by Solange Lopes | Oct 9, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
On parental pressure and choosing the wrong career – Photo credit: madamenoire.com
If you watched The Middle on ABC last night, you couldn’t have missed Axl struggling with major anxiety the entire episode, before being admonished by his father to pick Business.While in Axl’s case, he needed the admonition, in many other cases, most of us could have done without…
Your mom told you so. Heck, everyone else did too…The immense pressure of career choice was upon you as you graduated from high school, you just had to make the best decision, for yourself and everyone else…but mostly for everyone else. My mother raised all four of us as a single mom, and wanted us to pick lucrative, well-regarded careers. Her dream was for at least one of us to be a doctor, which didn’t exactly work out as planned.
Overcoming parental pressure to pick the careers we really want is no small feat. It goes even further than that, as parents often play a big role in determining their children’s success, and happiness. And most often, the reality is most of us did not exactly resist the parental pressure. Instead, we caved in, got the degree and ended up in some office with all the apparent signs of success, yet feeling like we failed ourselves.
So what should you do if your parents pressured you to pick the wrong career, and you actually did? Do you just chuck it up to bad luck, keep pursuing your dreams even if on the side, or just resign yourself to your fate?
1. There’s a reason for everything! As lame as it may sound, it’s true. There was a reason I got this Accounting degree, paid my dues and learnt what I now know. If anything, I can write about it…
2. Make your dream a part of your life! Dreaming of a writing career? Well, start writing right where you are, at work, in your side hustle, everywhere you can get your pen through. Use your talents in your current career, moonlight when you can, and have faith it will all come together…
3. Stop blaming your parents! Let go of the resentment and blame, accept that your career was also your choice. As soon as you start letting go of the “what if’s” and the anger, your path becomes clearer, even in the midst of uncertainty and confusion…
Did your parents pressure you to pick the wrong career? How did you cope?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 6, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Mommy, Why you didn’t tell me – Photo credit: jiyobefikarwomen.com
My mother always worked. She was always the busy, well-dressed career woman climbing down her high heels after work to rush into the kitchen and fix us a hot plate. It’s through her that I learnt the meaning of work, and all that being a career woman represents. From the struggles to get promoted, to the unsuccessful yet hurtful sexual harassment attempts from male colleagues and superiors, not to mention the passive aggressiveness of fellow women at work. I saw it all, absorbed it all, and…wished it all upon myself…Except my experience was going to be better, easier and much, much more successful…After all, doesn’t each generation make better, more informed decisions? And aren’t women progressing so much more now than before?
Yet, what I didn’t realize, as I gathered all my hopes for career and life success, is that I may have missed an important part of the picture. The internal part. That secret, inside part of every woman’s struggles, that unfortunately we tend to shield our children, and especially our daughters from. I missed the down, dirty truth about what my mother really felt about her career and life…
Until I faced my own struggles at work, gave birth to my first child and witnessed the death of my most profoundly ingrained beliefs and assumptions about life. Until I asked my mother what the heck was happening, and she finally told me about it all…All of it…
All of it, from the exhilarating feeling of achievements, to the fear to disappoint, the gut-wrenching pain at leaving our children to get back to work, the push and pull between tradition and modernism, family and work, ourselves and everyone else. When the strong facade fell, and words of wisdom, pain and ultimately victory, started rolling, I understood and started forgiving myself…
Are we telling our daughters the truth about being a woman at work and in life? Or would we rather shield them under covers of private education and women’s empowerment speeches, leaving them to fend for themselves when reality hits? And does it hit hard…
Mommy, why didn’t you tell me it was ok to choose myself? Why didn’t you say having children would be considered a career mistake? Why did you shield me from the realization that it was going to be hard but oh so rewarding? Why, why, why….
It may be time to start telling…
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 18, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Do you ever feel like your week-ends are made of unending lists of to-do’s and deliverables of all kinds? I know I used to. Saturdays would start with the kids’ soccer practice, then cleaning the house, running errands and visiting family. Sundays would be a mad dash to church, followed by the grocery store, catching up on laundry and planning the week. Oh, and did I mention the birthday parties, kids’ playdates, and other social activities…By the time Sunday would roll around, I’d be wiped out…literally!
The end result is that so many of us end up at work on Mondays looking for our sanity and a clean coffee cup! This is only so we can start working on the weekly memo, catch up on email and tackle that gigantic work to-do list. No wonder so few of us working moms have the motivation to excel at work, when our week-ends are so whirlwinds of activities and chores!
Here are some quick ways we can start reversing the tide, and stopping our week-ends from ruining our careers (and sanity):
1. Quit spinning your wheels!
Ever felt like a hamster spinning on a wheel of unending tasks and chores on week-ends? Between running to the grocery store, (barely) making it to kids’ sports practice, rushing to the next kids’ birthday party (as you scramble for a pen to scribble on the party bag because you mixed up the birthday boy’s 2-year birthday card with your aunt’s 60th), it just NEVER ends! Yet what we don’t realize is that not only is there nothing fun about spinning one’s wheels, but ultimately it leaves us depleted, ineffective and highly annoyed! When it comes to being effective, at work or in life, quality trumps quantity, so please, stop spinning!
2. Use the work week!
I realized a while ago that if the work week is going to suck anyways, I might as well spare my week-ends! Translation: stop putting off all your chores and tasks to the week-end! Laundry backed up? Schedule one hour after the kids go to bed to tackle the monster during the week. Kids’ piano lesson on Saturdays at 9am? Can that be scheduled after work so you can have a normal Saturday morning again? Food shopping? Take the kids on a supermarket field trip in the middle of the week, and call it a day.
3. Party on Sundays!
While you may think of Sundays as your day to get a break, relax on the couch or catch up on laundry, you may actually be better off having a good ol’ time right before returning to work. So go ahead and host the kids’ birthday party on Sunday afternoon! Or join a few friends for some Sangria! Whatever you do, don’t sit there thinking about what a drag going back to work will be in a few hours!
Are your week-ends ruining your career? What are you doing about it?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 7, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Happy Thursday!
Hard to believe that summer, with its vacation time, week-ends outdoors, and relaxed schedules, is almost over. And with the end of it, comes again the pressure of schedules, organization, tighter schedules, otherwise known as…back to school!
As busy corporate mamas, and as much as we may be reticent to admit it, the transition is mostly hard on us. Just as we start getting accustomed to easing up on the lunch packing, homework checking and general schedule policing of the school year, here it all comes back, all at once…And of course, work doesn’t slow down to allow us some time to catch our breath either.
1. Expect some chaos! Or a lot of it…Transitions are naturally chaotic, especially when they require you to get your act together before you’ve had your first cup of coffee! Before starting the planning process, take a deep breath and forgive yourself in advance for not making the school bus on time every day…
2. Start NOW! No need for endless planning, or painful delaying of the inevitable. Start tackling the back to school list now, order the kids’ uniforms During your lunch break, grab supplies as you go food-shopping…Just start!
3. Keep the focus on education! Some household habits should never change, regardless of the season or time period, especially when it comes to education. Continuously fostering strong reading habits, frequent visits to the library and museum, and educational extra curricular activities, helps both the kids and the adults keep a sense of continuity. Education is a priority!
How do you manage back to school stress and working? Please share some your tips.
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jul 23, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Your kids are ruining your career – onemagusa.com
I am a mom of two, and for the longest time, I heard the same old proverbial warnings: “Make sure you finish school before having kids”, or “You know once you have kids, it’s over!”. Or even better, “Work hard before kids because afterwards it’s all downhill from there!”. Basically, before I even conceived the very idea of conceiving a child, the message was clear: “Kids will ruin your career, and oh, maybe even your entire life.”
I was reading this article from Politico yesterday, in which Ruth Porat, CFO at prestigious Morgan Stanley and also dubbed as “the most powerful woman on Wall Street”, was featured. When you hear of women like Ruth Porat, you don’t exactly picture the traditional mommy thing. No pun intended here. I am not a traditional mommy, and frankly never aspired to be. Yet what struck me (and even made me go awww) as I read the article is that Ms. Porat keeps a note from her kids on her desk telling her how proud they are of her and the work she does. I know, awww!!! Clearly, her kids did not ruin her career…
Yet so many of us women at work seem to think that we have to choose between a great family and a great career. It’s not even like we could strike in the middle, and have an average family and an unbelievable career. Or an average career and a great family life. It’s an all-or-nothing game, hence the disheartening number of women in high management positions, and the sprint-race speed at which women exit corporate ranks to stay home as they start having kids. Again, makes it really look like as much as we love them, kids really ruin your career.
So how come the Ruth Porat of this world could achieve the supernatural feat of having kids AND kicking a… in the career department? Luck, favor, spiritual incantations? In her interview with Politico, Ms. Porat seems to think a healthy mix of career and family is the answer, rather than delaying one in favor of the other.
I would add that reminding yourself as you tuck the kids in bed tonight, that as mighty as they may seem, they can’t possibly ruin your career (or the one you think you had, deep inside that career-oriented head of yours). Actually, they may just be the the best people you’ll ever have to negotiate basic cleanliness contracts with…
Just sayin’….
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 28, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Teaching your kids about work – docs911.blogspot.com
Happy happy Saturday! Yes, it’s the start of the week-end, even for some of us who still have to make it to the office, even for a couple of hours today…The weather’s beautiful, you can take the kids out, spend more time with them than during the week, and maybe teach them one thing or two… Or three…
As corporate sisters, we most often deal with the guilt of not spending enough time with our children, versus committed to our careers. So when we get to spend quality time with them, we definitely want to make it count! Yet, with all the guilt we carry day in and day out, how thin we stretch ourselves, not to mention the weight of all the modern responsibilities that somehow have become ours, what are we really teaching our kids about work?
This week, Matt Lauer got under fire for his “sexist” question to General Motors CEO Mary Barra about being a mom and CEO at the same time. I was actually less struck by the question he asked than how he mentioned she had revealed in an interview that her kids told her they’re going to hold her accountable for one job, that of being a mom. Her kids’ answer prompted me to ask myself: “What message are we conveying to our kids about work and success in the workplace?” Do our kids realize the sacrifices and tough choices we have to make, and still hold us accountable for being better parents than professionals? And if so, are we meeting their expectations?
Teaching our kids about the importance of success and a solid work ethic is one thing. Teaching them about the precarious balance between effective parenting and fulfillment in our careers is an entirely different one. The challenge is in consolidating both experiences, while still being able to draw a healthy demarcation line between the two.
When we strive at work, meet our professional goals, and are recognized for our achievements as corporate sisters, are we teaching our children, especially our daughters, that it is what matters most? Or when we willingly sacrifice career success for the well-being our families, are we conveying the message that career success is vain and unfulfilling? And when we manage to balance both, is our difficult balancing act testifying more to our strengths or our weaknesses as parents?
Whether we commit to striving for career success or not, one of the most important questions may really be, at the end of the day, what are we teaching our children about what work means to us as women, corporate sisters, and most importantly, mothers? What legacy are we leaving behind, and are we at peace with it?
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | May 19, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
aubreydaniels.com
Happy Monday!
As unusual as this may sound, there are Monday mornings when some of us are just like “Thank God it’s Monday!” Whereas most may begrudgingly drag our feet to work on Monday mornings, some of us may actually look forward to plopping ourselves on our straight-backed chairs, grabbing a hot cup of coffee and breakfast from the cafeteria and actually being able to think for a minute or so with limited interruptions.
Yes, some of us corporate sisters ( and I’m pretty sure corporate bros as well), do entertain these oh so professionally morbid thoughts of returning to work at the end of frazzled, kids’ activities-filled, chore-laden week-ends. But some of us actually look forward to the work week…
I personally confess that after hours of shuttling my toddler and pre-schooler to birthday parties, rushing home to throw a few loads of laundry in the washer, “un-sticking” gum from the living room’s floors, all the while struggling to carve out one hour to make it to the gym looking like I just escaped from a mental asylum, I was ready for work this morning. Ready for my uncomfortable straight-backed, crumble-filled, chair, my cup of freshly brewed “Dark Magic” coffee, and this amazing, miraculous thing called Silence at the beginning of my day…
Weird? Yeah. Selfish? Hell yeah. But it feels so good…
Thank God it’s Monday!
Don’t judge me, you over there, with your scrambled eggs and bacon breakfast…
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
