by Solange Lopes | Jun 29, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
We look forward to summer all year, and then it comes, with its slew of fun things to do to entertain ourselves. And most importantly for working moms, to entertain the kids…All of a sudden, all this fun has to be combined with being stuck in a cubicle working full-time, while trying not to stress about keeping the kids busy and happy over the summer break.
Let’s keep it real…When kids are in school, we worry less about keeping them busy and entertained. Over the summer break (and any other school break really), getting appropriate childcare becomes more of a headache, as we try and plan our entire kids’ lives for three months. So how do we entertain the kids when we’re working full-time? How do we find time to plan kids’ activities in between the daily to-do’s and fun-packed week-ends? And in the midst of all this entertainment, how do we manage to keep our sanity?
Find the Childcare Option That Works Best for You
When it comes to summer childcare options, while you have options, you’ve got to pick what works best for you. That fancy camp that requires you to drop off at odd hours, and leaves you after mid-day? It may sound appealing, but may just end up stressing you out more than necessary.
Whether it’s a camp, specialized classes, or a more family-based childcare option, pick something that works around your own schedule. You may have to be a little more flexible than usual, but don’t put yourself in a situation where you just drive yourself insane.
Work From Home on Some Days (or Ask to Modify Your Schedule)
Aside from keeping your motivation up during the summer months, worrying about your kids while in your cubicle on an 80 degree day isn’t exactly the definition of summer fun! Break up the monotony of summer days, along with your childcare worries, by asking to work from home on some days. Why not even request a modified schedule in the summer? A girlfriend of mine asked to work 40 hours in 4 days, so she could have every Friday off to spend with her kids during the summer.
Besides, if you can argue that it’ll actually help you be more productive (and maybe a tad nicer), your request may end up going over pretty well…
Budget (And Use) Your Vacation!
Don’t be like the 41% of Americans who didn’t use their vacation n 2015. Summer’s the perfect time to use, and leverage, your vacation time. It wasn’t until I became a working mom that I understood how important it is to budget vacation time. Plan your time off earlier in the year, to ensure your ave as much time as possible for summer vacation.
Let the Kids be Bored!
In our modern obsession with “busyness’, we tend to overbook our kids, especially in the summer. We take them from camp to music lesson, then to swimming and through painful playdates. Yet psychologists recommend we should let kids be bored in the summer, so they can discover what truly interests them.
So instead of overbooking their schedule (and yours), let them flow freely for a bit, and give yourself a break in the meantime.
How do you keep kids entertained in the summer when you’re working full-time?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 16, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
So the other day, as we were discussing prospective plans for Father’s Day, I got to asking Dear Hubby a few questions about being a working dad.
“Honey, how does it feel to be a working dad?”
“What do you mean? I work and I’m a dad!”
“Yeah, but, do you feel like you’re stretched thin between your commitments at work and at home? Do you ever feel like you’re in over your head and you just need a break to breathe sometimes?”
“Uuuuhhh… you mean, me or you?”
As you can tell, our conversation didn’t go very far…The more I kept asking what I thought were more and more probing, deep questions about the “human state of being a working dad”, the more Dear Hubby kept looking at me in total bewilderment. And the more passionate I got about transferring my own emotions and frustrations as a working mom onto him, the quieter he got…Hindsight being 20/20, I bet you my morning coffee he must’ve tuned me out by about the second question…
It soon became hilariously obvious that I was transposing my own reality as a professional mom onto this poor guy, who was just trying to have his coffee in peace, and maybe down another piece of organic waffle swimming in full-fat Aunt Jemima syrup…
It’s tough being a working dad (the non-laundry-adverse kind) in a world of working moms…On one hand, you’re praised for loading the laundry machine and earning a decent paycheck (albeit not at the same time), and on the other, you’re scrutinized for not having it as tough as the moms out there. Never mind when you get to work, and have to tread carefully with your female colleagues and bosses not to get caught under that glass ceiling that’s about to get smashed any day now…
Of course, the statistics are here to prove the facts we all know. According to the Pew Research Center, even in homes where both parents work, and where quality time and discipline are shared equally between these, scheduling and sick days still fall on the mother. Additionally, “working moms are more likely than dads to say parenting has interfered with their career progress”. Yet, what’s interesting to see through these stats, is that all in all, both working parents feel the pinch of time spent with the kids, with over 50% of working dads wishing they’s have more time with their little ones.
All humor and stats aside though, as I looked over at my husband, I felt a pinch of inner guilt as I considered all the times I came home from work and let the poor dude have it…About how hard it is to be the only woman in the room…Or how tough women have it, from carrying a baby 9 months to buying all these stretch mark oils to the gender gap and not even being able to wear flats at work once in a while…All the while he was cooking dinner, giving the kids a bath, and pouring me some Pinot Noir…
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a mea culpa for working moms towards the dads in their lives…Neither is it an absolution from doing the laundry, washing the dishes, or changing diapers in their favorite suit and tie…What this is, is a recognition that somewhere in between the confidence gap, the gender gap, and all these gaps society has created for women in and out of work, there are also those amazing spaces filled by loving, hard-working, and non-laundry-adverse working men out there…
I should know…I was raised by a single mom, with no dad in sight for the majority of my life…Until I had babies of my own, I didn’t know what a man who’d participate at work and at home, remotely looked like. As a very early feminist and advocate for women, I followed in my mom’s footsteps, and decided to do it on my own. All of it, the work stuff, the house stuff, the bills stuff, the kids stuff, all of it…
Except life has an interesting way of making you look outside of yourself, and in the midst of that struggle you’re in, make you acknowledge you’re not alone in the battle for clean underwear and sleep equality…So for all the non-laundry-adverse, bath-giving, Pinot-Noir-pouring, loving working dads out there, here’s a heartfelt confession and a sweet token of appreciation…
Which you may redeem for a no-laundry pass this week only (please note that it expires on Father’s Day, after which you’d be solely responsible for clean underwear —or the lack thereof)….
PS: Here’s to my favorite working dad in the world, the hubby Walter!
Love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 12, 2016 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
I remember returning to work after maternity leave for my first and second baby, being lost and trying to find my marks for weeks. Dealing with the emotional and physical pressure at home, and the mental upheaval at work. After missing so many months at work, there was so much catching up to do. Even as my mind was still reconciling the change in circumstances, when my heart was longing for my fuzzy-haired babies, and my body was juggling the two as I struggled to pump enough milk while reading the quarterly report at work.
This is the dilemma for many moms returning to work after baby. How to adjust to this life change, while still showing ourselves as competent, competitive and ready to shatter that glass ceiling all the while pumping adequate amounts of milk? And how to even expect our male-dominated workplaces to understand what it means to go through the experience of making another human being and emerging as a totally different human being?
While we may expect companies and management to help us through this transition, truth is, we have to do the bulk of the understanding, and the working, and the making peace with all the milk and diapers and quarterly reports mess. And if you’ve been in the same situation, you know all too well what it feels like..
And sometimes, many times actually, we learn more from what not to do, than from what to do. And after breaking my own records of what not to do, in and outside of work, here are a few of my not-to’s for us ladies returning to work after maternity leave:
- Don’t try and be SuperWoman! More than any other time, work after baby feels like having to be Superwoman, except instead of the cape, we have to make do with milk-stained blouses and haunting dark circles (hello waterproof concealer). After baby#1, I though I could come back to the professional life and do it all. Pump while taking the conference call. Get the house in tip-top shape, baby fed, bed made, all before heading out the door in the morning. The reality was, my expectations, more than anything else, drove me bonkers. In addition to having to comb my hair and apply my make-up in the office bathroom, I had to deal with the disappointing frustration of feeling that I was not enough. And of course, my work, and entire life, suffered. Take it one day at a time. Stepping out of the house fully clothed and with matching shoes is already a big accomplishment, acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can.
- Don’t stay in your corner! After returning to work from maternity leave both times, I literally hibernated in my cube for a while. At the time, I thought this would be the best way to catch up and to find my marks. What ended up happening though, is that I failed to re-integrate the work environment as well as I could have. As a new mom back at work after baby, it’s easy (and somewhat normal at first) to stay in your corner and take some time to readjust. Yet, you want this transition period to be as short and swift as possible. Even if you’re still overwhelmed and uncomfortable the first few weeks, come out of your cube. Go meet and talk to people. Ask about changes that have happened in your absence. Do your own, subtle yet effective “after baby networking”. Better than catching up on email, it’s the fastest and most effective way to get yourself back in the groove of all work things. And it’s also the best way to show that you are indeed, back!
- Ask for what you need! Many new moms fail to ask for what they need. What they really, desperately need. Instead, we try to do it all, and end up frustrated, unhappy, and paralyzed into inaction. After baby#2, our family schedule had changed, and I needed to be able to come in earlier so I could leave earlier to pick up both babies. Instead of asking for what a slight schedule adjustment, I would instead drive myself insane trying to leave a few minutes late and curse my way to the daycare. Not the most effective way to keep sane! Do you need to leave at 4:30pm to feed the baby? Ask for a more flexible work arrangement. Do you need to take an hour at lunch to pump? Check with your manager and block that time on your calendar. The better you are at asking for what you need in order to perform your job well, the better you’ll be able to fulfill your professional duties. And yes, there may be instances where the answer will be no! Yet you owe it to yourself to ask.
- Don’t think of your circumstances as obstacles. I was speaking to a close friend earlier about her career progress. And what she said made me realize the sad truth for many moms returning to work after maternity leave. “I don’t think I’ll get the promotion. I’ve just had my second baby, and I’m sure I won’t even be considered for the job. They’ll probably think I won’t be committed enough, with all my family responsibilities and all…” So she didn’t go for the job…at first. Until her own husband pushed her to apply and go for it. And she did get it…This is a happy ending that may not happen in many other instances. Yet, way too often, we take ourselves out of the race mentally first. Thinking that we won’t be able to do the job. Or that “they” won’t consider us for it (who’s “they” anyways?). If you don’t think of your circumstances as obstacles, even if these look the part, chances are others won’t.
In summary, here are the no-no’s to absolutely avoid when coming back to work after baby, milk-stained shirts and sleepless nights galore:
- Avoid the Superwoman trap at all costs! You can’t do it all, and you can’t please everyone. You’re not a plate of cheese!
- Get out of that office, cube, or wherever else you may be hiding out after baby! Network your way back into the fold, show your face, and get back on track!
- Put your needs out there! No more trying to beat traffic, or concoct excuses! If you need it, ask for it!
- What’s happening to you is normal, it’s not an obstacle! Stop thinking of and presenting your circumstances as obstacles to your career advancement and progress! The more you learn to thrive in your circumstances, the more success you will attract your way!
What else would you suggest as a no-no for women returning to work after abby? Care to share your own story? Please chime in in the comments…
Love and Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 23, 2015 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Photo credit: http://4.bp.blogspot.com
You know the drill, you’re on it, meeting, even exceeding deadlines and goals, keeping on your grind, coming in early to get yours (and others’) work done. And here it is, 5:15pm, and your boss is sending you an IM to come in to his office to discuss some project you handed in last month for review! Really? And here you are, looking at your watch, realizing you’re already late to pick up the kids, and you’re probably not going to make it tonight, yet again…Story of a gazillion working moms out there! And what gets done in most cases: nada, ziltsch, nothing!
Granted we all have to take our work responsibilities seriously (and in case you were thinking, the myth of the distracted working mom is just that, a myth), and that most of us know by now work-life balance is just as elusive as the no-carb diet, the unrealistic demands and stereotypes placed on working moms keep on taking a heavy toll not only on these women, but also on companies and the economy in general that keeps on losing great workers to unfair, and frankly inefficient practices.
Truth is, work is a part of life, and not the other way around. As part of this life thing, women have had to pick their kids up for decades. So have men. That’s just part of life. So if both work and picking up your kids are part of normal life, nothing fancy, what seems to be the problem? Is there even a problem, or are we as a society making our lives, and the work that’s a part of it, unnecessarily complicated? Sounds simplistic? Well, try explaining to your 5-year old why they’ve had to wait on the school steps three times this week…
Yes, there’s work to be done, yet there’s also a life to be lived. Part of the work and the life we’re given is to ensure we can manage both efficiently enough so they don’t spill on each other. That includes running the day before it runs us, and not decide to wait until after-hours to address an important project (that you’ve been sitting on for a month)…
Just sayin’….
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 24, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
It’s the countdown to Thanksgiving! Menus are being planned, families are getting ready to gather, some for better, others for worse, and we’re all ready to go ahead and think of those people, events and things we are thankful for (and those we have other, much less thankful words, about…but I digress again…). All in all, Thanksgiving is like this scheduled positive time in your life when you’re expected to say thanks. And considering the bad rap this generation gets, taking a grateful pause makes us all look (and feel) better…
Plus your career may thank you too, what with complaints about the unstable economy (which by the way is much better than advertised), the gender pay gap, and what have you…Not to mention the fact that being thankful can keep you healthy, boost your morale, and prevent you from throwing a sharp object at your boss…Besides, the simple act of saying thank you at work has the power, according to research by Susan Quandt, to help you overcome career roadblocks with the sheer power of optimism:
- Write down what you’re grateful for: Start a gratitude journal, and motivate yourself to find something, someone, anything you’re grateful for…every day, even on Mondays!
- Thank 5 people at work this week: I know, some of you may read this, and think “shoo, I don’t even like five people at work”. Well, try! Whether it be thanking the janitor for keeping the toilets clean, or the cafeteria help for putting up with your constant lack of change, or your manager for skipping this week’s one-on-one, find 5 people, say thank you, and treat yourself to ice cream (or shoes) later!
- Give someone a career boost: If someone has helped you at work, or has been a great resource professionally, don’t just keep it to yourself! Spread the word, tell their managers, give them brownie points on the company’s Intranet, and help boost someone else’s, other than yours, career. It’s the small things, and they pay off…
How are you being thankful at work this week?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 15, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Children or career – Photo: huffingtonpost.com
The news that Apple and Facebook decided to pay women employees for freezing their eggs took me a bit by surprise. I realize, as incongruous as it may sound, that there is such a thing as the motherhood penalty, or that some may leave the widening gender inequality in the hands of karma. Yet when it comes to deciding upon our fertility as women, I still tend to be a traditionalist at heart.
Certainly, this is an amazing perk, as the cost of freezing eggs can add up to $10,000 per round of treatment. And considering at least 2 rounds are needed for the recommended 20 eggs for fertilization, this procedure does cost a pretty penny. Having companies such as Apple and Microsoft in male-dominated Silicon Valley volunteer to invest such money in their female employees will undoubtedly be a great opportunity for many women. It will afford many a woman the choice to delay pregnancy and focus on their career, or even help with health issues forcing them to consider having children later in life.
However, for those women who want both motherhood and career success, what message are these companies sending? Does this mean women must now choose between motherhood and career? And if they choose motherhood, that their chances at succeeding in their careers are diminished? Or if they choose to delay motherhood and focus on their careers, that having children was out on the back seat?
For many women, the choice is not that easy. While we may not want or need to have it all, some choices are among the most difficult to make, and have longer lasting consequences and implications than a couple of fertilization treatments. Do we want this type of choices to now be institutionalized and made the norm?
What do you think? Are companies offering to pay employees’ costs to freeze their eggs sending the wrong message?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 10, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Photo: blackenterprise.com
Before I even start ranting, let me add a disclaimer here: I believe all women are working women, whether we are professionals excelling at work or mothers raising kids at home (which by the way happens to be the toughest job on Earth).
Ok, now back to my rant…I remember after having my first child, in the first few weeks of the frazzled rest of my life, looking at childless women in the office almost with envy. Their perfectly manicured hands, rested looks and generally more relaxed appearance against my early foray into motherhood’s “Sorry” land. “Sorry I can’t make that meeting, gotta pick up the kids!” “Sorry I have to miss happy hour!” Sorry, sorry, sorry…
You know what I’m talking about, the feeling of being sub-par because all your childless colleagues can attend all the work’s social events, stay extra late at work, and be constantly available. Does this mean childless women at work are more successful than professional moms? I’d say, it depends on your definition of success. Yet, is there sometimes a subtle competition between moms and non-moms at work? Hmmm…
While many argue women with children get preferential treatment at work, and others are relentless about the motherhood penalty, the fact remains the state of women at work is definitely more complex and layered as it seems…
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. As a young, career-focused woman in Boston, spending my entire paycheck on rent and shoes (who needs food?), working late and never missing a happy hour. As a mom (even as a somewhat experienced mom), I miss my laundered shirts and 5-inch heels (and my waist too), and work is no longer number one. And I’m certainly not going to apologize for being a working mom.
All I can say is when it comes to moms and non-moms at work, success and struggle do go hand in hand…And whether we believe one group may have the upper hand on the other, at the end of the day, it’s really all up to your personal definition of success…
The Corporate Sis.
