by Solange Lopes | Oct 15, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Children or career – Photo: huffingtonpost.com
The news that Apple and Facebook decided to pay women employees for freezing their eggs took me a bit by surprise. I realize, as incongruous as it may sound, that there is such a thing as the motherhood penalty, or that some may leave the widening gender inequality in the hands of karma. Yet when it comes to deciding upon our fertility as women, I still tend to be a traditionalist at heart.
Certainly, this is an amazing perk, as the cost of freezing eggs can add up to $10,000 per round of treatment. And considering at least 2 rounds are needed for the recommended 20 eggs for fertilization, this procedure does cost a pretty penny. Having companies such as Apple and Microsoft in male-dominated Silicon Valley volunteer to invest such money in their female employees will undoubtedly be a great opportunity for many women. It will afford many a woman the choice to delay pregnancy and focus on their career, or even help with health issues forcing them to consider having children later in life.
However, for those women who want both motherhood and career success, what message are these companies sending? Does this mean women must now choose between motherhood and career? And if they choose motherhood, that their chances at succeeding in their careers are diminished? Or if they choose to delay motherhood and focus on their careers, that having children was out on the back seat?
For many women, the choice is not that easy. While we may not want or need to have it all, some choices are among the most difficult to make, and have longer lasting consequences and implications than a couple of fertilization treatments. Do we want this type of choices to now be institutionalized and made the norm?
What do you think? Are companies offering to pay employees’ costs to freeze their eggs sending the wrong message?
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Oct 10, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Photo: blackenterprise.com
Before I even start ranting, let me add a disclaimer here: I believe all women are working women, whether we are professionals excelling at work or mothers raising kids at home (which by the way happens to be the toughest job on Earth).
Ok, now back to my rant…I remember after having my first child, in the first few weeks of the frazzled rest of my life, looking at childless women in the office almost with envy. Their perfectly manicured hands, rested looks and generally more relaxed appearance against my early foray into motherhood’s “Sorry” land. “Sorry I can’t make that meeting, gotta pick up the kids!” “Sorry I have to miss happy hour!” Sorry, sorry, sorry…
You know what I’m talking about, the feeling of being sub-par because all your childless colleagues can attend all the work’s social events, stay extra late at work, and be constantly available. Does this mean childless women at work are more successful than professional moms? I’d say, it depends on your definition of success. Yet, is there sometimes a subtle competition between moms and non-moms at work? Hmmm…
While many argue women with children get preferential treatment at work, and others are relentless about the motherhood penalty, the fact remains the state of women at work is definitely more complex and layered as it seems…
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. As a young, career-focused woman in Boston, spending my entire paycheck on rent and shoes (who needs food?), working late and never missing a happy hour. As a mom (even as a somewhat experienced mom), I miss my laundered shirts and 5-inch heels (and my waist too), and work is no longer number one. And I’m certainly not going to apologize for being a working mom.
All I can say is when it comes to moms and non-moms at work, success and struggle do go hand in hand…And whether we believe one group may have the upper hand on the other, at the end of the day, it’s really all up to your personal definition of success…
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Oct 9, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
On parental pressure and choosing the wrong career – Photo credit: madamenoire.com
If you watched The Middle on ABC last night, you couldn’t have missed Axl struggling with major anxiety the entire episode, before being admonished by his father to pick Business.While in Axl’s case, he needed the admonition, in many other cases, most of us could have done without…
Your mom told you so. Heck, everyone else did too…The immense pressure of career choice was upon you as you graduated from high school, you just had to make the best decision, for yourself and everyone else…but mostly for everyone else. My mother raised all four of us as a single mom, and wanted us to pick lucrative, well-regarded careers. Her dream was for at least one of us to be a doctor, which didn’t exactly work out as planned.
Overcoming parental pressure to pick the careers we really want is no small feat. It goes even further than that, as parents often play a big role in determining their children’s success, and happiness. And most often, the reality is most of us did not exactly resist the parental pressure. Instead, we caved in, got the degree and ended up in some office with all the apparent signs of success, yet feeling like we failed ourselves.
So what should you do if your parents pressured you to pick the wrong career, and you actually did? Do you just chuck it up to bad luck, keep pursuing your dreams even if on the side, or just resign yourself to your fate?
1. There’s a reason for everything! As lame as it may sound, it’s true. There was a reason I got this Accounting degree, paid my dues and learnt what I now know. If anything, I can write about it…
2. Make your dream a part of your life! Dreaming of a writing career? Well, start writing right where you are, at work, in your side hustle, everywhere you can get your pen through. Use your talents in your current career, moonlight when you can, and have faith it will all come together…
3. Stop blaming your parents! Let go of the resentment and blame, accept that your career was also your choice. As soon as you start letting go of the “what if’s” and the anger, your path becomes clearer, even in the midst of uncertainty and confusion…
Did your parents pressure you to pick the wrong career? How did you cope?
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Sep 6, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Mommy, Why you didn’t tell me – Photo credit: jiyobefikarwomen.com
My mother always worked. She was always the busy, well-dressed career woman climbing down her high heels after work to rush into the kitchen and fix us a hot plate. It’s through her that I learnt the meaning of work, and all that being a career woman represents. From the struggles to get promoted, to the unsuccessful yet hurtful sexual harassment attempts from male colleagues and superiors, not to mention the passive aggressiveness of fellow women at work. I saw it all, absorbed it all, and…wished it all upon myself…Except my experience was going to be better, easier and much, much more successful…After all, doesn’t each generation make better, more informed decisions? And aren’t women progressing so much more now than before?
Yet, what I didn’t realize, as I gathered all my hopes for career and life success, is that I may have missed an important part of the picture. The internal part. That secret, inside part of every woman’s struggles, that unfortunately we tend to shield our children, and especially our daughters from. I missed the down, dirty truth about what my mother really felt about her career and life…
Until I faced my own struggles at work, gave birth to my first child and witnessed the death of my most profoundly ingrained beliefs and assumptions about life. Until I asked my mother what the heck was happening, and she finally told me about it all…All of it…
All of it, from the exhilarating feeling of achievements, to the fear to disappoint, the gut-wrenching pain at leaving our children to get back to work, the push and pull between tradition and modernism, family and work, ourselves and everyone else. When the strong facade fell, and words of wisdom, pain and ultimately victory, started rolling, I understood and started forgiving myself…
Are we telling our daughters the truth about being a woman at work and in life? Or would we rather shield them under covers of private education and women’s empowerment speeches, leaving them to fend for themselves when reality hits? And does it hit hard…
Mommy, why didn’t you tell me it was ok to choose myself? Why didn’t you say having children would be considered a career mistake? Why did you shield me from the realization that it was going to be hard but oh so rewarding? Why, why, why….
It may be time to start telling…
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Aug 18, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Do you ever feel like your week-ends are made of unending lists of to-do’s and deliverables of all kinds? I know I used to. Saturdays would start with the kids’ soccer practice, then cleaning the house, running errands and visiting family. Sundays would be a mad dash to church, followed by the grocery store, catching up on laundry and planning the week. Oh, and did I mention the birthday parties, kids’ playdates, and other social activities…By the time Sunday would roll around, I’d be wiped out…literally!
The end result is that so many of us end up at work on Mondays looking for our sanity and a clean coffee cup! This is only so we can start working on the weekly memo, catch up on email and tackle that gigantic work to-do list. No wonder so few of us working moms have the motivation to excel at work, when our week-ends are so whirlwinds of activities and chores!
Here are some quick ways we can start reversing the tide, and stopping our week-ends from ruining our careers (and sanity):
1. Quit spinning your wheels!
Ever felt like a hamster spinning on a wheel of unending tasks and chores on week-ends? Between running to the grocery store, (barely) making it to kids’ sports practice, rushing to the next kids’ birthday party (as you scramble for a pen to scribble on the party bag because you mixed up the birthday boy’s 2-year birthday card with your aunt’s 60th), it just NEVER ends! Yet what we don’t realize is that not only is there nothing fun about spinning one’s wheels, but ultimately it leaves us depleted, ineffective and highly annoyed! When it comes to being effective, at work or in life, quality trumps quantity, so please, stop spinning!
2. Use the work week!
I realized a while ago that if the work week is going to suck anyways, I might as well spare my week-ends! Translation: stop putting off all your chores and tasks to the week-end! Laundry backed up? Schedule one hour after the kids go to bed to tackle the monster during the week. Kids’ piano lesson on Saturdays at 9am? Can that be scheduled after work so you can have a normal Saturday morning again? Food shopping? Take the kids on a supermarket field trip in the middle of the week, and call it a day.
3. Party on Sundays!
While you may think of Sundays as your day to get a break, relax on the couch or catch up on laundry, you may actually be better off having a good ol’ time right before returning to work. So go ahead and host the kids’ birthday party on Sunday afternoon! Or join a few friends for some Sangria! Whatever you do, don’t sit there thinking about what a drag going back to work will be in a few hours!
Are your week-ends ruining your career? What are you doing about it?
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Aug 7, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Happy Thursday!
Hard to believe that summer, with its vacation time, week-ends outdoors, and relaxed schedules, is almost over. And with the end of it, comes again the pressure of schedules, organization, tighter schedules, otherwise known as…back to school!
As busy corporate mamas, and as much as we may be reticent to admit it, the transition is mostly hard on us. Just as we start getting accustomed to easing up on the lunch packing, homework checking and general schedule policing of the school year, here it all comes back, all at once…And of course, work doesn’t slow down to allow us some time to catch our breath either.
1. Expect some chaos! Or a lot of it…Transitions are naturally chaotic, especially when they require you to get your act together before you’ve had your first cup of coffee! Before starting the planning process, take a deep breath and forgive yourself in advance for not making the school bus on time every day…
2. Start NOW! No need for endless planning, or painful delaying of the inevitable. Start tackling the back to school list now, order the kids’ uniforms During your lunch break, grab supplies as you go food-shopping…Just start!
3. Keep the focus on education! Some household habits should never change, regardless of the season or time period, especially when it comes to education. Continuously fostering strong reading habits, frequent visits to the library and museum, and educational extra curricular activities, helps both the kids and the adults keep a sense of continuity. Education is a priority!
How do you manage back to school stress and working? Please share some your tips.
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Jul 23, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Your kids are ruining your career – onemagusa.com
I am a mom of two, and for the longest time, I heard the same old proverbial warnings: “Make sure you finish school before having kids”, or “You know once you have kids, it’s over!”. Or even better, “Work hard before kids because afterwards it’s all downhill from there!”. Basically, before I even conceived the very idea of conceiving a child, the message was clear: “Kids will ruin your career, and oh, maybe even your entire life.”
I was reading this article from Politico yesterday, in which Ruth Porat, CFO at prestigious Morgan Stanley and also dubbed as “the most powerful woman on Wall Street”, was featured. When you hear of women like Ruth Porat, you don’t exactly picture the traditional mommy thing. No pun intended here. I am not a traditional mommy, and frankly never aspired to be. Yet what struck me (and even made me go awww) as I read the article is that Ms. Porat keeps a note from her kids on her desk telling her how proud they are of her and the work she does. I know, awww!!! Clearly, her kids did not ruin her career…
Yet so many of us women at work seem to think that we have to choose between a great family and a great career. It’s not even like we could strike in the middle, and have an average family and an unbelievable career. Or an average career and a great family life. It’s an all-or-nothing game, hence the disheartening number of women in high management positions, and the sprint-race speed at which women exit corporate ranks to stay home as they start having kids. Again, makes it really look like as much as we love them, kids really ruin your career.
So how come the Ruth Porat of this world could achieve the supernatural feat of having kids AND kicking a… in the career department? Luck, favor, spiritual incantations? In her interview with Politico, Ms. Porat seems to think a healthy mix of career and family is the answer, rather than delaying one in favor of the other.
I would add that reminding yourself as you tuck the kids in bed tonight, that as mighty as they may seem, they can’t possibly ruin your career (or the one you think you had, deep inside that career-oriented head of yours). Actually, they may just be the the best people you’ll ever have to negotiate basic cleanliness contracts with…
Just sayin’….
The Corporate Sis.
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