As busy working moms, we are often our worst critics. In addition to the weight we already carry as caretakers and caregivers, we have to add to it the responsibilities that come with careers and businesses. All of this often translates into negative self-talk, or even blatant criticism from the outside world. As a working mom myself, I’m certainly not immune to it. I’ve also found over time that one of the best ways to counteract this is through positive daily affirmations.
I discovered the power of positive affirmations when I first started struggling with juggling career and family. As many other working moms, dealing with the ups and downs of being a parent, in addition to work, home and relationships, triggered many of my already present insecurities. Was I a good mom? What if I didn’t cook every day? Was I missing out on my kids’ growth by being at work? All these questions, and then some, rattled my mind day in and day out. That’s when I started using affirmations to stop myself from beating myself down, and instead empower, encourage and motivate myself more.
Whether on my way to work (especially when I am late dropping off the kids, yet again!), in traffic, or in the middle of a tantrum episode under my breath, I like to repeat these as a way of pumping myself up. There’s something about telling yourself a different, more positive and uplifting story about yourself that elevates your mindset and improves your outcomes. Here are 10 of my favorite daily positive affirmations for busy working moms:
I am enough!
All is well and everything is working out for my ultimate good.
I am doing the best I can at all times.
I accept myself as I am.
I am the best mother for my children that I can be.
I trust myself and my intuition to be the best mother and woman I can be.
I choose to practice self-care so I can be the best mom I can be.
I am strong, powerful and unstoppable.
I am becoming the best version of myself every day.
I deserve love, respect and affection.
What are your favorite positive affirmations for working moms? Please share with us.
Does having kids hurt your career? As a working mom, it may be tempting to think so. Just the mere fact of going on maternity leave can sometimes seem like a step back for many working moms, as their absence in the office often puts them at a disadvantage. By the time many working moms come back to work, their most important responsibilities may have been reassigned. Or they may no longer be privy to the same conversations and access they used to have. Even worse, their competencies may be questioned, now that they have to “balance” work and life.
As a result, there is a wide pre-conception that having kids hurts working moms’ careers. According to recent studies, the gender pay gap is largely a consequence of motherhood. A study by the Census Bureaureveals that the earnings gap between spouses of opposite sexes doubles between the two before the couple’s first child is born, and a year thereafter. When surveyed, as in this Pew Research Center’s publication, Americans and Europeans have the tendency to agree with women working part-time or not at all after having children. All in all, the statistics out there are far from being encouraging when it comes to working moms’ careers after children.
In my own experience, having kids actually did wonders for my career. Although I did initially feel, especially after coming back from maternity leave, as if I had made a few steps back, the difference for me was more mental and spiritual. Having children allowed me to start asking myself the tough questions: “What am I here for? What is my purpose? How is my career advancing my purpose?” These questions in turn allowed me to re-direct my work towards a more fulfilling path aligned with who I am and what my purpose is.
Despite the staggering statistics out there, it is up to us, as working moms, to re-frame the context of our own lives and careers. Not in terms of impossible choices to make (having kids or a successful career?), but in terms of how we can integrate, not balance, the various areas of our lives and work to show up and perform in the fullness of who we are:
Allow the experience of motherhood to help you-re-define yourself
Motherhood is an experience like no other. I strongly believe we’re not born mothers, we become mothers. It’s a wonderful path of constant growth and self-discovery. I’m happy (and relieved) to say that I’m probably learning more from my children than they are learning from me. However, it took me some time to allow this growth and change in myself, as I was stubbornly attached to the way things were and “should be”.
By allowing the experience of motherhood, with all its ups and downs, late appointments, booked schedules, messy mornings and sweet kisses, to change us, we allow ourselves to grow and be re-defined as well. And yes, it also affects our careers and the way we work. It may mean reconsidering our current field, company or occupation entirely. It may mean becoming a stay-at-home mom, or an entrepreneur. It may also mean taking a pay cut, or watch our earnings decline. Whatever it is, it will rock your career, not for the worse, but for the better.
Give yourself permission to re-direct yourself
Becoming a mom will change your life, and it will change your career. Not that you necessarily need to change jobs, or switch companies, or go hiking in the Himalayas. But it will change the way you perceive the work you do. For some, it may be a confirmation of what you are already doing. For others, it may be a total re-direction.
This is where it’s crucial to give yourself permission to re-direct yourself and your work. Does it mean you should get up and leave the job that is paying rent and putting food in the kids’ mouths? No. Yet, it means being opened to a gradual evolution in your work. It may be developing a side hustle into a business while you keep your day job. It may be asking for more flexibility or considering a lateral move in your company. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to consider and explore it, one bit at a time.
Trust the process
Last but not least, trust the process. Being a working mom is not something you can plan on a day to day basis. Things will happen, laundry will pile up, traffic will keep you from making it to work on time, and poopy diapers will have you re-consider the very meaning of life.
Yet, this is not a sign that kids are derailing, slowing down or hurting your career. It’s just the signal that change is here to help you become your best self.
Do you think having kids has hurt or benefited your career?
As I’m drafting this email, I’m reeling from the last Women of Color in the Academy Conference I attended last week. The theme of this year’s Women of Color in the Academy conference in Boston, held at Northeastern University, was all around self-care as women of color in academia. From dealing with micro-aggressions to developing negotiation skills, aligning with our vision, and growing as a scholar and academic, the topics covered were deep, vast and overall extremely empowering.
While the content of the conference itself was top-notch, it was more so the fact that so many professional women of color within a profession were gathered together in the same rooms. To be able to see familiar faces in a career and business setting was nothing short of amazing. As women of color, we’re most often in working environments with very few of our counterparts, if any. This reinforces the sense of isolation many, if not most of us, may feel in the context of our work, which in turn exacerbates negative patterns such as Impostor syndrome, lack of self-confidence, poor negotiation skills, and so much more.
There is something about representation that strengthens one’s ability to perform at optimal levels. Studies suggest that women of color are unfortunately less supported at work.According to this 2016 Catalyst report, the latter even tend to pay an “emotional tax” translating in a constant sense of being under-valued and having to be cautious at work. These hurdles due to lack of adequate representation, among other factors, have proven to be extremely detrimental to women of color.
As such, going from environments sorely lacking in diversity to having the opportunity to enjoy and leverage this diversity during women of color conferences goes a long way. This is the main reason why women of color conferences are critical to the latter’s growth, balance and flourishing, both professionally and personally. Aside from this, these conferences are also needed to:
Women of color conferences do provide the advantage of creating a platform to share common experiences and find tools to grow through these. They are also a powerful source of networking, in addition to nurturing a wider pool of diverse talent. Imagine if each woman of color could recommend another woman of color for opening positions across organizations and institutions?
Share and develop best practices
Women of color face unique challenges and situations that require unique solutions. These are the types of solutions and best practices that are discussed and developed during these conferences. In turn, these best practices can help improve organizations as a whole.
This is the reason why women of color conferences virtually act as masterminds to craft best diversity and work practices in general.
Start a conversation that can be continued in our workplaces
Last but not least, women of color conferences have the advantage of starting important conversations on diversity and equity. After these conferences, attendees tend to go back to work more open and willing to continue the conversation.
What has been your experience attending women of color conferences?
Ask a CPA is a column I write as a Certified Public Accountant to share accounting, business and tax knowledge to readers of The Corporate Sister.
As a working parent, you know how precious your kids are. You also know how expensive raising them can be. From the astronomical cost of childcare to medical bills, and the prospect of college education, the costs of being a parent keep increasing each and every year. Which is why most of us welcome any breaks we can get to help lighten the modern financial weight of parenting. Especially when it comes to tax breaks…
These tax breaks come in handy for working families at tax time. Some of these breaks come in the form of deductions, which reduce your taxable income, or the amount you’re being taxed on. Some examples of deductions include college tuition and fees for instance. Other tax breaks come in the form of credits, which are subtracted from your tax bill dollar for dollar or are added to your refund. An example of tax credit is the child-tax credit. However, both of these are subject to income limits.
If you’re wondering about these, here are 6 tax breaks you can get as a working parent:
The student loan interest deduction
For working parents needing to borrow money for their child’s college education, the student loan interest deduction provides some relief. As a parent, you can write off up to $2,500 in student loan interest. However, if you’re a married filer with a Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) between $135,000 and $165,000, the deduction starts phasing out. If you’re single, the same restriction applies if your AGI falls between $65,000 and $80,000.
The child-tax credit
As a result of the Tax Cuts and Job Act, for 2018 through 2025, this credit amounts to $2,000 per child as a federal income tax credit. There are no limits to how many children can qualify within a household. However, there is an income limit here, as with most tax credits. It starts to phase out for married-filing-joint couples with modified Adjusted Gross Incomes (AGI) over $400,000. For unmarried people, the phase-put starts at $200,000 of AGI.
The child and dependent care credit
If you’re a working parent in a household with two incomes or are looking for a job with children under the age of 13, you may qualify for this credit. If you’re a student or a disabled parent, you may also qualify.
Basically, this credit allows you to claim a credit of 20 to 35% on childcare expenses up to $3,000 for one child. For two (2) or more children, this credit is up to $6,000. Here as well, there is an income limit for parents earning more than $43,000, for whom the credit will begin to shrink.
American Opportunity Higher Education Credit
This credit helps with the cost of undergraduate college education. If your child is in their first four years of college, he or she may qualify for up to $2,500 a year worth of credit. The number of children to qualify in a household is not limited here.
However, there are income restrictions for married joint filers whose modified AGI is between $160,000 and $180,000. If you’re a single parent, then the credit phases out if your modified AGI is between $80,000 and $90,000.
Lifetime Learning Higher Education Credit
This second higher education credit applies to students who have more than four (4) years of college credit under their belt. It also applies to any other family members also taking classes. One major restriction of this credit is that it cannot be claimed more than once on any given tax return.
With this credit, you can claim 20% of tuition and other qualified expenses, up to $10,000 worth of expenses. The maximum credit you can then claim is $2,000. If you’re marrying filing jointly with your partner, this credit is phased out if your modified AGI is between $114,000 and $134,000. As a single parent, the same restriction applies if your modified AGI is between $57,000 and $67,000.
The adoption credit
If you’ve adopted a child, you may be able to claim an adoption credit to help with the related expenses. For 2018, this credit is up to $13,810. If you’ve adopted a special-needs child, you may take the entirety of the credit, even if your actual expenses are less than the credit. The income restriction is for parents with modified AGIs in excess of $207,140. Beyond $247,140 as a modified AGI, this credit is completely phased out.
Being a working mom is not easy. Let me repeat this: Being a working mom is not easy! Despite all the tools, the modern technology, and the support we seem to be getting, there is still a lot we have to do, in between taking care of ourselves, our families, and our careers or businesses. The busier we get, the harder it is to keep up with all the balls we have juggling up in the air. However, there are ways to simplify life as a working mom.
As a working mom trying to do it all and get it all to fit in to my tight schedule, I’ve come to understand that the solution lies in one word: simplify. Instead of constantly wondering how to be more flexible so I can add more to my schedule, I’ve started asking myself: “What can I remove off of my schedule?”
The truth is, we’ve overpacked our lives and careers with too many obligations to keep up with. Running from ineffective meetings to “pick-my-brain” coffee sessions, to umpteen playdates and school events, not to mention the mandatory networking around the clock, we’re definitely booked and busy. That’s where I found myself until I realized that overwhelm is not a lifestyle. That’s also where Amazon helps me simplify my life as a working mom:
Skipping the supermarket with Amazon Fresh and Amazon Pantry
Wouldn’t you be happy to gain the hour or so you spend at the grocery store every week? You can now do so by having groceries and household essentials right at your door with Amazon Freshand Amazon Pantry.
With Amazon Fresh, all you have to do is shop for groceries online, schedule your delivery, and get all of it fresh and fast right at your doorstep, all for $14 a month. Voila! Amazon Pantryallows you as an Amazon Prime member in select areas to shop for low priced products and exclusive savings. If you’re an Amazon Freshcustomer, you don’t need to sign up for Amazon Pantry.
No time to clean? You can hire a professional house cleaner from Amazon Home Services. This includes carpet cleaning, hardwood floor cleaning, window washing, as well as general house cleaning.
Other services such as desk, bed, furniture and exercise bike assembly are also available. You can also get home improvement, as well as computers and electronics, yard and outdoors services.
Are you ready to welcome a new baby in the family? Or do you know someone who is? You can now add any item from any registry to Amazon Registry, and save 15% as a Prime member too.
You also get a FREE welcome box for parents and baby with a value of $35 as well.
I used to read at least a book a month…before kids! As a working mom, it seems the minute I grab a book, someone needs me to do something. That’s when one of my babies doesn’t use my books as art canvas, or drop them in the toilet. Can you relate?
A few years into mommyhood, I was introduced to Kindle Unlimited, which allows me to read just about anywhere. My favorite feature is the Unlimited Audiobooks, which lets me listen to countless books I don’t otherwise have time to read on the go. I can now turn my commute into a relaxing, reading time…until the kiddos get in!
I fell in love with Amazon Primea while ago, just because it makes my life as a working mom so much easier. One of my favorite features is Prime Delivery, which delivers over 100 million items in two days straight right at my doorstep for FREE!
Additionally, now that Whole Foods supermarket is part of Amazon, I can order thousands of items from Whole Foods and have them delivered right to my home. Other benefits of Amazon Prime also include Prime Video, so you can watch your favorite movies and TV shows; in addition to Prime Music, which gives you access to millions of playlists and songs.
While you can read on the go with Kindle Unlimited, if you want to focus on audiobooks with Audible. One of the great benefits is that you get one audiobook and two Audible originals each month for $14.95 a month.
You can also exchange and swap audiobooks with others, and roll over your credits so you can read at your own pace.
If you’re looking for kid-friendly books, movies, educational apps, games and TV shows, FreeTime Unlimitedis here for you! The best part is that you can customize your child’s experience to limit their screen time and use age filters, and offer the most relevant books, videos and apps for them.
Do you have your own business, or need to purchase business items for your company? Amazon Businesscan help you receive exclusive discounts in price and quantity on more than 5 million products to be delivered through convenient and fast shipping.
Falling asleep on the couch with a full face of make-up on and one last bite of cheese between my teeth used to sum up my bedtime routine as a new working mom. I had no idea what a bedtime routine even was, and how I could possibly fit it into my already jam-packed schedule. By the time the kids were in bed, the kitchen semi-organized (if that), I’d pretend to relax for a few minutes on the sofa, only to find myself laying somewhere between the sticky floors and the juice-impregnated pillows…Such is the reality of many working moms out there, coming home from work already exhausted and then having to tackle their second shift at home…
It wasn’t until years later that I actually started turning my bedtime routine into self-care and me-time, earning a few minutes for myself before unglamorously hitting the sack. As tired as you may be, taking some time to rewind and focus on yourself before bed can amp up your self-care routine, while providing you with the me-time you need before the mommy race starts all over again in the morning…
Here are a few simple ways you can turn the few minutes before bed into your sacred me-time:
PAMPER YOURSELF
Nothing like pampering your skin to feel all luxurious and rejuvenated after a long day at work and fighting with the kids to finally go to sleep! It’s even better when you can reap the benefits as you look refreshed, younger and more vibrant, despite that milk stain on your shirt.
Even when you feel exhausted, there are a few steps you can take to add an extra dose of pampering to your evening:
Take some time to remove your make-up
Cardinal rule of mommy skincare: take off the make-up! I know, when the bed is calling your name like that guac and chips appetizer, wiping anything off may feel like torture. But your mama was right, you’ve got to wash your face! Or you can take a shortcut with make-up remover cleansing towelettes like these Neutrogena make-up remover towelettes.
My personal favorite is the Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water, which I apply with regular cotton rounds, and does a great job at wiping off even the most stubborn waterproof mascara (because a girl needs her waterproof mascara).
Run yourself a nice bath or take a long shower
Unless you’re just about to collapse and cannot take life any longer, taking a bath or running a hot shower can give you some much-needed rewind time before bed. You can give yourself an extra few minutes of stress-free personal space by soaking in a nice aromatherapeutic bath. One of my favorite bath foams is this Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Stress Relief mousse, with eucalyptus and spearmint.
Give your skin some extra TLC
If you can fit in a few more minutes, you may be able to give your skin some much needed TLC for the night. One of my favorite skin TLC products is this Vitamin C serum by Serumtologie, which does wonders, especially overnight.
READ A FEW PAGES OF A BOOK
After I had babies, I realized how little time I had to read it, even as a bookworm. Since my days are usually packed, I like to fit in a few minutes of reading before bedtime, under the covers. I’m not always successful at passing a few pages, and that’s when I don’t start snoring on the open book. But it’s proven to be a good way to relax, and get my reading in without the kids snatching pages away or talking my ear off…
While I always prefer my paper books, reading on my Kindle makes it easier to stay awake at time.
If all else fails and my eyes just give up on life, I can always resort to audiobooks through Audible, and call it a reading night!
MEDITATE, PRAY OR JOURNAL FOR A FEW MINUTES
Adding some prayer, meditation or journaling to your rewind time before bed can make a world of difference in your self-care. As working moms, it can be hard to carve out time alone to do any of this during the day. Which is why evenings before bed can be a great time to do so…
If you enjoy journaling before bedtime, then you’ll love this watercolor Practice You guided journal by Elena Brower which prompts you to self-discovery. You may also enjoy this I Am Here Now mindfulness journal by the Mindfulness Project, available on Amazon as well.
Neither does it have to be a lengthy, painful process. Channels such as the Sleep Sounds and Meditation or the Law of Attraction Affirmations channels on Amazon Prime Video are great to get some manifestation in. You can also easily listen to an audio book on mediation on Audibleas well.
How do you rewind and practice self-care before bed as a working mom?
It was a Friday afternoon, and I had logged into the NASBA website to check on my latest CPA exam section results. My heart was beating so loudly I could anticipate it exploding out of my chest. The kids were rolling on the floor, which honestly needed to be cleaned by now, but I had to fold the laundry first. I took a deep breath and clicked on the screen. My heart dropped.
I had failed, at both sections of the exam. I mean, failed, failed, not anywhere near the required 75 to pass, but at an abysmal distance from it. I had failed, yet again, at this exam that I could not seem to pass. Truth be told, I had barely studied for both parts, as I desperately tried to cram the night before. Kinda like I did when I ‘d fall asleep on my Princeton Review books while cramming for my GMAT to get into graduate school. Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes, as I yelled at the kids to stop licking the floor. I had failed miserably, and my floors were ridiculously dirty, and it was Friday, and my entire week-end/life was ruined. Plus I hadn’t had lunch yet… I picked up the phone and called a trusted family member. I needed to vent. I don’t remember the conversation, but I’ll always remember what she said to me: “You know, when you have kids, you cannot do as much. Maybe you should let the CPA exam go and focus on your family.” She meant it in a comforting, soothing way. And for a second or so, I was comforted and soothed. The next second, something rose inside of hungry, battered, exhausted self, as I thought: “ But why can’t I be a good mom and follow my dreams?”
How many of you, hard-working moms, have asked yourself the same question, as you stared at your astronomical pile of laundry, your less-than-immaculate floors, or that presentation you had to finish while breast-feeding your baby? And how many times did someone, whether a trusted family member or friend, kindly comforted you by gently admonishing you to break up with your dreams for the sake of your family? Or how many times did you guilt yourself into thinking that because you have kids, you’re no longer allowed to dream for yourself?
I often hear women say that they’re taking a break in their career or business to focus on their family. Or that now that they have kids, it’s no longer about them. Don’t get me wrong, I understand and empathize with the nobleness and self-sacrificial call of motherhood as a whole. I understand that once we become moms, things change and are never quite the same. That former priorities are re-prioritized, schedules arranged and lives re-organized to nurture the precious lives entrusted to us.
Yet, while our kids should be our priority, should they also be the excuses we hide behind not to achieve the fullness of our potential and live up to our God-given purpose? If we are to serve as models to our daughters and sons, ought we not to grow into and show up as the best versions of ourselves, while still being present and caring for them? Wouldn’t we want our daughters to see what it means to enter into the fullness of who we are, whether we do this as stay-at-home moms, business leaders, career women and/or partners, sisters, friends?
Like so many of us, I’ve wrestled (and still do) with these questions, trying to reconcile the practical side of being a working mom to the physical, mental and spiritual demands of living in one’s purpose. I don’t believe there is any right or wrong answer, or that there’s some imaginary “motherhood” line traced in the sand of our existences. What I believe is that we all have our unique process, our unique journey, and our unique answers to these deep questions. However, there are a few simple guideposts we can stand to use as we address these:
Define your priorities
As a working mom, things will come at you from everywhere, all at once. Family, home, work, money, relationships, all seem to create a mumbo-jumbo of commitments and never-ending obligations. This is where defining your priorities becomes crucial. What is most important to you? Where are you committed to pouring most of your energy? For me, it goes in this order: Faith, Self, Family and Work. When I get lost in the brouhaha of daily life, I remind myself of this to re-conceptualize my life and move forward.
Understand what makes you come alive, that is Purpose
What makes me come alive and jump out of bed in the morning? Writing and teaching. While I dabbled with many other interests over the years, I finally came face-to-face with my truth. What is yours? What is the word, or the couple of words, that make you light up and get up out of bed? That is Purpose, and that is where you will do your best work.
Everything else other than your priorities and your Purpose is not essential. Let me repeat this: If it’s not part of your priorities, or aligned with your Purpose, it’s not essential. When faced with any decision or action, ask yourself: “Is this aligned with my priorities or my Purpose?” If the answer is not, then it may have to be relegated to a later free time, or eliminated altogether. It’s not mean, it’s decisive, and it’s to serve your Higher good.
Do you believe you can be a good mom and still follow your dreams?
