by Solange Lopes | May 2, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Every year as Mother’s Day approaches, you can’t miss the onslaught of marketing ads, cards and flowers thrown at us from everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, getting a cute (preferably funny) greeting card, some adorable flowers and an elegant purse of pair of shoes is a wonderful touch of kindness and care. As a working mom, I value all the precious gifts the hubby has given me over the years (mostly at my not-so-discrete request).
However, as years have gone by, more kids were born, and laundry steadily got out of control, my gift request list has (slightly) changed. As I was chasing my youngest in a crowded restaurant while trying to extricate the bread roll he shoved in my bra and keep butter from drizzling all over my new Spring dress last Mother’s Day, I mentally made a list of 10 things I want most for Mother’s Day this year.
At the risk of foregoing the most adorable (and priciest) bouquet of flowers and gorgeous purse, here are 10 things this working mom wants for Mother’s Day this year. And guess what, none of them includes stepping into a store and sliding a credit card anywhere (ok, maybe a little):
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A nap (or just sleep in general)
The last time I tried to remember my last nap, I almost got a brain freeze. If you’re a working mom, the thought of laying down for a few uninterrupted minutes during the day may seem like finding an oasis in the middle of Manhattan.
Well, for Mother’s Day, I may just want to find that one oasis in the middle of Manhattan. Which also means laying myself down somewhere in the middle of the day, closing my eyes and enjoying this mother of a peace!
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Silence (lots of it)
If you’re a working mom, or have been around any mom in any country in the world, you know that silence quickly becomes a hard commodity to come by. As a matter of fact, even when there is silence, your mommy brain may still come up with some imaginary child voice asking for bread with Nutella or clean underwear (or both)…
For Mother’s Day, my silent request is to have some silence, as I negotiate with my brain to shut down the imaginary kids’ voices (which may or may not be mine). Plus I’ll take it with a glass of red Beaujolais, please and thank you…
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Going to the bathroom alone (at least once on Mother’s Day)
Do you remember when you used to go to the bathroom alone, preferably with a book? Ok, now, fast forward, do you remember the last time you sat on the throne for more than two seconds alone with your thoughts as a working mom? That is, without getting interrupted because a) everyone needs to pee at the same time as you, b) everyone has a question for you right as you sit on the toilet, or c) there is some unnamed emergency you need to run to right that minute.
On Mother’s Day, I’m renaming our (cleanest) bathroom as “motherhood territory”. Which also means no interruptions and a good book to boot.
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Reading a book without any little person ripping the page off
Speaking of books, how many working moms remember the feeling of actually leafing through a real book, with real pages? Or even holding a Kindle device without any little fingers splashing Nutella all over it?
Well, I personally don’t. Which is exactly why reading a real book is quite up there on my list of Mother’s Day demands. And ideally, the pages would remain in the book and not in some (adorable) little person’s hands…
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A nanny for the day (you may add a cook, laundry person, and special attendant)
I understand the point of Mother’s Day is to celebrate mothers; and that what makes us mothers is actually having (and dealing with) children (plus the resulting housework and mental exhaustion that comes with these precious little humans). However, since we’re making exceptions for Mother’s Day, a nanny (preferably an overachieving one who may or may not have graduated from the Harvards of Nanny schools) would be pretty awesome.
I also wouldn’t be opposed to a personal chef, laundry person and even a special attendant too. Just saying, don’t judge me…
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The abolition of cooking and cleaning (even to bring me breakfast in bed)
The last time I was treated to breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day, I was also treated to a substantial pile of dishes in the sink, sticky syrup on the floor and all over my sheets, and did I mention the entire kitchen area turned into a war zone? Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely adorable and have made me almost lose my nightly hair pineapple (hello naturalistas)…
For Mother’s Day, can we respectfully agree to abolish any cooking or cleaning? Which may involve pre-cooking said breakfast in bed, ordering it in, or just enlisting the help of the hubby (and his whole squad) to clean up afterwards?
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The apocalypse of laundry
Right along with laundry, can we talk about the curse of laundry? This hungry monster seems to multiply by the day, signaling the never-ending plague of household chores. Not that I don’t enjoy loading multiple laundry packs and folding a gazillion little underwear as I reflect over what happened to my life…
Well, for Mother’s Day, let’s decide on the apocalypse of laundry, which also means hiding any evidence of dirty clothes from sight, and providing enough clean underwear to keep any laundry crisis at bay…
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Extreme and obnoxious pampering
We’re not talking about a regular mani-pedi here. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty nice treat. Yet, since we’re talking about things I really want, how about some extreme and pretty obnoxious pampering? Like an entire day at the spa, or a massage combo, or anything that makes you feel extra special that day?
So for Mother’s Day, if I must choose between overpriced and perishable flowers, and raising the bar on mommy pampering, I’ll pick the latter. Which also includes wearing some form of lipstick (away from my teeth), cute (non-walking/running) heels, and a designer bag instead of the traditional bulky diaper bag.
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Death to the mom routine
While we’re at it, let’s do away with the mom routine too, including kids bath, fights over the outfit of the day, or riding around all day picking up and dropping off kids to social activities and playdates. In other words, a clean, sweet break-up with the every day mom routine.
For Mother’s Day, I will gladly relinquish all said routine mom duties to the lowest bidder. No hard feelings…
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But I still want to know that my beautiful family is there, just quiet and not too close
Yet, what I really want, in addition to all the very reasonable (ok, maybe not for the special attendant) demands above, is to have my people around. The ones who drive me bonkers, make me carry dirty socks in my purse, and have turned my car into a dirty minibus.
The only thing is, I just want them where I can see them, but not where I have to be involved in any diaper changing, counter cleaning, or question answering…Just for one day, everyone sit pretty and smile, and let Mommy be…You may come back tomorrow with your unmet needs, demands and requests, plus any complaints about the lack of clean underwear…
From Mommy with Love…
by Solange Lopes | Mar 21, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
I closed the last page of Believe Bigger: Discover the Path to Your Life Purpose, and just stood there in the middle of my kitchen, a smile on my face, (happy) tears streaming down my face. My perspective on Purpose, Faith and Life in general would never be the same. Not after reading this book…
There are very few books that will make a lifelong impact on you. Marshawn Evans Daniels’ Believe Bigger masterpiece is one of them. It’s like a gentle nudge from God to understand your significance, purpose and the path to get there. It’s also one of the strongest calls to reclaiming your life, gifts and awaken that greatness that is within each and every one of us, you may ever come across.
First off, let me tell you about Marshawn (I’m calling her Marshawn as I consider her to be my spiritual sister). Marshawn Evans Daniels is a reinvention strategist who mentors women around the world to live bolder in business, faith and life.I have been following her on social media for quite some time and have always been in awe of her impact on women like myself. Her message around women turning pain into purpose, and mess into magnificent life missions, has touched me personally in all areas of my life. I have been honored to be part of her book launch team for Believe Bigger, and what a blessing it has been!
As a woman, a believer and an entrepreneur who made a challenging, sometimes heart-wrenching leap into my purpose in faith, her message rocked me to my core. It spoke to every single fiber of self-doubt, regret, lack of confidence, that I have ever experienced as a timid child raised in a single-parent home, an introvert, and recovering success addict and people-pleaser. As I followed her own story going through being misunderstood and mislabeled as a “problem child”, to the demise of her wedding days before it even happened, and her stepping into her purpose to help women unleash their potential, I couldn’t help but see my own. Literally, anyone reading this book can see themselves in Marshawn’s story of facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles and overcoming through faith, resilience and the ultimate power of God.
Through her five stages of divine reinvention, which she details so perfectly in the book, Marshawn Evans Daniel takes you on a personal journey of introspection around your purpose in life and how to get there.
“Spiritual growth comes from perspective” – Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels
What Believe Bigger gives you is this much-needed perspective of faith and self-belief that many, if not most women, miss. As we’re given flawed messages of inadequacy from childhood on, from our relationships to our careers and businesses, we tend to start believing that we may not have a purpose after all. We stop thinking that we do have a bigger vision, and instead settle for the ordinary when we carry the extraordinary inside of us.
“Dreams are not just to be longed after, dreams are meant to be lived.” Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels
Yet, in Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels doesn’t just speak about potential and dreams. She has actually crafted an entire Purpose Map, clearly depicting the path to leading a life of purpose. She actually provides a tangible step-by-step approach to recognize your gifts and harness them to fulfill God’s plan for your life, move others forward and improve their lives in the process.
“Gifts align us with the best parts of ourselves that bring the best in others”. Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels
Through the pages of Believe Bigger, you get to understand that every struggle, every difficulty, every heartbreaking moment is simply providing you gift-giving lessons so you have more IMPACT in all areas of life. This is not a survival, quick-tips kind of book. What it is, is a manual to thrive and not just survive, to have significance and not just success.
“God has called every woman to lead. A life of influence and impact is the very center of feminine purpose.” Believe Bigger, Marshawn Evans Daniels
Realizing that leadership is my birthright, along with every other woman, totally changed my perspective. Which also means that sitting in the back of the room, silencing our voices, or busying our lives with non-impactful activities, is not what we’re supposed to accept. Instead, you not only have the right, but the responsibility, to step into the glorious significance of being the woman you have been created to be.
But it all starts with believing bigger….
Thank you Marshawn, for an amazing, life-changing, revolutionary book!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 8, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
Many ambitious women wonder how to strive both in their careers, businesses and at work. It is possible to be an ambitious, striving, successful woman, and still have a happy, successful marriage? Despite the many modern advances in our society, it’s still a question many of us ask ourselves.
I know I asked myself the question when getting married. Would I be able to still be able to chase my dreams, while still being happy in my marriage? Would I have to choose between ambition and happiness in my marriage? Can we really have it all, in our love partnerships and in our work?
We can’t help to notice that a number of extremely successful women are also not partnered. We can also see through social media and even reality television, that many marriages and partnerships are destroyed when career success or ambition enters the equation. Just look at Hollywood marriages for instance.
From talking with a few girlfriends, and my own experience, I’ve learnt that it’s more about finding the right balance than it is about combining career ambition and happy marriage. It’s also about keeping in mind certain golden principles when it comes to career ambition and happiness in marriage:
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Know yourself first and what works for you
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in any relationship is not knowing ourselves and what works for us. If there ever were a mirror rendering an accurate reflection of who are, it would be marriage. It’s important to know who you are and what works for you.
Giving the impression that you’ll be cooking and cleaning when you’re more interested in attending networking events and breaking the glass ceiling will not serve anyone. You can have a successful marriage and still build an outstanding career or business. The key is to understand yourself first, and be honest about what you bring to the table.
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Don’t be ashamed of your ambition
Ambition is nothing to be ashamed of or suppressed. It makes you who you are. Instead of being ashamed at your own desires for career or business success, don’t hesitate to claim it. If your partner cannot handle it from the get-go, then you may have to reconsider the relationship.
We bring all of us into any relationship, and denying or concealing any part of who we are only complicates things in the long run. Whether it’s your ambition, passion, goals or objectives, they are all valuable and worthy to be at least considered.
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Honesty is key
As in any relationships, honesty is the key to a healthy marriage. Not being honest about your career or business ambition may only set the tone for a dishonest partnership. Instead, be forthcoming about what you need for your own fulfillment. The happier and more fulfilled you are, the more you can bring to the relationship.
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Prepare for obstacles
Obstacles are a given in any partnership or marriage. It’s simply par for the course. Unfortunately, for many working women, career or business ambition can constitute yet another, potent obstacle to a harmonious relationship. Being ambitious in your career or business may require you to make certain sacrifices, travel or work overtime, which in turn may not bode well at all times with your partner.
It’s important to be prepared to manage and overcome these types of obstacles. Being as honest as possible, having an open dialogue, and even resorting to couples therapy, can help.
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Be flexible and open to change
Last but not least, being flexible and open to change can go a long way in any relationship. This is especially true as your partner may also have a demanding career, and both your schedules may be conflicting with each other. Careers, like relationships, are subject to change. Showing flexibility and adaptability, while focusing on the health of your relationship, is key.
What other advice do you have to combine career ambition with a happy marriage?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 7, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
If you’re a busy working mom, celebrating Valentine’s Day may seem like yet another commitment to add to your calendar. At least, that’s how it has seemed to me quite a few times. For one, there’s the whole making handmade cards and gift bags for both the kids’ classrooms. Then there is the whole having to shave, wash and style my hair, and actually find a cute outfit for the day of, when all I want to do is collapse on the couch with toothpaste on my latest pimple. Oh and did I mention finding a thoughtful yet not too corny gift for the hubby, right after the holiday budget cuts too?
Navigating Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom can simply be a challenge. While you may be grateful to actually have the opportunity to celebrate, it may require some prep work and organization you may not exactly be ready to provide.
Here are a few ways that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom, minus the stress, overwhelm and deep desire to lay down for a nap:
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Lay off the perfectionism
It’s Valentine’s Day, not a rehearsed performance. While I understand that some people go big or go home when it comes to V-Day, there’s no need to go above and beyond if you don’t feel like it. In other words, you may have to skip the handmade cards and elaborate homemade cookie bags for the kids’ classmates, in favor of pre-written cards and mini-chocolate boxes from Walgreens. You can still smile at the overachieving mom who came in with individual brownie mini boxes for your kids’ classmates though, you just have different priorities, that’s all….
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Involve the entire family
Make it more fun, and easier on you, by involving the entire family in the celebration. Kids love being assigned some responsibilities. Why not entrust them with putting together the goodies for their classmates, and maybe even picking Daddy’s gift? You may enjoy the process, and have fun as you cross it off your to-do list.
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Focus on spending time rather than money
I noticed that when I took the focus off of doing, doing, doing, and instead started enjoying V-Day as an opportunity to bond with the family, it was a better experience. Instead of buying gifts, we started a Love Day tradition, including cuddling together on our tired couch and swapping fun stories.
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Do what works for you and your family
Have you ever watched the jewelry commercials airing ahead of Valentine’s Day, and wondered how far the celebration should really go? As a busy working mom, you may even ask yourself if you’re doing something wrong by keeping it casual and low-key. The most important thing is to do what works for you and your family, both in times of time and money.
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Treat yo’self
Last but not least, don’t forget to treat yourself and celebrate yourself. It doesn’t necessarily mean splurging on your favorite pair of Louboutins (although it could). Yet, it does include doing something FOR YOURSELF. It could be as simple as reading a book, taking a bath, or treating yourself to a spa. In any case, don’t forget yourself in all the hustle and bustle of V-Day.
How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a busy working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 6, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
Earlier today, I picked up my son from school. As soon as he jumped in the car, he started telling me about a discussion they had in class about racial segregation in the US, and how “the white people and the black people drinking from different bubblers”. I understood his class discussion was related to Black History Month. As he was recounting the story in his 6-year old’s words, I couldn’t help but getting nervous at the prospect of having to explain what Black History Month is really about.
With all the positive and negative events that have occurred in our society, from racial tragedies to movements igniting change such as #BlackLivesMatter, #MeToo, #TimesUp and the #WomensMarch, it’s more important than ever for everyone to learn our history. This is especially crucial for kids as they are growing up in a society that is ever-changing.
It took me some time as a parent to come to terms with how to properly explain what Black History really means to my kids. The last thing I wanted was for them to grasp a sense of being different, or to build walls with others. It was important for me convey that as important as history is, it is to be used as a learning experience to make the present and future better.
Here are a few ways to explain and share Black History with kids, minus the uncomfortable conversations and hushed tones:
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Explain with compassion
Black History Month is about celebrating the achievements of African-American men and women throughout history. Teaching kids about the contributions of the African-American culture to modern society, and having compassion as you share the unfortunate events of the past, such as slavery and segregation, is key.
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Teach them through books
There are many available books sharing black history, from slavery to the civil rights movement. You can find these at the local bookstore or library. Here are some suggestions to get you started:
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Let them taste it
How about teaching about Black History Month through their taste buds? You may want to cook up a pot of southern style collard greens, or take them to a restaurant specializing in African American heritage food.
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Have them experience the artistic side of it
There are many art events, both local and non-local, during Black History Month. Research performances at your local library, schools, or community centers, so your kids can experience the arts part as well.
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Build a family tree
A fun project for the kids to teach them about black history is to build a family tree. It may involve some research but will keep the kids engaged and learning.
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Visit historical places
Have you considered visiting African Heritage museums, or historical places that can be used as learning moments for the kids. Do some research to locate these places in and outside of town.
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Talk to elderly relatives and friends
Do you have access to elderly relatives and friends that your kids can talk to and learn from as related to Black history? Create a connection between the different generations so they can learn from each other.
What other tips do you have to teach kids about Black History?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
*Please note this post contains affiliate links, and I may be compensated if you make a purchase through some of these links.
by Solange Lopes | Feb 5, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips |
The other day, my son asked me to play cards with him as I was in the middle of finishing some client work. Exasperated, I asked him to give me another five minutes so “Mommy could finish working”. At this point, it had been about ten series of five-minutes I had requested from him, complete with sighs on my part and mini tantrums on his. Yet this time, instead of throwing yet another mini-tantrum, he simply turned around and said to me: “You never want to play with me”…
As I watched his little frame slowly turn around, an unusually sharp pain pierced my mom’s heart. Kids have this uncanny ability to speak truth in all circumstances, and this time again, he was right. My schedule had been unusually charged, between both kids, school, home and life in general. Like so many other working moms, I was trying to balance my work and my life, to juggle it all, to be all I could be…
As working moms, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we can balance it all. It’s tempting to buy into the notion that we can have it all, attempting to balance the large plate of our personal and professional obligations on our already over-extended shoulders. What we don’t often realize is that we cannot do it all, and neither should we. When I’m working on a project, I’m not available to my family, and vice-versa. There are also times when my family life takes over, and I spend less time at work. At other times, I may work overtime to meet a work deadline, and have less personal time. All of this makes work-life balance quite elusive at best, if not unattainable; which makes work-life integration not only much needed, but painfully necessary…
Your work is part of your life. In the same way, whether you like it or not, you do bring the effects of your lifestyle with you to work. While they may not be readily perceptible, they still impact the way you work and how productive you end up being. This is not about using your every waking hour to fit in work and other commitments. Neither is it about being available at all times, and jumping from one task to the other in an effort to be unrealistically flexible. It’s about de-compartmentalizing our lives and careers to create more fluidity between work and life. The point of work-life integration is to soften, not harden, our approach to how we work and live.
In my experience, I’ve found that having the flexibility to integrate work and life, in a healthy manner, allows me to be more present as a mom, wife, and woman. Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t mean working at all hours of night or having my phone constantly on. What it means for me is that I’m able to work from home when my child is sick. It also means that I can take advantage of the kids napping to sneak in an email or two; or that I can leverage my peak productivity hours instead of strictly relying on an imposed work schedule.
Here is how we can all integrate our work and life as working moms, instead of spinning our wheels on a constant search for an elusive work-life balance:
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Know yourself and your circumstances
It all starts with understanding what works for you and your particular circumstances. This means understanding how you work best, what your family and environment needs are, and how you are best fulfilled. This will help you determine how best to integrate your work and life, and make it work for you and your entire family.
Many moms have no other choice than to work around their kids’ schedule. For this reason, many end up sacrificing their careers and personal fulfillment. This can be avoided by finding the right formula to meet work and family obligations in a healthy and productive manner.
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Build a work-life integration strategy
Along with understanding what works best for you as a working mom in terms of work and personal arrangements, t’s important to build an effective integration strategy. This includes setting a schedule of priorities for yourself and your family, and sticking to it.
For some, it may means having a specific daily focus, to maximize the available time at their disposal. For others, it may mean working non-traditional hours to prioritize their family care during the day. Ask yourself what strategy will work best for you, and be open to experimenting as you go along.
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Focus on being present
Work-life integration is not about doing more and fitting in as much as you can during the day. Rather, it’s about softening the mental and physical barriers between work and life, so we can be more present.
Instead of being stressed out at work because you’re not able to pick up your sick child at school, you can have the peace of mind to care for him or her. Rather than being distracted while spending time with your family by work concerns, you can actually be more present.
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Prioritize your happiness and well-being
The most important aspect of work-life integration is to be happy and fulfilled. It’s to move with fluidity through life and work, and not be compelled to make unnecessary drastic and difficult choices. How many working moms have to sacrifice their family in order to be successful professionally? How many others are sitting at home, unable to focus on their family, because of a broken career or business dream?
In order to show up well at home or at work, you must be fulfilled and happy. If that means having a non-traditional schedule to be present with your loved ones, then so be it. If that also means relying on a spouse’s support while we climb the corporate ladder or build your dream business, then so be it as well.
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Be open to change
Integrating work and life also means allowing a certain sense of flexibility in. Being open to change, whether professionally or personally, is the key to finding the right formula for you and your family.
No two careers or lives are alike, which implies that what may work for you may be a total disaster for me. By welcoming change and the possibility of experimenting with various ways to integrate your work and life, you are able to find what success really looks like for you.
How do you integrate work and life as a working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 23, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
As of December 2017, a new tax reform law has been signed into effect, affecting working parents and families in significant ways. Depending on their particular circumstances, some working parents may notice an increase in their taxes, while others may be getting a break.
If you are a working parent, here are 5 ways you and your family be impacted tax-wise going forward:
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If you’re married, your family may benefit from a tax cut
The new tax bill doubles your standard deduction as a married couple, which translates into a tax cut for most families. However, if you happen to reside in an expensive city and you itemize your deductions, you may be at a disadvantage. The reason for this is that sales and property taxes, as well as state individual income deductions have been capped at a total of $10,000, which limits how much you can deduct if you are in those expensive cities.
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If you’re in a high-income household, you may get a sizable break
Higher-income households, most specifically those earning between $500,000 and $1 million per year, will benefit from the biggest tax break. It may sound unfair but it’s the reality.
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No such luck for single parents
If you happen to be a single parent, you may have relied previously on a number of personal exemptions that were associated with filing as “head of household”. The new tax bill has done away with these personal exemptions, which means that a single parent would incur more taxes than a married family, and this despite the doubling of the standard deduction.
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You will benefit from a larger child tax credit
The child tax credit has been doubled to $2,000 from $1,000. The refundable portion is also larger than it used to be, which will benefit more lower-income families. However, in the end, wealthier families will still benefit more than single families.
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our family may have access to more paid leave
The new paid tax leave credit for companies encourages businesses to offer employees earning less than $72,000 up to 12 weeks of paid leave in exchange for a tax break. This may benefit working parents who desire to take more paid leave.
Got any tax-related questions? Click HERE to contact our sister consulting website SW Consulting.
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister
