by Solange Lopes | Jun 19, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
As a working mom, summer can be interesting juggling acts. You may have to combine your work, with the kids being out of school, vacation planned, and the inevitable slowdown that comes with the warmer months. While it may seem like it’s all about weekend getaways, tropical vacations and happy hours, the reality is that summertime is also a serious balancing exercise for most working moms.
I used to dread summertime, wondering how to keep the kids entertained while working, packing the right way to go on vacations, having a good time, and not breaking the bank in the process. The result? Instead of relaxing and taking advantage of the summer slowdown, I would be exhausted come September.
What I learnt after many overly packed summers is to actually use a few key tips to manage my career and life as a working mom:
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Mindset first
It always starts with your mindset. If you anticipate that your summer will be exhausting and packed with to-do’s, chances are it will be. Start by taking it easy on yourself, and envision yourself actually having a good time. Let go of the anxiety of controlling every single detail, and instead allow for spontaneity and surprises to come your way. The point is, you must decide ahead of time that this will be a great summer!
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Let go of perfection and guilt
I know as a working mom, I tend to want everything perfectly organized and planned. I also tend to experience guilt when I’m not as productive as I thought I would be, or when the kids aren’t as entertained over the summer. The result is usually a lot of stress stemming for unrealistic pressures and expectation.
Instead, let go of perfectionism and guilt. Yes, there will be times when the kids will be bored, and it’s actually good for their creativity and overall balance. Yes, you might miss a deadline at work, or the vacation may not go as planned. It’s ok, it’s called life.
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Set expectations
While you may want to let go of unrealistic personal or professional expectations you or others may impose on you, you also have to set your own so as not to end up overwhelmed and frazzled. If you’ve asked or are planning to ask for a flex schedule at work because you have to pick up the kids at certain times, make sure to set some clear expectations as to your availability with your team and management. If you have vacation time scheduled, or need to start later or leave earlier, be sure to communicate it early enough and stand by it.
In the same way, set expectations with your family in terms of what you can and cannot do. There is no use driving yourself insane serving as the chauffeur, vacation planner, playdate facilitator, if it’s going to leave you begging for your sanity at the end of the summer.
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Have some REAL downtime
How about having some REAL downtime? Not the kind of downtime when you bring your laptop with you, or grab some unfinished work to tackle as you’re sitting poolside. Not even the kind of downtime when you check on your family and friends, scroll through Instagram, or catch up on email. I’m talking about the kind of downtime when you do absolutely NOTHING!
If you must, pencil it in in your calendar, enlist the help of your hubby or a trusted friend to watch the kids, and enjoy the pleasures of doing absolutely nothing, nada, ziltsch! The other day, I caught myself sitting at the park while the kids were busy drenching themselves in sand, and for once in a while, it was pure bliss to not do anything (and not feel guilty about it)!
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Automate, automate, automate!
Repeat after me: Technology is your friend! Which means, whenever you can, you should seek to automate as much as you can. From your bill payment, to your appointments and even certain services you get, automate, automate, automate! Not only does it free up precious brain space, but it also allows you to re-purpose all this administrative time into pure fun or well…a nap!
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Set reminders
Summers are busy for working moms! In between camp activities, vacations, work, playdates and other fun mommy activities, you’re bound to forget something. Set reminders as much as you can to help you keep track of what you have to do. I remind myself that I have kids and they must be bathed and dressed daily, because: full brain!
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Seek help
It takes a village, even in the summer! Don’t hesitate to ask for help this summer as you handle the kids, your work, the vacation planning, and everything else in between! You don’t have to do it all. Leave the kids with the hubby for an afternoon as you go read a book at the local café. Enlist the help of your family so you can take off for a girls’ getaway. Look for a kids’ daycare at the vacation resort so you can enjoy that spiked margarita poolside. Or just hide out in the bathroom and read a page of your favorite summer read. Whatever the case is, consider seeking help so you can recharge over the summer, minus kids’ cries that is.
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Turn off social media
Unplug, unplug, did I say, unplug! There is no true relaxation unless you turn off social media. As entertaining as it may seem, it nevertheless keeps putting added pressure on us to keep informed of what everyone else is doing. Which also takes additional space in our already busy and crowded minds. This summer, challenge yourself to unplug at least once a week, and use this newfound brain space to relax!
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Stop comparing
Along the same lines as turning off social media, refrain from comparing your summer with every other working mom around. Yes, you may be vacationing locally this year while your sister is jet-setting on a yacht along the Amalfi coast. Or you may be working your behind off to launch your business while everyone else is lounging on the beach. The point is, you don’t have to do what everyone else does. You don’t really know what they’re going through, so stop comparing yourself to them. Instead, enjoy what you have, make the best of your summer, and find joy in all you do.
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Be present
Last but not least, simply enjoy the moment and be present. When you’re at the beach with the kiddos, be at the beach with the kiddos. When you’re answering that email before taking off for the day, be there to answer that email to the best of your abilities. My point is, instead of looking forward to the next moment, the next vacation, the next quiet moment, just be there enjoying the present time!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 8, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
The need for validation is one that many, if not most of us, experience in our work and life. After all, it feels good to be recognized and validated at work and in life by our friends, family, peers and others. In your career, this need for validation may express itself in your need to have your work and accomplishments recognized by your team, managers and others around you. In our personal lives, it comes most often as a need to have our choices, ideas and even personality accepted and validated by others, especially those who are closest to us.
However, this need of validation also comes at a cost, especially for us as working women. It makes us vulnerable to criticism, negative comments, and even jealousy and ill intentions from those around us. In the era of social media especially, where most people sometimes share the most intimate parts of their lives expecting clicks and comments signifying approval, admiration and even envy at times, it can be difficult to escape this need for validation. We feel like if our parents and siblings are not on board with our careers or our next entrepreneurial idea, that there must be something wrong with us. We think that because our personal lifestyle choices, from the way we dress to the relationships we choose to have, are not widely approved, they must not be that great.
As a working woman and a working mom, I’ve often struggled with this need for validation. I was born and raised in my beautiful home country of Senegal, where women unfortunately did not have much of a voice back then, pretty much like in the world. In addition to this, cultural values and traditions also imposed on many of us, from the right age to be married, to the right choice of work, to the right age to bear children and how to raise them, there were and still are many precepts according to which women are expected to live. I grew up then believing that there are right to do as a woman and other things to be avoided. Which is fine, until you start believing that the differentiator between these right and wrong things is rooted in other people’s opinions and validation.
As working women and mothers, it can be easy to fall into the validation trap. After all, it’s more comfortable to be validated and appreciated by those around us. It’s less demanding to do work that is likely to gain widespread approval than to stand behind a controversial piece of work. It’s easier to be the woman and mother that everyone expects to be rather than apply your own beliefs and opinions to your personal journey. Yet it is only easier on the surface. The cost of needing validation is letting go of your authenticity and of the limitless possibilities that lie ahead of you. It is abdicating your powers to shape your success the way you define it and understand it rather than to base it on external expectations.
So how do we rid ourselves of this need for validation as working women, without losing our sanity, our networks and our professional significance? How can you as a smart, ambitious and thriving working woman, preserve your right to do work and live a life that you truly enjoy without the pressure of seeking validation, is a question I have often asked myself. The truth is, striking out on your own and making peace with the fact that you will not have the comfort of external validation, is difficult. However, there are steps to empowering yourself and taking the right actions towards turning this need for validation most of us experience, into a powerful tool for self-development.
Always to knowledge the problem.
Look at the way you react in professional and personal settings. Are you the one waiting and looking for approval before you can add your own stamp of originality onto a given project? Does the sting of criticism pierce you so much that it paralyzes you to the point of lessening your powers of initiatives? At work and in life, are your relationships based on whether others approve of you are not? Are you unable to function when you face rejection and discipline?
This may translate into too much time seeking others’ approval, time that you can instead use to develop your own talents and abilities. If you answer yes to two or more of these questions, the need for validation is a real threat in your personal life. However, it is certainly not an insurmountable problem. What it does is teach you about some of the inaccurate and hurtful beliefs you may have about yourself. Beliefs such as “you are not enough“, “you can’t do it on your own”, or “you don’t have what it takes”. It is not so much the validation-seeking behavior that you should target, as the beliefs buried under this behavior. In order to change the way you approach your work and life in terms of seeking validation, you must learn to recognize these false beliefs first.
Change the way you see yourself.
Confidence, as I have learned, it’s not a skill you must be born with. It is one that you can acquire by challenging yourself to stretch beyond your own limitations and do those things that you don’t think you can or are not equipped to do, in order to reach the goals and objectives you have set for yourself. It is a process that involves taking action and growing by doing. When it comes to releasing your need to be validated others, it’s a matter of doing the inner work first..
I was recently listening to an episode of the Redefining Wealth with Patrice Washington podcast, more specifically to an episode in which she was interviewing Essence’s Senior Editor and author of Boss Bride Charreah Jackson, and discussing the concept of the “Crazy 8”. It’s the exercise of jotting down the eight craziest things you dream to have happened in your life and devising action steps to get there. It’s in my opinion such a powerful way to see yourself as a victor rather than a victim over your circumstances, in addition to speaking your own miracles into existence. There are other ways that you can learn to see yourself differently by projecting yourself into the future and actually devising and executing action steps to help you achieve your most ambitious goals and objectives. Allowing yourself to see yourself as this woman who can score the promotion, write the book, start the business, and achieve so many other great things, will help release you of the need to seek approval.
Understand that others are not required to support you.
Your ideas, personality, looks or vision were given to you for a reason. Most often, this result has nothing to do with what others think about you. Many will not like or support the person you are, or the ideas and vision that come from you, because they are not you. I have learned that acceptance and validation is not only an exercise in time-wasting, but is also one of the biggest deterrents of dreams and innovation.
If the idea were to be executed by everyone else, then it would’ve already been. If the product were to be created by everyone else, then it would’ve already been. If the job were for everyone else, then it would have already been as well. You are in this seat, this position, this business for a reason. You are faced with this opportunity, this challenge, because you are the right person entrusted to bring it to life. As such, you cannot demand or expect that others join your ranks and validate you in one form or the other, simply because it is not their responsibility to do so. Does it feel comforting to have the support and approval of those close to you? Certainly. Is it absolutely necessary for you to slay your goals and become the best version of yourself? No. The process of life and the journey of rising up to become the best version of ourselves is one that can be lonely, so pick your battles, do the work, and clap for yourself. The point is, validation is for parking tickets, not you.
Last but not least, step up to be the leader of your life.
Remember that this is your life, your career, and ultimately the decisions that lead to the best version of yourself. While well-meaning family and friends may also want the best for you, that is their version of what is best for you. As enticing as it may be, your version of what is best for you is based on who you are and what your dreams are, and is always best.
At work, managers and executives are not picked based on their ability to be validated, despite the sometimes negative impact of office politics. Their leadership is measured by their ability to stand up for the mission of the team, department and company as well as their own personal mission. It is this the ability to stand behind their work and at times challenge the status quo, as opposed to going the conventional route of popularity and public validation, that separates effective leaders from their wannabe counterparts.
In the same way, as you step up in your career, business and life, it’s crucial that you reject the idea that your best achievements are based on public validation. The need for validation has killed more dreams and held back too many successful careers. Remember the only validation you need is yours.
With love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | May 24, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it’s got me thinking about how we, as working women, face mental health challenges at work and in life. As I did some research, I found out that according to the National Institute of Mental Health, there were over 44.7 million adults over the age of 18 suffering from a mental illness in the United States. Of these, 21.7% affected were women, as opposed to 14.5% being men.
Yet, women, especially working women, are among the least likely to admit their mental health struggles. So many of us are socialized to appear a certain way and play a given part, whether at work or in life. We’re expected to be the nice, caring, supportive ones, who take one (or many) for the team. Yet, we’re also supposed to be resilient, strong, and virtually unbreakable in the face of the many demands and pressures placed on us, whether professionally or personally. In other words, we’re expected to have it all together, and keep it that way. From the working mother who plans the perfect birthday party while managing to finish the audit report, to the mompreneur up until 2am while the kids are asleep, not to mention the stay-at-home mom juggling meals, laundry and soccer games, while still looking human.
In the midst of our unending to-do lists, un-folded laundry and big projects, it can be easy to forget our mental health. Truth is, it’s more convenient to do so. After all, who wants to admit that they don’t have it all together? How many can honestly admit to grappling with bouts of depression or anxiety? Not many. Society, especially this social media obsessed, appearances-minding, keep-up-with-the-Joneses, all-is-well-in-the-best-of-worlds, society, doesn’t exactly cast a kind eye on people, and women in particular, who are not strong enough.
In my native Senegalese culture, the Wolof term “sutura” alludes to this need to keep face, even when submerged with issues, out of human dignity and honor. While this was an honorable concept back in the days, It has slowly turned into a “saving face” contest. Many resort to putting themselves in debt, or pretending to be well off and happy, more out of a sense of personal pride than dignity. In the same way, some spend thousands of dollars to “stunt on the ‘gram”, and impress others with what they don’t really have. As a result of all this, taking care of one’s mental health, especially as a working woman, has become a tremendous challenge.
As a working mom of 2 and a budding entrepreneur, I have experienced, like so many other working moms, times when I was mentally at my worst. Those were times plagued with fatigue, insecurities, and high personal and professional stress. Yet, it took me a long time to give myself permission to acknowledge the importance, and at times fragility of my mental health. It has taken me even longer to commit to proactively protecting it. There are so many taboos and silences around mental health issues, from depression to anxiety and suicide. This is especially prevalent at work where many working women have to put on a professional mask, which perpetuates this culture of mental health avoidance.
What can you do as a busy working woman to take care of your health in a proactive, dignified and most importantly effective manner? It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times. Along my personal and professional journey, I’ve been fortunate to find and receive some guidance in this area that I’d like to share.I’ve also been comforted by the fact that we’re never alone in our own journey when it comes to caring for our mental health. We’re walking alongside so many other women who are trying their best, and also striving to protect their own mental health.
Here are some tips on taking care of your mental health as a working woman:
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Acknowledge your mental health struggles
It begins with being honest with yourself, and more particularly the struggles you’re encountering with regards to your own mental health. If you’re not feeling like yourself, are unusually tired and sad, or continuously feel a sense of impending doom, chances are your mental health is seriously suffering. Consider discussing this with your doctor, and getting a recommendation for a psychologist. Do not just dismiss your symptoms, self-medicate or wait for it to pass.
If you ask me, I think every single person should see a psychologist at least once. As a matter of fact, everyone should periodically check in with a psychologist. The reason for it is that we all go through complex experiences and face dire challenges and obstacles in our work and life. We all process them differently, not realizing the heavy impact they may have on us. Being able to speak to someone who is detached and qualified enough to help you come to terms with your own experience is key.
To Do: Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your mental health struggles, if only to yourself at first. You can’t solve an issue you won’t recognize. Understanding that your mental health is one of your most important assets goes a long way in being purposeful, successful and happy at work and in life.
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Stop the elephant in the room syndrome: Talk about it
Mental health is the proverbial elephant in the room for many working women. As an introvert and a pretty private person, simply admitting that I was stressed was a challenge. Never mind sharing some of my difficult moments with others…
As working women, especially as women of color, talking about our mental health struggles feels counter-intuitive. For many of us, the way we were raised and our cultural environments also preclude us for discussing the elephant in the room. Instead, we tip toe around it, pushing ourselves to be strong even when we need to heal and take care of ourselves.
To Do: Find trusted friends or colleagues to confide in, and release the tension that may be accumulating inside of you. Consider consulting with a mental health professional as well to learn ways to cope with your particular sources of stress.
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Set some boundaries!
Have you found yourself over-committed, burdened and as a result, depressed and anxious? Or do you take on so much (and so many people) that you end up losing your own sanity? Even better, do you allow life, work and its circumstances to overwhelm you to the point of sacrificing your own mental well-being? I know I have…We may all have at some point of another. After all, it comes with the territory, as a woman, wife, mom, sister, etc…
I was having a conversation earlier with a sister friend of mine, and both of us were discussing how challenging it is for us as working women to say no. Whether it’s declining yet another invitation to help on a project because we already have so much on our plates, or saying no to a commitment we cannot afford to take on, or even refusing to be treated a certain way, setting clear boundaries is key to our good mental health.
To Do: Learn to say NO! Don’t feel guilty for declining a commitment, staying away from someone, or simply taking the time to care for yourself. Without the proper controls on your work and life, you’re putting your mental health at risk.
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Take some time out
Sometimes, you’ve just got to bow out and take some time out for yourself. As a matter of fact, you should do it regularly to avoid burnout and mental exhaustion. As working women, we tend to run ourselves ragged in search of the perfect work-balance, which by the way doesn’t exist. We feel guilty for not being more accomplished at work. We feel guilty for not being the perfect wives, mothers, friends and sisters we believe we should be. By the time we’re done completing all our projects, fixing the perfect dinner, answering all our text messages and returning calls, we’re on the verge of losing our edges. I know I am…
I’ve now made it a tradition to take some serious time out, including from social media, constant work and even my own kids and family. The hubby and I manage our schedules so that each of us can spend some time alone on weekends or on some week nights. It’s not just about balance, it’s about sanity!
To do: Schedule some time out for yourself and pencil it in your calendar just as you would any other important commitment. Steer away from work, family and social media, and use this time to refresh and do something you really enjoy. It may be a mani-pedi, reading a book or just staring at the ceiling, your choice!
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Help eliminate the stigma around mental health
As working women, we unconsciously tend to repeat the mental health stigma around us by not showing ourselves the grace needed to care for ourselves. It’s by allowing yourself to be honest enough to recognize mental health is important, and that we all may suffer from issues around it, that you allow other working women to do the same. By the way you care for yourself, set boundaries around your life, you also inspire other working women to do the same.
Most importantly, by being willing to talk about it, you also contribute to destigmatizing the issue of mental health among working women. It takes being vulnerable to show the power that exists in healing so we can be the best version of ourselves.
To Do: Stop and pay more attention to the other women around you. Be willing to be vulnerable and share some of your struggles, not as a sign of weakness but as a sign that we all go through similar struggles and need to support each other in the process. Last but not least, refrain from judging another working woman who’s struggling at the moment, as you may have already been in her shoes.
All in all, taking care of your mental health as a working woman is a priority you should devote your time, attention and energy to. Being honest and forthcoming about the issues you’re facing, sharing them with the right people, setting boundaries and taking some time out can help. By taking care of your mental well-being, you can also help empower other women and reduce the terrible stigma around mental health.
Now your turn: How do you take care of your mental health?
To Your Success,
Solange.
by Solange Lopes | May 2, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Every year as Mother’s Day approaches, you can’t miss the onslaught of marketing ads, cards and flowers thrown at us from everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, getting a cute (preferably funny) greeting card, some adorable flowers and an elegant purse of pair of shoes is a wonderful touch of kindness and care. As a working mom, I value all the precious gifts the hubby has given me over the years (mostly at my not-so-discrete request).
However, as years have gone by, more kids were born, and laundry steadily got out of control, my gift request list has (slightly) changed. As I was chasing my youngest in a crowded restaurant while trying to extricate the bread roll he shoved in my bra and keep butter from drizzling all over my new Spring dress last Mother’s Day, I mentally made a list of 10 things I want most for Mother’s Day this year.
At the risk of foregoing the most adorable (and priciest) bouquet of flowers and gorgeous purse, here are 10 things this working mom wants for Mother’s Day this year. And guess what, none of them includes stepping into a store and sliding a credit card anywhere (ok, maybe a little):
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A nap (or just sleep in general)
The last time I tried to remember my last nap, I almost got a brain freeze. If you’re a working mom, the thought of laying down for a few uninterrupted minutes during the day may seem like finding an oasis in the middle of Manhattan.
Well, for Mother’s Day, I may just want to find that one oasis in the middle of Manhattan. Which also means laying myself down somewhere in the middle of the day, closing my eyes and enjoying this mother of a peace!
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Silence (lots of it)
If you’re a working mom, or have been around any mom in any country in the world, you know that silence quickly becomes a hard commodity to come by. As a matter of fact, even when there is silence, your mommy brain may still come up with some imaginary child voice asking for bread with Nutella or clean underwear (or both)…
For Mother’s Day, my silent request is to have some silence, as I negotiate with my brain to shut down the imaginary kids’ voices (which may or may not be mine). Plus I’ll take it with a glass of red Beaujolais, please and thank you…
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Going to the bathroom alone (at least once on Mother’s Day)
Do you remember when you used to go to the bathroom alone, preferably with a book? Ok, now, fast forward, do you remember the last time you sat on the throne for more than two seconds alone with your thoughts as a working mom? That is, without getting interrupted because a) everyone needs to pee at the same time as you, b) everyone has a question for you right as you sit on the toilet, or c) there is some unnamed emergency you need to run to right that minute.
On Mother’s Day, I’m renaming our (cleanest) bathroom as “motherhood territory”. Which also means no interruptions and a good book to boot.
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Reading a book without any little person ripping the page off
Speaking of books, how many working moms remember the feeling of actually leafing through a real book, with real pages? Or even holding a Kindle device without any little fingers splashing Nutella all over it?
Well, I personally don’t. Which is exactly why reading a real book is quite up there on my list of Mother’s Day demands. And ideally, the pages would remain in the book and not in some (adorable) little person’s hands…
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A nanny for the day (you may add a cook, laundry person, and special attendant)
I understand the point of Mother’s Day is to celebrate mothers; and that what makes us mothers is actually having (and dealing with) children (plus the resulting housework and mental exhaustion that comes with these precious little humans). However, since we’re making exceptions for Mother’s Day, a nanny (preferably an overachieving one who may or may not have graduated from the Harvards of Nanny schools) would be pretty awesome.
I also wouldn’t be opposed to a personal chef, laundry person and even a special attendant too. Just saying, don’t judge me…
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The abolition of cooking and cleaning (even to bring me breakfast in bed)
The last time I was treated to breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day, I was also treated to a substantial pile of dishes in the sink, sticky syrup on the floor and all over my sheets, and did I mention the entire kitchen area turned into a war zone? Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely adorable and have made me almost lose my nightly hair pineapple (hello naturalistas)…
For Mother’s Day, can we respectfully agree to abolish any cooking or cleaning? Which may involve pre-cooking said breakfast in bed, ordering it in, or just enlisting the help of the hubby (and his whole squad) to clean up afterwards?
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The apocalypse of laundry
Right along with laundry, can we talk about the curse of laundry? This hungry monster seems to multiply by the day, signaling the never-ending plague of household chores. Not that I don’t enjoy loading multiple laundry packs and folding a gazillion little underwear as I reflect over what happened to my life…
Well, for Mother’s Day, let’s decide on the apocalypse of laundry, which also means hiding any evidence of dirty clothes from sight, and providing enough clean underwear to keep any laundry crisis at bay…
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Extreme and obnoxious pampering
We’re not talking about a regular mani-pedi here. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty nice treat. Yet, since we’re talking about things I really want, how about some extreme and pretty obnoxious pampering? Like an entire day at the spa, or a massage combo, or anything that makes you feel extra special that day?
So for Mother’s Day, if I must choose between overpriced and perishable flowers, and raising the bar on mommy pampering, I’ll pick the latter. Which also includes wearing some form of lipstick (away from my teeth), cute (non-walking/running) heels, and a designer bag instead of the traditional bulky diaper bag.
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Death to the mom routine
While we’re at it, let’s do away with the mom routine too, including kids bath, fights over the outfit of the day, or riding around all day picking up and dropping off kids to social activities and playdates. In other words, a clean, sweet break-up with the every day mom routine.
For Mother’s Day, I will gladly relinquish all said routine mom duties to the lowest bidder. No hard feelings…
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But I still want to know that my beautiful family is there, just quiet and not too close
Yet, what I really want, in addition to all the very reasonable (ok, maybe not for the special attendant) demands above, is to have my people around. The ones who drive me bonkers, make me carry dirty socks in my purse, and have turned my car into a dirty minibus.
The only thing is, I just want them where I can see them, but not where I have to be involved in any diaper changing, counter cleaning, or question answering…Just for one day, everyone sit pretty and smile, and let Mommy be…You may come back tomorrow with your unmet needs, demands and requests, plus any complaints about the lack of clean underwear…
From Mommy with Love…
by Solange Lopes | Mar 21, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
I closed the last page of Believe Bigger: Discover the Path to Your Life Purpose, and just stood there in the middle of my kitchen, a smile on my face, (happy) tears streaming down my face. My perspective on Purpose, Faith and Life in general would never be the same. Not after reading this book…
There are very few books that will make a lifelong impact on you. Marshawn Evans Daniels’ Believe Bigger masterpiece is one of them. It’s like a gentle nudge from God to understand your significance, purpose and the path to get there. It’s also one of the strongest calls to reclaiming your life, gifts and awaken that greatness that is within each and every one of us, you may ever come across.
First off, let me tell you about Marshawn (I’m calling her Marshawn as I consider her to be my spiritual sister). Marshawn Evans Daniels is a reinvention strategist who mentors women around the world to live bolder in business, faith and life.I have been following her on social media for quite some time and have always been in awe of her impact on women like myself. Her message around women turning pain into purpose, and mess into magnificent life missions, has touched me personally in all areas of my life. I have been honored to be part of her book launch team for Believe Bigger, and what a blessing it has been!
As a woman, a believer and an entrepreneur who made a challenging, sometimes heart-wrenching leap into my purpose in faith, her message rocked me to my core. It spoke to every single fiber of self-doubt, regret, lack of confidence, that I have ever experienced as a timid child raised in a single-parent home, an introvert, and recovering success addict and people-pleaser. As I followed her own story going through being misunderstood and mislabeled as a “problem child”, to the demise of her wedding days before it even happened, and her stepping into her purpose to help women unleash their potential, I couldn’t help but see my own. Literally, anyone reading this book can see themselves in Marshawn’s story of facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles and overcoming through faith, resilience and the ultimate power of God.
Through her five stages of divine reinvention, which she details so perfectly in the book, Marshawn Evans Daniel takes you on a personal journey of introspection around your purpose in life and how to get there.
“Spiritual growth comes from perspective” – Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels
What Believe Bigger gives you is this much-needed perspective of faith and self-belief that many, if not most women, miss. As we’re given flawed messages of inadequacy from childhood on, from our relationships to our careers and businesses, we tend to start believing that we may not have a purpose after all. We stop thinking that we do have a bigger vision, and instead settle for the ordinary when we carry the extraordinary inside of us.
“Dreams are not just to be longed after, dreams are meant to be lived.” Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels
Yet, in Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels doesn’t just speak about potential and dreams. She has actually crafted an entire Purpose Map, clearly depicting the path to leading a life of purpose. She actually provides a tangible step-by-step approach to recognize your gifts and harness them to fulfill God’s plan for your life, move others forward and improve their lives in the process.
“Gifts align us with the best parts of ourselves that bring the best in others”. Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels
Through the pages of Believe Bigger, you get to understand that every struggle, every difficulty, every heartbreaking moment is simply providing you gift-giving lessons so you have more IMPACT in all areas of life. This is not a survival, quick-tips kind of book. What it is, is a manual to thrive and not just survive, to have significance and not just success.
“God has called every woman to lead. A life of influence and impact is the very center of feminine purpose.” Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels
Realizing that leadership is my birthright, along with every other woman, totally changed my perspective. Which also means that sitting in the back of the room, silencing our voices, or busying our lives with non-impactful activities, is not what we’re supposed to accept. Instead, you not only have the right, but the responsibility, to step into the glorious significance of being the woman you have been created to be.
But it all starts with believing bigger….
Thank you Marshawn, for an amazing, life-changing, revolutionary book!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 8, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Many ambitious women wonder how to strive both in their careers, businesses and at work. It is possible to be an ambitious, striving, successful woman, and still have a happy, successful marriage? Despite the many modern advances in our society, it’s still a question many of us ask ourselves.
I know I asked myself the question when getting married. Would I be able to still be able to chase my dreams, while still being happy in my marriage? Would I have to choose between ambition and happiness in my marriage? Can we really have it all, in our love partnerships and in our work?
We can’t help to notice that a number of extremely successful women are also not partnered. We can also see through social media and even reality television, that many marriages and partnerships are destroyed when career success or ambition enters the equation. Just look at Hollywood marriages for instance.
From talking with a few girlfriends, and my own experience, I’ve learnt that it’s more about finding the right balance than it is about combining career ambition and happy marriage. It’s also about keeping in mind certain golden principles when it comes to career ambition and happiness in marriage:
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Know yourself first and what works for you
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in any relationship is not knowing ourselves and what works for us. If there ever were a mirror rendering an accurate reflection of who are, it would be marriage. It’s important to know who you are and what works for you.
Giving the impression that you’ll be cooking and cleaning when you’re more interested in attending networking events and breaking the glass ceiling will not serve anyone. You can have a successful marriage and still build an outstanding career or business. The key is to understand yourself first, and be honest about what you bring to the table.
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Don’t be ashamed of your ambition
Ambition is nothing to be ashamed of or suppressed. It makes you who you are. Instead of being ashamed at your own desires for career or business success, don’t hesitate to claim it. If your partner cannot handle it from the get-go, then you may have to reconsider the relationship.
We bring all of us into any relationship, and denying or concealing any part of who we are only complicates things in the long run. Whether it’s your ambition, passion, goals or objectives, they are all valuable and worthy to be at least considered.
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Honesty is key
As in any relationships, honesty is the key to a healthy marriage. Not being honest about your career or business ambition may only set the tone for a dishonest partnership. Instead, be forthcoming about what you need for your own fulfillment. The happier and more fulfilled you are, the more you can bring to the relationship.
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Prepare for obstacles
Obstacles are a given in any partnership or marriage. It’s simply par for the course. Unfortunately, for many working women, career or business ambition can constitute yet another, potent obstacle to a harmonious relationship. Being ambitious in your career or business may require you to make certain sacrifices, travel or work overtime, which in turn may not bode well at all times with your partner.
It’s important to be prepared to manage and overcome these types of obstacles. Being as honest as possible, having an open dialogue, and even resorting to couples therapy, can help.
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Be flexible and open to change
Last but not least, being flexible and open to change can go a long way in any relationship. This is especially true as your partner may also have a demanding career, and both your schedules may be conflicting with each other. Careers, like relationships, are subject to change. Showing flexibility and adaptability, while focusing on the health of your relationship, is key.
What other advice do you have to combine career ambition with a happy marriage?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 7, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
If you’re a busy working mom, celebrating Valentine’s Day may seem like yet another commitment to add to your calendar. At least, that’s how it has seemed to me quite a few times. For one, there’s the whole making handmade cards and gift bags for both the kids’ classrooms. Then there is the whole having to shave, wash and style my hair, and actually find a cute outfit for the day of, when all I want to do is collapse on the couch with toothpaste on my latest pimple. Oh and did I mention finding a thoughtful yet not too corny gift for the hubby, right after the holiday budget cuts too?
Navigating Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom can simply be a challenge. While you may be grateful to actually have the opportunity to celebrate, it may require some prep work and organization you may not exactly be ready to provide.
Here are a few ways that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom, minus the stress, overwhelm and deep desire to lay down for a nap:
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Lay off the perfectionism
It’s Valentine’s Day, not a rehearsed performance. While I understand that some people go big or go home when it comes to V-Day, there’s no need to go above and beyond if you don’t feel like it. In other words, you may have to skip the handmade cards and elaborate homemade cookie bags for the kids’ classmates, in favor of pre-written cards and mini-chocolate boxes from Walgreens. You can still smile at the overachieving mom who came in with individual brownie mini boxes for your kids’ classmates though, you just have different priorities, that’s all….
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Involve the entire family
Make it more fun, and easier on you, by involving the entire family in the celebration. Kids love being assigned some responsibilities. Why not entrust them with putting together the goodies for their classmates, and maybe even picking Daddy’s gift? You may enjoy the process, and have fun as you cross it off your to-do list.
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Focus on spending time rather than money
I noticed that when I took the focus off of doing, doing, doing, and instead started enjoying V-Day as an opportunity to bond with the family, it was a better experience. Instead of buying gifts, we started a Love Day tradition, including cuddling together on our tired couch and swapping fun stories.
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Do what works for you and your family
Have you ever watched the jewelry commercials airing ahead of Valentine’s Day, and wondered how far the celebration should really go? As a busy working mom, you may even ask yourself if you’re doing something wrong by keeping it casual and low-key. The most important thing is to do what works for you and your family, both in times of time and money.
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Treat yo’self
Last but not least, don’t forget to treat yourself and celebrate yourself. It doesn’t necessarily mean splurging on your favorite pair of Louboutins (although it could). Yet, it does include doing something FOR YOURSELF. It could be as simple as reading a book, taking a bath, or treating yourself to a spa. In any case, don’t forget yourself in all the hustle and bustle of V-Day.
How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
