As I’m drafting this email, I’m reeling from the last Women of Color in the Academy Conference I attended last week. The theme of this year’s Women of Color in the Academy conference in Boston, held at Northeastern University, was all around self-care as women of color in academia. From dealing with micro-aggressions to developing negotiation skills, aligning with our vision, and growing as a scholar and academic, the topics covered were deep, vast and overall extremely empowering.
While the content of the conference itself was top-notch, it was more so the fact that so many professional women of color within a profession were gathered together in the same rooms. To be able to see familiar faces in a career and business setting was nothing short of amazing. As women of color, we’re most often in working environments with very few of our counterparts, if any. This reinforces the sense of isolation many, if not most of us, may feel in the context of our work, which in turn exacerbates negative patterns such as Impostor syndrome, lack of self-confidence, poor negotiation skills, and so much more.
There is something about representation that strengthens one’s ability to perform at optimal levels. Studies suggest that women of color are unfortunately less supported at work.According to this 2016 Catalyst report, the latter even tend to pay an “emotional tax” translating in a constant sense of being under-valued and having to be cautious at work. These hurdles due to lack of adequate representation, among other factors, have proven to be extremely detrimental to women of color.
As such, going from environments sorely lacking in diversity to having the opportunity to enjoy and leverage this diversity during women of color conferences goes a long way. This is the main reason why women of color conferences are critical to the latter’s growth, balance and flourishing, both professionally and personally. Aside from this, these conferences are also needed to:
Women of color conferences do provide the advantage of creating a platform to share common experiences and find tools to grow through these. They are also a powerful source of networking, in addition to nurturing a wider pool of diverse talent. Imagine if each woman of color could recommend another woman of color for opening positions across organizations and institutions?
Share and develop best practices
Women of color face unique challenges and situations that require unique solutions. These are the types of solutions and best practices that are discussed and developed during these conferences. In turn, these best practices can help improve organizations as a whole.
This is the reason why women of color conferences virtually act as masterminds to craft best diversity and work practices in general.
Start a conversation that can be continued in our workplaces
Last but not least, women of color conferences have the advantage of starting important conversations on diversity and equity. After these conferences, attendees tend to go back to work more open and willing to continue the conversation.
What has been your experience attending women of color conferences?
Ask a CPA is a column I write as a Certified Public Accountant to share accounting, business and tax knowledge to readers of The Corporate Sister.
As a working parent, you know how precious your kids are. You also know how expensive raising them can be. From the astronomical cost of childcare to medical bills, and the prospect of college education, the costs of being a parent keep increasing each and every year. Which is why most of us welcome any breaks we can get to help lighten the modern financial weight of parenting. Especially when it comes to tax breaks…
These tax breaks come in handy for working families at tax time. Some of these breaks come in the form of deductions, which reduce your taxable income, or the amount you’re being taxed on. Some examples of deductions include college tuition and fees for instance. Other tax breaks come in the form of credits, which are subtracted from your tax bill dollar for dollar or are added to your refund. An example of tax credit is the child-tax credit. However, both of these are subject to income limits.
If you’re wondering about these, here are 6 tax breaks you can get as a working parent:
The student loan interest deduction
For working parents needing to borrow money for their child’s college education, the student loan interest deduction provides some relief. As a parent, you can write off up to $2,500 in student loan interest. However, if you’re a married filer with a Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) between $135,000 and $165,000, the deduction starts phasing out. If you’re single, the same restriction applies if your AGI falls between $65,000 and $80,000.
The child-tax credit
As a result of the Tax Cuts and Job Act, for 2018 through 2025, this credit amounts to $2,000 per child as a federal income tax credit. There are no limits to how many children can qualify within a household. However, there is an income limit here, as with most tax credits. It starts to phase out for married-filing-joint couples with modified Adjusted Gross Incomes (AGI) over $400,000. For unmarried people, the phase-put starts at $200,000 of AGI.
The child and dependent care credit
If you’re a working parent in a household with two incomes or are looking for a job with children under the age of 13, you may qualify for this credit. If you’re a student or a disabled parent, you may also qualify.
Basically, this credit allows you to claim a credit of 20 to 35% on childcare expenses up to $3,000 for one child. For two (2) or more children, this credit is up to $6,000. Here as well, there is an income limit for parents earning more than $43,000, for whom the credit will begin to shrink.
American Opportunity Higher Education Credit
This credit helps with the cost of undergraduate college education. If your child is in their first four years of college, he or she may qualify for up to $2,500 a year worth of credit. The number of children to qualify in a household is not limited here.
However, there are income restrictions for married joint filers whose modified AGI is between $160,000 and $180,000. If you’re a single parent, then the credit phases out if your modified AGI is between $80,000 and $90,000.
Lifetime Learning Higher Education Credit
This second higher education credit applies to students who have more than four (4) years of college credit under their belt. It also applies to any other family members also taking classes. One major restriction of this credit is that it cannot be claimed more than once on any given tax return.
With this credit, you can claim 20% of tuition and other qualified expenses, up to $10,000 worth of expenses. The maximum credit you can then claim is $2,000. If you’re marrying filing jointly with your partner, this credit is phased out if your modified AGI is between $114,000 and $134,000. As a single parent, the same restriction applies if your modified AGI is between $57,000 and $67,000.
The adoption credit
If you’ve adopted a child, you may be able to claim an adoption credit to help with the related expenses. For 2018, this credit is up to $13,810. If you’ve adopted a special-needs child, you may take the entirety of the credit, even if your actual expenses are less than the credit. The income restriction is for parents with modified AGIs in excess of $207,140. Beyond $247,140 as a modified AGI, this credit is completely phased out.
Being a working mom is not easy. Let me repeat this: Being a working mom is not easy! Despite all the tools, the modern technology, and the support we seem to be getting, there is still a lot we have to do, in between taking care of ourselves, our families, and our careers or businesses. The busier we get, the harder it is to keep up with all the balls we have juggling up in the air. However, there are ways to simplify life as a working mom.
As a working mom trying to do it all and get it all to fit in to my tight schedule, I’ve come to understand that the solution lies in one word: simplify. Instead of constantly wondering how to be more flexible so I can add more to my schedule, I’ve started asking myself: “What can I remove off of my schedule?”
The truth is, we’ve overpacked our lives and careers with too many obligations to keep up with. Running from ineffective meetings to “pick-my-brain” coffee sessions, to umpteen playdates and school events, not to mention the mandatory networking around the clock, we’re definitely booked and busy. That’s where I found myself until I realized that overwhelm is not a lifestyle. That’s also where Amazon helps me simplify my life as a working mom:
Skipping the supermarket with Amazon Fresh and Amazon Pantry
Wouldn’t you be happy to gain the hour or so you spend at the grocery store every week? You can now do so by having groceries and household essentials right at your door with Amazon Freshand Amazon Pantry.
With Amazon Fresh, all you have to do is shop for groceries online, schedule your delivery, and get all of it fresh and fast right at your doorstep, all for $14 a month. Voila! Amazon Pantryallows you as an Amazon Prime member in select areas to shop for low priced products and exclusive savings. If you’re an Amazon Freshcustomer, you don’t need to sign up for Amazon Pantry.
No time to clean? You can hire a professional house cleaner from Amazon Home Services. This includes carpet cleaning, hardwood floor cleaning, window washing, as well as general house cleaning.
Other services such as desk, bed, furniture and exercise bike assembly are also available. You can also get home improvement, as well as computers and electronics, yard and outdoors services.
Are you ready to welcome a new baby in the family? Or do you know someone who is? You can now add any item from any registry to Amazon Registry, and save 15% as a Prime member too.
You also get a FREE welcome box for parents and baby with a value of $35 as well.
I used to read at least a book a month…before kids! As a working mom, it seems the minute I grab a book, someone needs me to do something. That’s when one of my babies doesn’t use my books as art canvas, or drop them in the toilet. Can you relate?
A few years into mommyhood, I was introduced to Kindle Unlimited, which allows me to read just about anywhere. My favorite feature is the Unlimited Audiobooks, which lets me listen to countless books I don’t otherwise have time to read on the go. I can now turn my commute into a relaxing, reading time…until the kiddos get in!
I fell in love with Amazon Primea while ago, just because it makes my life as a working mom so much easier. One of my favorite features is Prime Delivery, which delivers over 100 million items in two days straight right at my doorstep for FREE!
Additionally, now that Whole Foods supermarket is part of Amazon, I can order thousands of items from Whole Foods and have them delivered right to my home. Other benefits of Amazon Prime also include Prime Video, so you can watch your favorite movies and TV shows; in addition to Prime Music, which gives you access to millions of playlists and songs.
While you can read on the go with Kindle Unlimited, if you want to focus on audiobooks with Audible. One of the great benefits is that you get one audiobook and two Audible originals each month for $14.95 a month.
You can also exchange and swap audiobooks with others, and roll over your credits so you can read at your own pace.
If you’re looking for kid-friendly books, movies, educational apps, games and TV shows, FreeTime Unlimitedis here for you! The best part is that you can customize your child’s experience to limit their screen time and use age filters, and offer the most relevant books, videos and apps for them.
Do you have your own business, or need to purchase business items for your company? Amazon Businesscan help you receive exclusive discounts in price and quantity on more than 5 million products to be delivered through convenient and fast shipping.
Falling asleep on the couch with a full face of make-up on and one last bite of cheese between my teeth used to sum up my bedtime routine as a new working mom. I had no idea what a bedtime routine even was, and how I could possibly fit it into my already jam-packed schedule. By the time the kids were in bed, the kitchen semi-organized (if that), I’d pretend to relax for a few minutes on the sofa, only to find myself laying somewhere between the sticky floors and the juice-impregnated pillows…Such is the reality of many working moms out there, coming home from work already exhausted and then having to tackle their second shift at home…
It wasn’t until years later that I actually started turning my bedtime routine into self-care and me-time, earning a few minutes for myself before unglamorously hitting the sack. As tired as you may be, taking some time to rewind and focus on yourself before bed can amp up your self-care routine, while providing you with the me-time you need before the mommy race starts all over again in the morning…
Here are a few simple ways you can turn the few minutes before bed into your sacred me-time:
PAMPER YOURSELF
Nothing like pampering your skin to feel all luxurious and rejuvenated after a long day at work and fighting with the kids to finally go to sleep! It’s even better when you can reap the benefits as you look refreshed, younger and more vibrant, despite that milk stain on your shirt.
Even when you feel exhausted, there are a few steps you can take to add an extra dose of pampering to your evening:
Take some time to remove your make-up
Cardinal rule of mommy skincare: take off the make-up! I know, when the bed is calling your name like that guac and chips appetizer, wiping anything off may feel like torture. But your mama was right, you’ve got to wash your face! Or you can take a shortcut with make-up remover cleansing towelettes like these Neutrogena make-up remover towelettes.
My personal favorite is the Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water, which I apply with regular cotton rounds, and does a great job at wiping off even the most stubborn waterproof mascara (because a girl needs her waterproof mascara).
Run yourself a nice bath or take a long shower
Unless you’re just about to collapse and cannot take life any longer, taking a bath or running a hot shower can give you some much-needed rewind time before bed. You can give yourself an extra few minutes of stress-free personal space by soaking in a nice aromatherapeutic bath. One of my favorite bath foams is this Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Stress Relief mousse, with eucalyptus and spearmint.
Give your skin some extra TLC
If you can fit in a few more minutes, you may be able to give your skin some much needed TLC for the night. One of my favorite skin TLC products is this Vitamin C serum by Serumtologie, which does wonders, especially overnight.
READ A FEW PAGES OF A BOOK
After I had babies, I realized how little time I had to read it, even as a bookworm. Since my days are usually packed, I like to fit in a few minutes of reading before bedtime, under the covers. I’m not always successful at passing a few pages, and that’s when I don’t start snoring on the open book. But it’s proven to be a good way to relax, and get my reading in without the kids snatching pages away or talking my ear off…
While I always prefer my paper books, reading on my Kindle makes it easier to stay awake at time.
If all else fails and my eyes just give up on life, I can always resort to audiobooks through Audible, and call it a reading night!
MEDITATE, PRAY OR JOURNAL FOR A FEW MINUTES
Adding some prayer, meditation or journaling to your rewind time before bed can make a world of difference in your self-care. As working moms, it can be hard to carve out time alone to do any of this during the day. Which is why evenings before bed can be a great time to do so…
If you enjoy journaling before bedtime, then you’ll love this watercolor Practice You guided journal by Elena Brower which prompts you to self-discovery. You may also enjoy this I Am Here Now mindfulness journal by the Mindfulness Project, available on Amazon as well.
Neither does it have to be a lengthy, painful process. Channels such as the Sleep Sounds and Meditation or the Law of Attraction Affirmations channels on Amazon Prime Video are great to get some manifestation in. You can also easily listen to an audio book on mediation on Audibleas well.
How do you rewind and practice self-care before bed as a working mom?
It was a Friday afternoon, and I had logged into the NASBA website to check on my latest CPA exam section results. My heart was beating so loudly I could anticipate it exploding out of my chest. The kids were rolling on the floor, which honestly needed to be cleaned by now, but I had to fold the laundry first. I took a deep breath and clicked on the screen. My heart dropped.
I had failed, at both sections of the exam. I mean, failed, failed, not anywhere near the required 75 to pass, but at an abysmal distance from it. I had failed, yet again, at this exam that I could not seem to pass. Truth be told, I had barely studied for both parts, as I desperately tried to cram the night before. Kinda like I did when I ‘d fall asleep on my Princeton Review books while cramming for my GMAT to get into graduate school. Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes, as I yelled at the kids to stop licking the floor. I had failed miserably, and my floors were ridiculously dirty, and it was Friday, and my entire week-end/life was ruined. Plus I hadn’t had lunch yet… I picked up the phone and called a trusted family member. I needed to vent. I don’t remember the conversation, but I’ll always remember what she said to me: “You know, when you have kids, you cannot do as much. Maybe you should let the CPA exam go and focus on your family.” She meant it in a comforting, soothing way. And for a second or so, I was comforted and soothed. The next second, something rose inside of hungry, battered, exhausted self, as I thought: “ But why can’t I be a good mom and follow my dreams?”
How many of you, hard-working moms, have asked yourself the same question, as you stared at your astronomical pile of laundry, your less-than-immaculate floors, or that presentation you had to finish while breast-feeding your baby? And how many times did someone, whether a trusted family member or friend, kindly comforted you by gently admonishing you to break up with your dreams for the sake of your family? Or how many times did you guilt yourself into thinking that because you have kids, you’re no longer allowed to dream for yourself?
I often hear women say that they’re taking a break in their career or business to focus on their family. Or that now that they have kids, it’s no longer about them. Don’t get me wrong, I understand and empathize with the nobleness and self-sacrificial call of motherhood as a whole. I understand that once we become moms, things change and are never quite the same. That former priorities are re-prioritized, schedules arranged and lives re-organized to nurture the precious lives entrusted to us.
Yet, while our kids should be our priority, should they also be the excuses we hide behind not to achieve the fullness of our potential and live up to our God-given purpose? If we are to serve as models to our daughters and sons, ought we not to grow into and show up as the best versions of ourselves, while still being present and caring for them? Wouldn’t we want our daughters to see what it means to enter into the fullness of who we are, whether we do this as stay-at-home moms, business leaders, career women and/or partners, sisters, friends?
Like so many of us, I’ve wrestled (and still do) with these questions, trying to reconcile the practical side of being a working mom to the physical, mental and spiritual demands of living in one’s purpose. I don’t believe there is any right or wrong answer, or that there’s some imaginary “motherhood” line traced in the sand of our existences. What I believe is that we all have our unique process, our unique journey, and our unique answers to these deep questions. However, there are a few simple guideposts we can stand to use as we address these:
Define your priorities
As a working mom, things will come at you from everywhere, all at once. Family, home, work, money, relationships, all seem to create a mumbo-jumbo of commitments and never-ending obligations. This is where defining your priorities becomes crucial. What is most important to you? Where are you committed to pouring most of your energy? For me, it goes in this order: Faith, Self, Family and Work. When I get lost in the brouhaha of daily life, I remind myself of this to re-conceptualize my life and move forward.
Understand what makes you come alive, that is Purpose
What makes me come alive and jump out of bed in the morning? Writing and teaching. While I dabbled with many other interests over the years, I finally came face-to-face with my truth. What is yours? What is the word, or the couple of words, that make you light up and get up out of bed? That is Purpose, and that is where you will do your best work.
Everything else other than your priorities and your Purpose is not essential. Let me repeat this: If it’s not part of your priorities, or aligned with your Purpose, it’s not essential. When faced with any decision or action, ask yourself: “Is this aligned with my priorities or my Purpose?” If the answer is not, then it may have to be relegated to a later free time, or eliminated altogether. It’s not mean, it’s decisive, and it’s to serve your Higher good.
Do you believe you can be a good mom and still follow your dreams?
“This year, I’m getting my life and staying organized for the holidays. Christmas shopping on time!” This is usually my vow to myself as the holidays approach. Fast-forward to a few weeksdays before Christmas, as I’m scrambling to get my last gifts bought and somewhat wrapped in the nick of time. Oh, and yes, it literally happens every year, along with the frustration and aggravation that inevitably follow…
The holidays are one of the busiest times of the year, especially for working women and moms. This is where the gift of organization comes in really handy, what with planning the festivities, buying and wrapping gifts, as well as handling your responsibilities at work and at home. I remember dreading the approach of the year end, at the thought of everything I would have to do, amplified by my chronic tendency to procrastinate. I finally hit a wall when I caught myself unwrapping gifts at midnight on Christmas Eve when I realized that all the tags had the wrong names on them. Not to mention the horrible mood I was in, which prevented me from being truly present and enjoying this most wonderful time of year.
Despite my best attempts at not controlling my procrastination, I had to give in. After much trial and error, wrapping and unwrapping gifts with the wrong tags, here are seven tips that took my holidays from stressful and overwhelming to peaceful and enjoyable:
Use the right organization tools
Getting organized requires the right tools to keep you on track. Anyone who knows me knows I’m obsessed with planners and office supplies. My absolute favorite is Erin Condren’s Life Planner, which is perfect for customizing how you plan your own schedule and to-do’s. The three weekly layouts to choose from let you plan your time, in your unique way! I enjoy the vertical weekly columns to annotate all my appointments, with the side spaces to include all my to-do’s for the week. I also love that it includes inspirational quotes and notes, along with stickers and extras to celebrate each task you accomplish, while you keep your spirits high all holiday long.
There is way too much to do over the holidays to pretend to do it all. Over time, I’ve learnt to distinguish what’s really important from what’s not, and prioritize my tasks. For me, this means simplifying my schedule by taking care of the essential, and letting the rest go. What deadlines have to be met by the end of the year at work and personally? What relationships are you set to honor with your time and gifts this season? How much of your personal and household chores can you realistically accomplish?
Answering these questions can go a long way in being more organized and less overwhelmed, which translates into actually enjoying, instead of resenting, the holidays.
Let go of control
I had to check myself at some point and recognize that most of my holiday stress was due to my then “control freak” tendencies. From wanting everything to be perfect to being anal over name tags, the need for control plays a large part in turning the holidays into a nightmare. Not to mention that every single task ends up taking more time than you’ll ever have, resulting in major disorganization, lateness and annoyances along the way.
What I’m learning is to let go of control and the need for perfection. “Done beats perfect” is my new motto, and has saved me much time, stress and energy too.
Have you ever felt the pressure to be the perfect working mom or parent in general? Do you scroll through social media picture-perfect accounts of overachieving parents spending their weekends on the soccer field or traveling to ballet competitions, wondering if your own parenting is sub-par? Or are you exhausted trying to keep up with the impossibly busy schedules of your little (or not so little) ones?
As a perfectionist, ex-teacher pet and recovering overachiever, I believed the same qualities could be applied to parenting when I became a parent myself. Add to that being an African immigrant subjected to the excellence standard so many immigrants are familiar with, I thought it natural to pass it on to my children as well. Although I’m not the kind of mom you’d catch baking batches of cookies for the school’s bake sale or running from competitive soccer games to ballet competitions, there’s still enough of the “perfect parenting pressure” of modern times to keep me on my tired working mom toes. Enough to keep me, and other working moms and parents, pushing ourselves to do as much as humanly possible to cater to every sporting event, school activity, or extra-curricular requirement of our children (and exhausting ourselves in the process)…
Growing up in Senegal, West Africa, in a loving, yet strict single-parent household, I was fortunate enough to experience the tough yet wise African kind of parenting. That brand of parenting where love meant injecting a healthy dose of “constructive” criticism” to everything you did, and holding you to rigid standards of respect and social behavior. The kind of parenting where affection was served with a helping of struggle and a “you can’t have it your way” attitude. While I was privileged in many aspects, there was no being shuttled left and right to a gazillion activities, I had to figure out my own homework, and I had better not bring anything less than an A home. Oh, and did I mention, all family members, plus the neighbors, were not only allowed, but encouraged, to set me straight shall I stray from the expected path.
Fast-forward a few years, becoming a parent myself, as an immigrant, I’d find myself running to and fro activities and poring over school projects too big for my limited artistic skills. Add to that feeling guilty for messing up the frosting on the Halloween brownies and missing my son scoring a goal beI had never signed up to be a perfect parent, so I had to check myself (and my own sanity). I also had to learn that perfect parenting is a myth that can only end up with thinned edges and premature fine lines. Instead, I opted for imperfect, yet healthy, parenting, and this is why:
There is no such thing as a perfect mom/parent
Repeat after me: there is no perfect parent. There has never been, and never will be. Parenting is a process, which also means we are ALL learning, including the moms who are dealing with their fourth child and those who are just starting out. Different parenting approaches work for different families
Accepting this fact goes a long way in helping to deal with the normal ups and downs of parenting. I know it helped, and still does help me, on those days when mommy guilt overtakes me and I’m not sure what I’m doing any more.
You are not just a mom
I often hear the phrase: “Being a mom is my most important job”. I’d agree. I’d even go a step further, motherhood, and parenting in general, is a lifetime commitment. My maternal grandmother used to say: “Small children, small problems. Big children, big problems”. I can now see why…
However, we’re not just moms, despite it being so important in our lives. We’re also individuals with full personalities, particularities and lives, daughters, sisters, wives, friends, filled with divine potential and purpose. Developing all these parts of ourselves also helps us become the best, yet still imperfect, mothers we are.
Allow yourself room to grow (and teach your kids to grow as well)
Being an imperfect parent has lots of perks, one of which being that it allows you room to grow as a mom. It also allows you to teach your kids to grow with you. I’m always learning about better ways of parenting that are more aligned with who I am, which makes the entire process so much more exciting and rewarding! As I forgive myself for the mistakes I make, I can also teach my kids that it’s ok to make mistakes, and grow in the process too.
Maybe the best way to parent is to be more open, vulnerable, and imperfect. Maybe it’s less about teaching our kids who they should be, but showing them how they can be who they were created to be…
