Time is a precious commodity, especially as a working mom. You can make more money, meet more people, buy more shoes…Yet, one thing you cannot buy more of, is time. One of the biggest complaints and regrets I hear from fellow working moms is around lack of time. There aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all, from caring for our families to handling our work responsibilities.
I felt this tightness in the time we’re allotted as working moms from the moment I gave birth. With the joy of motherhood, comes this guilt-filled sense that time is no longer ours. It’s the beginning of a seemingly unending power struggle with to-do lists, deadlines, appointments and other commitments, often culminating with various levels of chocolate-fueled frustration. When the pressure to excel in our careers adds its heavy weight to our already full calendars, it can wreak havoc with our entire sense of self. After all, women still handle the lion share of household chores, while graduating in record number from college and breaking all kinds of glass ceilings and concrete walls.
“I feel like all I I do is work, work, work (hellow Rihanna). I work at home and work at work!”
“I don’t even know what I look like anymore. I’m so tired all the time.”
“Where did the time go?”
The above are just a few of the reflections, at times wine-fueled, I’ve heard from fellow working moms, myself included. While Auntie Maxine is busy reclaiming her time, many, if not most of us, are still looking for where our own went.
After years of simmering frustration and self-blame at what I thought was my own lack of planning, I decided to reclaim myself. And the only place I found to fit this campaign back to my own sanity and fulfillment was early mornings, before anyone could lay claim to this precious time of mine. While I understand that not all of us are morning people, I also believe that in the game of give-and-take of working motherhood, some things have to give so we can take others back. For me, it meant letting go of my favorite late-night Netflix binges and investing in the luxury of extra time in the morning. In the perfect imperfection of my everyday life, it looked something like this:
Changing my mindset from sacrificial exhaustion to personal self-care
The cult of sacrificial exhaustion, exemplified by maternal gigantic under-eye circles and perennial coffee runs, never quite did it for me. While I still have ways to go to curb my caffeine addiction, I’ve long switched my working mom tune to the soothing sounds of personal self-care. After realizing on the way to the pediatrician that I forgot my child (also said patient at said appointment), I relinquished all claims to the title of “Most Exhausted Mother”. While this may cut some of my mommy groups’ conversations, it may contribute to lowering both my cholesterol and insurance premiums.
What this also translated into for me was to release my need to do (and prove) so much, and instead make healthier (read: more boring) decisions. Which involved adopting my mother’s ultra-early bed-time, at the very real risk of looking (and sounding) ultra un-cool. The upside? A full night’s sleep, less under-eye circles, and at least an hour to freely roam alone in the corners of my own home…Priceless!
Choosing quiet time over busy time
When I started reclaiming my early mornings, the first, very real, temptation was to use this time to add more to-do’s to my already crowded list. Maybe I could fit in an additional load of laundry, wash the dishes, or fold the clothes that have been adorning the guest room for weeks…The result? More work , less play…
Instead, I chose to follow the advice of a very astute working friend of mine: choosing quiet time over busy time. For me, it is meditation and prayer, or simply enjoying my cup of coffee while silencing the loud voices in my head reminding me that the electric bill is due. For you, it may be sitting on the porch, talking a walk, or journaling. Whatever it is, I believe it’s worth offering ourselves the gift of self every day.
Doing more of what I love
Last but not least, reclaiming my mornings is also about making sacred space for doing more of what I love. It means sitting at my old and faithful laptop and cracking out a blog post, or writing a book chapter. It’s also reading even for ten minutes, or going to the gym and buying myself an hour of thought-free, sweat-filled grace.
For a dear friend of mine, mornings are her space to dive into her artistic hobbies. Whatever it may be for you, it’s a sacred space to return to yourself before the world starts asking more of you, again.
Are you reclaiming your mornings as sacred as a working mom?
40 is not the new 30, 40 is the new 40. For some women like Kourtney Kardashian, feeling anxious about turning the big 4-0 is par for the course ( see video excerpt below). For others, it’s a good thing, at least according to Tracee Ellis Ross, who unapologetically claims that not only did her career blossom at 40, she also feels in her prime at now nearly 50. For all the women who fear, negatively anticipate or flat-out dread this mid-life milestone, Ross’s testimony sends a glimmer of hope in an otherwise darker age-conscious society.
I remember hearing all about turning 40 and how it changes everything. There is more of a fear of turning 40 than there ever was about turning 30 or 20. At 30 or 20, you still have a foot, a curl, or a toe, into youth. Yet, upon turning 40, there is no doubt about the fact that you’re officially stepping into adulthood. My closest friends and I would joke about turning 40 as much, or actually more, than we did about the year 2000 becoming reality. When our turn started looming on the horizon, we held on to 39 for dear life. Yet, what we didn’t realize then, was that 40 is a magnificent age, one to look forward to more than it is to fear.
However, despite the apparent downsides of aging for women, reaching certain birthday milestones is one of the most beautiful blessings life can afford us. As such, they should be celebrated, and the lessons learnt along the way acknowledged and shared. In honor of this, here are 40 lessons on turning 40 as a working woman:
It all starts with you!
One of the most important lessons as you age is that everything starts with you, from your interactions to the daily choices you make. This is exactly why working on yourself is the single most important thing you can do for you and everyone else around you.
Mindset is everything!
I wish I realized earlier how crucial mindset is to our lives. Once you realize your thoughts create your reality, you also understand how important it is to create as positive and fruitful a mindset as you can. Quiet time, meditation, prayer and self-care become a daily necessity rather than an occasional indulgence.
It was never about the money, but about the purpose!
While purpose may seem to be a very trendy concept these days, it reveals itself as one of our most important life foundations. Without purpose, we cannot flourish, grow or develop to our optimal level. Discovering and living our purpose beats any amount of money or level of fame we may reach.
You can have it all, on purpose!
Speaking of purpose, you can really have it all, according to your unique purpose in life. Being aligned with the purpose that is ultimately yours allows you to expand into the fullest, best version of yourself; which also means that whatever your “all” or the fullness of your potential is, is always accessible for you, on purpose.
Enjoy the journey, not just the destination
According to society, you should have such and such milestones achieved by the time you turn 20, 30, and so on. There seems to be a never-ending list of to-do’s, year by year, decade by decade. However, as time goes by, you start realizing that it’s really more about the journey than the destination. The point is to enjoy the path.
Self-care is never optional
You can’t pour from an empty cup, which is why self-care is never optional. Whether it’s some time to yourself, reading a book, or getting a pedicure, you must invest in your self-care.
You can always change your mind
It’s never too late to change your mind, go on a different path or do something differently. You can always change your mind and build the life you’ve always wanted, whether it means starting a new career, exiting fruitless relationships, or moving out of town.
Failure is opportunity
Failure is an opportunity to learn and move forward, not a death sentence. You can’t learn and grow unless you’re making mistakes. Growth is imperfectly perfect.
Life works out for you
If you’ve made it to this point, it’s proof that life is working out for you. Even the least desirable of circumstances always carry a lesson to your benefit. Keep your mind on that!
No one is responsible for your happiness.
No one is responsible for your happiness. Not your parents, not your spouse, not your colleagues, and certainly not your boss. You are. This one single realization can change how you perceive just about everything in life. So go on and be happy!
You are the CEO of your life
There comes a time when you realize you are in charge of your life and your circumstances. It also means you can decide the kind of relationships you’d like to engage in and those you’d rather exit, without any guilt.
Stop low-balling yourself
You may have underestimated yourself before, failed to negotiate what you were really worth, or settled for way less than you deserved, at work and in life. This is a reminder that it’s time to stop low-balling yourself and start asking for what you know you deserve.
Be open to change
Change, good, positive, fulfilling change is good. It’s the difference between quiet, lethal complacency and a life that makes you jump out of bed in the morning. Pick the latter.
Believe the best in others
Too much energy is spent on negative relationships and interactions, in and outside of work. Instead, choose to believe the best in others. You will do yourself a favor.
Be ok with releasing people and places that are no longer for you
Letting go can be a blessing. Know when it’s time to release people and places you’ve outgrown, from that toxic job to that oppressive neighborhood.
Gratitude is the new rich
Nothing calls in more abundance than a deep, authentic sense of gratitude. Practice appreciating who you are, what you have and where you are, on the way to where you’re going. It will do wonders for you.
Define success on your own terms
Society has defined success for women in many ways, most of which were inadequate and unfulfilling. Be willing to define your own brand of success, whether it’s raising a happy family, building a prosperous business, or climbing the corporate ladder.
Ask for what you want
The worst thing anyone can say to you is no. So go ahead and ask for what you want, all of it!
It’s ok to evolve
“You’ve changed!”. You’ll hear this a lot as you grow and evolve. Keep evolving anyways!
Favor experiences over money
Financial security is certainly necessary. However, experiences that change your life make you appreciate the world in a way that money never could.
Nurture your relationships
You cannot make it alone. Relationships are an integral part of life and success, however you may define success. Take time to nurture those relationships that matter to you the most. In the end, they will count more than prestige or economic prosperity.
NO is a full sentence
Being your best self will require you to say no more often than you say yes. You don’t have to justify yourself either. Simply saying no should be enough.
Be ok with spending time alone
Being comfortable with your own company is the greatest gift you can offer yourself. As time passes, I come to understand more and more that the most important relationship I will ever have, after God, is with myself.
You are enough: Value yourself
If you don’t value yourself, no one else will. Embrace all that you are, and value who you are and what you bring to the table. It’s how you teach others to treat you.
Follow your instincts
Your instincts are a gift. They can tell you what no other person, report, or statistic can. Trust them.
Never stop learning
Learning is not only the secret to constant growth and evolution. It’s also one of the best tricks to staying young in spirit and mind, and continue growing into the best version of yourself.
Do less but do it better
You don’t have to fill your schedule with a gazillion to-do’s. Instead, learning to focus on what really matters, what brings you joy and fulfillment, helps you do less, but do it so much better!
Build a career you love
You will spend much, if not most of your life, at work. Build a career you love so you don’t have to run from it on Friday!
When you learn, teach
Keep the door of opportunity open for others by giving back through teaching, whether formally or informally. Serve as a mentor, use your resources to help someone else, be an inspiration. When you learn, teach!
Offer opportunity to others
Along with teaching others, offer opportunities to grow and develop to others, whether formally or informally. Create a business and jobs, promote career advancement, and ultimately, expand yourself so you can help others expand.
Forget nice, be kind instead
Being nice is seeking to please through action or words, at the cost of falling out of alignment with yourself. Instead, be kind, speak your truth in love, and remain authentic to who you are, even if it feels lonely at times.
Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you
If you would like others to treat you a certain way, check in with yourself that you’re also treating yourself with the same consideration and kindness you expect.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
If it’s not going to matter in the next five minutes, days, weeks or years, don’t sweat it! Learning to let go o is one of the most precious tools you will ever have to live your best life.
Faith it
Don’t just face it, but faith it! Believe that whatever happens, you will always come out better in the end. And you will…
Remember where you came from
It’s one thing to know where you want to go in life, it’s another to remember where you came from. This is not just about the place you came from, but everything you bring to the table in terms of experiences, skills, and lessons. You are the expert of your own experience!
Forgive yourself
Be willing to forgive yourself for any perceived failures or mistakes. Once you understand that there are really no mistakes, that everything is meant to put you on the right path for you, it gets easier to be less harsh on yourself. You’re doing the best you can!
Forgive others
Along with forgiving yourself, forgive others as well. Unforgiveness is too heavy a burden to carry, so let it go!
Be present
Give yourself the gift of being fully present in whatever circumstance you may be in, and experience the fullness of your life. Put the phone down, drop the to-do list, and enjoy every moment!
The goal is freedom
The goal is to create a life of freedom and fulfillment. At the end of the day, is what you’re spending your time on creating more or less freedom and joy? Now that is the real question…
Celebrate!
Don’t forget to celebrate yourself and others. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have at our disposal, so enjoy the process!
Whether at work or in life, you’re bound to meet at least one person who doesn’t value you. This may be a co-worker who steps all over your toes in meeting, or a boss who discredits you in public with zero mercy. It may also be the so-called “friend” who puts their needs and time above yours, or the family member who subtly puts you down every chance they get. Whatever the case is, you may have that one person with whom every interaction leaves you feeling “less than”.
I used to wonder about this, in and outside of the workplace, especially as an introvert with a “too nice” tendency. I also realized that many, if not most, women (and men) face this day in and day out. Many feel that they must put up with it, whether due to the pressure of a paycheck, low self-esteem, or any other way they may rationalize it. Yet, at the end of the day, it becomes necessary to learn to address these situations as productively and authentically as possible:
Recognize that it starts with you
One major realization I’ve made is that you only attract what and who you are. Relationships really act as a mirror to reflect back your personal beliefs and attitudes to you. The upside of this is that each relationship, whether positive or not, is a gift, especially so with negative relationships. Those are the ones that really show you the areas in your life that need to be worked on. If you’re in need to assert yourself and build up your self-esteem, you will attract the exact people that will rub you the wrong way so as to push you to develop your own sense of self-esteem. If you need more compassion in your life, you’ll attract those who will show you exactly that.
Recognize that it all starts with you, and ask yourself what beliefs and attitudes in you are attracting or reinforcing the behavior of people who don’t value you. If you don’t value yourself, chances are others won’t value you. If you’re showing little regard for your own priorities, time and well-being, why would others do otherwise? After all, you teach people how to treat you.
Work on your mindset
Once that you recognize that it all starts with you, be willing to work on your mindset. Identify those core beliefs about yourself that may be in the way of your self-worth. Most of these beliefs may come from childhood, from the way a well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) adult treated or spoke to you. They may come from earlier experiences, or from the stories you may be telling yourself about yourself.
Working on your mindset means pinpointing these beliefs, understanding where they come from, and learning to reverse them. This is why affirmations are so powerful at reversing some of the beliefs we may have acquired early on in life. Journaling is a great way to unearth these, and reverse them with opposite affirmations.
Set clear boundaries
While it all starts with you, there’s also a part of dealing with people who don’t value you that consists in setting clear boundaries. You never have to accept anyone treating you “less than”. It’s ok to say no, and express the fact that you will not deal a certain type of behavior.
Master the art of saying no and not tolerating being under-valued. It’s ok to cancel an appointment, not go some place you won’t feel comfortable in, and confront someone who trespassed the limits of respect and courtesy.
Be willing to walk away
Last but not least, be willing to walk away and release yourself from situations, places and people who threaten your sense of self-respect and self-worth. This may mean leaving oppressive jobs and professional environments, exiting low-frequency relationships, or drastically changing your life altogether.
Too often, the fear of change, loneliness or not conforming to society’s expectations keeps us way too long in undesirable places that wreck our sense of who we are. The alternative is simply to gracefully and peacefully remind ourselves that we are worth the love and value we give others, and create lives we’re excited, not forced, to live.
This guest post is written by the amazing Molly Barnes who runs the website DigitalNomadLife.org. Molly recently quit her day job and started traveling across the country with her boyfriend. On her blog, she shares previous tips about budgeting, working remotely and traveling. Welcome Molly!
For some people, a house in the suburbs and a family is the ultimate goal. For others, particularly those in their 20s, seeing the world is a higher priority. There’s certainly no right or wrong way to set goals or approach life, but living a nomadic lifestyle comes with a lot of advantages. From cultural traditions to cuisine, the world is an amazing place. Without taking a leap and hitting the road, you may never see the countless wonders across countries and continents.
Leaving behind a traditional job and life to live on the road may seem overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. There are many steps you can take to prepare for and help yourself afford a nomadic lifestyle — no matter how much you make or where you’re planning to go.
Create a Plan
Before booking a one-way plane ticket, you need to have an idea of where you want to travel, what you want to see, and how long you plan to leave the comforts of home. You don’t need to have specifics pinned down at the start, like all the countries you plan to see or the order in which you’d like to see them, but a basic structure for what lies ahead can be valuable in planning for the future.
For example, a six-month adventure will likely require different cost considerations than a nomadic trip of a year or more. It’s okay to leave things a little open-ended when you’re just starting to brainstorm, but there’s no good way to be sure all your financial bases are covered unless you have a framework in mind.
Planning is a critical part of the process and will serve as the structure of your budget. If along the way you find your rudimentary plans aren’t in line with reality, you may need to take more time to save or reconsider your must-see checklist before setting out on your adventure.
Set a Budget
When you choose a nomadic lifestyle, you can surrender many of the costlier aspects of modern life, like paying for long-term rent or a mortgage and covering the cost of commuting. However, this doesn’t mean traveling the world is free. Instead, you’re essentially replacing one significant set of expenses with another: plane or train tickets, temporary lodging, and food while on the go. With the framework you have in mind for your adventures, determine about how much you can afford to spend per month to cover housing, food, and other basics, like internet access, a data plan, or energy costs.
Be aware that your expenses may change from month to month. Staying in rural Brazil will likely be much cheaper than anywhere in Paris, so adjust your expectations accordingly. Be sure to consider all options to keep your costs down, like couch-surfing with acquaintances or staying in hostels. And recognize that not all your domestic expenses can be eliminated by traveling; you’ll still need to calculate and pay taxes if you have any income, so make sure you’re prepared.
Tie Up Loose Ends
While you’re gone, will you let the lease on your apartment end? Will you sell your car? Can you use your home as a vacation rental? Will your job let you take an extended leave or work from the road? All these questions need answers before you depart. Everything from your car to your pets to your mail will require arrangements while you’re away, and in many cases; this usually means leaning on friends and family to ensure nothing slips between the cracks. Ideally, you’ll do what you can to keep costs low, like waiting to leave until your lease runs out, but selling a house to travel for a year isn’t prudent, for example.
Think carefully about options for addressing all your obligations, both major and minor, and create a definitive plan for how everything will be organized. Even seemingly little things can cause big issues, like inquiry letters from the IRS that easily get ignored, so be sure you’re completely covered before you embark. The peace of mind you get from having everything taken care of can vastly improve your experience on the road.
Create an Income Game Plan
Unless you’re lucky enough to have plenty of disposable savings and can see the world without sacrificing retirement or future plans, you’ll likely need to generate some income while traveling. If you have a job that’s already remote, you may be able to continue on as normal with the approval of your supervisor, but for most people, it won’t necessarily be easy. You may be able to switch over to a freelance format; for example, an accountant could offer per-hour freelance consulting to small businesses, or a marketing pro could offer content writing or social media management from afar.
For those dedicated to switching careers, it may be possible to find something more flexible and even travel-oriented, like an international sales position or a job that requires a frequent presence at trade shows or conferences. You may not be able to rival your old salary, but consulting, contracting, sales, and even crafting can be handled remotely with lucrative results, so think about your options and get creative.
For those with stable jobs, asking for an extended leave of absence may yield the ability to travel without losing employment, but for many people, a nomadic lifestyle may mean leaving a good job behind, so carefully consider future ramifications before taking off.
Draft a Dedicated Itinerary
When everything from your budget to your income plan is arranged, and you’re sure traveling is a realistic option for your life, it’s time to determine exactly what lies in store. You need a plan for where you’re going and how you’re getting there, options for residence, shopping and cooking options, sightseeing opportunities, and anything else relevant during your stay.
Do thorough homework on everything from cost of living in each area to price points for hostels, hotels, and AirBnBs. Even life as a nomad requires planning, so invest plenty of time in this step to be sure your budget and arrangements at home will cover you as long as you need.
If you’re concerned about hitting too many high-cost places, like European capital cities, blend in some lower-cost avenues. Within the U.S., for example, Atlanta is a cultural mecca with plenty to do, lots to see, and ample places to rent at a fraction of the cost of New York City.
Leaving normal life behind to travel the world can be frightening, but it’s a risk well worth taking. By leaving a desk job and the standard obligations that society insists are necessary, if only for a little while, you can take advantage of what may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see what other nations and cultures have in store.
Please note this is a sponsored post for which I may be compensated.
If you’ve ever thought about losing a few (or a lot of) pounds and getting healthy, then you may have dealt with what I call the Motivation factor (or lack thereof). I know I have…As a working mom, I’ve struggled with finding the time, energy and effort to shed those unwanted pounds, especially after having my babies. In between growing family obligations, a busy career, and unending to-do lists, it seemed I’d never be able to make the scale move an inch. I’d hit the gym one day, then slack off and eat carbs for the rest of the month…Did I mention paying gym membership fees that went to very little, if any, use?
You may be experiencing something similar. Without a reward system that truly motivates you, it can be challenging to stick to a consistent routine. Yet, what if you could actually get paid to get (and stay) healthy? What if dropping the excess weight could translate into picking up extra coins? What if your efforts at getting and staying healthy were actually rewarded with some sweet cash?
Enter Healthy Wage. As an innovative company whose challenges have been featured on the likes of CNN, ABC, and NBC, it helps you do just that. Healthy Wageoffers online weight loss challenges with …cash rewards at the end of these. Basically, you’re being paid to drop the pounds. According to this Journal of American Medical Association study, individuals with a financial incentive to lose weight are almost five times to reach their goals than those who don’t. Additionally, another 2013 Mayo Clinic study reveals that weight-loss program participants are more likely to pursue their weight-loss goals on a long-term basis if there is a financial incentive than if there isn’t. The point is, although health is a reward in and of itself, a gift card may work better.
Besides, in addition to the cash prizes, there are many other rewards to using Healthy Wage:
Weight loss is hard, making it fun helps!
Just open a women’s magazine and watch your pressure rise as you contemplate different dieting and weight loss options. Truth is, weight loss is hard! Yet, when you turn in into a friendly competition, add in some teamwork and encouragement with HealthyWage, it becomes an exciting challenge instead!
Enter Healthy Wage. As an innovative company whose challenges have been featured on the likes of CNN, ABC, and NBC, it helps you do just that. Healthy Wageoffers online weight loss challenges with …cash rewards at the end of these. Basically, you’re being paid to drop the pounds. According to this Journal of American Medical Association study, individuals with a financial incentive to lose weight are almost five times to reach their goals than those who don’t. Additionally, another 2013 Mayo Clinic study reveals that weight-loss program participants are more likely to pursue their weight-loss goals on a long-term basis if there is a financial incentive than if there isn’t. The point is, although health is a reward in and of itself, a gift card may work better.
Besides, in addition to the cash prizes, there are many other rewards to using Healthy Wage:
Weight loss is hard, making it fun helps!
Just open a women’s magazine and watch your pressure rise as you contemplate different dieting and weight loss options. Truth is, weight loss is hard! Yet, when you turn in into a friendly competition, add in some teamwork and encouragement with HealthyWage, it becomes an exciting challenge instead!
The more fun you have, the easier it gets to shed the pounds!
Do you notice how sometimes all it takes is the support of a few friends and loved ones to turn a daunting task into something much manageable? The same premise applies for Healthy Wage. The more fun you have participating in team challenges, the more support you get, and the easier it all gets!
www.healthywage.com
Good health is contagious!
The best part about this? The healthier you get with HealthyWage, the more you can actually impact those around you. From your loved ones and friends, to your co-workers and entire company, your success story can actually motivate others to create their own.
As busy working moms, we are often our worst critics. In addition to the weight we already carry as caretakers and caregivers, we have to add to it the responsibilities that come with careers and businesses. All of this often translates into negative self-talk, or even blatant criticism from the outside world. As a working mom myself, I’m certainly not immune to it. I’ve also found over time that one of the best ways to counteract this is through positive daily affirmations.
I discovered the power of positive affirmations when I first started struggling with juggling career and family. As many other working moms, dealing with the ups and downs of being a parent, in addition to work, home and relationships, triggered many of my already present insecurities. Was I a good mom? What if I didn’t cook every day? Was I missing out on my kids’ growth by being at work? All these questions, and then some, rattled my mind day in and day out. That’s when I started using affirmations to stop myself from beating myself down, and instead empower, encourage and motivate myself more.
Whether on my way to work (especially when I am late dropping off the kids, yet again!), in traffic, or in the middle of a tantrum episode under my breath, I like to repeat these as a way of pumping myself up. There’s something about telling yourself a different, more positive and uplifting story about yourself that elevates your mindset and improves your outcomes. Here are 10 of my favorite daily positive affirmations for busy working moms:
I am enough!
All is well and everything is working out for my ultimate good.
I am doing the best I can at all times.
I accept myself as I am.
I am the best mother for my children that I can be.
I trust myself and my intuition to be the best mother and woman I can be.
I choose to practice self-care so I can be the best mom I can be.
I am strong, powerful and unstoppable.
I am becoming the best version of myself every day.
I deserve love, respect and affection.
What are your favorite positive affirmations for working moms? Please share with us.
Does having kids hurt your career? As a working mom, it may be tempting to think so. Just the mere fact of going on maternity leave can sometimes seem like a step back for many working moms, as their absence in the office often puts them at a disadvantage. By the time many working moms come back to work, their most important responsibilities may have been reassigned. Or they may no longer be privy to the same conversations and access they used to have. Even worse, their competencies may be questioned, now that they have to “balance” work and life.
As a result, there is a wide pre-conception that having kids hurts working moms’ careers. According to recent studies, the gender pay gap is largely a consequence of motherhood. A study by the Census Bureaureveals that the earnings gap between spouses of opposite sexes doubles between the two before the couple’s first child is born, and a year thereafter. When surveyed, as in this Pew Research Center’s publication, Americans and Europeans have the tendency to agree with women working part-time or not at all after having children. All in all, the statistics out there are far from being encouraging when it comes to working moms’ careers after children.
In my own experience, having kids actually did wonders for my career. Although I did initially feel, especially after coming back from maternity leave, as if I had made a few steps back, the difference for me was more mental and spiritual. Having children allowed me to start asking myself the tough questions: “What am I here for? What is my purpose? How is my career advancing my purpose?” These questions in turn allowed me to re-direct my work towards a more fulfilling path aligned with who I am and what my purpose is.
Despite the staggering statistics out there, it is up to us, as working moms, to re-frame the context of our own lives and careers. Not in terms of impossible choices to make (having kids or a successful career?), but in terms of how we can integrate, not balance, the various areas of our lives and work to show up and perform in the fullness of who we are:
Allow the experience of motherhood to help you-re-define yourself
Motherhood is an experience like no other. I strongly believe we’re not born mothers, we become mothers. It’s a wonderful path of constant growth and self-discovery. I’m happy (and relieved) to say that I’m probably learning more from my children than they are learning from me. However, it took me some time to allow this growth and change in myself, as I was stubbornly attached to the way things were and “should be”.
By allowing the experience of motherhood, with all its ups and downs, late appointments, booked schedules, messy mornings and sweet kisses, to change us, we allow ourselves to grow and be re-defined as well. And yes, it also affects our careers and the way we work. It may mean reconsidering our current field, company or occupation entirely. It may mean becoming a stay-at-home mom, or an entrepreneur. It may also mean taking a pay cut, or watch our earnings decline. Whatever it is, it will rock your career, not for the worse, but for the better.
Give yourself permission to re-direct yourself
Becoming a mom will change your life, and it will change your career. Not that you necessarily need to change jobs, or switch companies, or go hiking in the Himalayas. But it will change the way you perceive the work you do. For some, it may be a confirmation of what you are already doing. For others, it may be a total re-direction.
This is where it’s crucial to give yourself permission to re-direct yourself and your work. Does it mean you should get up and leave the job that is paying rent and putting food in the kids’ mouths? No. Yet, it means being opened to a gradual evolution in your work. It may be developing a side hustle into a business while you keep your day job. It may be asking for more flexibility or considering a lateral move in your company. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to consider and explore it, one bit at a time.
Trust the process
Last but not least, trust the process. Being a working mom is not something you can plan on a day to day basis. Things will happen, laundry will pile up, traffic will keep you from making it to work on time, and poopy diapers will have you re-consider the very meaning of life.
Yet, this is not a sign that kids are derailing, slowing down or hurting your career. It’s just the signal that change is here to help you become your best self.
Do you think having kids has hurt or benefited your career?
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