Have you ever wondered if you’d ever had to choose between motherhood and your career? If you’d ever had to roll the dice to decide of the best time to have the baby, or go for the promotion, or even change career paths to have more flexibility? Like many, if not most working mothers, you may have had to ask yourself these harsh, heart-wrenching questions. If you have, then you may have very well deal with the proverbial motherhood penalty. I know as a working mom, I certainly have…
In honor of International Women’s Day this year, I’m shining the light on the motherhood penalty, or the high, and highly unfair price working moms have to pay to simply be…well, working mothers. Now more than ever, especially with the COVID-19 pandemic, women are having to bear the burden of being both caregiver and having full-time jobs. In addition, they’re also faced with escalating childcare costs, limited maternity leave, and general caregiving costs that keep climbing as time goes by. As a result of the worsening of these conditions through the pandemic, too many working moms have had to drop out of the workforce, at a record tune of 2.2 million women leaving their careers in 2020.
In this context, I’m honored to partner with the Mirza platform, dedicated to educating and empowering working parents around the cost of raising families. In a survey conducted last month, Mirza found 73% of women thought having a child would hold them back in their careers. Furthermore, Mirza just released a research study entitled Rolling the Dice: Breaking Down the Motherhood Penalty. This research is based on a 2018 study by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, accurately titled Still a Man’s Labor Market, which investigated the gender pay gap over 15 years for the same men and women. By using a multi-year analysis, Mirza’s study found women actually earn $0.49 for every $1 that men make. Women who only took one year out of the workforce over this 15 year span saw their earnings dip 39% lower than women who worked straight through. This study confirms that women are literally rolling the dice professionally and biologically, at times having to start businesses or delay motherhood, which in and of itself can be a significant gamble.
To discuss the motherhood penalty in more depth, I’ve had the pleasure to interview Mel Faxon and Siran Can, co-founders of the Mirza Platform, on their journey creating the platform and their thoughts on the motherhood penalty:
Can you tell us about yourselves in terms of your professional background?
Mel: I am what you might call a “jack of all trades.” I graduated with a French and Foreign Affairs degree from UVA. I started out working in sports marketing, moved to a travel startup in Barcelona, worked at a James Beard award winning restaurant in Boston, worked for an EdTech startup in Denver, then was at a luxury travel startup for a few years before moving to London to get my MBA at London Business School. I’ve done sales, product management, process improvement, portfolio management, events, marketing – that’s the beauty of working in startups! You always get to do more than your job description and it’s a fantastic way to learn.
Siran: I was a Gender Studies major at Harvard and had expected to go into academia or nonprofit, but wanted to get some “real world” experience to bring to my work. What started as a short skills pursuit, learning management and operations, turned into a career. I built the driver support organization for Uber in New York and oversaw the support business for the US Northeast, was loving it, then life got in the way. My husband’s job moved us to London, where I got my Master’s in Social Business & Entrepreneurship at the London School of Economics. Hopefully Mirza is bringing it full circle now: integrating the work I wanted to do in women’s empowerment with the work I’ve enjoyed so much in my career.
2. What prompted you to start Mirza?
We are both of the Millennial generation of women, who have grown up being taught that “women can have it all.” But we’re also in a place where experts are projecting that it will take us another 108 years to achieve gender equality. Last January, we were talking about the obstacles that we and other women we know have faced, and really came down to “how can we be part of the solution?”
Our research brought us to the fact that the motherhood penalty is the leading cause of the gender pay gap, and after speaking with over 100 women, we realized just how much of a lack of resources there are around financial and career planning with this lens. By providing a tool for all parents, we are involving men – and that’s essential for actually changing things. We can’t keep continuing to put the onus on women to change things that are out of their control.
3. Motherhood penalty is the lesser known part of the wage gap. Can you tell us what the biggest issue with it is, and how it worsens the wage gap?
Absolutely! The motherhood penalty, or the steep decline in earnings a woman sees when she has a child, makes up 80% of the gender pay gap. What causes the motherhood penalty? A couple of things. The fact that we only offer maternity leave, instead of parental leave, so women default as the parent who takes time out of the workforce, and that compounds into huge financial losses in the long term. Women who took only one year out of the workforce earn 39% less than women who continue working straight through. We also don’t have PAID parental leave, so that’s a huge contributor. Infant care is also more expensive than public college in 33 states, so that financial strain on families tends to force one parent (usually the birth parent) to stay out of returning to work longer. Lastly, we still have a lot of cultural norms to overcome. The nuclear family dynamic is INGRAINED into the American psyche, and until we can get men on board to split parenting duties and household responsibilities equally, there’s only so much that structural change can do.
4. Would you agree the COVID-19 pandemic has increased the motherhood penalty? If so, how much and do you think we can recover?
Unfortunately, yes. Studies are showing that we’ve lost 30 years in progress towards gender equality. And studies are also showing just how hard women have been hit during COVID. 17% of working moms quit during the pandemic, and 1 in 4 of those still working plan to quit or downshift due to childcare needs.
The childcare piece is a key factor; so many centers were forced to close during the pandemic, and many of them closed permanently. Working parents are struggling to work, parent, and homeschool all at the same time – it’s why we’re seeing countless articles on burnout. The New York Times did a great series called The Primal Scream that really encapsulates this.
We’re facing the first “she-cession” and unless we pass litigation geared towards helping working moms and working parents, I don’t know how we do recover fully. Biden has proposed 12 weeks of paid parental leave, universal child care for three and four year olds and sliding scale childcare subsidies – we fully support this! But we need everyone to lobby behind it and get these proposals passed.
5. What were your findings in your research study entitled “Rolling the Dice: Breaking Down the Motherhood Penalty”?
So while we didn’t do our own research in this paper, we broke down and analyzed previously done studies to explain the motherhood penalty and the ramifications of delaying children. A 2020 study by Modern Fertility found that 49% of respondents were delaying having children, with many of them wanting to hit a certain milestone in their career – salary or level – before kids.
The main study we analyzed, by Liana Christin Landivar in 2020, was on the motherhood gap and first birth timing. The key takeaway is that for a select few, high wage, white-collar jobs, delaying children actually CAN help mitigate the motherhood penalty. However, for the majority of women, delaying children can actually cause more of a penalty. We flushed out the variance for four different professions, or the loss over a career of income based on delaying a child versus having one early.
We also wanted to highlight that while delaying a family can sometimes help professionally, it can also come with a very high physical cost. Our bodies are still made to have kids earlier, and the physical, mental, and financial toll of IVF is a serious side-effect of delaying.
At the end of the day, the most important thing to know is that this gamble women are making is NOT the answer. The answer lies in the structural changes we’ve already mentioned, and increasing labor force affiliation (i.e. telling women that it’s ok to love working).
6. How is Mirza helping working moms and working parents in general deal with the motherhood penalty and the wage gap in general?
Our app democratizes financial planning, the way it should be done: helping employees explore long term financial and family goals, with the compounding impact of years out of the workforce in mind. Parents access affordable childcare through our financial vehicle innovation (still in stealth mode!), and paired with our app to guide maximizing this new vehicle, unlock long term financial health.
On an individual level, by facilitating conversations between couples, we can help couples understand the long term impacts of their decisions around growing their family. We can help them visualize childcare, parental leave, and other decisions together, rather than defaulting to the birth parent taking time out of work/being the primary caregiver.
On an employer level, we can provide essential data to help improve retention of working parents as well as to help improve workplace policies for parents.
7. What is your best advice for working moms out there who may be afraid of rolling the dice between motherhood and career?
Remember that you and your partner are a team! Reframe the mentality that “it would cost more than my salary after tax to pay for childcare.” You have a household income, and you both contribute to childcare
Take the time to sit down and go through your values, career goals, life goals, on your own, then talk to your partner and build a plan to support each other as you grow your family. We made a great guide for this
Plan ahead! The motherhood penalty is real, but having plans with your partner around who takes leave when, your childcare plan, and a plan with your employer BEFORE you take leave is essential. We’ve also made a great guide for that, here
Talk to someone! We’ve built a community for parents, Mirza Connects, specifically for this – the ability to chat with other working parents about how they’ve navigated the same things. Your readers can join (for free!) here
It was such a pleasure learning more about the Mirza platform and its co-founders Mel Faxon and Siran Cao. For more information on the astounding and so necessary work they do, please visit Mirza and access their research report on Rolling the Dice: Breaking Down the Motherhood Penalty.
As I was preparing for a presentation on women at work , one of the recurring questions that came forth was: “Will this career allow me to be a mom and have work-life balance?” First, the term itself, work-life balance makes me cringe at every turn. In a modern society and at a time where the lines between work and life have been so blurred, especially during a pandemic with a predominantly virtual “new normal”, where is the balance to be found? Second, the mere consideration of women weighing motherhood against work is upsetting enough to take yet another coffee break. Truth is, working moms have been trapped by the false idea of work-life balance. And it’s high time it stopped…
As a working mom, like most, many, if not most of my career decisions have been shaped by motherhood. From transitioning careers, to letting go of travel and certain aspects of work not compatible with motherhood, it’s meant making choices that others did not have to make. What it also means is that these choices, and the doors they lead to, are predicated upon such a natural and human occurrence as becoming a mother. In the tight space between these difficult choices and motherhood, lies the dilemma of so many working moms being told to strive for an elusive work-life balance…As a result, young women are entering careers that are neither aligned with nor fulfilling to their purpose. Mid-career women are having to leave a part of their identity through work, having no choice but to save their families as caretakers. More experienced career women are being victims to even more false misconceptions, including ageism.
While the boundaries between life and work have become increasingly blurred, more and more working women are getting clearer about their priorities. As the resulting health, economic and mental crisis as disproportionately affected working women by shifting the caretaking and household burden almost exclusively on them, it also allowed for a reckoning of the issues faced by women. As such, it is also making the conversation around women and work, including work-life balance, louder and hopefully more constructive and conducive to real solutions:
Work-life balance is elusive
While the term work-life balance has been thrown around left and right for the longest time, the concept behind it is quite elusive in practice. How do you establish a balance between overlapping areas such as life and work? As a working mom, being at work inevitably means missing out on precious moments as a mother and caretaker. Conversely, stepping down from or reducing work obligations to devote more time to caretaking activities can be rewarding, yet it can also translate into lost dreams and delayed aspirations. There’s really no win-win here, and no true sense of balance…
Find what matters to you
At the end of the day, it’s less about establishing an artificial sense of balance and equilibrium, than it is about pursuing your own path and purpose. What matters to you may be insignificant or irrelevant to someone else, yet it may truly define what you are about. Identifying what truly matters to you and makes a real impact for you and others is key to escape the entrapment of a traditional work-life balance, and live life on your own terms.
Prioritize your well-being
The relentless search for work-life balance can often lead to exhaustion, as you strive to juggle the personal and professional in an endless quest for the perfect equilibrium. In all the loud arguments for and against work-life balance, true well-being may be left out of the loop. Each individual’s need for and understanding of their own well-being does not necessarily fit into the neatly folded corners of work-life balance. It’s often tucked somewhere in between moments of extreme busyness and eerie calm, or can be found in the exhilaration of goals accomplished or the tugging call of transitions. Whatever it is, and wherever it may be found, it is infinitely more important than a carefully studied idea of balance.
It is high time that the concept of work-life balance not only be re-visited, but even most importantly, held against the light of modern reality for working women and moms. If its goal was to help make the latter’s lives and work easier, then it should never become a prison of expectation and performance.
If you are a working mom during this pandemic, you certainly have been brutalized by this pandemic. From the lack of childcare to the exodus of women from the workforce, not to mention the astounding and growing imbalance of weight of household chores, the impact of this national crisis for women are mind-blowing. However, due to systemic inequalities affecting Black women, the latter have suffered compounded consequences of this motherhood pandemic within the larger pandemic we’re faced with. Black working moms are struggling at historical rates, and we cannot remain silent…
According to the April 2020 McKinsey “COVID-19: Investing in Black Lives and Livelihoods” report, African-Americans constitute especially vulnerable populations in the face of the pandemic. Black women in particular have to deal with an exacerbated dual burden both on the home and labor front, compounded with quarantine restrictions, school closures, childcare scarcity and household-related stress. This also increases the risks of domestic violence, as it is reported four in ten black women tend to suffer from domestic violence at the hands of an intimate partner, as compared to three in ten white women. Black women are also more prone to suffering from health issues and be affected by high maternal mortality rates, which has only been exacerbated by the pandemic.
While women occupy most of the occupations that have suffered the most from the pandemic, Black women held a disproportionate portion of these jobs. As a result, they also have experienced the most acute unemployment jumps and related gaps. Employment for Black women fell 18.2% for Black women, as compared to 16.7% for white women. In addition, Black and Latina women are most likely to either be the sole breadwinner in their families, or have their partners work outside of the home during the pandemic. Women have lost 1.28 jobs for every job loss by a male, and the recovery is not looking promising either with Black women returning to work 1.5 times slower than their white counterparts. While 71% of white women are reporting having enough income, only 52% of Black women are saying the same.
So how can we help?
Here are 22 organizations helping Black moms and families that can help:
Black Career Women’s Network: This leading national career development platform is dedicated to enhancing the professional growth of Black women;
National Coalition of 100 Black Women: Formed in 1981, this organization advocates for Black women in the areas of education, health and economic empowerment.
Black Women’s Health Imperative: Standing for health equality for all Black women and girls, this is the only national non-profit of its nature.
National Congress of Black Women: This non-profit institution invests in the educational, political and cultural growth of Black women and youth;
National Black Women’s Justice Institute: This organization’s mission is to reduce, through research and capacity building, racial and gender disparities in the U.S. criminal system.
National Council of Negro Women: Started in 1935 by Mary McLeod Bethune, this organization reached nearly 4 million Black women and has more than 30 affiliated Black women’s organizations.
The Black Women’s Agenda: This DC-based non-profit started in 1977 is committed to sharing and educating on social, economic and civil liberties affecting Black women.
National Association of Colored Women’s Club: This association of women of color is dedicated to uplifting women and families through their focus on community service, scholarship, and education.
Black Girls Code: This non-profit organization’s vision is to increase the number of women of color in Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (STEM).
The Loveland Foundation: This foundation provides therapy and other mental health resources For Black girls and women, and is headed by founded Rachel Cargle.
Sister Love: Sister Love’s mission is to “eradicate the adverse impact of HIV, sexual and reproductive health rights, and justice challenges” facing women.
Black Mamas Matter: Black Mamas Matter is a movement to advance black maternal health.
The National Birth Equity Collective: Helping Black children reach their first birthday and reducing the alarming Black maternal mortality rates is the goal of this organization.
Black Women’s Roundtable: This organization works to purse public policies to benefit Black women in areas related to health and wellness, education, economic security and empowerment.
Black Women’s Blueprint: This social justice organization provides access to resources for Black women to advocate against intersectionality issues.
Sista Midwife: Sista Midwife provides a directory of Black midwives and doulas, as research shows Black women using a Black midwife are at lower risk of C-section or preterm birth.
Black Women’s Wellness: Centered on empowering Black women through healing, empowerment and advocacy, this organization is based in Los Angeles.
Girl Trek: Girl Trek is a national health movement for Black women to change their lives through walking .
The Black Feminist Project: This project uses food and reproductive justice programming to empower Black women and girls.
The Black Youth Project 100: The Black Youth Project fights for freedom and justice for all, more specifically for Black women, girls, and the LGBTQ+ community.
National Black Child Development Institute: This institute works with Black children from birth to age 8 to offer them a brighter future through health and wellness education, literacy programs, and college readiness.
Black working moms are in crisis, and we ought to help. If you would like to add any organization or statistics to this list, please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com.
Dear Working Mom is our periodic letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about the challenges, joys and everything in between for working moms…
Dear Working Mom,
Remember when Miranda admitted to Charlotte in the Sex and the City sequel movie that although she loves her son, motherhood isn’t enough for her, and that she misses her job? And Charlotte finally steps out of her “perfect wife and mother” golden picture frame, to reveal how much motherhood is wearing her thin. Every time I watch the movie, this particular scene has me bawling and let out a sigh of relief all at the same time. Hearing some of the dirtiest, most shameful secrets of real motherhood finally expressed in raw, inelegant words, felt like a weight lifted off the back of the myth of sacro-saint motherhood.
If you’ve ever felt the impossibly immense love of a mother for her children, and yet sensed the pull of your passion, your art, your work tugging at your heartstrings, you may understand what this is. This often forbidden truth that the beauty of motherhood is also laced with complex emotions, desires and instincts. That as working mothers, we can miss our kids when we’re at work, while simultaneously love our careers. That we can be filled with the most complete love and joy for our children and families, while still sensing the pull and void of something else. That motherhood is beautifully complicated, that it can be everything and not enough at the same time, engulfing us whole at times and pushing us to want more out of ourselves at once…
If you’ve found yourself in this complicated, grey area where guilt and love coexist, you’re not alone. If you’ve dropped your baby off at the baby sitter after maternity leave and cried in your car before heading off to work, yet found a sense of purpose as you started working again, you’re not alone. If you’ve struggled with defining your identity within and outside of the confines of motherhood, you’re not alone. Most likely, this dilemma of a dance between identities may just last a lifetime. And you may never get the soothing answer to your doubts, the solution to your struggle, or the remedy to your situation…
Yet what you may know, through it all, is that you tried your very best. That even though you missed out some milestones because you were at work, you still were there when it counted. Even though you let go of some promotions, left some jobs, and bowed out of some opportunities, it was all worth it. And although when you’re at work, you’re not home, and vice-versa, you strive to be the best you can where you are…
Because it’s true, sometimes motherhood is everything, and sometimes it’s not enough…And it’s ok…
Welcome to our periodic letter to working moms everywhere, saluting their courage, resilience and beauty…
Dear Working Mom,
2020 certainly tried it, what with remote learning, job losses mostly impacting women, women-owned small businesses in peril, and a global health and race crisis wreaking havoc on the planet…You’ve had to put your goals aside, focusing instead on keeping your family safe, homeschooling your kids, and creating a decent space for your loved ones to live, work and study in together….From one day to the other, you were stripped of the very security and foundation you had in a stable society, a secure career, good health, and thrown into the uncertainty of an unknown disease, a crumbling economy, racial unrest, and most of all, a heart-wrenchingly worrisome outlook for your children…
You’ve had to un-learn your old normal, and learn to navigate an unpredictable tomorrow. Zoom calls have become your new day-to-day, and exhaustion the price of making the “unworkable” work for everyone else, often forgetting yourself in the process. You’ve had to carry the weight of racial unrest and political tension, without the support of friends and family you’ve had to stay away from for the sake of mutual protection. You’ve watched some of your relationships crumble, revealing the harsh pull of distance and time, as you’ve coped with maintaining some sanity and peace in and around you…
Yet, you’ve made it! You’ve closed yet another year, albeit maybe one of the most challenging thus far. Despite still facing much uncertainty, you’ve managed to start anew, renewing your hope, starting from experience and hard lessons learned…
While this year may not bring back much of a sense of normalcy, as we knew it, it may spell a new beginning towards a stronger, more resilient, more flexible and adaptable you. Maybe the old normal was not working, as it was, what with our over-burdened schedules and chronic exhaustion. And maybe what we’re after is not really a new normal, with new incongruencies and excesses of its own.
Maybe what 2021 is offering us, is the opportunity, after surviving 2020, to thrive by re-inventing the processes, systems, and norms that held us captive before.
Re-invent the type of care we give ourselves and others.
Re-invent the way we work and define success.
Re-invent the thought patterns that made us who we are.
Re-invent the way we mother and nurture our families.
Re-invent the space we ought to take in the different spaces of our lives.
Re-invent the relationships that define us.
Re-invent the way we accomplish our purpose and reach our goals.
Re-invent the way we choose to live.
Dear Working Mom,
2020 tried it, and you survived it. Now it’s time to thrive…
The older I got, the more I realized how precious of a commodity time is, especially as a busy working mom. One of the things that often gets overlooked is our self-development, sacrificed at the altar of all the other obligations of my life. The more I also realized that if I wanted to continue to grow and develop myself into the best version of who I am called to be, I would need to invest in my own self-development in and outside of work.
As a busy working mom, it’s always been important for me to continue to invest in my personal development, so I could be happier, more purposeful, and more present as a mom, wife, friend, sister. One of the most frequent complaints I hear from fellow working moms is their fear of losing themselves completely once they partner up or have kids. Personal development can go a long way towards remaining true to yourself, and actually adding to what you bring to the table of your parenting, partnership and relationships in general.
Here are 10 ideas of on-the-go activities you can use to develop yourself in your spare time as a busy working mama:
Meditate, pray and journal
Meditation, prayer and/or journaling can go a long way towards personal development. Taking some time daily to explore your inner thoughts, feeling, mindset, goals and aspirations not only brings clarity, but also helps in feeling more centered and purposeful.
Update your financial goals
Got 10 minutes or more? Take a few moments to quickly check your budget, bank balance and financial goals. A little bit periodically adds up to a lot over time when it comes to your finances…
Work out for a half hour
Health is wealth, and working out for at least half an hour three times a week is a powerful way to develop ourselves not just physically, but also mentally.
Plan out your schedule
Planning out your schedule has been proven to help get clear on your purpose, prioritize tasks reducing procrastination and even help save money. It doesn’t have to take long either, and can be done in a matter of minutes.
Read a self-development, business or career book for 15 minutes a day
Despite all the technological advances made so far, nothing compares to stimulating your imagination and learning while reading a book. While reading a book cover to cover in one sitting may be virtually impossible as a working mom, reading a chapter a day, or just 15 minutes a day, can go a long way.
Take a course
Nowadays you can educate yourself on the go if you just have a reliable Wi-fi connection, a working laptop and/or phone. Platforms such as Coursera, Udemy, or Edx. Learning a language on the go is now much easier with tools like Rosetta Stone or Babbel.
Listen to a podcast
I discovered podcasts a few years back when trying to occupy my long commutes, and have not looked back ever since. Some of my favorites are Sarah Jakes Roberts’ Woman Evolve, Harvard Business Review’s Women at Work, and Brown Ambition.
Catch up with friends and family
Got a minute? Take some time to message or call a friend or family member. In an increasingly virtual and remote world, re-establishing regular human contact, even if for a few minutes on the go, can be a much needed booster.
Listen to an audiobook on the go
Another perk of long commutes or just having a few spare minutes is the ability to listen to audiobooks on platforms such as Audible for instance. When time is too limited to read an entire book, why not listen to it? While I admit I still prefer a good ol’ paper book, taking in an audiobook on the go also does the trick.
Netflix and chill
Last but not least, how about a regular session of Netflix and chill to catch up on your favorite movies or documentaries, while getting in some well-deserved relaxation and maybe an educational resource or two in the process.
What are your favorite ways of developing yourself on the go?
Dear Working Mom is our periodic love letter to working moms everywhere, where we encourage and support working moms through the issues and challenges they face.
Dear Working Mom,
You know the feeling…That tightness in your chest as the holidays approach and you mentally start adding up the litany of tasks to complete, gifts to purchase and various other obligations to attend to…The stress of getting everything done on time, from organizing the perfect Christmas to meeting all your work deadlines…You know it all too well, this nagging sensation of running a marathon without taking a break, and making it look easy and flawless in the process…They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year, but for you, it may also be the most stressful time of the year…
This year, the holiday season may look different, what with the pandemic and distress associated with it, increasing the already intense stress so many working moms feel around this time of year. Worrying about the safety of family and friends while still striving to preserve holiday traditions and somewhat of a sense of normalcy has now become the hallmark of what should be a joyous time of togetherness and celebration. This is in addition to the already heavy job loss, childcare and societal burden working moms like yourself have been saddled with as a result of the pandemic…
In spite of this onslaught of pressure, and maybe because of it, this holiday season may just be the reminder you need to put your sanity first. Maybe the stakes are so high in this season, from health to financial and human connection concerns, that they are forcing you to reconsider what you’ve been doing all along. Maybe this season is reminding you (along with all of us) that desperately attempting to control it all under the guise of apparent success is an exercise in futility after all. Instead, it may just be a loud call to preserve your sanity instead, cherish who and what truly matters, and re-invent an otherwise stress-filled time of unending errands and to-do’s into an intentional and purposeful family and personal time…
So, dear Working Mom, ‘tis the season to re-consider your holiday to-do list.
‘Tis the season to re-invent the holidays for yourself and your family.
‘Tis the season to preserve your sanity, your well-being, your joy and everything that makes you you…
Even if that means swapping perfect decorations for homemade paper ornaments crafted on the floor with the kids…
Even if that means disappointing a few people but finally approving of yourself…
Especially if that means being more present, more fulfilled, more you…
