by Solange Lopes | Jan 23, 2015 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Photo credit: http://4.bp.blogspot.com
You know the drill, you’re on it, meeting, even exceeding deadlines and goals, keeping on your grind, coming in early to get yours (and others’) work done. And here it is, 5:15pm, and your boss is sending you an IM to come in to his office to discuss some project you handed in last month for review! Really? And here you are, looking at your watch, realizing you’re already late to pick up the kids, and you’re probably not going to make it tonight, yet again…Story of a gazillion working moms out there! And what gets done in most cases: nada, ziltsch, nothing!
Granted we all have to take our work responsibilities seriously (and in case you were thinking, the myth of the distracted working mom is just that, a myth), and that most of us know by now work-life balance is just as elusive as the no-carb diet, the unrealistic demands and stereotypes placed on working moms keep on taking a heavy toll not only on these women, but also on companies and the economy in general that keeps on losing great workers to unfair, and frankly inefficient practices.
Truth is, work is a part of life, and not the other way around. As part of this life thing, women have had to pick their kids up for decades. So have men. That’s just part of life. So if both work and picking up your kids are part of normal life, nothing fancy, what seems to be the problem? Is there even a problem, or are we as a society making our lives, and the work that’s a part of it, unnecessarily complicated? Sounds simplistic? Well, try explaining to your 5-year old why they’ve had to wait on the school steps three times this week…
Yes, there’s work to be done, yet there’s also a life to be lived. Part of the work and the life we’re given is to ensure we can manage both efficiently enough so they don’t spill on each other. That includes running the day before it runs us, and not decide to wait until after-hours to address an important project (that you’ve been sitting on for a month)…
Just sayin’….
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Nov 24, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
It’s the countdown to Thanksgiving! Menus are being planned, families are getting ready to gather, some for better, others for worse, and we’re all ready to go ahead and think of those people, events and things we are thankful for (and those we have other, much less thankful words, about…but I digress again…). All in all, Thanksgiving is like this scheduled positive time in your life when you’re expected to say thanks. And considering the bad rap this generation gets, taking a grateful pause makes us all look (and feel) better…
Plus your career may thank you too, what with complaints about the unstable economy (which by the way is much better than advertised), the gender pay gap, and what have you…Not to mention the fact that being thankful can keep you healthy, boost your morale, and prevent you from throwing a sharp object at your boss…Besides, the simple act of saying thank you at work has the power, according to research by Susan Quandt, to help you overcome career roadblocks with the sheer power of optimism:
- Write down what you’re grateful for: Start a gratitude journal, and motivate yourself to find something, someone, anything you’re grateful for…every day, even on Mondays!
- Thank 5 people at work this week: I know, some of you may read this, and think “shoo, I don’t even like five people at work”. Well, try! Whether it be thanking the janitor for keeping the toilets clean, or the cafeteria help for putting up with your constant lack of change, or your manager for skipping this week’s one-on-one, find 5 people, say thank you, and treat yourself to ice cream (or shoes) later!
- Give someone a career boost: If someone has helped you at work, or has been a great resource professionally, don’t just keep it to yourself! Spread the word, tell their managers, give them brownie points on the company’s Intranet, and help boost someone else’s, other than yours, career. It’s the small things, and they pay off…
How are you being thankful at work this week?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 15, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Children or career – Photo: huffingtonpost.com
The news that Apple and Facebook decided to pay women employees for freezing their eggs took me a bit by surprise. I realize, as incongruous as it may sound, that there is such a thing as the motherhood penalty, or that some may leave the widening gender inequality in the hands of karma. Yet when it comes to deciding upon our fertility as women, I still tend to be a traditionalist at heart.
Certainly, this is an amazing perk, as the cost of freezing eggs can add up to $10,000 per round of treatment. And considering at least 2 rounds are needed for the recommended 20 eggs for fertilization, this procedure does cost a pretty penny. Having companies such as Apple and Microsoft in male-dominated Silicon Valley volunteer to invest such money in their female employees will undoubtedly be a great opportunity for many women. It will afford many a woman the choice to delay pregnancy and focus on their career, or even help with health issues forcing them to consider having children later in life.
However, for those women who want both motherhood and career success, what message are these companies sending? Does this mean women must now choose between motherhood and career? And if they choose motherhood, that their chances at succeeding in their careers are diminished? Or if they choose to delay motherhood and focus on their careers, that having children was out on the back seat?
For many women, the choice is not that easy. While we may not want or need to have it all, some choices are among the most difficult to make, and have longer lasting consequences and implications than a couple of fertilization treatments. Do we want this type of choices to now be institutionalized and made the norm?
What do you think? Are companies offering to pay employees’ costs to freeze their eggs sending the wrong message?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 10, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Photo: blackenterprise.com
Before I even start ranting, let me add a disclaimer here: I believe all women are working women, whether we are professionals excelling at work or mothers raising kids at home (which by the way happens to be the toughest job on Earth).
Ok, now back to my rant…I remember after having my first child, in the first few weeks of the frazzled rest of my life, looking at childless women in the office almost with envy. Their perfectly manicured hands, rested looks and generally more relaxed appearance against my early foray into motherhood’s “Sorry” land. “Sorry I can’t make that meeting, gotta pick up the kids!” “Sorry I have to miss happy hour!” Sorry, sorry, sorry…
You know what I’m talking about, the feeling of being sub-par because all your childless colleagues can attend all the work’s social events, stay extra late at work, and be constantly available. Does this mean childless women at work are more successful than professional moms? I’d say, it depends on your definition of success. Yet, is there sometimes a subtle competition between moms and non-moms at work? Hmmm…
While many argue women with children get preferential treatment at work, and others are relentless about the motherhood penalty, the fact remains the state of women at work is definitely more complex and layered as it seems…
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. As a young, career-focused woman in Boston, spending my entire paycheck on rent and shoes (who needs food?), working late and never missing a happy hour. As a mom (even as a somewhat experienced mom), I miss my laundered shirts and 5-inch heels (and my waist too), and work is no longer number one. And I’m certainly not going to apologize for being a working mom.
All I can say is when it comes to moms and non-moms at work, success and struggle do go hand in hand…And whether we believe one group may have the upper hand on the other, at the end of the day, it’s really all up to your personal definition of success…
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 9, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
On parental pressure and choosing the wrong career – Photo credit: madamenoire.com
If you watched The Middle on ABC last night, you couldn’t have missed Axl struggling with major anxiety the entire episode, before being admonished by his father to pick Business.While in Axl’s case, he needed the admonition, in many other cases, most of us could have done without…
Your mom told you so. Heck, everyone else did too…The immense pressure of career choice was upon you as you graduated from high school, you just had to make the best decision, for yourself and everyone else…but mostly for everyone else. My mother raised all four of us as a single mom, and wanted us to pick lucrative, well-regarded careers. Her dream was for at least one of us to be a doctor, which didn’t exactly work out as planned.
Overcoming parental pressure to pick the careers we really want is no small feat. It goes even further than that, as parents often play a big role in determining their children’s success, and happiness. And most often, the reality is most of us did not exactly resist the parental pressure. Instead, we caved in, got the degree and ended up in some office with all the apparent signs of success, yet feeling like we failed ourselves.
So what should you do if your parents pressured you to pick the wrong career, and you actually did? Do you just chuck it up to bad luck, keep pursuing your dreams even if on the side, or just resign yourself to your fate?
1. There’s a reason for everything! As lame as it may sound, it’s true. There was a reason I got this Accounting degree, paid my dues and learnt what I now know. If anything, I can write about it…
2. Make your dream a part of your life! Dreaming of a writing career? Well, start writing right where you are, at work, in your side hustle, everywhere you can get your pen through. Use your talents in your current career, moonlight when you can, and have faith it will all come together…
3. Stop blaming your parents! Let go of the resentment and blame, accept that your career was also your choice. As soon as you start letting go of the “what if’s” and the anger, your path becomes clearer, even in the midst of uncertainty and confusion…
Did your parents pressure you to pick the wrong career? How did you cope?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 6, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Mommy, Why you didn’t tell me – Photo credit: jiyobefikarwomen.com
My mother always worked. She was always the busy, well-dressed career woman climbing down her high heels after work to rush into the kitchen and fix us a hot plate. It’s through her that I learnt the meaning of work, and all that being a career woman represents. From the struggles to get promoted, to the unsuccessful yet hurtful sexual harassment attempts from male colleagues and superiors, not to mention the passive aggressiveness of fellow women at work. I saw it all, absorbed it all, and…wished it all upon myself…Except my experience was going to be better, easier and much, much more successful…After all, doesn’t each generation make better, more informed decisions? And aren’t women progressing so much more now than before?
Yet, what I didn’t realize, as I gathered all my hopes for career and life success, is that I may have missed an important part of the picture. The internal part. That secret, inside part of every woman’s struggles, that unfortunately we tend to shield our children, and especially our daughters from. I missed the down, dirty truth about what my mother really felt about her career and life…
Until I faced my own struggles at work, gave birth to my first child and witnessed the death of my most profoundly ingrained beliefs and assumptions about life. Until I asked my mother what the heck was happening, and she finally told me about it all…All of it…
All of it, from the exhilarating feeling of achievements, to the fear to disappoint, the gut-wrenching pain at leaving our children to get back to work, the push and pull between tradition and modernism, family and work, ourselves and everyone else. When the strong facade fell, and words of wisdom, pain and ultimately victory, started rolling, I understood and started forgiving myself…
Are we telling our daughters the truth about being a woman at work and in life? Or would we rather shield them under covers of private education and women’s empowerment speeches, leaving them to fend for themselves when reality hits? And does it hit hard…
Mommy, why didn’t you tell me it was ok to choose myself? Why didn’t you say having children would be considered a career mistake? Why did you shield me from the realization that it was going to be hard but oh so rewarding? Why, why, why….
It may be time to start telling…
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Aug 18, 2014 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Do you ever feel like your week-ends are made of unending lists of to-do’s and deliverables of all kinds? I know I used to. Saturdays would start with the kids’ soccer practice, then cleaning the house, running errands and visiting family. Sundays would be a mad dash to church, followed by the grocery store, catching up on laundry and planning the week. Oh, and did I mention the birthday parties, kids’ playdates, and other social activities…By the time Sunday would roll around, I’d be wiped out…literally!
The end result is that so many of us end up at work on Mondays looking for our sanity and a clean coffee cup! This is only so we can start working on the weekly memo, catch up on email and tackle that gigantic work to-do list. No wonder so few of us working moms have the motivation to excel at work, when our week-ends are so whirlwinds of activities and chores!
Here are some quick ways we can start reversing the tide, and stopping our week-ends from ruining our careers (and sanity):
1. Quit spinning your wheels!
Ever felt like a hamster spinning on a wheel of unending tasks and chores on week-ends? Between running to the grocery store, (barely) making it to kids’ sports practice, rushing to the next kids’ birthday party (as you scramble for a pen to scribble on the party bag because you mixed up the birthday boy’s 2-year birthday card with your aunt’s 60th), it just NEVER ends! Yet what we don’t realize is that not only is there nothing fun about spinning one’s wheels, but ultimately it leaves us depleted, ineffective and highly annoyed! When it comes to being effective, at work or in life, quality trumps quantity, so please, stop spinning!
2. Use the work week!
I realized a while ago that if the work week is going to suck anyways, I might as well spare my week-ends! Translation: stop putting off all your chores and tasks to the week-end! Laundry backed up? Schedule one hour after the kids go to bed to tackle the monster during the week. Kids’ piano lesson on Saturdays at 9am? Can that be scheduled after work so you can have a normal Saturday morning again? Food shopping? Take the kids on a supermarket field trip in the middle of the week, and call it a day.
3. Party on Sundays!
While you may think of Sundays as your day to get a break, relax on the couch or catch up on laundry, you may actually be better off having a good ol’ time right before returning to work. So go ahead and host the kids’ birthday party on Sunday afternoon! Or join a few friends for some Sangria! Whatever you do, don’t sit there thinking about what a drag going back to work will be in a few hours!
Are your week-ends ruining your career? What are you doing about it?
The Corporate Sis.
