.
Through conversations and resource-sharing with other working moms, as well as trial and error in my own experience, here are three of the most effective strategies I’ve learnt to let go of control as a working mom:
Pinpoint the source of your need for control
One of my working mom friends once asked me: “Have you ever asked yourself why you feel the need to control certain aspects of your life and work?” This was a wake-up call for me. We often fail to identify the why behind the way we feel or act, looking for solutions outside of ourselves instead of starting by looking within.
Have you ever asked yourself why it is so important for you to be in control? It may be stemming from childhood, or maybe from past disappointment, or from a sense of fear or anxiety about the future. Working on identifying the source of our need for control can go a long way towards helping us heal, and relieve some of the heavy pressure so many of us are under.
Get help
Sometimes, dealing with the pressure of having to hold all the pieces of our lives and work together can simply be too much. This is where asking for, and getting the help we need, can prove invaluable. It may simply be asking for help with kids’ pickup, or delegating a task to someone else at work, or even hiring a housekeeper periodically.
What can help you relieve some of the pressure you’re under and let go of some of the control that may be crushing you?
Invest in self-care
Self-care is vital for working moms, especially in the days we live in and the constant stress we face. It’s not just about bubble baths and mani-pedis, but about healing and restoring ourselves as often as possible.
Some of this self-care may take the form of therapy for some, or time away for others. Whichever form of self-care you choose, it should help you replenish yourself and let go of some of the crushing pressure you may be facing as a working mom nowadays.
How have you managed to let go of the need for control as a working mom?
Dear Working Mom is our periodic love letter to working moms everywhere, tackling some of the issues we deal with as working mamas and spreading love to all working moms out there…
How many times have you looked at what other moms are doing, questioning the validity of your own parenting style? How many times have you scrolled down social media pages, wondering at the glossy pictures of impeccably organized and stylish moms, while you were still dressing straight from the laundry bag? And how many times have you fallen victim to mom-shaming, either from yourself or other mothers?
The truth is, as working moms, and as parents in general, we’re constantly doubting our mothering abilities. While society and organizations shame and punish us for being ambitious, we tend to also shame and punish ourselves for not doing it all, and doing it all perfectly. This is also what pushes us to question ourselves, our decisions as mothers and working parents, as well as each other…
In these times of pandemic and remote schooling, so many of us have questioned our instincts and decisions as to whether to send our kids back to in-person school or keep them at home. As working parents who may have to physically show up at work, the choice can be excruciating. It can also create much comparison between working moms in different situations, contexts, environments, as well as social and financial brackets. Yet another example of how so many working moms get stuck between a rock and a hard place…
As a working mom who’s had to go back to work a mere few weeks after the birth of both babies, and work outside of the home, comparison, hurtful, demeaning, and heartbreaking comparison are not foreign to me either. Like so many, it’s been, and still is at times, a struggle not to question my own parenting decisions and not to wonder how different things would have been if I had made different choices…Then I remember that as unique as my children and family are, so am I and so is my parenting style. That our kids learn and accept to be their unique selves and build their own unique life stories from our ability to learn and accept our own parenting stories…
While the self-doubt and guilt may always be there as a painful yet inherent part of our parenting, they don’t need to rob us of our joy, energy and purpose as working moms. Neither does comparing ourselves to other mothers and their own unique parenting style…There are a million ways to mother, and each one of these that is rooted in a healthy love, is as valid as the next…
Moving is a process. Moving with kids is…a very complicated process, which I had the opportunity to learn the hard way recently after 14 years in our beloved first home. Little did I anticipate the amount of work, frustration, and sheer exhaustion that comes with hauling over a decade of belongings, memories, and people (little and big) from one location to the next, while still “wifing”, mothering and working, not to mention looking somewhat human in the middle of a pandemic, in the process.
I remember moving as a child, and it seeming like the most exciting adventure, albeit my mother screaming in the background for us to get it together. Fast-forward a few decades, a couple of kids and one husband later, the sense of adventure was still there. Except this time, it was a different kind of adventure. The kind that makes you want to pull your hair out, pour yourself a glass of rose before lunch, as you still manage to wonder at the grace of God allowing you to stand on two feet and move forward…It’s also the kind that teaches you so much more than any HGTV home renovation show ever could, from how not to pack fragile glasses to how to keep your cool when you can’t find anyone’s underwear for days…
If you’ve gone through a move or two as a working mom without losing your sanity, first of all, you’re my kind of woman and I salute you. If you have, you’re also my kind of woman and I’m right there with you. In any case, I’m thankful, and you may be too, for the lessons learned in the process, some of which I have gathered below as my 10 Commandments of Moving as a Working Mom:
Thou Shalt Pack Well!
You don’t know the importance of proper packing until you tearfully unpack a box full of broken glassware, and there’s no one else to blame but yourself. As a repeat offender guilty of poor packing, I have changed my ways this time around, and have invested instead in Uhaul moving kits complete with boxes, tape and bubble wrap, plus the labeling markers to boot.
The upside to this is you can make the whole packing experience a fun process for the kids too. They will love to put boxes together, organize their own things and learn in the process too…
Thou Shalt Find the Right Moving Transportation
Here’s the thing with accumulating stuff for over a decade. Other than going through it all and packing it, you’ve got to physically move it from one location to the next. In the middle of a pandemic and with social distancing in effect, this was a real challenge! This is where booking the appropriate moving trucks through companies such as Uhaul or Zipcar comes in handy, reducing the number of trips you have to make and condensing the entire process.
This also helps to keep family life organized, as you can free up the use of your own car for work and family needs, and still be available for the kids’ activities.
Thou Shalt Get Help!
Moving is hard, and moving in the middle of a pandemic is extra hard. Hence the need for extra helping hands, which you can get from companies such as TaskRabbit, where you can get help with moving by vetted individuals right in your area.
As a working mom and a working parent in general, this is so important as time is such a precious commodity.
Thou Shalt Plan Ahead
If you can, allow yourself a week, or at least a couple of days between closing and moving in, especially if you’re both selling and buying at the same time. This will give you time to schedule any work that needs to get done before your kids start baptizing the new walls or experimenting with hammers and other construction tools.
In addition, don’t forget to plan ahead for mail transfer services, as well as to change your utility and phone services. Trust me, there is nothing like spending hours on the phone with your utility company as the kids are complaining non-stop about the lack of wifi in the house…
Thou Shalt Get Connected!
Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean life has to stop, which means work, emails, and kids’ cartoons still go on. Which also means you need to get connected at your new place, especially if you’re in the middle of a pandemic with nowhere else to go, and you’re also working from home…
This is where companies such as Verizon or AT&T for instance, can help in establishing your new or continuing connection, before your boss realizes you’ve missed about 100 emails and your kids go on a strike because they now have to use their imagination…
Thou Shalt Get organized
Organization, organization, organization! This seems to be the keyword when moving, especially when you cannot locate your toothbrush for a couple of days or have to hunt around for soap. It happens…
Instead of struggling to fit all the kids’ socks into one corner of a drawer, consider investing in organization essentials, such as shelving tools, closet accessories, and decorative storage from places such as The Container Store for example.
Thou Shalt Abort the Diet
The first few days after moving are hard enough without having to watch your waistline. Those are official non-diet days, during which services like GrubHub and HelloFresh delivering food or ingredients to your door are more than welcome. Besides, the kids will thank you for the occasional Chick-Fil-A dinner delivery and being able to still have Taco Tuesday in the middle of unpacking boxes…
If you really insist on whipping out your grandmother’s favorite rice and beans recipe, then you can always order groceries through Amazon Prime for Whole Foods or Peapod for instance.
Thou Shalt Consider DIY
A new home also comes with new…projects. Whether they are small or big, these may require you to do some level of DIY work. We’ve recently spent more time than I would normally care for at the likes of Home Depot and Bed Bath & Beyond . I’m actually growing to enjoy home décor and renovations quite a bit, and my new favorite place to hang out is Hobby Lobby. For larger construction projects, my brother-in-law put me on to Build.com, which I cannot recommend enough.
If like myself you’re not anticipating much DIY work, think again, there’s always something to adjust, fix, or put to your own taste when you change homes. This is also a great opportunity to involve the little ones, and make them feel part of the process as they’re getting accustomed to their new space…
Thou Shalt Furniture Shop On a Budget
For those of you upsizing, you may need to shop for new furniture, which also means additional expenses on top of all the other expenditures you’ve already faced. However, I’m finding that there are ways to shop for quality furniture on a budget. Some of my favorite places to do so include Ashley Home Furniture and Raymour & Flanigan for example.
If you’re working from home, you can get affordable, quality office furniture at places such as OfficeFurniture.com.
Thou Shalt take a break!
Lat but not least, taking a break from the whole ordeal of moving, especially as a working mom, is absolutely crucial. This moving thing is not a matter of a few days, weeks or months. It’s a marathon that may take longer than expected, especially when tackling DIY home improvement projects or re-decorating a larger space.
Take breaks whenever you can, and build in a self-care routine as part of your everyday schedule so you don’t burn the candle on both ends. Order yourself some spa and skincare goodies from Sephora, Ulta, or Birchbox. Or chill out with a movie on Hulu or Netflix.
Yes, moving is a process, especially as a working mom. Yet, with a bit of advance preparation and your own take on my 10 commandments of moving as working moms, we can all do it…without too much of our sanity left behind.
What are your best tips to move efficiently as a working mom?
PS: Please note this post includes some affiliate links, which means that if you purchase products or services through some of these links, I may get an affiliate commission. Please note I only recommend the products and services I believe in and hope will server you well.
It’s back-to-school time and it certainly is looking much different than any other back-to-school times we’ve experienced so far. We’re in the middle of a pandemic as a potentially life-changing election is looming near, and none of us has any idea what tomorrow will look like. As parents, and especially as working moms, this is not back-to-school as usual, it’s back-to-school as our tired minds and hearts can muster it. And frankly, at this point, we’ve been stretched so far beyond what we can take that we’re not sure how much more we can take…
As we plan for sanitized back-to-school lunches and super-hero-themed masks (or not), along with preparing for the threat of Zoom fatigue in our kids’ eyes, it’s hard not to feel the tight grip of parental anxiety and stress. As a matter of fact, it’s hard to get rid of it most of the time, as we admonish our little ones to wash their hands 100 times a day, and take the limits of safety and cleanliness as far as we can.
However, dealing with this anxiety is neither healthy nor sustainable for ourselves, our families and anyone who comes in contact with us. While we may have to learn to live with it, here are a few tips to alleviate it as we navigate through this back-to-school season like no other:
Obtain as much accurate information as possible
While none of us can predict tomorrow, getting as much accurate information from the right people as possible helps. This means getting better acquainted with official information from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), from your own state, city and town, as well as from your school department and particular school as well.
While there is a lot of misinformation on COVID-19, there are also reliable sources of information, especially those directly affecting our families and children that should be consulted periodically.
Don’t forget to take the kids’ perspective into account
It’s no wonder that this pandemic and current crisis has stressed and stretched working parents to the limit. Yet, it has also affected our children’s mental health and well-being, as they have seen their familiar freedom, habits and ability to socialize taken away from one day to the other.
This back-to-school season is not just different, but is also bound to be traumatic for many, if not most of us. This is where care comes into play. Not just self-care, but also family care for the entire family unit. This may take the form of regular family conversations, or some time away from each other, or maybe some therapy.
Setting up a family care program that encompasses everyone in the family may also help bring unspoken issues to the forefront, and help the entire family overcome this back-to-school season together.
How are you coping with this back-to-school season?
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
First off, let me start by saying: We see you! We hear you! It’s been said over and over again that this pandemic has been particularly taxing for working moms. While for most of us, working from home during this pandemic is a saving grace, for many of us deprived of childcare, school and the help of our villages, it has been unbelievably hard. For those of us deemed essential workers, it’s been a matter of teetering at the edge of life and death on a daily basis. For all of us, it’s been one of the most, if not the most, challenging journeys of our lives. Hardest of all, has been the guilt we already feel continuously as working mothers, which only got amplified with the anxiety, stress and constant multi-tasking that became our new normal.
It’s the same guilt we, as working moms have been living with for decades, as the choice between work and family keeps being imposed to us by society and norms that still oppose gender equity. It’s the same guilt we feel when we seem to have it all, but constantly have to give one thing in exchange of satisfying another…A guilt that any crisis, especially one like the current pandemic, only serves to exacerbate in the worst way, as we painfully switch between professional focus and caregiver’s attentiveness to fulfill all our roles.
Yet, we’re doing the best we can. As a matter of fact, we’re doing more than the best we can. We’re going above and beyond, at the risk of our sanity, equilibrium and even health. We’re even quitting our jobs out of necessity, and yes, out of guilt…Yet, it’s time to break up with this destructive guilt we’ve been conditioned to experience, and give ourselves the permission to live our lives more fully.
Does this mean we have to be incompetent at being mothers or incompetent at our jobs? Are we then just destined to be stuck between the rock of motherhood and family, and the hard place of having to abandon our personal dreams and ambitions? Did that just sound selfish? No. All it means is we have to do what is best for ourselves and our families. And that, contrary to popular opinion, does not have to involve letting of purpose and personal fulfillment at the altar of perfect service. Or nourish unhappiness and disappointment at the expense of being fully present and appreciative as a working mother.
Because our kids and families want full mothers, happy mothers, purposeful and fulfilled mothers. Mothers who don’t drift through life regretting their dead dreams. Mothers who don’t live burdened by the guilt of not being everything to everyone.Mothers who don’t end up resenting others because they did not get the shot they deserved. Mothers who simply are, instead of merely existing to tackle the next task, the next chore, the next appointment.
Because if we want our kids to live full lives, we must also serve as examples. We must dare to live and tell stories that teach, that inspire, that edify. And guilt has no place in those stories…
Are you dealing with guilt as a working mother? Please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com, as we share our stories and encourage each other through our journeys as working moms.
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
You’ve been giving of your time and energy as long as you can remember. As a matter of fact, as long as anyone can remember…Subtly, and at times not so subtly, your time has been taken for granted. It’s been assumed that because you carry the load so well, it must not be that heavy. That you can handle the household chores, the kids’ education and care, your elders’ care, your career or business, and so much more, concurrently and well…Even with your partner at home, your load has become increasingly larger and larger, taking up every minute of the day, and most of the time not even allowing you a minute to yourself, to your dreams, to your personal ambitions, to the essence of who you are…
You may find yourself operating in catch-up mode most of the time, repeatedly picking back up what you had to drop to attend to unplanned emergencies, to the kids, or the house…Before you know it, that dream of writing the book, starting your own business, or opening that boutique, has faded in the background of punctual obligations and commitments. Meanwhile, it seems your partner’s time is too valuable to be at the mercy of the same unforgiving demands and requests of family and personal life…It’s made you question your own sense of worth and self-esteem, yet you’ve just kept plugging right along…
And you’re certainly not making this up either…Just in the past few months, according to a study by the Washington University in St Louis, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, working moms have had to reduce their hours by about 5%. As a result, moms also tend to work less hours than dads during this period, and will be more likely to quit their jobs and suffer from mental health consequences. You’ve known the heavy burden you carry is not good for you. You’ve known it for a long time, and may have even started growing resentful because of it…. You may even have started giving voice to your concerns, and started a conversation or two with your partner. There may even have been some progress made, but it may still not be enough…
Could it be that you may have to acknowledge, to yourself first, that your time is as valuable as your partner’s, or anyone else’s for that matter? That the self-sacrificial and worthlessness messages that you, along so many other working moms, have received from society, may have been flawed from the start? That it may start with believing you deserve more, and daring to have the difficult conversations, the challenges to the status quo, and to make the necessary changes to make room for you too?
Your time is valuable. Your time is worth being considered. Your time matters. Just as much as your partner’s…
