by Solange Lopes | Feb 8, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Many ambitious women wonder how to strive both in their careers, businesses and at work. It is possible to be an ambitious, striving, successful woman, and still have a happy, successful marriage? Despite the many modern advances in our society, it’s still a question many of us ask ourselves.
I know I asked myself the question when getting married. Would I be able to still be able to chase my dreams, while still being happy in my marriage? Would I have to choose between ambition and happiness in my marriage? Can we really have it all, in our love partnerships and in our work?
We can’t help to notice that a number of extremely successful women are also not partnered. We can also see through social media and even reality television, that many marriages and partnerships are destroyed when career success or ambition enters the equation. Just look at Hollywood marriages for instance.
From talking with a few girlfriends, and my own experience, I’ve learnt that it’s more about finding the right balance than it is about combining career ambition and happy marriage. It’s also about keeping in mind certain golden principles when it comes to career ambition and happiness in marriage:
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Know yourself first and what works for you
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in any relationship is not knowing ourselves and what works for us. If there ever were a mirror rendering an accurate reflection of who are, it would be marriage. It’s important to know who you are and what works for you.
Giving the impression that you’ll be cooking and cleaning when you’re more interested in attending networking events and breaking the glass ceiling will not serve anyone. You can have a successful marriage and still build an outstanding career or business. The key is to understand yourself first, and be honest about what you bring to the table.
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Don’t be ashamed of your ambition
Ambition is nothing to be ashamed of or suppressed. It makes you who you are. Instead of being ashamed at your own desires for career or business success, don’t hesitate to claim it. If your partner cannot handle it from the get-go, then you may have to reconsider the relationship.
We bring all of us into any relationship, and denying or concealing any part of who we are only complicates things in the long run. Whether it’s your ambition, passion, goals or objectives, they are all valuable and worthy to be at least considered.
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Honesty is key
As in any relationships, honesty is the key to a healthy marriage. Not being honest about your career or business ambition may only set the tone for a dishonest partnership. Instead, be forthcoming about what you need for your own fulfillment. The happier and more fulfilled you are, the more you can bring to the relationship.
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Prepare for obstacles
Obstacles are a given in any partnership or marriage. It’s simply par for the course. Unfortunately, for many working women, career or business ambition can constitute yet another, potent obstacle to a harmonious relationship. Being ambitious in your career or business may require you to make certain sacrifices, travel or work overtime, which in turn may not bode well at all times with your partner.
It’s important to be prepared to manage and overcome these types of obstacles. Being as honest as possible, having an open dialogue, and even resorting to couples therapy, can help.
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Be flexible and open to change
Last but not least, being flexible and open to change can go a long way in any relationship. This is especially true as your partner may also have a demanding career, and both your schedules may be conflicting with each other. Careers, like relationships, are subject to change. Showing flexibility and adaptability, while focusing on the health of your relationship, is key.
What other advice do you have to combine career ambition with a happy marriage?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Feb 7, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
If you’re a busy working mom, celebrating Valentine’s Day may seem like yet another commitment to add to your calendar. At least, that’s how it has seemed to me quite a few times. For one, there’s the whole making handmade cards and gift bags for both the kids’ classrooms. Then there is the whole having to shave, wash and style my hair, and actually find a cute outfit for the day of, when all I want to do is collapse on the couch with toothpaste on my latest pimple. Oh and did I mention finding a thoughtful yet not too corny gift for the hubby, right after the holiday budget cuts too?
Navigating Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom can simply be a challenge. While you may be grateful to actually have the opportunity to celebrate, it may require some prep work and organization you may not exactly be ready to provide.
Here are a few ways that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom, minus the stress, overwhelm and deep desire to lay down for a nap:
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Lay off the perfectionism
It’s Valentine’s Day, not a rehearsed performance. While I understand that some people go big or go home when it comes to V-Day, there’s no need to go above and beyond if you don’t feel like it. In other words, you may have to skip the handmade cards and elaborate homemade cookie bags for the kids’ classmates, in favor of pre-written cards and mini-chocolate boxes from Walgreens. You can still smile at the overachieving mom who came in with individual brownie mini boxes for your kids’ classmates though, you just have different priorities, that’s all….
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Involve the entire family
Make it more fun, and easier on you, by involving the entire family in the celebration. Kids love being assigned some responsibilities. Why not entrust them with putting together the goodies for their classmates, and maybe even picking Daddy’s gift? You may enjoy the process, and have fun as you cross it off your to-do list.
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Focus on spending time rather than money
I noticed that when I took the focus off of doing, doing, doing, and instead started enjoying V-Day as an opportunity to bond with the family, it was a better experience. Instead of buying gifts, we started a Love Day tradition, including cuddling together on our tired couch and swapping fun stories.
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Do what works for you and your family
Have you ever watched the jewelry commercials airing ahead of Valentine’s Day, and wondered how far the celebration should really go? As a busy working mom, you may even ask yourself if you’re doing something wrong by keeping it casual and low-key. The most important thing is to do what works for you and your family, both in times of time and money.
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Treat yo’self
Last but not least, don’t forget to treat yourself and celebrate yourself. It doesn’t necessarily mean splurging on your favorite pair of Louboutins (although it could). Yet, it does include doing something FOR YOURSELF. It could be as simple as reading a book, taking a bath, or treating yourself to a spa. In any case, don’t forget yourself in all the hustle and bustle of V-Day.
How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Feb 6, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Earlier today, I picked up my son from school. As soon as he jumped in the car, he started telling me about a discussion they had in class about racial segregation in the US, and how “the white people and the black people drinking from different bubblers”. I understood his class discussion was related to Black History Month. As he was recounting the story in his 6-year old’s words, I couldn’t help but getting nervous at the prospect of having to explain what Black History Month is really about.
With all the positive and negative events that have occurred in our society, from racial tragedies to movements igniting change such as #BlackLivesMatter, #MeToo, #TimesUp and the #WomensMarch, it’s more important than ever for everyone to learn our history. This is especially crucial for kids as they are growing up in a society that is ever-changing.
It took me some time as a parent to come to terms with how to properly explain what Black History really means to my kids. The last thing I wanted was for them to grasp a sense of being different, or to build walls with others. It was important for me convey that as important as history is, it is to be used as a learning experience to make the present and future better.
Here are a few ways to explain and share Black History with kids, minus the uncomfortable conversations and hushed tones:
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Explain with compassion
Black History Month is about celebrating the achievements of African-American men and women throughout history. Teaching kids about the contributions of the African-American culture to modern society, and having compassion as you share the unfortunate events of the past, such as slavery and segregation, is key.
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Teach them through books
There are many available books sharing black history, from slavery to the civil rights movement. You can find these at the local bookstore or library. Here are some suggestions to get you started:
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Let them taste it
How about teaching about Black History Month through their taste buds? You may want to cook up a pot of southern style collard greens, or take them to a restaurant specializing in African American heritage food.
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Have them experience the artistic side of it
There are many art events, both local and non-local, during Black History Month. Research performances at your local library, schools, or community centers, so your kids can experience the arts part as well.
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Build a family tree
A fun project for the kids to teach them about black history is to build a family tree. It may involve some research but will keep the kids engaged and learning.
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Visit historical places
Have you considered visiting African Heritage museums, or historical places that can be used as learning moments for the kids. Do some research to locate these places in and outside of town.
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Talk to elderly relatives and friends
Do you have access to elderly relatives and friends that your kids can talk to and learn from as related to Black history? Create a connection between the different generations so they can learn from each other.
What other tips do you have to teach kids about Black History?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
*Please note this post contains affiliate links, and I may be compensated if you make a purchase through some of these links.
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by Solange Lopes | Feb 5, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
The other day, my son asked me to play cards with him as I was in the middle of finishing some client work. Exasperated, I asked him to give me another five minutes so “Mommy could finish working”. At this point, it had been about ten series of five-minutes I had requested from him, complete with sighs on my part and mini tantrums on his. Yet this time, instead of throwing yet another mini-tantrum, he simply turned around and said to me: “You never want to play with me”…
As I watched his little frame slowly turn around, an unusually sharp pain pierced my mom’s heart. Kids have this uncanny ability to speak truth in all circumstances, and this time again, he was right. My schedule had been unusually charged, between both kids, school, home and life in general. Like so many other working moms, I was trying to balance my work and my life, to juggle it all, to be all I could be…
As working moms, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we can balance it all. It’s tempting to buy into the notion that we can have it all, attempting to balance the large plate of our personal and professional obligations on our already over-extended shoulders. What we don’t often realize is that we cannot do it all, and neither should we. When I’m working on a project, I’m not available to my family, and vice-versa. There are also times when my family life takes over, and I spend less time at work. At other times, I may work overtime to meet a work deadline, and have less personal time. All of this makes work-life balance quite elusive at best, if not unattainable; which makes work-life integration not only much needed, but painfully necessary…
Your work is part of your life. In the same way, whether you like it or not, you do bring the effects of your lifestyle with you to work. While they may not be readily perceptible, they still impact the way you work and how productive you end up being. This is not about using your every waking hour to fit in work and other commitments. Neither is it about being available at all times, and jumping from one task to the other in an effort to be unrealistically flexible. It’s about de-compartmentalizing our lives and careers to create more fluidity between work and life. The point of work-life integration is to soften, not harden, our approach to how we work and live.
In my experience, I’ve found that having the flexibility to integrate work and life, in a healthy manner, allows me to be more present as a mom, wife, and woman. Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t mean working at all hours of night or having my phone constantly on. What it means for me is that I’m able to work from home when my child is sick. It also means that I can take advantage of the kids napping to sneak in an email or two; or that I can leverage my peak productivity hours instead of strictly relying on an imposed work schedule.
Here is how we can all integrate our work and life as working moms, instead of spinning our wheels on a constant search for an elusive work-life balance:
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Know yourself and your circumstances
It all starts with understanding what works for you and your particular circumstances. This means understanding how you work best, what your family and environment needs are, and how you are best fulfilled. This will help you determine how best to integrate your work and life, and make it work for you and your entire family.
Many moms have no other choice than to work around their kids’ schedule. For this reason, many end up sacrificing their careers and personal fulfillment. This can be avoided by finding the right formula to meet work and family obligations in a healthy and productive manner.
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Build a work-life integration strategy
Along with understanding what works best for you as a working mom in terms of work and personal arrangements, t’s important to build an effective integration strategy. This includes setting a schedule of priorities for yourself and your family, and sticking to it.
For some, it may means having a specific daily focus, to maximize the available time at their disposal. For others, it may mean working non-traditional hours to prioritize their family care during the day. Ask yourself what strategy will work best for you, and be open to experimenting as you go along.
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Focus on being present
Work-life integration is not about doing more and fitting in as much as you can during the day. Rather, it’s about softening the mental and physical barriers between work and life, so we can be more present.
Instead of being stressed out at work because you’re not able to pick up your sick child at school, you can have the peace of mind to care for him or her. Rather than being distracted while spending time with your family by work concerns, you can actually be more present.
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Prioritize your happiness and well-being
The most important aspect of work-life integration is to be happy and fulfilled. It’s to move with fluidity through life and work, and not be compelled to make unnecessary drastic and difficult choices. How many working moms have to sacrifice their family in order to be successful professionally? How many others are sitting at home, unable to focus on their family, because of a broken career or business dream?
In order to show up well at home or at work, you must be fulfilled and happy. If that means having a non-traditional schedule to be present with your loved ones, then so be it. If that also means relying on a spouse’s support while we climb the corporate ladder or build your dream business, then so be it as well.
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Be open to change
Integrating work and life also means allowing a certain sense of flexibility in. Being open to change, whether professionally or personally, is the key to finding the right formula for you and your family.
No two careers or lives are alike, which implies that what may work for you may be a total disaster for me. By welcoming change and the possibility of experimenting with various ways to integrate your work and life, you are able to find what success really looks like for you.
How do you integrate work and life as a working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Jan 23, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
As of December 2017, a new tax reform law has been signed into effect, affecting working parents and families in significant ways. Depending on their particular circumstances, some working parents may notice an increase in their taxes, while others may be getting a break.
If you are a working parent, here are 5 ways you and your family be impacted tax-wise going forward:
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If you’re married, your family may benefit from a tax cut
The new tax bill doubles your standard deduction as a married couple, which translates into a tax cut for most families. However, if you happen to reside in an expensive city and you itemize your deductions, you may be at a disadvantage. The reason for this is that sales and property taxes, as well as state individual income deductions have been capped at a total of $10,000, which limits how much you can deduct if you are in those expensive cities.
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If you’re in a high-income household, you may get a sizable break
Higher-income households, most specifically those earning between $500,000 and $1 million per year, will benefit from the biggest tax break. It may sound unfair but it’s the reality.
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No such luck for single parents
If you happen to be a single parent, you may have relied previously on a number of personal exemptions that were associated with filing as “head of household”. The new tax bill has done away with these personal exemptions, which means that a single parent would incur more taxes than a married family, and this despite the doubling of the standard deduction.
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You will benefit from a larger child tax credit
The child tax credit has been doubled to $2,000 from $1,000. The refundable portion is also larger than it used to be, which will benefit more lower-income families. However, in the end, wealthier families will still benefit more than single families.
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our family may have access to more paid leave
The new paid tax leave credit for companies encourages businesses to offer employees earning less than $72,000 up to 12 weeks of paid leave in exchange for a tax break. This may benefit working parents who desire to take more paid leave.
Got any tax-related questions? Click HERE to contact our sister consulting website SW Consulting.
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister
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by Solange Lopes | Jan 10, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
When it comes to productivity, it’s one thing to desire to be more productive. It’s an entirely different thing to identify the reasons why you’re not being as productive as you could. For many of us, especially as working women, optimal productivity is still a myth. We try to fit in as much as we can on our already packed schedules, and claim to be so “busy” all the time. Yet how much of the “Busy-ness” is really bearing fruits? How productive are we really being? Most importantly, what are the triggers that lead us down the familiar path of “busy but not productive”?
In my own career, business and life experience, it took me years to understand that new good habits could not stand if I did not identify the old, negative patterns. Which brought me to re-consider three major areas in our work and lives that trigger us to be un-productive:
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Negative Mindsets:
Do you notice how most times, when you get ready to tackle a challenging, uncomfortable, or unpleasant task, you tend to procrastinate? Do you listen to your thoughts as you get distracted and un-focused? Do you even know which thoughts and mindsets cause you to lose focus and send productivity down the drain?
One of the major obstacles to being efficient and productive can be traced to our powerful mindsets. The same mental patterns that motivate, inspire and push us to be our best selves are also those that block us from it. They are the thought patterns that tell us that we’re inadequate, that we cannot do it, that we’re not well connected, qualified, or equipped. Those are thought patterns that may have been passed down from generations, through families, friend circles, even work and business networks.
Knowing what these thought patterns are put us in the strong position to be able to recognize them. Once you recognize your triggers, you can better act to stop them, or at least limit their negative impact.
To Do: Start watching your thoughts for patterns that push you into lack of focus or unproductive work. Recognize these thoughts and learn to move away from them, or situations that may expose you to them. Work on improving your mindset through positive affirmations, inspiring relationships, books and learning tools.
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Productivity-sucking People:
In one of this TV show episodes, Steve Harvey confessed that twice a year, he goes through his list of friends, family and acquaintances, and does a thorough cleansing. Whoever does not help get better no longer has a place in his circle. The first time I heard this tip from Harvey, I cringed. As a person who’s very attached to my friends, family and even acquaintances, I couldn’t fathom the fact that people in your circle and network may hinder your growth and productivity. It took me a few years to experience it in my own work and life, and understand what Harvey was really talking about.
As uncomfortable a reality as it may be, there are “energy vampires” around us who can literally suck the best out of us. These may be negative co-workers, unsupportive friends or family members, or emotionally needy people who take of our resources without feeding us mentally or emotionally in return. These are the people who we may not realize are stunting our growth and making us less productive.
To Do: Identify the “energy vampires” in your life, and reflect on ways to limit their negative impact. This can be a challenging, even painful process. However, it is often one of the most potent blocks to optimal productivity.
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High-investment, low-return Things And Activities:
This is the era of things that can possess us, rather than us possessing them. From social media to instant messaging, not to mention the lure of wealth and power, it can be easy to allow things around us to rob us of our productivity. How many times have you spent hours on Instagram watching others win while you wait? How many times have you spent too much time accumulating things that cost you too much time, money and energy to maintain?
I used to have a pretty sizeable shoe habit. Which also meant I would spend money on accumulating footwear I didn’t have enough room to store. This is without counting with the money and related credit card interest that could have been invested or saved. These “things” were literally cost me time to manage and store adequately, and money that could be put elsewhere.
Did you notice that some of the biggest entrepreneurs, the likes of Mark Zuckerberg, have a limited wardrobe? The reason behind this is that they devote as little time as possible to things with little to no return, and more time to building legacies. What if we also could stop allowing things from keeping us unfocused and unproductive?
To Do: Look around you. Identify those things and possessions that cost you excessive time, money and energy. Start thinking of ways to minimize their impact and re-allocating your time to your most important projects.
How do you face these productivity blocks in your daily life?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
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by Solange Lopes | Dec 20, 2017 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
10 Things NEVER to Say To A Mom Who’s Had a C-Section
If you’re a woman who’s ever had a C-section, you know how challenging of a process it can be. In addition to being traumatic for many women who have had to suffer emergency procedures to deliver their babies, at the cost of their own lives. If you’re a woman who hasn’t had to endure one, this is not to speak against anyone. However, we all know that giving birth is such a precious and precarious process which puts both mother and child between life and death.
It’s also the reason why I’m utterly amazed at some of the words and slights spoken at any woman who’s had a C-section. Having gone through the C-section experience myself, I have been at the end of many of these. From some women questioning the legitimacy of my womanhood, to inappropriate questions about how I gave birth, I’ve heard it all…Interestingly enough, I never addressed these directly, for the simple reason that I didn’t know how to. I know I’m not the only one either…
So many women are suffering silently under the false stigma surrounding C-sections, especially in certain cultures. There is this untrue image that giving birth naturally represents some sort of badge of honor. The only badge of honor is from God and represents the gift of life. Which also means that it’s not exactly up to us to determine anyone’s worth based on our opinion of who they are, what they do, or anything really…
10 Things NEVER to Say To A Mom Who’s Had a C-Section
While many comments come from a place of misinformation and miseducation, they are still damaging. From my own and so many other women’s experiences, here are 10 things NEVER to say to a woman who’s had a C-section:
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So, is that giving birth, technically?
FYI: Giving birth is the process of bringing forth life. This means that regardless of the delivery experience, the act of carrying life IS giving birth. Even if it doesn’t come from a bad place, refrain from taking any of this experience away from a mom who’s had a C-section. Period.
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You’ll never experience giving birth naturally
I remember standing in absolute shock as this woman said these exact words to me. Although I thought I was mentally prepared and had heard just about anything about C-sections, this took me by absolute surprise.
Make no mistake, such a statement, or anything close to it, is not only of bad taste, but it is incredibly cruel. However, it only reveals ignorance and an extreme lack of compassion. Don’t be that person.
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It must be so easy to give birth by C-section
FYI: C-sections are major surgeries, for which women undergoing it are awake. Then these same women get sent home a couple of days after being cut open, with some medication and a new human life to care for! Think about it, most people undergoing major surgery are sent home with prescription painkillers and ordered to rest!
Add to it the struggle to care for your surgery wound, to use the bathroom, or to simply walk around! We may need to reframe the definition of “easy”, huh?
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You’re so lucky to have given birth by C-section
Many, if not most, women undergo C-sections after extensive labor, and in order to save their child’s life. These are women who suffer through BOTH labor, surgery and the trauma of fearing for theirs and their child’s health. Don’t assume that social media images of wealthy women opting for C-sections is what happens to everyone. And don’t downplay the trauma affecting so many women!
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You can try again next time to do it naturally!
The process of life and being born is a NATURAL process! What you may mean by “natural” is “vaginal birth”. In which case this statement may have to be rephrased.
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At least, you’re intact down there
Getting cut open while a child is being taken out of you doesn’t exactly fall under the “intact” category. Or maybe there’s no need to compare. At all.
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At least, the baby’s healthy
Yes, and that is why many women undergo C-sections. However, that woman standing in front of you also has worth and feelings too. Acknowledge her process as well, because every time a child is born, a mother is being born as well.
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You don’t have to pee yourself, at least
FYI: Having a weakened pelvic floor is not correlated to how you give birth. As a matter of fact, it can happen to any woman for the simple fact of being pregnant. So eventually, we may all end up sharing those Depends diapers.
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That’s too bad.
Giving birth (refer to point #1) is a miracle, and an absolute joy, regardless of how it happened! So please don’t dampen this whole magical experience. Everyone’s healthy, it’s a happy time!
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Don’t worry, the statistics about C-sections are (insert statistics)
When you meet someone who reduces your entire experience to a bunch of statistics, albeit accurate. And you just want to tell them to be happy with you, let it go, and leave the Birth Encyclopedia alone…
Here’s to all the brave mothers, biological or by heart, who devote their lives to nurturing others! You are worthy, you are enough, you are loved!
The Corporate Sis
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