For most working women and moms, having a flexible schedule is a blessing. It can also quickly turn into a curse if, and when, not managed well. Trying to fit in everything that could possibly fit into your schedule, or on the other hand, underestimating what needs to be done and wasting precious time, can both wreak havoc on your time, energy and self-esteem. As a result, flexibility can be a trap for so many working women and moms, who can end up overworked, frustrated and exhausted from it.
As much emphasis is being put on affording working mothers a more flexible schedule, what is not talked about as much is what it can cost the latter. On one hand, due to subjective work and gender-related negative perceptions about remote work and flexible schedules, the lessened face-to-face time has been shown to hurt working women’s advancement and promotion prospects in the workplace. On the other hand, while a more flexible schedule allows working moms the latitude to handle their various responsibilities, it also requires them to carefully plan ahead and manage their newfound flexibility. The latter is a significant challenge for many working moms who often feel a need to overcompensate for it, and don’t always have the tools to efficiently use it.
Managing the blessed trap of flexibility is an exercise in discipline, focus, but also self-awareness. Here are three tips that can help:
Set “sacred” areas for work, life and relationships
Flexibility can give us the impression that we have all the time in the world to get everything done. This is when the various areas, priorities and demands of our life and work can get mixed up in a feverish mishmash of to-do’s. As a result, while we may end up genuinely doing a lot, we may also miss out on the most important tasks and priorities, and work ourselves right past what truly matters, both personally and professionally.
This is why it is so important to set “sacred” areas and times for work, life and relationships. Professionally, it may be a matter of defining what our most important work is, and dedicate the best and most time to it. Personally, it’s a matter of also understanding what our non-negotiables are, including family time, rest and entertainment too.
Define flexible yet clear boundaries
The advantage of having a flexible schedule is that we get to organize it ourselves without too many outside impositions. The drawback of a flexible schedule is also that we get to organize it ourselves, and as such may overlook the crucial boundaries needed to maintain our sanity, productivity and efficiency. We’ve all seen examples of overworked mothers during the pandemic go from one personal to professional task without missing a beat until all hours of day and night, yet while totally dismissing the all-too necessary boundaries between work and life.
Establishing clear yet flexible boundaries adapted to our sometimes unpredictable schedules as working moms is not just a life-saver. It’s also a precious opportunity to understand, delineate and continually work on the time, energy and productivity that go into both our personal and professional lives.
Resist the temptation to over-commit
One of the constant temptations brought on by a flexible schedule is that to overcommit. As we have flexibility to structure our schedules ourselves, we also often fall prey to the “yes” syndrome, acquiescing to every and all demand and request on our time.
This is where learning and practicing the art of saying “no” comes in handy. While it is a challenge for many working moms accustomed to serving as sources of support and help in so many personal and professional capacities, it’s also absolutely necessary to distinguish between what we have the bandwidth to do and what we cannot fit in to our schedule. This avoids many a frustration, disagreement, or mismanaged task due to lack of time, energy or sheer capacity. To alleviate the discomfort that can be created by the prospect of declining a request or demand, asking for some time to think about it can help.
How are you managing the traps of flexibility as a working mom?
Working mothers are hitting a wall during and as we slowly emerge from this pandemic. Millions among them are exiting the doors of their hard-earned careers for lack of adequate childcare and support. Many more are silently caving under the pressure of wearing too many hats while still having to uphold the very fabric of our families and societal structures. In the midst of all this pressure, the very concept of mothering has been made incredibly more complex than ever, what with the forced necessity to homeschool children while in quarantine, the instability of schools, educational institutions and governments, and the ever-looming threat of economic precariousness, political volatility, and health scares…
The beautiful gift that is mothering has become fraught with uncertainty, pressures and distractions of all kinds, from social media debates on the validity of vaccines to the need to do it all for our children, families and careers without ever skipping a beat…The result? Working mothers are exhausted. Not from the exhaustion that requires a day (or a month) off, or a nice vacation in a far-away tropical location with exotic beaches and strong cocktails…Rather, working moms are in dire need of a simplified, more balanced, less mentally, physically and emotionally tyrannical idea of what parenting ought to be in the 21st century…An idea that demands re-imagining the concept of motherhood down to its essential basics, rather than up to unattainable ideals of performance.
How do we re-imagine, then, a simpler idea of working motherhood than the one we’ve been grappling with for the past 18 months, and frankly, for years before that?
The first step here is admitting to ourselves that we’ve pushed ourselves, often through no or little fault of our own, way past the brink of over-exhaustion. In sometimes desperate attempts to prove we can have it all, so many of us have, consciously or not, subscribed to an elusive idea of performative motherhood anchored in perfectionism, guilt and laced with heavy hints of imposter syndrome.
The second step is to realize at the end of the day that although we can have it all, we can’t have it all at the same time…That everything is a trade-off… That some seasons might have us trade our purpose and fulfillment for our families, while others may have us stepping on the gas of our calling as our little ones learn to fly off the nest on their own…That all in all, even as we may count some as losses and others as gains, nothing is wasted in the building of the unique mothers birthed and grown out of our unique experiences and callings…
Last but not least, simplifying the idea of modern motherhood requires us to make peace with and embrace the uncertainty and change that are not only at the core of motherhood, but has also been our reality for the past 18 months. Understanding that change is the only constant, especially as working moms navigating a precarious global health crisis, not only helps us keep our sanity; but also helps us model a nimbler, more flexible and adaptable way of working and living.
Are you re-inventing a simplified approach to work and life?
If you are a working mom yourself, the mental load involved in running a household and caring for children is no surprise to you by now. Truth is, many working moms feel quite alone carrying this invisible load, as their partner and society at large are often blissfully unaware, or unwilling to acknowledge, the strain they are under on a near-constant basis.
What does this invisible mental load look like? On any day, it may go from having to remember the kids’ doctor appointments, activities, grocery lists, clean (or not so clean) laundry, to having to improvise when a child is sick or an emergency presents itself. This is on top of holding a full-time job, trying to advance one’s career, caring for family and relatives, and attempting to be a decent human being overall. No wonder so many working moms end up feeling drained, exhausted, and resentful at the end of the day…
This mental load is also part of the reason why many working moms are not able to achieve their full potential, losing the race towards their purpose before it even starts. It also certainly has contributed to the working mom exodus we’ve witnessed during the COVID-19 pandemic. The unequal distribution of this mental load, along with its physical baggage of household chores, childcare and elderly care, is no longer sustainable in families increasingly relying on two incomes. Neither is it sustainable in a society where women constitute half or more of the population, and play a crucial role at all levels, including socially, economically, and politically.
Protecting working moms and their potential then requires equalizing the mental load between household partners. This is no easy feat, as the structural, societal, political and economical structures we’ve been socialized in, and are still living, heavily contribute in perpetuating it. In some instances, crises such as the COVID-19 pandemic tend to even accentuate it. There is no doubt then that equalizing the mental load between partners is more of a process of undoing archaic systems, beliefs and behaviors ingrained in individuals, communities and organizations for centuries. These are antiquated systems even we, as working moms, still adhere to and often unconsciously co-sign and perpetuate to our own detriment. However, it’s also a process that can reap so much fruitful progress, finally opening the door to working moms’ potential, and changing the narrative for so many little girls and boys watching their own mothers for cues for the future.
Here are a few ways to get started:
Acknowledge your own invisible mental load and beliefs
Many, if not most working moms do not acknowledge their invisible mental load until it’s almost too late and they’re too angry to get past it. Don’t get me wrong, in most instances, the anger is justified. So is the sheer exhaustion and pain hiding behind it. This is where acknowledging in an honest, concrete and pragmatic way the actual weight, impact and effect of this load come into play.
It’s hard to understand the true extent and impact of it until one takes a good, hard look at what life really is like on a day-to-day basis. It may be a matter of making a list of all the demands on one’s time on a day-to-day basis, and concretely make an honest assessment. The latter also requires honestly assessing the role one plays in carrying, even hoarding this mental load, as we often unconsciously subject ourselves to it for fear of stepping away from the “norm” as we’ve always known it.
Have an honest conversation with your partner
This may be the most challenging part by far in this process of equalizing the invisible mental load in one’s partnership. Making someone else see and perceive the heaviness of your experience, especially the parts of it that are not readily apparent to others, is no easy feat. Considering how traditional gender roles have been constructed over time, it can be even harder to challenge the status quo and preconceived notions.
Implement a process
The most effective way to tackle equalizing the invisible mental load as partners is to implement a proactive, concrete plan. Just talking about it is barely enough. Instead, getting deep into the nitty-gritty of daily tasks, concerns and questions is crucial. This may be a matter of designating who’s responsible for making and keeping appointments, who makes the phone calls, or who picks up and drops off on what days…Ideally, the distribution of tasks and responsibilities would align with each partner’s areas of strength and what they enjoy doing, so they can actually keep doing it for as long as possible.
Check in and recalibrate periodically
Processes are not infallible. Processes that challenge what most of us have been accustomed to from infancy are even less infallible. So many working moms report attempting to equalize the invisible mental load with their partners, only for things to return to the unsustainable normal it was before. This is why it’s so important to check in with each other, and re-calibrate as often as possible.
All in all, equalizing the invisible mental load for working moms is not only necessary, but it should be a priority for working moms, partnerships, and society in general to thrive. As life gets increasingly complex, it’s becoming a matter of survival for families, and an imperative in raising well-balanced children.
Dear Working Mom is our periodic love letter to working moms everywhere, dealing with motherhood, career, and lifestyle topics…
Dear Working Mom,
You may have considered the next step in your career for quite some time now. You may have asked yourself a thousand different questions, and imagined a thousand different scenarios. How would this change affect your family? How would the kids react? Would you still be able to keep the same schedule? Who would pick up the kids? What would you be missing out on? So many questions swirling in your head, mixed in with the anticipation and fear of moving to the next level of your career…
You’re certainly not alone…Right there along with you, are countless women playing the chess game of working motherhood. One in which career and life decisions carry more than their weight of implications, ramifications and consequences. For a working mom, a career decision is not just a career decision. It’s a family choice, a community perspective, with deeper and more impactful ramifications than one could imagine, from smaller logistical consequences such as picking up and dropping off the kids to school, to larger outcomes such as the choice to have a baby or the survival of a marriage.
Yes, taking the next step in your career as a working mom is a heavy decision, even with the world’s accolades and the support of your closest ones. The quiet, compulsive voice of motherhood guilt, rendered louder by years of societal conditioning, still raises its discouraging tone at every turn. So does the silent judgment of those unable or unwilling to accept your growth and progress…
Yet, your battle is not with the decision at hand. Neither is it with the opportunity in front of you. Your battle, the real battle, is with the voice of guilt threatening to overtake the purpose and vision set aside for you. It is with the silent judgment of those who deny you the power to expand into the fullest version of yourself. Most importantly, it is with the version of yourself that still believes in the guilt, the judgment, the inadequacy that were never yours to carry.
Dear Working Mom,
Don’t be afraid to take the next step, to move forward and grow in your purpose. Your work matters. While it may mean that some things may have to change, even that some hard choices may have to be made, when growth is possible and feasible, don’t let it slide. Not out of fear, not out of guilt, not out of judgment…
Not out of anything that may rob your children, your family, your community, from witnessing what is possible for women who dare to take the next step, against all odds.
What is the next step in your work, and are you afraid to take it? Share your story with us. Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com
Disclaimed: Please note this is a sponsored post. I may be compensated if you use the links in this post to make a purchase. Thank you for reading!
If you’re a working mom, and have ever gotten home after work, and stood in front of the fridge wondering what in the world of nutritious and tasty meals you could whip up in about 30 minutes, you’re certainly not alone…I’ve certainly been there, especially considering that I’m not the most creative or skilled cook out there…
I remember running to pick up the kids after work, only to face terrible traffic with cranky little ones in the back of the car, sometimes running to extracurricular activities and sports before getting home. This was all to get home just a short couple of hours or less before bed time, and squeeze family time, dinner, bath and bed time in a record amount of time. As African immigrants whose traditional recipes tend to be quite elaborate, cooking can be quite time-consuming.
According to this U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics survey, women tend to handle the bulk of grocery shopping and cooking in the household. As a matter of fact, mothers are the household members usually in charge of meal preparation, compared to only 19% of men preparing meals. On average, moms spend 68 minutes a day cooking meals, as compared to 23 minutes for dads. This pattern is consistent among both households with children and childless couples.
As working moms, getting good food on the table on a daily basis while juggling work, house chores, administrative tasks and healthy relationships, not to mention our own self-care, is certainly an exercise in flexibility, resilience and creativity. Even for the most efficient of moms and parents our there, daily meal freshness is not always possible, as we can be tempted to batch otherwise healthy meals to save time and maintain some level of a sane schedule. As a result, mealtime can often turn into a stressful time, instead of allowing for the fun of togetherness and healthy nutrition. Considering how limited the time we spend together as working families is, reclaiming meal time is essential.
This is where Yumble Kids comes in. Created by Joanna Parker, a mom of three who, like the rest of us, understands the pressure of spending hours every day planning and cooking healthy and delicious meals for our kids. Like so many among us, she understood perfection as a mom is not only impossible, but unnecessary. So she came up with a solution. Nutritious, delicious and ready-to-heat and eat meal choices requiring zero cooking but making possible lots more quality family time…
To do this, Yumble strives to deliver meals right to your doorstep that combine the freshness of regionally-sourced ingredients, the sustainability of 100% recyclable packaging, and the balance of healthy and yummy recipes…All this freshly delivered in a refrigerated box with a fun and engaging packaging…Speaking of fun, Yumble also goes above and beyond by sending out kid-approved activity extras, such as table topics and sticker sheets so the whole family can be entertained…
The best part? All the meal subscriptions are flexible, so you can order when you need to, and cancel or snooze too. The prices are quite reasonable, ranging from $7.99 a meal for 6 meals a week, to $5.99 a meal for 12 meals a week. You basically select a plan based on the number of meals desired, and your kids can choose from the weekly menu. The food is cooked and delivered to your doorstep every week. All you have to do? Refrigerate and heat for 90 to 120 seconds before serving.
I have to say, my kids loved the options available, and so did I. Who here does not eat their kids’ food, seriously? Our favorites as a family include the Creamy Mac and Trees (mac’n cheese and broccoli), the Vegetarian Bean Burrito and the Cheesy Veggie Casserole.
Overall, we enjoyed the delicious and nutritious meals, and the break it gave us from having to come up with good, healthy and fresh food every day. While as a family, we will still be cooking at home and bonding over our traditional African recipes, mostly on weekends and holidays when we have more time, we definitely welcome the yummy break and extra quality meal time during otherwise packed weekdays…
Have you ever felt absolutely exhausted, even after getting a full night’s sleep? Do you feel like you can’t quite seem to recharge your batteries, no matter how many #selfcare threads you post on social media? Has the pandemic made it even worse, especially as a working mom juggling working from home, childcare and household chores? Not to mention new COVID strains, vaccine rollouts and an overall stressful “new normal”…
I was recently both surprised and relieved to discover we need more than a full night’s rest to actually recharge. While the common misconception around rest revolves around sleep, it’s a relief to learn there are other ways to recuperate from the strain and stress of daily life, especially as working women and moms during this pandemic.
If you’ve wondered about getting more quality rest, you may want to consider these seven types of rest:
If you happen to constantly juggle a flurry of thoughts in your mind, you may need more than just a good night’s sleep. You may also need some serious mental rest. Developing the habit to take short breaks throughout the day can go a long way toward helping you to recharge mentally.
I’ve learnt to take mental breaks throughout the day, and rewarding myself with a special treat such as a delicious cup of Simplicity tea.
Sensory Rest
If the COVID-19 pandemic has stolen one thing from us, it’s definitely our ability to get as much sensory rest as we need. Working from home and homeschooling kids has forced most of us into a daily habit of staring at screens, thus putting our senses at work constantly. Just allowing ourselves to close our eyes for a few moments every day can help.
After so much time spent in front of electronic devices during the pandemic, I’ve started shutting down and banning all laptops and phones at a specific time every day.
Creative Rest
Creativity is an amazing gift, but it also requires significant amounts of energy, which can leave us depleted and drained. Remembering to take a pause and doing absolutely nothing at times can not only provide us with the creative rest we need, but it can also let ideas marinate and mature.
Sundays are my creative rest days, when I try to do the least possible intellectual work and instead let my brain observe a break.
Emotional Rest
Emotions can be powerful. Yet, most of the time as working women and moms, we’re so accustomed to being strong that we fail to acknowledge the way we feel. As a result, we end up exhausted as we strive to wear a mask of perfectionism and constant self-reliance. Giving ourselves the space and time to take off the “strong woman” mask” and show up in our vulnerable authenticity can go a long way towards helping us feel more rested.
For me, getting some emotional rest has been using therapy as a healing and self-development tool, and allowing myself to rely on a group of trusted friends.
Social Rest
Social life is both fulfilling and draining. This is especially true for working women and moms who act as caretakers, and wear so many social hats. With the advent of social media, our social life has expanded into virtual spaces that pull us down into abysses of extra busyness and over-stimulation. This is where taking a break from social activities and social media is a powerful self-care and healing tool.
As an introvert, the need to take serious social breaks is very real. Cultivating relationships and developing a schedule that welcome these breaks has been key.
Spiritual Rest
Last but not least, we all need to be connected to something larger than us. Something that makes this life meaningful, and provides us with a deeper sense of purpose. As such, it’s crucial that we find time, in the midst of our busy everyday lives, to keep this spiritual connection alive. It may be through a walk in nature, a meditation practice, or just a few minutes of quiet every day.
Prayer is my favorite way to get some much-needed spiritual rest every day. Making it an integral part of my schedule has been instrumental to not losing touch with my spiritual side.
As working women and moms, unexplained exhaustion does not have to be our normal. Instead, better understanding the types of rest we need can help us acquire and practice the right habits to gain our energy, strength and motivation back.
Could you identify with any of the types of rest listed above? What can you do to increase the amount and type of rest you get?
How do you teach confidence when you have to learn it yourself?
How do you show up confidently in your personal life, especially as a mother, when you struggle with confidence in your career?
What do you do to fill up the gap between being your most confident self and teaching your kids to be confident as a working mom?
If you’re a working mom who’s ever struggled with a lack of confidence, you may have asked yourself one, or many, of these questions. You may especially be asking yourself these questions during current times plagued with a global pandemic, social justice and racial discrimination concerns. As a minority mom, modeling self-esteem can be even more of a process, as you’re trying to heal from the trauma of racial events happening across the world.
As a minority working woman, becoming a mom not only exposed me to my own lack of confidence at the time, but also encouraged me to address and work on it. Over the years, it has become a blessing in disguise, as I have had the opportunity to learn more about confidence, so I could in turn teach and pass it on to my own children.
Through my conversations with other working women and moms who have also struggled with confidence in and outside of work, as well as my own experience, here are 7 tips to teach confidence to kids as a working woman, even if you’re working on your confidence:
Be self-aware
Being self-aware is the first step to building and teaching confidence, especially to children. Children can see right through the human façade, which makes it even more important to better know yourself.
Work on your own mental health
Beyond being self-aware, working on one’s mental health and sense of self-esteem is crucial to building, and modeling a growing sense of confidence. From prioritizing self-care to investing in therapy, protecting and enhancing one’s mental health is central to raising confident and healthy children.
Allow your kids to be who they are
Being confident also means accepting yourself as you grow and evolve. It also means teaching our children to be exactly who they are instead of boxing them into an idea of who we want them to be.
Make love and acceptance the center
Modeling love and acceptance by accepting ourselves first, is at the center of educating children into being more confident. Motherhood is a road paved with mistakes, do-overs, failures, but also with incredibly fulfilling and rewarding opportunities to grow, learn and evolve.
Embrace imperfection
Through our own journey of motherhood, imperfection is par for the course. Embracing this imperfection, both on our part and that of our children, is key to passing along the message that the goal is not perfection but progress.
Show don’t tell
We teach our children confidence by modeling it, rather than telling them about. It’s through our actions, more than our words, than kids learn. Doing the work that allows us to show up as our most authentic selves is also the most effective, and powerful, way to teach our children to trust and esteem themselves.
Follow your own motherhood path
As working women often subject to society’s sexist and often antiquated messaging, learning to truly know, appreciate and trust ourselves is a process. It’s one that requires shedding many of the layers of conformism imposed by societal groups and the environments we are exposed to.
Overall, teaching confidence to our children starts with doing the work ourselves, and modeling it in the best way possible, especially when still struggling with it.
How are you managing to teach confidence to kids as a working mom still learning to be confident?
