“Girls, I know it has not been easy as I have tried to navigate the challenges of juggling my career and motherhood. And I fully admit that I did not always get the balance right. But I hope that you have seen that with hard work, determination, and love, it can be done … I love you so much.”
Her simple, yet wisdom-filled words, echoed what so many of us, as working moms, fear: not to get it right, to somehow miss it. “It” being this elusive, perfect balance between motherhood and career, this impossibly taxing juggling act we desperately try to master yet end up feeling guilty about much of the time.
It’s this heavy weight of society’s expectations, coupled with our own, that crushes us as we run from home to the office, and vice-versa. Most of all, it’s the disappointment and guilt at the end of the day, weighing our own often unrealistic plans against what we managed to accomplish, feeling it’s never enough. That there’s never enough time, enough energy, enough patience, enough discipline, to get it all done, and get it all done well…And that somehow that makes us not enough as mothers, as career women, as individuals…This can be a crippling feeling, one that can leave us constantly chasing endless tasks, to-do’s, and even recognition and reassurance…
The reality is, we never had to get the balance between career and motherhood right, for the simple reason it doesn’t exist. We may miss the baby’s first steps because we’re at work. Or we may not make the executive team because we can’t take that international assignment away from our families. There will be moments when being physically present as a mom, means not being there in our careers. And inversely, there will be times when thriving at work means missing out on some bedtimes, milestones and family moments.
Yet, what it also means, is that we get to be the fullest version of ourselves, and shine through all of our facets, skills, talents and abilities. We get to show up as all of who we are for those to whom it matters the most that we fulfill the authentic fullness of who we are, our families, spouses, children and loved ones.
As Justice Ketanji Brown-Jackson showed the world, but most importantly her own daughters, the most important is that “with hard work, determination and love, it can be done”. “It” is the journey of a lifetime to overcome the barriers in one’s way, and open closed doors on one’s path so those coming behind us have a better chance. To be all we can be, so we can leave the best and most important legacy to our children, that of being our full selves.
Because, dear working moms, we don’t have to get it right, we have to get it done, and get it done well, fully, authentically, unapologetically…
“ Will you be able to resume your functions after baby?”
“ Are you able to effectively work from home with your children?”
“Shouldn’t you be home with your kids?”
These are only some of the questions and assumptions many, if not most, working moms face in the course of their careers. While we hear so much about the glass ceiling, this seemingly impenetrable, gender bias in career advancement separating professional men and women, what we don’t talk about as much is the maternal wall bias. This form of discrimination largely experienced by working mothers in the workplace perpetuates the false perception that mothers and pregnant women are less competent, productive and effective at work. This pervasive stereotype is manifest in hiring practices, promotion processes, and career growth and advancement in general.
According to a 2018 PNAS study, 43% of working moms in the Sciences, Technology, Engineering and Maths (STEM) fields dropped their full-time employment after becoming mothers, as opposed to only 23% of men after becoming parents. This statistic, along with many similar ones in other industries, illustrates well how many working mothers are pressured to leave the workplace while, or after having children. The other common alternative for working or expectant mothers is to resign themselves to the more stagnant, less growth oriented “mommy track”, which is especially prevalent in situations where they take advantage of flexible scheduling for family and childcare-related reasons.
The maternal wall bias is embedded in how society traditionally views mothers, whose primary role is assumed and expected to be in the home. This general expectation is also at the root of the deep gender imbalance felt by working mothers throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, during which mothers had to carry the brunt of the home responsibilities while quarantined along with their work duties. Whereas pre-pandemic, the pressure of required “face time” in the office left many working mothers stuck between their careers and roles as mothers; during this global health crisis, moms now had to grapple with blurred work and life boundaries, a never-ending cycle of work on the home and professional fronts, and the reversal of decades of feminist progress in favor of backtracking to antiquated traditional gender stereotypes.
As the world of work is increasingly evolving from a more traditional to a more technology-focused, remote environment, some of this bias could be alleviated by leveling the playing field for remote and hybrid employees. However, for working mothers, working from home also means grappling with the unequal gender division of labor, thus multiplying the weight on their shoulders. And as companies and organizations seek to return their employees to the office, working mothers may again face the harsh pressure of having to choose between work and motherhood…
In a society still plagued by the unfair distribution of childcare resources, as well as health, political and economic uncertainty, the maternal wall bias may constitute a much larger threat than the glass ceiling for working mothers…And maybe this should be the one gender bias we should focus more on…
Making the transition to a new year can be quite a daunting process. Making the transition to a new year in the midst of an ongoing pandemic, school and daycare closures, a general movement of career resignation, in a time riddled with social and political instability, is a monumentally challenging feat. As we step into the next twelve months of what seems an unending crisis, working moms everywhere are gearing up for yet another difficult shift.
From carrying the brunt of the COVID-19 global crisis, both on the home and career front, to continuing to live with the trauma and angst of disease, school and daycare closures, work layoffs and resignations, the challenges have not diminished for working mothers. Quite to the contrary… Adding to it the ever-continuing debate around paid leave, gender equity, and the need for increased diversity and inclusion at work in general, and many are just waiting to wake up from the longest nightmare ever…
Yet, there are ways organizations and businesses can help to lessen the weight on working moms’ shoulders, while providing an incentive for them to keep and strive in their careers, instead of punishing them for what is largely out of their control. Here are a few suggestions, as we’re starting this new year:
Listen more to working mother’s needs
Much of the structural and cultural foundation of businesses and organizations as we know them have been inherited from a fundamental patriarchal setting. This is a setting which has not allowed for women’s voices to be heard enough in order for the needed structural, cultural and behavioral changes to be put in place and implemented. As an increasing number of working mothers are raising their voices, most notably as a result of the recent pandemic, many are realizing the unmet needs, and resulting pressures on motherhood. Something as simple as creating forums and spaces where working mothers’ voices can continue to be heard can bring about more of the much-needed awareness around what’s truly at stake, as well as ways to remedy these issues.
Hire and promote more working mothers
This involves removing barriers, and opening doors of opportunity for working moms to reach levels of influence where their combined experience, knowledge and acumen can create positive change for other working mothers. It’s also a matter of acknowledging the often unconscious bias standing in the way of working mother’s hiring and promotions, including but not limited to the broken rung, glass ceiling, and gender pay gap…
Offer flexible options…
As has been shown during the pandemic, strategic, well-managed flexibility does not hinder employees’ performance, but rather can increase it. Flexibility for working mothers is essential to manage the various areas of their work and life, which makes it important for businesses and organizations to offer these options.
…but don’t punish them for choosing flexibility
However, there is often a negative bias associated with flexible work options, especially when these are taken advantage of by working mothers. The latter are often assumed not to be able to handle the demands of motherhood and work, thus unfortunately in many cases being sidelined for advancement or not considered leadership material. The proverbial “mommy track” has been dubbed as such in reference to the lessened career advancement opportunities offered to working mothers taking advantage of flexible work options or reduced work hours for greater work-life balance.
Review current policies and procedures
Many, if not most, organizational and business policies and procedures are not specific enough to cover the needs of working mothers. Neither do they consider the range of issues that can affect a working mom parenting in circumstances as dire as a global pandemic, such as having to work from home with a sick kid, for instance. Reviewing current policies and procedures, at least on an annual basis, can help identify gaps that can be remedied in the short or long-term.
Revisit the company’s culture
Last but not least, much of the existing gender bias, inequities and inequalities are embedded in organizational and business cultures that have been prevalent for a very long time. While it may not be written or documented anywhere, the organizational culture is an important indicator of the way employees, including working mothers, are perceived and treated. Revisiting it can help in understanding the barriers standing in the way of working moms, especially in the midst of the current pandemic, and devise ways to lessen or eliminate these entirely.
What are other ways for organizations to help working moms this year?
If there is any time in recent memory that has marked working motherhood, it is definitely the global COVID-19 health pandemic of the past couple of years. Not only have working mothers been at the forefront of this crisis, carrying the brunt of it on the work and personal front, what with the advent of remote work, the unequal distribution of household chores and lack of childcare, they are also redefining with their choices the very meaning behind “working motherhood”.
While some working moms are choosing to spend more time at home, others are being forced to give up on their careers to devote themselves to caregiving, leading the way in the phenomenon dubbed as the “Great Resignation”. Others yet are reconstructing their careers after layoffs and business closures brought on by the pandemic, while some are re-imagining their work by launching entrepreneurial ventures or going into different industries. Working mothers are also making their voices heard by shining the light on the challenges they’re facing, calling for increased legislative measures around paid leave for working parents, or the Marshall plan for Moms, consisting in a plan to compensate moms for their unpaid labor.
All in all, in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, working moms are setting the bar higher for themselves, organizations, businesses and society at large. As we’re ready to usher in a new year, and so many are setting goals for the future, its only appropriate for working mothers to learn from the past few years, and look forward with a few goals of our own, including:
Define and speak up about what is important to working mothers
While the pandemic did create innumerable issues for society at large, what it also did, is uncover the deep inequalities and inconsistencies plaguing working mothers. As schools closed and childcare resources dwindled to almost nothing, working mothers found themselves stuck at home with multiple jobs, including working remotely, homeschooling the kids, caring for the household and somehow remaining sane and healthy. The silver lining here, above this enormous, unfair cloud, is this situation has prompted many, if not most working moms, to start redefining what matters to them and speaking up for themselves.
Going forward and into the new year, working mothers are committed to defining and speaking what is truly important to them, in terms of family, childcare, elder care, paid leave and work, to cite a few.
Integrate all areas of life
What the pandemic has made obvious is the need to integrate work and life for working mothers. As the future of work is moving towards a remote environment, it’s becoming increasingly important to work at integrating, rather than balancing, work and life for mothers.
In the era of remote work and homeschooling kids, drawing a line in the sand between work and life is virtually impossible. Instead, a more integrated and flexible approach might just be the way to go for modern working mothers.
Be more authentic at work
Working moms are an asset to society in general, and to organizations and businesses in general. From managing multiple responsibilities to negotiating skills, working mothers bring multiple skills that can tremendously improve organizations.
However, these skills are more impactful when working mothers bring their authentic selves to the workplace. Whereas being a working mom might have been considered a career risk in the past, it is now a sign of increased diversity and inclusion, as well as an advantage to the world of work. More importantly, it is a powerful way to open the door for other working mothers coming behind.
Teach kids about what it means to be a working mother
Much of the stigma around working mothers stems from sheer ignorance and lack of education. Much of this lack of awareness starts at home, from the way little boys and girls are socialized, to the implicit and explicit messages they get while growing up. To remedy this, it’s crucial to demystify the misconceptions around working mothers from the onset.
As working moms, we can change these false narratives starting from the way we raise our own kids. From having honest conversations with our children about work, to taking them to the office, we can teach them that not only is it ok to be a working mom, but that there should be more working mothers out there.
Make peace with the guilt
One of the things that is not often talked is the heightened level of guilt felt by working mothers during this pandemic. Spread thin between work, household chores, homeschooling and childcare, most working moms could hardly ever be present in one place or focused on one thing at a time. This in turn caused so many to drop out of the workforce, give in to depression and lower levels of mental health, and generally succumbing to the pressure and massive amounts of guilt.
This coming year, as working mothers, there is a need to make peace with the mom guilt once and for all. Although it may always be present, it can be reframed as motivation instead of an obstacle.
Contribute to gender equality
Working mothers need one another, not just as sources of support, but also as agents of the new Working Motherhood of the future. This also means contributing to gender equality in the workplace by serving as an ally to other working moms, advocating for equal pay, as well as providing women opportunities to advance in their careers. Outside of work, this can also mean participating in local and national politics to promote gender equality.
Advocating for Paid leave
Paid leave is crucial for working moms, and this despite the fact that the United States ranks last among the countries with family-friendly policies. The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 requires companies with 50 or more employees to offer mothers of newborns or adopted children 12 weeks of unpaid leave a year. This is compared for instance, to countries like Bulgaria, which offers its new mothers 90% of their salary for more than a year.
Advocating for paid leave by exercising our political rights, speaking up at work or on the platform of our choice, should be one important goal of working moms in the next year.
Consider mental health
The impact of the pandemic has revealed deep, unfortunately often disastrous consequences, on women’s, and working mothers’ mental health. Hence the need to pay more attention to working mothers’ mental state, and general well-being.
Whether it’s engaging in or advocating for more therapy, or focusing more on one’s well-being, mental health should definitely be one of working mothers’ priorities in the new year.
Invest in financial education and empowerment
As working mothers are changing the way they relate to work and life in general, and more structural changes are needed to support them, many, if not most of these changes will require funding and monetary investments. This is where it becomes important for working mothers to harness and leverage the financial knowledge and acumen necessary to do so. Additionally, working mothers are often the ones to determine the education, including the financial education, of their children, and by extension families and communities.
Whether it’s taking an investment class, revisiting one’s budget, or coming up with a new approach to manage money, financial education constitutes an important priority for working mothers.
Building a legacy
Last but not least, working mothers stand on each other’s shoulders. The care, work and devotion of each working mother builds a legacy that the next working mother stands upon. Much of the advances for the benefit of working moms have been achieved by fellow working moms themselves. Hence the importance of creating a legacy as a working mother, through our children, our families, our person and the work we achieve on this plane of life.
Overall, 2022 marks a pivotal year for working mothers, coming out of a global pandemic and re-setting the rules of work and life for moms. Setting goals that can help further the welfare, well-being and fulfillment of working moms can go a long way towards creating a new, improved and powerful working motherhood.
Holiday stress is real. For working moms, it’s all too real. So much so that it can rightfully be considered the other silent pandemic for working moms. One that takes a heavy psychological, mental and certainly physical toll on working mothers tasked with the oh so unrealistic and overly taxing job of creating the overrated, overly expensive and unnecessary magic of the modern, over-the-top family holidays…
I remember times when the true magic of the holidays was about spending time together, sharing homemade gifts and laughter around a good, simple meal. Times when receiving ONE gift, just one, in my home country of Senegal, was enough. When a small, poorly lit, scarcely decorated tree was a luxury…There was magic then, real, unadulterated, magic, even in 80-degree weather in a country where Christians were, and still are, the minority…Even then, working moms were also largely in charge of orchestrating the holiday magic, yet it was an organic magic that was already there…
Fast-forward a few decades, and the organic holiday magic has been replaced with the commercial archetype of consumerism, complete with perfect hosting tableware, exquisitely wrapped premium “toys of the year”, and over-the-top everything…All of it to be organized, managed, budgeted and delivered by the industrious, best-dressed, physically fit, and pleasant all-around-wonderful working mothers of the year, at the risk of raising self-entitled children and perpetuating an already existing unfair division of labor in the household…With a smile too, please and thank you…
Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way. In an interview with CNN, Brigid Schulte and Haley Swenson, respective Director and Co-Director of Better Life Lab, a New America think tank’s program with the purpose of advancing gender equity and elevating the value of care, suggested that easing working mothers’ holiday load should be a family affair. According to them, discussing the holidays as a family is a crucial initial step. This allows everyone, Mom included, to share what they truly value about the holidays. This way, everyone is clear on what is important, and there’s room for the mother to also express what she values, so as to get what she also needs out of this precious time of year. The same rationale can also be applied to gift-giving, as a meaningful (and not just commercial) process involving the whole family, and not just one falling on Mom’s shoulders. Likewise, the responsibility of organizing these discussions should also be spread among all family members, so as not to be Mom’s burden.
These insights from the Better Lab are extremely valuable, in that it is high time (and has been for quite some time) to consider this silent pandemic plaguing working moms at a time of year when the proverbial cheer is often replaced with exhaustion, worry and even depression for many. How can you, as a working mom, practically implement the necessary changes in your own household so you can finally enjoy the holidays instead of working through them? Here are a few tips to get started:
Assess what you would want out of the holidays
What would the ideal holidays look like for you? What do you truly want out of this time of year? What traditions are important to you, and what others are not so important?
These are examples of questions to ask yourself and honestly answer as a working woman and mom. This is also an introspective process that will require you to shed society’s pre-conceived notions of working mothers’ role, especially during the holidays, and instead embrace the truth of who you are and what you truly want.
Have an honest conversation with your family and friends
Establishing what you want out of the holidays is only the first step. The second, and often most challenging step, is to communicate it to your loved ones. This can be especially hard an overwhelming sense of “mommy guilt” may seep in and take over. You may also face the shock and even resentment of your family and friends, who may not initially understand your transformation and/or frankly desire to go along.
However, despite these obstacles, having an honest, transparent and forthcoming conversation can go a long way towards beginning (and continuing) to lay the foundation for a different type of dynamic during the holidays. An important part of the conversation will be to consider everyone’s values as related to the holidays, yours included, and reach a compromise around sharing tasks and responsibilities that honors these.
Relinquish control
Last but not least, it’s going to be so important to learn to let go! As a working mom, as much as may want to have different, more balanced holiday traditions, you may face your own need for control stubbornly standing in the way of change. It’s ok to relinquish control, let others take over, and take a backseat, at the risk of things not being as “perfect” and flawless as you would like them to be.
Are you a working mom who’s ready to end this silent pandemic of holiday stress? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com and tell us your stories of change.
The end of the year is a particularly busy time, especially for working women and moms. Not only are most of the holiday-related tasks, including gift-buying and giving, as well as hosting and prepping, on women’s to-do lists, but work responsibilities also tend to pile up then too. With all the distractions and other personal and family obligations over the holidays, staying on track and on task at work can be quite the challenge. As working moms, it becomes a matter of efficient strategizing to boost your career (without losing your sanity).
In my experience, attempting to do it all over the holidays (and frankly at any other time) is close to impossible. Rather, it forces so many of us to over-extend ourselves, push beyond our limits, and threaten our own mental and physical health, not to mention our sense of self and joy during what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.
This is where a solid strategy comes into play, one that does not require piling on more than what is necessary, but rather conducting an honest assessment of where we stand and fill in the gaps where absolutely needed:
Check in with your beginning of the year goals
There’s a famous African proverb that says: “In order to know where you’re going, you must know where you’re coming from.” This applies to all areas of life, but I’ve found it most impactful in the workplace. To close out a year successfully and set out the best direction for the future, it’s important to go back to what was set in motion at the beginning of the year.
What were your beginning-of-year goals? What priorities did you set to achieve when the year started? How did you do with these? This will not only allow you to celebrate what you have been able to achieve and get some much-needed encouragement and motivation. It will also allow you to identify what is missing and may need to get done before the end of the year.
Prioritize impactful pending tasks
As you identify and prioritize remaining tasks that need to be addressed by the end of the year, or have to put out some last-minute holiday fires, take some time to prioritize. Again, not everything needs to be done by December 31! Not everything is a priority.
However, there are some tasks that have more impact on your career and track record, as well as on the short-term welfare of your team, department and/or organization. These are the tasks that should be on your priority list. Anything else that can be postponed, delegated, or even cancelled should go.
Communicate your needs and plans!
As busy as the end of the year may be, it’s also a time when communication with your team and colleagues is of utmost importance. As you set your priorities and to-do’s to attend to, including your personal priorities, it’s crucial to communicate these to those who are also impacted by your work.
Getting on the same page with those you work with will help you avoid many a misunderstanding, and even get you the support, help and encouragement you need to bring your work to a successful close this year.
Say NO
If there is any time when using the power of NO comes in handy, it’s during high-stress, high-expectation times like the holidays. As a working woman and mom, so much is expected of you over this time, from family, friends and colleagues alike. This is the time to know and recognize your own limits, not in an admission of weakness (all to the contrary), but rather in an honest and quite powerful way to preserve yourself and others.
Keeping the lines of communication open and delineating the impact of the tasks on yours and your team’s to-do list, and most importantly being honest and transparent, will save you much trouble and headache. Most importantly, it will allow you to free up time to focus on what truly matters to you.
Recap and learn
One of the most important parts of successfully closing the year at work is being able to learn from the time that has passed. In a haste to get it all done, so many of us miss out on the opportunity to truly learn and grow just by analyzing the patterns of the past year and drawing invaluable insights from these.
What worked well this year? What didn’t work so well? What are impactful areas of growth? What should be kept, and what should be dropped, delegated, or postponed? What can be tweaked or totally changed? These are just some questions to ponder and learn from as we close a professional year.
Set your goals for next year
Last but not least, out of all that’s been done, learnt and worked on during the year, along with our desires and purpose, our future goals should emerge. While they may not be totally clear as we close the year, they should feed off our experience, victories and lessons learning to at least start forming the beginning outline of what we want the future to look like for us.
How do you successfully manage the close the year at work as a working woman and mom?
As much as many of us look forward to the holidays, there’s no denying that they can also be quite the stressful financial time, especially for working moms. As the imbalance in the sharing of household responsibilities persists throughout the pandemic and beyond, working moms tend to bear the glorious, yet exhausting, burden of managing and orchestrating the holidays. This also comes at the cost of much financial stress and instability, especially coming out of the global health crisis created by the pandemic. Considering the heavy impact of the pandemic on working moms, saving money becomes not only important, but necessary…
As a working mom myself, as well as an accountant by trade, managing my financial resources, especially during the holidays, is always important. While there are a number of budgeting and cost-saving tools out there, one of these, that has particularly attracted my attention is Fluz. At a time when demands on your money are so pressing and numerous, this app is reinventing the concept of cash back. Beyond one-off incentives and small rewards, Fluz offers its users the opportunity to leverage each and every purchase by earning money back instantly. This is so good that as you purchase a gift card, you can earn cash back on it even before you use it! In addition, this app also creates countless opportunities to use one’s network to earn even more!
Here is how it works:
Step 1: Pick the stores you want to shop at!
You can pick from a variety of stores including everyday favorites like CVS, Dunkin’ Donuts, and Domino’s, or family favorites like Nike, Baby Gap, or food and entertainment spots like 99 Restaurants or Applebee’s. Or you can also use the Fluz app to earn cash back on some of your more seasonal needs from stores such as 1-800-Flowers, or 1-800-Baskets. There is literally a store for all your needs that you can shop at using the Fluz app!
Step 2: Pay with your Fluz app.
Once you pick the store of your choice, then you can whip open your Fluz app, select said store, and enter your checkout amount so you can pay and get a gift card code in exchange.
Step 3: Present your barcode.
All you have to do then is present the code to the store cashier or paste it during the online checkout process! Easy enough?
Step 4: Instantly earn your cash back!
As you make your purchases as described above, you instantly earn cash back. No need to wait to actually redeem your gift card! You earn money back right when you pay and obtain your gift card code…
The best part? This doesn’t just stop with you. The more the merrier, actually…You can invite your network of friends, family, associates, and colleagues to join in the fun (and savings) simply by sharing your referral code online.
Let’s begin right here, as I invite you to join in the fun by using my referral code: THECORPORATESISTER12
Log in to the Fluz app here, enter my referral code and start earning cash back. And you can do the same by inviting your network to join in as well!
